When Love Spells Seem to Stall or Fall Flat of Expectations

Hey Occulties,

So, a common question I get is "Cat, why is this love spell stalling if I am not obsessive or doing anything wrong? I did (spell) and then (other spell) and here I am waiting."

The first answer that no one wants is probably…lust for results. I've had it and not wanted to admit it, and I'm no newbie. Sometimes the obsession bug is hard to shake. Even worse, if you're truly sick with lust for results, you are probably trying to justify to yourself how you are not at all sick with this problem…hindsight is 20/20 – you'll see it.

The second (and second-most-likely as the above is the most-likely,) is probably that you're not working with the spellwork. Being rude, being pushy, acting rotten or overly cold, or demanding, or even crazy is not helping. You need to work WITH your spell. While someone has no reason to do anything if he or she knows you're invested in them (so don't beg, plead, or throw your heart on your sleeve,) they also aren't apt to make a move if you're always acting like a jerk or telling them to go pound sand. :P 

The third is that if it's been hours or like 2 days or even just a week? The answer is you need to have more patience. 😉 Spells rarely manifest overnight, and you need to give any working at least a few weeks to start showing results. 

But let's assume, for the sake of argument, none of the above three factors are part of your problem. What else could be going on?

USING THE WRONG SPELL-
This happens here and there. For example, people use the intranquil spirit when still in a relationship (and often living with) the target, which isn't generally effective…or they lean too much on the sexual aspect and end up a "friend with benefits," when they desired a more romantic love. Or perhaps they forgo any sexual element and end up having a person who loves them, just not in any romantic or passionate sense of the word. So, if you're finding one spell is not bringing you the desired result, try a different spell. Try to keep romance and sexual passion a factor in your workings to avoid a totally sexual or totally platonic relationship.

AVOIDING AN OBSTACLE-
If your intended can't date you because you work together, if he or she is otherwise involved with another person, or if any obvious obstacle to you getting together exists, you should attend to that in your spellwork. I've had a personal target who was just rotten at discussing his feelings in text or on the phone who took FOREVER to come through on a spell wired to make him do just that (admit being wrong, admit he felt bad,) because he had very little opportunity to see me face to face. Not all obstacles are as obvious as others, but if you can identify any possible hurdle, you need to address this in your spellwork

IGNORANCE OF THE TARGET'S NATURE- Some people, by nature, just can't be with one person. Other people seriously fear commitment, so having "titles" in a relationship is terrifying to them, even if they are perfectly fine with only dating one person. Some people are really opposed to ever returning to an ex. I could list many personality traits, but my point being, keep yourself knowledgeable about your target's mental and emotional make-up, and tailor your spellwork to get the best results you can without trying to outright fight a person's nature. I can't stand controlling people, for example, so if you worked on me and used a lot of controlling work, I would become combative and resentful. 

RELATED TO THE ABOVE, BUT TARGET IS MENTALLY ILL, MENTALLY DISABLED, OR HAS SEVERE SUBSTANCE ISSUES-
Narcissists, borderline personality disorder, bipolarism, alcoholism, addiction to substances or habits, even Asperger's or mild autism – any mental disability or substance use (outside of perhaps cigarettes or coffee,) can blunt the effect of your work or even make it manifest strangely. While it can help, it may also hinder. Your intended may be, for all social reasons "normal," but when it comes to a deeper connection, their being a functional adult at work and on the surface may not be so true deep down. SOMETIMES alcohol can and does break down inhibitions (as do other substances,) but people often recant what they said under the influence once sober. Personality disorders like narcissism and borderline personality disorder are LEARNED (not something one can medicate,) and therefore are practically indefatigable if your target does not want to change. Bipolarism and schizophrenia can be hard to medicate, People with Aspergers often have no filter when speaking (moreso than yours truly,) and can be devastatingly mean without meaning to be. Autistic people are easily smothered and often shy or have a hard time speaking up. These are SUPER BROAD GENERALIZATIONS AND NOT EVERYONE WITH SAID ISSUES WILL FIT THE BILL OR COME CLOSE. My point is, if your target has these issues, you need to work around them or with them. You have to understand a narcissist is selfish and has a hard time understanding others when they are not present or fitting the right narrative in their life. You need to realize that using a spell to reconcile a person that uses guilt may overwhelm an alcoholic. You need to realize a bipolar person may be in hypomania and not rejecting you. Just because you make another feel loving towards you, it does not overcome their mental/addiction/emotional issues. If you love the person, but hate their issues, or if their issues will effect how they react (as opposed to the average person) you need to consider this before spellcasting and during the manifestation phase.

