Hey Occulties,
I wanted to get a sweet jar up for you…I really did. Unfortunately in the last week (probably because the Holidays are so sucktastic sometimes,) it seems like I've become something of a therapist for everyone with love problems.
So I'm going to start out with a harsh reality – just because you love someone, just because you would treat someone better than they treat you (or you believe you would,) that doesn't mean they will love you back, and sometimes that's regardless of what steps you take, they will not love you back no matter what you do.
Here's another harsh reality – the reason someone left you (the "real one" you want so much,) probably won't make you feel any better than you do now.
And another: Even if someone loves you back, it won't make a bad person a good person.
And yet one more – actions mean more than words, so someone can say one thing, but their actions should be what you use to determine their feelings by.
Ah, and yet one more? Silence is a response (so stop pushing for a response,) and if someone gives you cues to back off, smothering them and badgering them is about the worst idea possible.
When it comes to spellwork, cornering your target to get a desired response (and you can verbally corner someone,) will generally make them snap at you. If you stalk someone, they will know. If you act desperate, you will chase them off. If you don't take the cue to back off when given, you might blow your whole spell.
All of this is very frustrating when you want something so much and it's just out of reach, but when you don't act in concert with your spellwork because you're upset and desperate and out of control, you're going to mess everything up and at the end of the day, your investment of time, money, and energy will all be thrown out because you couldn't control yourself – because YOU insisted on acting out. It IS NOT that the spell didn't work – it's that you worked against it.
And a lot of you don't want to have that said. It's hard enough for many of you to get how lust for results can ruin the work, and so you stalk someone, you overthink the situation, you do things like ask me if someone your ex went to high school with posting an image of a car has anything to do with you and him/her. While I can understand that many people do not understand lust for results is the main cause of spell-failure, what I do NOT understand is why so many of you think spellwork is somehow going to protect against bad behavior. So…you drive away the one you "love" so much by acting like a complete assclown.
And everyone over the age of 21 has probably been a complete assclown at least once, so stop thinking you're alone. Everyone's done it – everyone's blown their own love life up by doing something horribly stupid.
Now, realize, if you want someone to change the way they act towards you, you need to change how you act towards them. They are reacting to you. Even if you feel someone is being "unfair" by not seeing what you've put in, or what you're going through, try to see things from their perspective. It might not agree with your perspective, but if you try to see yourself through their eyes, you may very well start seeing how you can behave towards them to get a better response.
Because here's the thing – love spells aren't a guarantee against your bad behavior. Spells don't care if you made a mistake. They don't care if you panicked. They don't care if you are having a bad day. Just like a fire won't care if you didn't mean to throw water on it, – it's going to go out – so it is with spells…if you act out, if you fuck up, if you chase someone away or act desperate or wild, then you're to blame for things not working out as you'd hoped.
Love and reconciliation work is difficult. It can demand more patience and you being far more conscientious of your own behavior than some people can withstand, but if you don't at least try (or at least stop defending your bad actions with "I can't help myself,") the person most likely to be unhappy and without the things they want in this life is yourself.
And even if you get the one you want, you may come to find that they are unkind, unfaithful, selfish…so even sometimes when love spells work, all that happens is that a jerk loves you now. 😛
Alrightey, back to sleeping in (because I've not had a day off in WEEKS, and have been working 16+ hours a day, uggg, so today is my sleeping in day) and writing that spell article for you. 🙂
~Cat
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Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind 