Lookin’ for Love in all the Wrong Places…

Hello Occulties…

Perhaps it is partially my fault, and partially the fault of everyone in the Rant Room’s mothers…but apparently when I and your mom told you that you are special and you can have anyone you want, you took this WAY too seriously. Hey, but it’s 95% true, so don’t feel bad. 😉 And…yeah, nothing’s impossible, but somethings are…uh, highly improbable. So, let’s review, shall we?

The person you are “in love with” is a famous actor/actress (sorry, women aren’t actors, regardless of lame politically correct terms, unless perhaps they have undergone gender reassignment recently,) or a famous singer/musician, or a famous athelete, or any famous person like a politician, comedian, artist, or public figure. Oh-kay…so if you are in love with them, you’ve met them, right? No, you say? Well, if you haven’t met them are you IN LOVE with them or are you in love with their public image or just lusting after them? Why the confused look? Ah, ha. You see, to actually BE IN LOVE with someone you would need to be around them, be in their presence (NOT screen presence, NOT a concert,) be part of their world. What YOU have is a big ol’ crush. Although it isn’t IMPOSSIBLE to use a love spell and get that person you want, the chances of said spell working are…maybe 5%, and that is me being generous. Now, don’t get huffy with me buckaroo, the reasoning there is that in almost EVERY SINGLE CASE where this was requested of me (with the exception of one,) the would-be client had never met the famous person, nor did this person have any way to put themselves on said famous-person’s radar.

But wait! you say, But wait, Cat, I did shake so and so’s hand once! (or something similar.) Okay, I hear ya…how many people do you think this famous person has met? How many fans do you think they have? I’m gonna be serious and tell you that I HAVE FANS, and I’m not really all that famous…in fact who in the hell IS Cat outside the occult world? Not much of anyone if you leave the state of NH. I sell blinky LED lights and glow sticks at Festivals in the Northeast US, so I am also known in some circles as “Blinky S*** Girl,” but…believe it or not, I HAVE FANS, everyone, and I can’t remember all of y’all’s name…try bringing that up to like a Tom Cruise level, okay? Everyone knows who he is. 😉 Seriously, if you shook my hand once, and we spoke for a few minutes, I would probably have no idea who in the hell you were a year later…okay, its embarrassing, but I might not have a strong memory of you a week later for that matter. 😉 So…I am not Tom Cruise, I’m as hot as Jessica Alba, but I’m not her either, lol…so…if I can’t remember who in the heck you are, why would a truly famous person remember you? Mmmhmm…yes, you’re special, my dear, but really…you are one hopeful face in a sea of a million hopeful faces, and you are probably not really a blip on their radars.

So what does THAT have to do with making famous-so-and-so want me, Princess Buzzkill…I mean, Cat? you ask. Well, my friend, therein lies all the huge host of problems with using a love spell to get your most-famous intended…

Problem 1, if this person has never met you, has no idea of who you are or how to find you…how on earth would they find you or even know who they are longing for? Seriously, HOW? You would have to make sure you made yourself a “blip” on their radar, and that may entail stalking them, and STALKING SOMEONE IS A HUGE LOVE SPELL KILLER. Ow, that hurt…you can’t stalk Brad Pitt, and he doesn’t know where in the heck Spit Creek, Oklahoma is either. And Mary Francis Wallsbury? No, he hasn’t met you…so…hmm…can’t GET on Mr. Pitt’s radar, can’t stalk him…can’t make a love spell work on him. He has no flipping clue of who you are and probably never will.

Problem 2, if you have met this person for a short period of time, or never met at all, how do you know who they love, what they love, who they are sleeping with, what their motives are, etc, etc, etc. YOU are in love with an image, not a person. Seriously, these are people that need to keep that image up during part of their public appearances. You may think you know so-and-so, but you don’t because they don’t feel comfortable showing themselves to the greater public…could ruin their image, and their image is a huge part of their job, their profession.

These are just 2 problems, and there are a host of many. But I don’t want to keep this article to just why you can’t get the famous person to love you, okay? Just think on what I said, and if you need more reasons spelled out for you, contact me, and I will help.

Next “Lookin for Love in All the Wrong Places,” issue… The person you love is gay and you are straight OR the person you love is straight and you are gay. Ohhh-kay…this one comes up a lot, so let’s just get down to business.

If someone is TOTALLY straight, the liklihood of getting them to go “bi” momentarily for you or even to enact homosexual acts with you if you are of the same sex is very unlikely, and ALSO, if you were to get someone who considers themselves straight, and is secure in that sexual definition of themselves to engage in homosexual acts with you, you are probably going to do some SERIOUS mental damage to that person. Yes, you are terrible sex-ay, and yep, you deserve someone who is hot and wonderful and super…BUT if you are gay and someone straight is attracted to you, imagine the amount of mental damage done to you if that person used coercive sexual techniques to get you to have sex with the gender you are not attracted to? That’s horrible, and I would go beat up anyone who tried to make someone who is gay have straight sex. But all the pressure, my gay friends, that you’ve ever had to pretend that you were hetero or engage in hetero acts…remember how bad that felt? Why are you trying to do that to someone else? How can you “love them,” if you can’t accept them for who they are? Who they are is a straight person. If you truly love them, accept that, and know that they probably do love you back…just not romantically. :S

AND THIS GOES DOUBLY FOR HETERO PEOPLE, especially some of you guys fiending on lesbians who can’t seem to get your heads around your own engorged body parts… If you LOVE someone, you can’t “UN-gay” them. It doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry, maybe your gay guy friend IS da coolest – some of mine definitely are, – but he likes men, and he doesn’t want to touch that slimy thing you have…believe me… And fellas, yeah, it’s awesome your lesbian pal loves chicks as much as you do, and she is a lot of fun…but that’s just it, she likes chicks as much as you do, meaning…she doesn’t want to have sex with men. Nope, she doesn’t want to even see a hair on your testicles. If you truly love a gay person and you are straight, accept that they are not romantically interested in you, and if you truly love them, you will accept their sexual orientation and will not attempt to change it.

Spells to make a hetero person gay, or a homosexual person straight DO NOT WORK. That’s it. And respect who you “love” by not trying to make them the sexual orientation you so desire.

Next “Lookin’ for Love” problem… Since we are on the topic of respecting the one you say you love and desire… Well, okay, y’all…why you trying to snag your “intended” from the arms of his/her beloved? This is kinda a peeve of mine….if so-and-so who rules your heart is married or otherwise involved when you meet them, and you fall for them, using spellwork to unentangle them is…well, you know I hate to tell you what to do, but its just wrong. You have absolutely no respect for the person you say you love if you would destroy their relationship just to entangle them in your arms. None. Nada. That may be IMHO, but if they weren’t yours first before they are with the person they are with now, you should not let yourself get interested because THEY ARE NOT AVAILABLE. I’ve liked people’s cars, too, but I don’t steal them out of people’s driveways…and that is better than what you would be doing. Envy and jealousy for what someone else has is all you have…and you are not in love.

That being said, sure, I do understand that if someone was yours first and then got involved with so and so, then…well, they just did what I told you not to do (above,) so you do have a right to be mad and want that person back from whomever “stole” them. Go get ’em back then. 😉

And, though it is not the last “lookin for love,” problem, it is the last I am discussing… You can’t see your perfect mate because they don’t fit your mental image or your “standards.” This was the one I personally was guilty of, too *blush* so don’t feel bad. We all do it. 😉 Maybe Prince/cess charming in your MIND was a doctor or a lawyer, but the real deal is a secretary, a teacher, a carpenter… Maybe your perfect so and so in your mind was a blonde and in real life, perfect so and so is a brunette… We all want something specific, but take a chance on someone and you may realize your “soul mate” was sitting there the whole time. Believe me, this was my problem for a long time. Its not that I am telling you to “lower your standards,” just to keep an open mind. There is always a pleasant surprise around the corner if you do. 😉

No get out there and get some lovin! And no, you can’t have Christian Bale…he’s MINE ALL MINE!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA….oh, wait, I can’t have him, he’s married, and we’ve never met. 😉

Blessings,

~Cat