Is It Just Me?

Ah…a little self-involved snarkiness (not occultey-ness,) just in time for Valentine’s Day…

Okay, firstly, I need you to do a test on yourself for me. Stand up. Now place your hands on your lower back and rub downward. If you feel two lumps between your lower back to the back of your thighs, please understand this means that you cannot wear skinny leg jeans. You are also advised NEVER to wear leggings by themselves (although I hate leggings in general – get thee to Vicky’s Secret and get thee to some thigh-high silk stockings if you want to look better than an 8 year old in the year 1988,) because you have a thing called… buttocks.

Buttocks, or “a shapely bottom,” as my father would call it, is an ASSet (pun implied,) and is something most people who are physically attracted to a woman really LIKE. However, if you have any sort of roundness or shape to your buttocks, placing your beauteous bottom into a pair of cigarette leg jeans or leggings makes you look like you have an absurd pear-shape, or even worse, what is sometimes called… A bubble butt. You might just have a shapely rear-end, but your beauteous butt turns into a horrific ginorm-ASS when placed in clothing for assless people.

Further, do something else for me. If you have some kickin’ flare jeans that you love, but you want to look trendy, please understand sticking flared jeans into knee high boots looks so stupid and pathetic, that you actually make others laugh at you behind your back. We see the wrinkles from you trying to stuff your pants in your boots. They look like a sphincter over the top of your boots. A leg-rectum, even. It looks horrid. If you want to wear a trend, you need to purchase the right pants. To stuff flares INTO boots (they are “boot cut” to go outside of the boot,) is as bad as cutting off straps on a tank to make it a tube top, or wearing a bra with a tube top for support. Also, don’t wear tube tops…they are so last year. 😉

This has been a public service announcement from your friend, Cat, who, although a hater of some of this years’ stuff, still hates seeing it worn wrong even more. 😉 It may not be traditional to love the occult and be fashionable, but damnit, that’s why I am here to break the mold and buck that tradition. 😉

A special thanks goes out to the 40+ year old woman I saw in pink flared cords who tucked them into her boots in attempt to look cool. It didn’t work, but we all appreciate the effort. In all honesty, and snarkiness aside, I love seeing people try to look chic and being comfortable wearing trends…but if you can’t do it right, please do not try. I don’t care if you are 8 or 80…you can be fashionable at any age.

Ever snarky, but doing it with a shapely rear end (so its excusable,)

~Cat