Hi Occulties,
For those of you who know the day I had yesterday (entire-day-wasting-assclown-applicant,) this post is probably one you knew was coming. I think I actually post about one of these articles per year, lol. For those of you unfamiliar with me, or my work, etc., this might be helpful if you’re looking to work with a professional spellcaster. Certainly, the professional spellcasters I know would probably like you to read this and keep it in mind. 😉
1. Be honest. Be forthcoming (not TMI level – we don’t need to know sex positions you and your ex liked, but we do need to know some details,) about the problem. While there is such a thing as too much unneeded information (it really doesn’t matter what outfits you both wore each day, or that his dog’s name is Tiddles and you think that’s adorable,) there is also way too little information. If you wrote me 2 sentences on what you want my help on, then I probably can’t diagnose the situation well. There isn’t one reconciliation spell for all problems. There isn’t one love spell. There are thousands if not millions if not billions and or trillions of love and reconciliation spells. The same thing goes for money spells, controlling spells, curses, and move your neighbor spells. If you have a love problem, not all love spells will be suitable. Without having discussed the problem with you, I can’t know which one/s to apply. The same is true for money, cursing, job spells, and basically any spell you can think of.
2. Read all the information the worker asks you to read before contacting them to see if you can hire them for work. Check out their frequently asked questions section. It’s incredibly time-saving when all that information I spent hours writing out is something I don’t have to rewrite personally for someone. I know my peers feel the same way. It also helps me know who is a responsible and trustworthy person – people who read directions, and help themselves are responsible people. People who don’t follow basic (sometimes mandatory) instructions are the people who park in handicapped zones and block fire hydrants and then blame others when they get ticketed (so they are self-defeating assclowns, that make society worse for others.)
3. Remember there are a lot of people who do the same jobs we do, or who pretend to do the same job we do (the second kind is the fake kind.) 😉 We are not going to be familiar with every business selling spells, ritual items, or occult-related-items/services, nor will we know their owners. So, if you had a bad experience with a place called “SomeonesSpellSiteThatSellsSpells.com,” there is a chance that another worker knows nothing of that business. HOWEVER, if you come in hollering about being scammed by this person and that person, what often goes through a worker’s mind is NOT that you’ve been scammed – it’s that whatever happened to you (scam or not,) you’re volatile, you may be impatient, you’re eager to bad mouth anyone, and you are probably a risk as a client because, with an attitude like yours, we’re probably going to pay for the previous person’s mistakes with you – IF we accept your business. Furthermore, we may very well know who you speak of, we might be friendly with that person, which has it’s own consequences.
I guess, to dumb this down (it needs to be) if you tell your new lawyer, all lawyers are lying, cheating, fakes – think they want to help? If you tell your doctor that all doctors you know are lying quacks and know nothing about medicine, think they want to help? If you go to McDonald’s and tell them all the people who ever waited on you got complained about to the manager, think they want to wait on you? If you go into an architect’s office and tell him or her that you’ve never seen a building designed right and from what you can see, his/her work could easily suck as well, think they want to help you build? The answer is no, all those people find you rude, and scary. They don’t think you want to challenge them in a good way – they think you’re contacting them to take out an old grudge on someone else using them as the substitute for that someone else.
And keep in mind, clients get reputations, too. If you’re always acting awful to your workers, if you run all over the internet getting readings and spells from everyone, if you post on- or use- spellcaster review sites…you probably are already known, and not in a good way. For fictional and example purposes, let’s make up a shop called “Brother Smyth’s Handmade Ritual Wands and Bowls – if you post a review like “Brother Smyth was OK, he’s pretty nice. I waved his wand that I bought (price was a bit high, I think, because handcrafted copper and semi-precious gemstones over organic applewood that’s been chanted over 78 times, and inscribed with hermetic sigils burned into the wood at the right hour of Venus on a Friday when the moon is in Scorpio isn’t really worth $309, right?)-“ *Cat’s note- that would actually be a fair and low price, at this writing, IMHO* “-but even right after waving it in the air, I didn’t instantly get my ex back. I also tried holding it and wishing on it. Nothing. So, he’s nice but his stuff isn’t effective.”
To translate that to what a worker or someone knowledgeable about the occult sees when they read that review, “I purchased a quality handmade item from a reputable occultist. I have no idea how to use it. I probably use a screwdriver to unclog my toilet and a plunger to put in screws, because that would equate my level of ignorance with occult tools. I paid a lot of money, and so since I can’t properly use this occult tool, I blame someone else for my own ignorance on how magic or the occult works, and I’m going to ruin this small business’s reputation. If you help me, I’ll ruin you too, because I’m a thoughtless, ignorant knob.” Now, the fictional Brother Smyth? He already knows who you are now. You reviewed a one-of-a-kind item, but your codename on that review site would not have helped, because he probably makes 2 sales a day at best. He might have shared your real name and contact info with others so they don’t suffer bad reviews from your ignorance, and you just lost a good deal of real occultists who will sell you items or services. The fakes will still “help” though. Those “review sites” are public, and so…you just committed a huge faux pas.