YOU'RE UNDERPLAYING THE DAMAGE OF A BREAK/DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU-
Were you crazy? Were they? Was anyone an amazing jerk? Is there a restraining order? Could there be? Or if it's less-recent, are they married, with kids and this having happened in the time you've been broken up….also, is there still a restraining order? Sometimes things go too far. One little spell (and sometimes many) may not mend those wounds or that distance. Sometimes time apart helps, but if anyone got on the "crazy train" and could be a guest on My Ex from Hell, or if someone is literally married, has a family and hasn't spoken to you since the Spice Girls were still a thing, you might not get results….ever. And if you do? It will take A LOT OF WORK. You can't fix "I ran over your mom, then spray painted your car with the word 'loser' and then got you fired" with one little spell. Be realistic. How bad is it? If it's bad enough, you might want to move on.

YOU'RE OVERESTIMATING THE SPELL- 
Similar to the above, but more assuming you're doing too little for a fixable situation, or you think one spell will fix all and protect against acting against the spell eternally, when in reality, much like dancing and hiking on a badly broken leg can injure the healing leg, so it is with acting in opposition to any spell…or taking an ibuprofen once for a headache will not solve all future headaches. If casting a spell once solved all of your problems, I wouldn't even work. 😉 In reality, many spells do not have a life of 6 months time (some do), even if the results of a successful spell are permanent. So even if you curse me to lose an eye, while the eye may never grow back, the curse energy does wear off. If you reconcile with so-and-so, they may want to work on the relationship and you might even be happy for a time, but if you keep acting in the same manner that alienated them or refuse to address what split you up, they will eventually leave again. It is not that the spell failed…you got what you wanted and didn't keep it with you.

YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK-
Sometimes you need to break a bone to set it. Sometimes you need to break off a relationship to make it work. As weird as it sounds, it holds true sometimes. Don't be afraid to let someone go if it's totally toxic. Use reconciliation work to make them beg their way back. Make that relationship what you need.

And sometimes, you just need a break from the spellwork. Take a few weeks off. It can actually help. Sometimes this helps by taking your focus off of the situation (alleviating lust for results that you didn't realize you even may have.) Sometimes it just saves money by stopping you from casting spells which may be excessive… Hell, sometimes it just works for whatever reason it works.

YOU SUCK AT SEDUCTION-
With all due respect, this is the case now and again…you just "got no game." It happens. If you constantly blunder at seduction, and tend to trip over yourself (figuratively,) this isn't the spell's fault. Unfortunately (or fortunately for some) I believe being good at seduction to be an inherent  quality, like some people are good at math or at art naturally, and while some of us can learn to be good at it, there are just people with a natural gift for it….and some people, no matter how hard they work to learn it, will always be a bumbler in the world of seduction. Don't try too hard to make people like you, do be presentable, try to keep your manners, be patient and kind, and you should do OK. 😉 Usually people who "suck at seduction" are the ones trying way too hard.

IT IS NOT YOURS TO HAVE-
It's rare but it happens that people just can't have what they want, even if it is seemingly within their sphere of availability. 😦 in almost 15 years of working for the public at this writing, I've seen this only a handful of times. 

The above is, of course, not an all-inclusive list but does cover the main culprits of why you might find your love spells not manifesting as you'd like them to. This is the reason that I "interview" all of my clients – to prevent or avoid much of the above. You can apply the same reasoning I use to your own workings, and bring more and better successes to yourself! 

Many people do start out in spellcasting with a love working, so if you're just starting out using spellwork, don't get frustrated, – you may have to try and fail a few times before you get it right yourself. Just keep at it. None of us, myself included, was a perfect occult mastermind the first time we tried working a spell, so don't kick yourself or give up if you don't get the desired results the first time. 

Happy Spellcastin'!

~Cat