Hey occulties,
Hope this is some helpful (and not too repetitive,) insight. 🙂
1. Just because someone loves you, it does nothing to make them a better person.
I am fond of saying that just using spells to make a jerk love you means that now a jerk loves you. If they were a jerk before, don’t expect them to not be a jerk when they are yours or when they come back. Making someone feel all warm and squishy towards you does not mean that they will ever be on their best behavior, or that their best behavior will ever be any good.
2. Commitment issues are real.
Commitment issues are often less to do with YOU scaring that person, and far more to do with a past event that has scarred your intended for life. So, if you keep pushing for a commitment, you can chase someone away. I mean this – maybe they love when it’s light and when it’s fun, but the moment they feel like they need to offer you more, they feel smothered and afraid. This is not something that’s fun to work with, because it’s a serious crippling emotional issue – like depression or anxiety, – and it will rear it’s ugly head more than once, even if you use spellwork to draw this person back to you. If you love someone with commitment issues, you should know that it IS NOT just pushing them over a hump, and then they will commit – it’s a serious issue, and it will effect your relationship with this person repeatedly. Sometimes the commitmentphobia goes away after some time, other times it’s a permanent and reoccurring issue. You really need to view it like a mental health problem…for example, some people are depressed because they are grieving a loss, other people are bi-polar. One will not likely need a lifetime of treatment, where the other probably will.
There is no spell that will permanently SOLVE commitmentphobia. If anything, if you’re super duper unlucky, you can even trigger a panic in someone by using too much love-binding. While I’ve not had that happen to me personally, I’ve heard tell of it from a few readers and seen it with a few clients. What happens is, the person who can’t commit is suddenly feeling like “Hey, I really should give more of a commitment to so-and-so” just like the spellwork is telling them, and then the side of them that is phobic of such a thing starts panicking. It’s a bit like forcing someone with a fear of heights to go bungee jumping, and then wondering why they freaked the fuck out so bad. In fact, I don’t often recommend heavy love-binding on anyone to begin with, but if you’re insistent that you need this kind of working, just keep your target in mind. If they are truly and quite literally petrified of commitment, forcing them to drench themselves in that which scares them the most can have a really bad impact on their mental well being (and your relationship.)
3. Most people are as stubborn as you fear they are, because you are afraid they’re stubborn.
Ah fear…it attacts that which you fear. I should really start fearing (as in being terrified of,) really hot, rich, muscular guys who never age, and love only me…. I wonder if that would work. 😉
Humor aside, you are your own worst enemy when you fear something or have doubts. Look, maybe so and so IS stubborn, but have faith in your spellwork, and you might surprise yourself. Doubt and fear are the opposite of faith. I’ve seen some pretty impressive outcomes using spellwork on people who seemed immovable…they just crack under the pressure. Instead of feeding your worry, tell yourself “At least I’m doing something and trying, and the only way I know this will work is if I do try.” Doubting and panicking never solved anything.
4. Yes, you are acting stupid and/or like you’re gushing and crushing over that person.
Seriously and for real…you are totally showing your feelings. 😉 Don’t feel bad, I can get this way, too. I’ve definitely laughed at unfunny jokes and tripped all over myself because some guy was so cute….and I was well-past the age of girlish antics the last time it happened, heh. 😛 If you have to ask “Am I being obvious?” you’re probably being obvious. He or she knows you like them. 😉
Now ask yourself – are they acting like “uh, no thanks!” or are they acting warm and receptive. If it’s like your target is pulling back a bit, tone down the girlish/boyish crush behavior. 😉
5. Acting like a jerk isn’t encouraging anyone to come to you.
I get it. You were wronged. Someone was mean. You don’t want to be a doormat (you might also want to read #10.) I also can’t begin to tell you how acting like a defensive jerkface is just going to make someone walk away. No one likes being attacked (you sure wouldn’t,) and so why are you attacking this person? How is that helping? I don’t care if it makes you feel better RIGHT NOW – I can assure you when you miss whoever you’re being a jerk to, you’re going to regret the jerk behavior later. If you just want to tell someone “how it is” and tell them off, don’t expect them to come around your door anymore.
6. There is such a thing as scaring someone enough that they are not going to come back (at least for a long while. Even with spells.)
I always tell people the best thing you can do for yourself is to cause the least amount of damage possible when you break up with someone, even if you’re the dumped party and you got hurt. Then I tell them to stop chasing their ex. DO NOT CHASE YOUR EX. It’s actually going to make it harder for you to get that person to return.
Scary behavior can be hard to forgive…we’ve gone over this before. 
7. There are people who can be madly in love and never be faithful.
Sexual exclusivity means absolutely nothing at all to some people. I realize that boggles the minds of other people. But…if your intended is the kind of person who views sex as something to share with everyone (not just one person) love spell after love spell is not apt to change that – see #1 and #2 on this list.
8. No one who cheats to be with you is apt to take you seriously (or be faithful to be with you.)
STOP before you start…I do understand some people “leapfrog” from their last relationship into their next. If your intended leaves someone to be with you after the first time you make kissy faces at each other THAT MIGHT WORK.
However, if this person is sleeping around behind their long term partner or spouse’s back to be with you? They aren’t leaving anyone. You’re being played for a fool. Furthermore, you’re with someone who would betray someone they claim to love…so wouldn’t they do the same to you. As a word of advice, don’t take cheaters seriously, and if you’re a cheater, don’t encourage your side-ass to take you seriously. There would be a lot less broken hearts in the world if people followed that advice.
Using spells on this type often just brings you a cheating assclown who cheats on you. 😛 I don’t often see it end well for any party, and I don’t recommend trying.
9. If they really loved you, they generally always come back in some way…though it might be a long time from now.
When I was in my teens and my early 20’s, it seemed so FINAL. Once they were gone, were they not gone forever? I soon learned…well, no. In fact, usually they come back, over and over. 😉 Heck, dudes that moved THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY were pitching some sort of romance at me 3, 5, 10, even up to 15 years after we said “This isn’t working.” And the same went for friends – I thought we moved apart, and they snuggled up close again unexpectedly one day.
See, just like Corinthians says – love never fails. If you really love someone (even platonically,) and that love is truly and completely real (not just obsession) it always forgives, it doesn’t bear a grudge, it is not jealous, and it is very, very patient, and it never fails. Somewhere, somehow, they come back, even if you didn’t think they would and you both had to give up trying at some point. Now, even if I was ten years younger than I am now, I’d probably tell you that’s a load of hooey, but in my experience it’s true.
10. If you can’t admit that they were hurt, too, (or at least that you made mistakes,) then it probably will never work out…even if they come back.
When I was a younger woman, I often saw only how someone had hurt me. They were not listening, they were not seeing my pain, they were the one who upset me, etc., etc. Well, but it didn’t occur to me that I had scared that one, or I’d made this one feel his affections were unnoticed and unneeded. I’d been cold when this one wanted me to talk, and I’d been too hot and angry when that one needed space. In short, I’d hurt those guys, too. Even when I developed past that point, I still would do another incredibly stupid thing – I’d rate who was more betrayed. 😛 So, maybe I was a total cunt to that guy, and that outweighed his being a total cunt to me (because I was cuntier.) Or, maybe I was being mean and not talking, but that guy had said I looked ugly, hit on some girl, and then also drank too much and I got embarrassed by it. So I “won.” I got to be the wronged party.
Ugh.
Look, love means having to say you’re sorry all of the time, even sometimes when you don’t know why. 😛 It means trying to understand why someone else got hurt even when you were and are still hurt. It means letting someone know you have boundaries while also letting them know you aren’t getting ready to leave them just because you have boundaries. While I truly believe apologies should be said ONCE and the timing should be considered for the apology, it doesn’t mean I don’t think recognizing your own part in the break isn’t important…and sometimes recognizing your mistakes takes time.
If you need a week or two to collect yourself before reacting, TAKE THAT WEEK AWAY. Do it. You’re no good to yourself if you’re in a constant panic and upsetting your intended. I’ve needed some time to reflect on my own bad choices because I was SO HURT by someone pushing me away and I wanted them to realize my pain (so, my attempt at reconciliation would have been worse than horrible.) When I took the time to think why they might have pushed me away to begin with, I realized how I’d often been the author of that outcome. That doesn’t mean that when someone did come back, that he wasn’t going to be apologizing for his part, too, or at least recognizing he hurt me – if he didn’t, it would never work out. It’s really rare for someone top be 100% right all of the time.
So, once you can admit you’re not the only one hurting (and they seem to be realizing that too,) there’s a real chance at a lasting reconciliation. If one side has to be right and never wrong? There’s a good chance it will fall apart again.
Thanks for reading!
~Cat
IMAGE CREDIT: Gustave Moreau – Venus Rising from the Sea
Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind 