Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

As many of you may have guessed, that I work from home is a great thing in the sense that I am probably, on any given day, sitting here in PJ’s with no make up on, looking like I just rolled out of bed, and really…let’s say comfortable to the degree that I would only let family see me this way. 😉 I was raised to believe when you let people outside your family and closest friends see you, that you are dressed and look your best.

So, today, wearing a giant black t-shirt in man’s XL (I wear a ladies small usually) which is inscribed with “Captain up your Halloween, Halloween 2007, Captain Morgan’s Rum,” (free at the bar 2 years ago,) and a pair of PJ pants which have seen at least 3 years of service (so are not in the best condition,) and wearing NO MAKE UP with 2 GIGANTIC CHIN ZITS on my face (let’s not even discuss what my hair was doing,) I hear a knock at the door. Seeing as I was making most homeless people look like fashion plates with my get up and lack of grooming, I know its the FedEx guy and figure (since its a stock order for work I’ve been expecting,) that I will let this guy just drop the package off at the door and remain in the house where he can’t behold my hideous visage. He sure seems to be taking a long time, I notice, but I remain still and hidden. God forbid ANYONE see me like this – I look like the little girl from the Exorcist minus the pea-soup puke. Finally he leaves and I go over to my entry way where the package companies leave their packages. All I see is a sticker with a “Signature required” notice, and a number for the guy.

Realizing this guy is probably 100 feet from the entrance to my property delivering his other packages, I call. I tell him “Listen, I was actually in the house when you came by, and I was ashamed of how bad I look. I hid from you because I didn’t want you to see what I look like. I have no make up on, and I’m…well, a mess.”

The guy starts laughing, and tells me he’ll be right back with the package. I hurry to get something to help my appearance (a little coverup on the zits is what I managed,) and the guy is already there.

So, if you guys never think I make an ass out of myself (well, I know you all do know that I make an ass out of myself,) I had to answer my door with the worst hair I’ve had in as long as I can remember in PJ pants that are falling apart wearing no make up, after admitting to a package carrier that I hid from him because I’m too lazy to get dressed and put my make up on since I don’t have to leave the house. Yes, he laughed at me and told me I look fine, and he’d seen much worse and not to be embarrassed (MUCH WORSE! CRAP! That means that I did look awful, but also that monsters must live on my road.) He also told me I am as bad as his girlfriend. Apparently he was absent that day in class when he learned that most womenfolk (and I hope people in general,) despise being seen at their worst.

I can’t believe I got busted for hiding from the FedEx guy.

Well, at least the stock order is in. 😉 I hope this was a LOL moment for others.

~Cat