Hey Occulties!
So, some of you have had a laugh when I say "DO NOT FIGHT WITH YOUR RECONCILIATION TARGET DURING THE MANIFESTATION PHASE!!" and tell me that this is a stupid thing to say, and of course you won't. Then why do I say this? It's because people do it all of the time. It's relatively common. In fact, a few "weird" and counterproductive behaviors are common enough that I have to warn against all of them, even if it makes me sound like I think the person I'm speaking to is stupid. 😉 So what are some weird things people do? Let's begin with the obvious…
Fighting with the person that they are trying to reconcile is a relatively common weird behavior for people using reconciliation magic.
Before everyone gets all judgey, did you know that some reconciliation targets attempt to get into arguments with the petitioner as the spellwork is manifesting, as a means to assure themselves that the petitioner is a bad match? See, as the influence begins to hit the target, he or she gets combative – they broke up with that person for a reason, so why are they having squishy feelings for this person again!? And so, as the target begins to be influenced, he or she picks a fight, and a good percentage of petitioners take the bait. Kids, don't take that bait. It will prolong your manifestation phase. If your target is suddenly picking on you, just walk away. Don't be anyone's doormat – never let someone walk all over you, – but end the conversation and don't take the bait to get into an argument. Your target will be sweet and loving soon enough, especially now that you are proving that you're not going to react with anger, or lash out at them. They are trying to reject the influence and this is often a brief phase.
I think we can agree, it is very easy when feelings are already raw, to get upset and blow up at someone if we want them to be kind, and they are subjecting us to insults. So that isn't so weird that person got into an argument with their target, right?
And yet, that isn't the "Weird arguing thing" I am talking about. It makes sense enough that if someone is being rude or mean, you might react in a rude or mean matter. Instead, it is more that the petitioner is so angry with the target for this perceived unfair abandonment or the insult of the break up or whatever action caused the split, that as the target comes back to the petitioner, desiring to reconcile the relationship and get back together, the petitioner has a very angry outburst towards the target. It goes a little like this:
Target: Hey, I just wanted you to know, I'm really sorry that I cheated on you with your best friend, because the reality of it is that I only love you. I have totally thrown your best friend under the bus – he or she started with me, and I was weak, and gave in – do you think we could get back together? I only love you.
Petitioner: Oh hell no, motherfucker! I cried for weeks that you had sex with my best friend! GO FUCK YOURSELF! I asked you to leave that person and no no no, you just had to go banging on (best friend) for weeks while I was miserable. You LOVE me? You say you LOVE ME, motherfucker? REALLY?
Oh, so you see, it isn't so weird. I mean, it isn't helpful – don't fight with someone you are trying to reconcile. They will be scared off and it will be harder to bring them back. BUT, yeah, all that stored up anger from whatever this person did to break the relationship can just bubble up, and the next thing you know, the petitioner is cussing like a possessed person and telling off the object of their affections.
The solution, if you can manage it, is to come to terms with what happened and forgive your ex. Use reconciliation work on yourself to aid in the healing process if you need to. Otherwise, all that hard work and effort can be splintered when all your angry feelings come out like a demonic force and spit all over your target. Or, I mean, just reconcile them, and when they want back, tell them to stuff it where the sun don't shine, because you're vindictive like that and only reconciled them just to break their heart when they wanted you back…I'm not here to judge, if that's what you want. 😉 As long as you keep in mind that fighting with a reconciliation target (merited or not) will chase them off and put off a reconciliation, your actions you take are your choice.
People break up with the reconciliation target very soon after getting back together.
All those days and weeks and maybe even months pining for someone, and finally, the magic has all manifested, and here they are back in your life and…wait, you don't want them now?
Yeah, that's really common, actually. I'd say in about 1/3 of cases (maybe more), this does happen. If that looks like a huge percentage, it's not a joke, people really do get this "desired one" back, and almost instantly decide that they don't want to be with the person. The most common reasons for this behavior are that the petitioner deified the target in their absence (this is why I always tell you to think of the bad sides of your target, and remind yourself that they exist, otherwise this exaggerated positive image of the person will quickly come crashing down when you reunite); that the time spent apart has made both the target and petitioner evolve differently, so they are a lot less compatible (and if you spend a year away from someone, their personality will noticeably change,) or the cumulative damage from the break up sours the petitioner on trying to work things out.
I often think of this as "The Best Movie Ever" effect. Have you ever had several people tell you that a movie was the best movie they ever saw, and when you finally sat down and watched it, expecting it to be the most amazing bit of cinema ever put on film, you thought it was good, but not "The Best Movie Ever!!!!"? And you realize, if everyone hadn't told you how great this movie was, it would have been very good movie, and you would not have been disappointed that it wasn't so amazing. Any time multiple people tell you this or that is the BEST EVER, once you finally experience it yourself, it often isn't the BEST EVER, and you're going to be a little disappointed.
Unfortunately that is the same with relationships. You told yourself that your ex is the best ever, and the relationship was/is the best ever, and once you have them back in your arms and your bed, more often than not, you realize it isn't the best ever. It's certainly good, yeah, but you were expecting more because you exaggerated how awesome things are between you, and now…meh.
And if that person really hurt you, and hurt you a lot, – well, what are they going to do to make that up to you? See, in more than one case, there is not enough satisfaction in just having that person back. Instead, now that they are back, and comfortable, and not doing anything else to recognize the damage they put on the petitioner, then the petitioner feels it is "beneath them" to continue on in a love relationship. It seems weird but it does happen a lot.
Some petitioners reject the target's advances when the target starts reacting to the spellwork.
What? But don't they want this person? I mean, isn't this spellwork to get this person back?