Real spellcasters? We don’t make tons of sales a day. Ten new spell sales a week would be so epic for me, that I’d probably have to shut down new orders for a week. If I handmade you an item described like the above, it’s probably one-of-a-kind, so I’d know who you were. Also, the review you wrote (to other people probably as ignorant as one would have to be to think you wave a wand in the air and make wishes to use it,) will now impact that person’s business forever. This fictional guy? He’s making items that probably took him several days to make. He did it using traditional methods, using lots of prayer and using all his energy – and you just shit all over it to people, several of whom are likely as ignorant about how this stuff should work as you are, and called it ineffective. That’s his sole source of income, and because someone ignorant can’t properly use a tool, they gave him a poor review because he can’t make a fictional wand that grants wishes just by waving it (no one I know can, because you don’t use a wand like that.) Since a wand is just a tool, if it’s not wielded by person who knows how to use it, it won’t really be that effective. Even the finest ritual items and tools need will and intent, and the wisdom to be used properly. So basically, that review was like if you could take down the entire line of Craftsman tools just because you reviewed to a group that you bought a hammer from them once, swung it around in the air, and a new house didn’t build itself when you did. Soooo, after that explanation, do you think a real occultist wants to work with someone like that, and do you understand why someone who behaves like the above fictional reviewer gets a bad client rep? 😉
4. Avoid the spellcasters offering health-related or body-related spells. This is a huge legal death zone (as in it’s a very slippery-slope legally,) and I don’t believe that I know anyone (at this writing) who is reputable who would take a chance and offer it for sale. Further there are no clear skin spells I know of, or boobs and dick growing spells I’ve ever heard of, lol, though they might exist. If a spellcaster is offering to make your skin clear up, your boobs or penis grow, your hair turn another color, or for you to lose weight, there is a strong chance they are fake. If they are selling you a full ritual (for any purpose, not just health) for under $20 (and I don’t mean they will set a light which means light one candle,) they are probably not doing anything for you either. My materials cost way more than $20 just to do a full ritual. 😉 So, avoid those spellcasters, but remember if you ask someone like me for a weight-loss spell, I’m probably going to tell you to go to the doctor and ask for diet advice, OR I’ll say “I’ve found reducing my food intake and being more active helps me lose weight, so there’s my weight-loss spell for you, and it’s free. Exercise, eat less, and abracadabra, you will slowly lose weight.” 😉
5. Remember, we work long, long hours, and deserve compensation for our time. At least 4-5 times a year, I get someone very inconsiderate in my inbox who demands I spend hours of free time helping explain how to cast spells to them – to be their own personal free spell-tutor. The thing is, that’s a paid service. It costs money for a few reasons: 1.) I don’t have unlimited free time. 2.) I don’t particularly enjoy repeating simple basic concepts over and over especially when I’ve publicly explained several here. 3.) I don’t do my job for free because I deserve to be compensated for my time like everyone else. 4.) I have people who can, will, and do pay me to do exactly what you’re asking me to do for free, so I work for them instead. That’s not an all inclusive list, but I think you’re getting the point. 😉 So, if you’ve just kept someone a few hours in consultation, and then decide you’re not going to pay, you’ve just done the equivalent of getting your hair dyed and cut and not paying the hairdresser, or the same thing as getting your tooth filled and not paying the dentist, or even asking a specialist to come in and look at your mold problem, and then not paying him or her for the 2 hours spent on your house.
Every block of time you spend “chatting” with a professional spellworker or occultist that you are not compensating them for is a form of theft, IMHO. If my clients will get about three hours of my time typing (just includes the time I spend typing) for each spell they purchase (so this is their support and instruction and me answering their questions during the manifestation phase, – part of the spell price,) and you just had me spend 3 hours with you so I could discuss your problems with you when you didn’t buy anything and have no intention of paying me for that time…do you think you’re being abusive? Because you are if you don’t intend to pay me or the person you’re speaking with for those three hours. See number 3 for your new reputation. 😉
I know everyone wants something for free, but everyone also wants to be compensated for doing their job. Keep that in mind, be polite, don’t take up a lot of your wouldbe spellworker’s time, and we won’t mind spending an extra five or ten minutes helping you, often for free. 😉
6. Remember, don’t ask a question if you don’t want the honest answer. If I’m in a reading, and you ask me if someone’s ever coming back, and the answer is no? Don’t kill the messenger. The answer was no, I was honest. Get a second opinion or pay someone to tell you what to hear, but don’t blame me if what I picked up was the answer you didn’t want to hear. That goes with spells, too. Do you REALLY want to know if I think a spell can make you a surgeon when you don’t even have a high school degree? The answer is no, one spell can’t do that. 😉 DO NOT attack a worker for being honest to you. There are people out there that will tell you ANYTHING you want to hear, but if it sounds too good to be true, there is a good chance they are lying. I’ve had to tell people with problems that really did not seem so bad, but that I felt like I’d be ineffective in getting them what they requested (I just picked it up,) and couldn’t help them for that reason, so it’s not often even personal if someone tells you that they can’t help you.
I hope this list has been helpful to clients and workers alike.
~Cat
Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind 
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