Ew, not Long-Term-Reconciliation Work!? (Yep, that’s what I’m discussing.)

Hello Occulties,

So I had to think awhile on what to write for this week's Sunday article. For starters, the beginning of my week was in internet blackout, so a lot of what I dealt with was "Did you reply to my damn email yet? It's been four hours since I wrote it," while trying to deal with a massive cable services failure leaving me with 1gb data to work with on my tablet to try to make sure everyone was OK and hearing back from me. That's really not helpful when trying to gauge what is going on questions/problems-wise that IS NOT to do with "where the hell is Cat, and why are your replies only 2 sentences long, Cat, gd-it!" ;) 

However, that problem is solved, and since I've taken care of a lot of the tardy replies, let's get to the article…

This week I'd like to discuss a subject which is probably not going to make a few people happy, and that is LONG TERM RECONCILIATIONS. People have asked me more than once if there is such a thing as a case that is gonna take a long time to fix, and how much work they would have to do to fix it, and there are cases where I'd say it's a lot of work, and most people are going to say "Oh, no fucking way." This is NOT the case in many reconciliations, but let's just be fair here, some people have a very very very low chance of bringing someone back due to some horribly bad things which happened during and after the break up (and sometimes leading up to it,) and they all want to know if it can be fixed. 😛 We all wish it was just this one spell here, and bang, everything flies together, but NOOOOOOO, sometimes it isn't that easy. As I've said to more than one person, healing any wound takes time – and since this is visible to us in the mundane world, we accept this when it comes to physical ailments. My stinky cellulitis eye took less than 24 hours to get to be the size of a grapefruit. It took over a month (which I was on antibiotics for a month,) to stop being misshapen (and at least a month to stop being horribly misshapen,) and I still have a few places where you can see small white dots….so technically some of it is still there (though you have to be mouth-breather-creepy to get that close and see it, ha ha.) So if a physical trauma can take that long to resolve, it only bears to reason that an emotional or psychic trauma is going to take a long time to heal as well. 

If you've really laid the damage on (or it was just a lot of damage, whether or not by your own fault,) you can't just expect a relationship to knit back together without any single problem. I can even think of one of my own personal relationships where the person was so hurtful to me YEARS PREVIOUS to us reconnecting, that I had times where I was just revolted with myself for having forgiven this person or let them back into my life even all those years later, when I could at least consciously admit that the hurt this person caused was an action taken from them being too young to not be stupid…something they had since evolved well-past. Forgiving them entirely took me months…and that's not with magic helping it. 😛 So,, if you have a more recent rupture with someone (not like a decade-old fight, lol,) the wound is still going to be fresh, and one little candle spell isn't apt to fix everything back up in a flash.

Ask yourself – do I want this person enough to invest this time and effort into returning them to me? It is always easier to start fresh.

Of course many of you reading this will say "Well, yes, Cat, I totally want so and so, and I must have them back, they are the moon and sun to me and I can't be without them, so let's fix this thing," and that's great. Others will say "Oh, fuck and no, I won't be sitting on my ass waiting for so and so to come back for months, or to have them back and to have to KEEP WORKING just to fix this massive gaping emotional wound, so fuck that, I'm out," and that's also fine. 🙂

If you are down for attempting a long term reconciliation, then you need to start by breaking your plan to return this person in steps. Ask yourself why this happened – write down the reasons, – and ask yourself why is this person still angry (if applicable,) and why are they still gone from you (if applicable.) What (if anything) was caused by your actions, and what (if anything) was caused by theirs which created this situation. What sort of outside influences are causing this situation. When things were good between you, what seemed most important in the relationship, how well did it function, etc. Examine every part of this before beginning to make a plan. Understanding the damage clearly is part of fixing it. 

You need to heal this person, heal yourself, (focusing on the traumas that caused and were caused by the break,) reconcile them, get them to make contact (if applicable,) get them to trust you again, get them to feel loving (in a romantic way) towards you again, and to keep them interested in staying with you. Where do you start? Generally I would start by calming and healing the target, healing yourself, working reconciliation on themselves and yourself, and getting them to be open to contact with you. Do this work for about 2 weeks, then introduce love/passion drawing work, return to me work (reconciliation with a drawing element,) sweetening work, and keep the communication work going (don't reach out, wait for them to,) for another 2-3 weeks. Wait a week. If the person has not made contact, and there is no reason to assume that you have a restraining order out (sorry, some people do,) now attempt to make contact without bringing up the relationship. Usually asking for an item they might have, or sending them a funny picture, or something similar is going to get a response, but do not press for a response. No response IS a response. If you get a negative response, drop the conversation, do not press it further. 

Let's assume you have done this 5+ weeks of work (if we add in the week of silence,) and you get no response or a negative response. What now? You have two options, really…force a response (magically,) or repeat the above. If you want to force a response, work intranquility work instead of healing and calming, and repeat the above process. If this person is going to respond EVER, that will almost definitely get them to reach out.

I know what many of you are thinking "Fuck's sake, Cat, isn't there an easier way?" 

Well, my dears, as I said, some traumas are ridiculously severe. This is not your basic "I fucked up a little, and we are sort of still talking" type of needing a reconciliation. This is "I pretty much chased someone down the street with an axe" level of fucked up. If you think I'm joking about restraining orders, you would be surprised how badly people mess up, and contact me seeking some solution, and DO have a restraining order against them. 😛 I generally would turn that type of case away, but if enough people make that type of query, I might as well have some instruction if they want to try to fix that sort of badness on their own. ;) 

And let me be fair here, assuming you had to have this happen RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, if the trauma is such that the person is scared of you or pretty much would cross the street if they saw you coming the other way, speeding them back into your arms in a few weeks is probably not going to be too long lasting, IF you can even get them back fast. That being said if you do the above, and they came back in week 2, you still really need to work it all because IT IS A VERY SEVERE TRAUMA. 

Think of this like a broken bone. Just because I set the bone and put it in a cast, this doesn't mean that it is suddenly a working limb. 😉 It still needs to knit back together. Even in the best case scenarios, where the trauma is not so bad, you are still going to have to do your work in the mundane to mend the relationship. The long term plan above is merely a more supportive plan using more magic for a situation which is SEVERE. It is the difference between a sprained ankle, to a leg broken in four places. 😉 One requires more work than the other. 

Assuming this person has returned after the first or second round of work, what next? 

The likelihood is that they are still very cautious and afraid that everything is going to go back to how it was. You need to work love drawing with Chuparosa oil (to have a good, loving, functional relationship,) protect the relationship against outside influences, work roadopening to keep breaking down the obstacles between you, keep the communication work going, and keep doing healing work on your target. How long? I would recommend doing the work at least 2x a month (the sweetening work, do every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,) until the person seems healed and happy, and arguments are minimalized. That could mean a month or so of work, it could mean a few months of work. 

And if they didn't come back? You can repeat the above first round as long as you'd like, but here I must add in my caveat…

I have seen a number of situations over the years where the damage was SO SEVERE that the best the petitioner could realize was getting their target to be friends with them again. While the target would be flirty or warm, he or she would never really engage in a romantic or lusty endeavor past a bit of light flirting again. There is a chance the damage is too great. It happens.

I don't want to dishearten anyone. I've seen my fair share of situations come back together where I had thought it would be a downright miracle if the two parties ever spoke again, and yet with less work than the above, they did come back together. However, it would be unfair for me to say that everything is so easy. I've had a lot of people ask me about long term work, and if they need to do this for their own situation, and I figured an article discussing what that might involve is helpful. Not everything is a quick or easy fix.

To be fair, I've also seen someone do far less work on an ex, have the ex not return within a month or two, give up, and then be chased everywhere by the ex once they did give up. 😉 It isn't always such a huge investment of time or money (because spell materials ain't free, as all of my readers know,) or effort, but I stand by that when it comes to a great deal of emotional damage, it is no different than a severe health problem…it can require more treatment than some people are willing to invest in. It is up to you what you want to do. Don't just assume you are someone who has created a problem that is almost too insurmountable to fix, but if you can reasonably say it's pretty close to that, you might want to consider LONG TERM RECONCILIATION WORK, rather than "casting a spell once." My whole blog is really made to drive home to people what spells can do, and while that can be some pretty remarkable stuff, assuming that it is one flick of the magical wrist, and all things knit back together regardless of the extreme damage in some situations would be unrealistic. 

Hope that made some coherent sense…it's been one helluva week. 😉 I'll try to post up a spell article in the next few days. 

~C