Yes, but in most of these cases, the petitioner is dissatisfied with how the target came back. There are times I really want to smack a few people because they will tell me how their little heart is smashed to a zillion pieces with love for this person, and they will just die if they don't get back together, and hours upon hours of miserable speeches, only to completely destroy the reunion because either the target has taken an action they "can't live with," (for example dating or having sex with someone during the time they were broken up,) or because the target didn't come back for the reasons the petitioner wanted them to (or in the behavioral way that they desired). For example, Sally wants Jeff back, but when he admits he did drunkenly hook up with some girl from the bar last month, she doesn't want him back because that means he "cheated" on her (you can't cheat on someone if you aren't dating them.) It doesn't matter if Jeff really wants her back, now he's gone and sullied himself forever by daring to have consensual sex with another adult when he was single. OR Richard really wanted to get back together with Martha, but ONLY if she came back grovelling. When she says she still is a little unsure if they can make it work, but she sure does miss him, this isn't "good enough," for him, and he rejects her attempt at reconciliation.
Look, as far as the unfounded sexual jealousy goes, that is just emotional immaturity and insecurity, and if you can't get over that (or your partner can't,) that is more of a psychological issue. You are not cheated on because when your ex was your EX, they had sex with someone else. Before you ever met them, if they were not a virgin, are you mad about those partners prior to you? Yes? Okay, well, there are still some undeveloped countries where your outlook is normal, but in the developed world, it is okay for consenting single adults to have sex with one another, and if you were not their partner at the time, they did not wrong you in any way. It doesn't matter if it happened before or after you dated, just so long as they didn't do it when they were promising to be true to you, and you alone. Once the relationship ended (even if you did not want it to end,) it freed them up to have sex with anyone of their choosing without in any way wronging you. If you can't deal with that, don't do reconciliation magic, and just move on whenever something ends, and find a new partner.
As for "I got what I wanted, but I don't like how I got it…it's not HOW I wanted it," people… I won't even try to hide my annoyance with this lot, not least of all for having worked my fucking ass off for a number of them, only for them to just fuck up all my hard work, generally because their "beloved" isn't tearing his or her hair out and weeping until my client capitulates and lets them come back…because realistically, it won't happen like that. If you and I dated, we broke up, and I dated a fellow afterwards for a month or so, it is totally normal for me to be conflicted if I dump him all of the sudden for you (because you were casting reconciliation spells.) I am still probably going to feel weird about how I treated him, and still have some feelings there (even if I want to be with you and only you because the spells made me feel like that.) OR, if we dated, and we broke up because you were cold and mean and argumentative, and then you cast spells on me to come back, well, I will still be worried that you are going to engage in those bad behaviors when your spells hit me and I do come back. It's normal.
See, spells take the path of least resistance, and the path of least resistance is going to make your target act like…your target. Maybe you're shocked because you thought they were a different person, or maybe you hoped they were feeling how you felt, maybe you're possessive and jealous and they aren't, maybe a lot of things. But what it comes down to is these Hollywood-esque outcomes are not likely, and when the person comes back because of your spell, they probably won't be begging and scraping for your forgiveness (it does happen like that sometimes, but don't count on it,) but rather, they will be cautiously interested in getting back together. If you want them back WORK WITH THE RESULTS THAT YOU ARE GIVEN. DO NOT repeatedly reject the target because they aren't giving you what you wanted how you wanted it, because they won't keep asking you back. Plenty of targets come back acting as if nothing bad EVER HAPPENED, and they never even say that they are sorry. If you can't bear that happening, you might be disappointed. You did magic for the END RESULT (having the ex not be your ex, and reconciled to you,) so, the spell still worked even if they managed to hook up with someone while you were broken up, and even if when they come back they do not tell you that they are dying without you.
Petitioners talk badly about their targets to mutual friends and acquaintances during the manifestation process.
How many times must I tell you that ANYTHING YOU SAY ABOUT SOMEONE IS LIKELY TO GET BACK TO THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE SPEAKING ABOUT, AND OFTEN IT HAS BEEN ALTERED OR EXAGGERATED BY THE TIME IT REACHES THEM. So, it is NEVER a good idea to talk badly about someone you want to reconcile. Hell, just a piece of good advice here – DO NOT TALK SHIT ABOUT ANY OF YOUR EXES. IT JUST MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK – especially if you get back together, but even if you don't.
But now you've gone and done it, and told everyone what a jerk so-and-so was, and when it gets back to that person, do you really believe he or she is going to find it endearing that you told everyone that he has a penis the size of a contact lens, or that you could park a Winnebago in her hoo-ha? And also, how do you look when you go back to dating that "deadbeat who can't get a job," or that "anorexic skank hag"?
And really, you should not be discussing your relationship with others. Even if you tell mutual friends that you're pining for so and so, that isn't attractive. That doesn't win them over. It is off putting and creepy. It can also make people want to "defend" you by saying bad things about your ex and making it sound like you said them (not even intentionally, example: "He's not good enough for Cat, and she knows it!" sounds like I was saying someone isn't good and I think so too, even if it is meant as that I know better than to date someone but I am anyhow.)
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OK, I have actually gotten a bit lengthy on my discussion with each "Weird thing," so in the interest of brevity, I'll stop at four. ;)
Reconciliation is tough work – many people find it one of the most difficult types of work to make manifest because generally the petitioner is in a horrible place emotionally, and is ill prepared to deal with their own emotions and stress during the manifestation phase. If you find any of the above "weird things" have applied to you, or are applying to your behavior, don't feel badly. None of the above are that uncommon to see, at least from a practitioner for hire's perspective. The best thing you can do is to just address any non-helpful behavior as soon as possible, and keep working on that reconciliation (if you still want your ex, that is, and you haven't just dumped them after reconciling them.) ;)
I hope that was enlightening!
~Cat
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Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind 
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