Attitude is Everything, Normal Reactions vs Panic, and Signs

Hey there, Occulties,

A few things…

Someone's mentality and behavior are almost always indicators of success or failure. 

Let's try something NOT magical for a moment. Let's say two identical twins are in an identical accident that happened simultaneously and gave them exactly identical injuries. Both will require physical therapy to walk again. Twin 1 is upbeat, optimistic, and doesn't worry, and rarely complains, and believes that enough therapy will return him to walking with ease. Twin 2 is constantly whining and bitching, is argumentative and pessimistic, and acts absolutely defeated if even the most trivial effort is not instantly rewarded with a fully capable walking body again. Which one has the best outlook for being capable of walking again? Twin 1, obviously. They have identical bodies and identical injuries, but the one who is always negative will have a lasting impact on their healing and therapy. 

It's the same across the board. If you have a shitty attitude, if you whine and complain and look for any sign of failure so you can bitch some more, if you give in easily, if you constantly need to be encouraged you are going to hate spellcasting. I can actually clearly see who is headed towards spellfailure just by the amount of handwringing and worrying being done.

See, it isn't just "I thought a good thought today," or "I thought a bad thought today." That's silly. I can think myself into a crying jag, too, if I want. That's always your choice, and some people do it. In fact, there have been times in my life where so much bad shit was going on that I was impressed how people could get themselves into a sobbing fit over not getting a text last night, while I had what was going on in my life and wasn't even thinking much on it, much less having a short cry over it. 

I'm not some zen master, and this isn't a difficult thing for anyone to master… What you do is while you have that goal in mind, you don't derail your whole life waiting for it. You go about your life knowing you'll have what you want, and just stop worrying and move on. 

Let's go back up to our example of injured twins. Both may never walk again, and I'm not going to tell you that just having a good attitude and outlook is going to fix all problems. There still may be mobility issues in the one with the better outlook, but that twin will still be doing BETTER than the negative and plaintive one. This is similar to when we run into a problem where a person wants to, for example, heal a relationship that is what most of us would consider beyond repair. While twin 1 may actually improve the situation if it were a relationship and not a physical ailment, the spellwork might fall flat. It might even require more work.

Oh, goodness, hundreds of hands have started tapping away, terrified that they have an "unfixable problem," am I right? Slow down, kids. 

So, let's say I really messed up a relationship. I did all the things I've told you not to do, I begged, I groveled, I stalked, a fought with, and I acted very badly to an ex. All these things really chased the ex off. So, tell me, how is making my current situation better (even if it is not fully "fixed,") worse- or the same as- doing nothing at all or worsening the situation? It is far more superior. Even if I haven't hit my goal yet, I've made progress. I think the aggravation here is that these people who want everything fixed RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS MINUTE RIGHT AWAY OR IT'S ALL BULLSHIT AND I AM GOING TO START BITCHING AND GETTING ANGRY fail to realize that…well, you're not making anything better. Sometimes that takes dedication. Sometimes it means working on a situation longer than you initially believed you would. 

Because why? Because in 30 years of spellcasting, it would be the EXCEPTION (like super, duper rare,) rather than the rule that I saw "complete dumpster fire shitshow" relationship turn into "super loving, compatible, everyone's happy immediately, because someone cast a spell once." Love and relationships require patience and understanding in the best of situations. So, if you tell me you had the "complete dumpster fire shitshow" going on with your ex for the last year, and you two have restraining orders against each other, and also you stalk their social media constantly, you are bringing me a relationship that is equivalent to a person with all of their major bones broken or fractured, bleeding on the brain, AND burns over 80% of the body, and expecting me to heal that to a perfectly functional and healthy person overnight.  Getting impatient and fussy and angry and complaining non stop? That's like trying to heal that broken-boned, brain-bleed, super burnt body by dipping it in hydrochloric acid.

Now, I do get that you put a Hot Pocket in the microwave for two minutes, and you have a fully-ready Hot pocket once that two minutes are over. I also understand that if I order something on Amazon prime, it generally will be at my house in 2-3 business days. Spells, much like human bodies healing, do not follow that same logic. It is not a vending machine where you put in money, punch a few numbers, and instantly all that you wanted pops out. 

Instead, realize you have to be willing to NOT KNOWINGLY ADD MORE DAMAGE to whatever situation you're working on. That might be not fighting with your ex. That might not be showing up to work in your PJ's when you want a raise. That might be not thinking the work to death or being negative and miserable and whiny. When you DO NOT ADD MORE DAMAGE, it is much easier to fix the existing problem. 

You need to be WILLING TO ACCEPT THAT ALL SOLUTIONS ARE NOT OVERNIGHT. Ever see that ad for a spellcaster that says "I fix everything in 48 hours?" Refer back up to "horribly injured body" – can the best doctors fix that person in 48 hours? Fuck no. That person will be lucky to survive that long. So anyone who tells you they can fix the most fucked up issues you have in 48 hours is….

FULL

OF

SHIT

This is why I make the face that I do when I get a client who thinks it's acceptable to bitch that "nothing happened yet" 48 hours after I started….it's like asking me to build you a house, and then complaining an hour later that your house ain't built. 

Now, while many of you have accepted that, several still do not agree with "If someone is negative, plaintive, pessimistic, easily frustrated, and/or whiny, they have slower and lower success rates." That's just as true as "don't expect it to happen overnight." 

This is why I say "Stop scaring yourself," and "Stop dwelling on what makes you unhappy," – this promotes panicked, worrisome behavior. Let's go back up to our horribly broken bodied person. Presumably, if this person isn't in an induced coma, they have have a strong will to survive, and a belief that they will get better, right? They are still a human being. They still feel frustration and become upset but they need to keep struggling to live and they need to put their trust in the medicine being provided, yes? And if, off the bat, some nasty, rude, petulant person is our "broken person," and they say "Well I'm dead any way, so this fucking sucks. Fuck all of you," and that's all they say pretty much all of the time, and they refuse to be helpful to the staff, who will have a better outcome?

Magic is the same. Your attitude, your outlook – it has so much to do with success. 

Panic and worry aren't just useless, they also cause more problems….

Let's not forget what I term "useless worrying." Imagine you get a cut on your hand while washing the dishes. It isn't severe. It doesn't get infected. You call your doctor every three hours to complain about it. Is it normal for it to still be a bit tender? Is that clotting fluid normal? Is it normal to have a scab? Is it normal for the scab to shrink a bit? Presumably if you're this neurotic, you pick at this constantly. Either that or you annoy your doctor unto death. People legitimately have asked me for deeper meaning to texts like "I put the key in the mailbox," or "I did pay my half of the electric last week, so don't worry I forgot, thanks?" What do these mean?! Well, what would they mean if I didn't cast the spell? Because they mean the same thing in the case of me casting or not casting the spell. The subject has placed a key in the mailbox for you, and/or has paid a half of a bill that they were expected to pay. It does not mean "Love me all night long, sexy mofo." It does not mean "I hate your guts." It does not mean "The code to the safe is hidden in the attic." 

Now many people get that. While I'll always have someone with the bad sense to share 20 pages of people taking about nothing in photocaptured chat (please don't do that,) of which 99% of it is not even relevant to the situation being worked on and that 1% is just as easily repeated to me rather than forcing me to read a very long, boring, conversation out of context, I think a good portion of my readers understand that there is not always a deeper meaning to what is said. If you ask me if I fed the cat, and I say "Yes," then all that means is "I fed the cat." What people do not get – and to some reason I understand that many people are socially awkward and this is why, – is that people behaving a certain way rarely need you to take some intricate behavior in response just because a spell is cast. 

Let's say for some bizarre reason I decide to hell with Mr NinjaCat, and I want my ex. So I spellcast for this very thing, and while my last ex and I are on terms, at this writing, which I would say are good, we don't really have long conversations or talk much. It's pretty standard. So, I spellcast, and lo and behold, a few weeks later my ex texts me something like "Hey, I was watching the news and I saw (something he might believe I would find interesting,) and I was like 'really, what in the actual fuck!?' – did you see it?" Now, people ask me, in these situations, "Cat, what do I do?" What you do is what you would do if I didn't cast a spell. Now, sure, there are times I tell you to let the person INITIATE CONTACT three times first, but generally I do tell you to reply. Normally I'd say don't reply right away but give it a few minutes, and then reply how you normally would.

Let's say he instead starts liking everything I post on social media! Sweet Georgia Brown, whatever shall I do? Is it a sign? Is it not a sign? What is it? Well, kids, normally when someone likes you, they do like a lot of your stuff. This isn't always true, but it can be an indicator. WWCD? (That's what would Cat do, by the way.) I'd let him keep up with it for awhile. If nothing came of it (some people are shy,) after say, ten days of rampant "likes" from him, I might like or comment on something he posted, to signal that I also feel friendly and likable towards him. Then I'd wait for him to make a move, and hopefully he would not need more encouragement for that. I might even do something like that if I've not noticed any signals from his end. Remember, we're on good terms, though. It's just if he knows I'd been with someone for a few years who wasn't him, he might keep his renewed interest to himself, because my ex is a good person like that, he's very proper. He's the type who would suss out if Mr NinjaCat was still hanging about and be very careful if he were. Because not being that way could be insulting to me, like he's disrespecting me to think I'm the type of girl who will drop someone because he winked at me. 

Now, what I'm discussing here, kids, is NORMAL SOCIAL REACTIONS. Yes, there is a spell in play. That does not mean act weird. But people worry very much about this. It, in fact, creates very bad responses when they worry sometimes. They overreact, they become aggressive, they are rude, they are too amorous.

But let's say I've worked very well at showing I am friendly and receptive. My ex will shortly, at some point, make some sort of comment which is flirtatious in nature. What do I do? I flirt back. Again NORMAL SOCIAL REACTION. Person One signals clear interest. Person two reciprocates equal interest. So I don't say "I am so in love with you, I feel like I'm dying," or "I dream of you every night," or anything creepy, nor do I say something hugely sexual, instead if he says "I miss your pretty smile," I would reply something more like "And I miss seeing your face, too. It's been so long!" 

See, no one is weird. I am only writing this because people don't seem to understand it, and I get a lot of questions. 

So, as party one makes a move, party two responds in kind, having party one slowly escalate, to which party two responds with the same level of escalation. Eventually (we assume) he will suggest a meeting.

It's very easy. And yet, people are completely flummoxed all of the time. 

Let's take the same situation, and instead make it so I am very worried and very nervous all of the time throughout, and I need to constantly get reassurance and help. I cast the spell, and I notice, a few weeks later, my ex is liking things on my social media…which I can't remember when last he did, so that would be something. But I'm worried. Is it something? Is he signaling me? What is that? Why did he like that funny picture. He doesn't even have that kind of sense of humor. What do I do? If I don't respond immediately will he give up? I've put on like 10lbs, certainly I'm a hideous pig beast now!? What if he wants to meet tomorrow? I immediately text him and go overboard with something like "Hey, I see you liked my post about pizza, and yet, I can't remember the last time I even saw you eat pizza, but then again it's been awhile since we hung out (years!), so maybe you do now? Anyhow, I miss you so much, and it's so great to see you checking out my page. Mr NinjaCat and I broke up, or we are breaking up. Are you still with (random chick I can't remember)? Because I am sorry if you aren't but not really. I guess I still think of you as mine. OK, bye!"

WTF is that. Seriously? I would have scared most targets off. But people get nervous and do that. They forget the whole "let the target come to you," thing which is quite important. You will legit get something back like "I just thought it was a funny post. Sorry to hear about your troubles." It will be very awkward. The target will lose some interest and pull away in most cases. It might even be a deal killer. This is what worried people drive themselves to, though. 

So, NORMAL SOCIAL INTERACTION. Panicked people DO NOT ACT NORMAL. Trust me on this. If you see something NOT SCARY, something even RELATIVELY MUNDANE, handle it as usual.

What if, however, the manifestation starts out in a very NON-MUNDANE way? What shall I do if instead of this normal average fashion of little bits of flirtation and interest amplifying and a normal rate until they blossom into a meeting isn't how this man shows his interest. Instead…what if it is a BAFFLING AND CONFUSING ACT OF FUCKERY by which he lets his feelings be known?

So, in this example, my ex does have feelings now because I cast a spell on him (this is entirely fictitious, exes, please remember, I'm glad we are PLATONIC FRIENDS, but I am not working on you, thanks,) but he does not know if I am single. Mutual friends cannot or will not confirm or deny my relationship status for him. Predictably I leave this status blank and hidden on my social media, because if you know me, you should know if I am or not.  He is very vexed. He decides (not wisely) that he will consume a massive amount of whisky to help him deal with his rising emotions. This is a very bad choice. Like billions of people before him, and presumably after him, he allows liquor to dictate his next actions by consuming too much, and he texts me around 2 in the morning something like "Are you still with that dude? I mean, are you? Because I really don't know what you see in him. You make some bad relationship choices. I still think you're pretty hot though. I love you. Are you up? Call me!" Of course I am not up. And also I would see some grammatical errors in his typing that would tell me he is quite inebriated if I were. My silence creates a terrifying vortex in which he feels the need to continue, and because I have not replied, he assumes I'm with someone. So he is like "You fucked up your life being with that asshole! You know what!? You deserve each other! Forget that I said I love you! I'm out!" 

I awaken to this tragic mess. Mind you, this is a hypothetical where I've actually tried to reconcile this man. I do not immediately decide he hates me. That is what people who worry too much would think. They would believe alcohol has made him honest. If you know alcohol, it could go either way. Sometimes alcohol just makes you act like a dick. What is the NORMAL SOCIAL REACTION to this bad behavior? Is it to tell him off? Is it to be sweet and reassuring and loving? No. 

Wait until about an hour after you normally awaken. Reply something to the effect of "Hi, (ex's first name), sorry for the late reply but I was asleep. I am not with (person you consider a rival) anymore. I have nothing bad to say about him, however. Seems like you had a rough night. Take care of yourself." This is cold enough to let this person know that you are not interested in being texted bizarre shit at weird hours of the night, while being polite enough to show you would still reply to this person. Generally the "drunk party," will be very apologetic for their actions, and blame the declaration of love on the alcohol, along with the bad behavior. Sometimes they will be too ashamed to reply. If they are legitimately interested in being with you, though, they will generally say something shortly. Allow the awkwardness to subside by not trying to create an artificial conversation. Trust me. If they are interested, they will contact you shortly, possibly a few days after apologizing for a drunken outburst. 

See, again, no need to panic. Panic causes bad responses. You can handle this without me telling you this stuff, many of you. I still get many, many "how do I handle this situation because a spell is involved," emails, and the answer is the way you would properly handle it without a spell involved. It's the same. Now if it's you don't have strong social skills, and need some help, OK, I can handle that and would help. 

Which brings me to today's final point… A sign is more like an omen of something. Movement in a situation you are working on is NOT a sign. So asking "The fact that someone called me – is that a sign?" is not really an accurate statement. 

Years ago, someone asked me to work on an anorexic friend, to help stop her anorexia. When I did, the drippings created a perfect gingerbread-,am shape with the candle holder in the middle where the "belly" would be. That shape in the wax was a sign. The friend getting better was not a sign. The friend getting better confirmed that the sign I received was correct, that she would get better, but her getting better was the spell working to help her get better. 

It would make more sense if you asked me if a raccoon orgy happening outside is a sign that you will have lusty fun-times with your desired partner soon than saying "Is Jimbo asking me to this lingerie show a sign that he wants to get it on because the spell is working?" 

Think for a moment of a Stop sign. This, in the USA, is an octagonal figure in red, with white letters emblazoned on it that say STOP. It can also be a red light. Sometimes it is someone with their arm extended fully forward, palms facing at a 45 degree angle to the arm with the fingers up to the sky, and the base of the palm facing down. All of these are signs which mean STOP. When you see these signs you know to stop. However, it is not you STOPPING. It is a sign indicating "Stop." You halting your person or your vehicle is not a sign of stop. It is a reaction to a sign. 

So if you seen an omen or a sign that you feel has an indication that your spell is successful, or impeded, or not going to happen (and like I say all of the time DO NOT SEEK SIGNS. YOU WILL PROJECT THAT SOMETHING IS A SIGN WHEN IT IS NOT. IF IT IS A SIGN, YOU WILL KNOW IT IS,) then this is a sign. A target reacting to spellwork, or a situation beginning to alter itself in accordance to your spellwork is the SPELL WORKING. It isn't a sign that it should or could or is, it is an action. 

This is why my annoying old ass always says "Well, I'm the spellcaster, so I am far more likely to receive the signs, not you. But yes, (whatever event) is good and it means the spell is working." 

I realize the English language is often annoying like that, but people who rely heavily on is "x or y a sign" are generally really confused on what signs are, and this is why I say that. No, the situation becoming what you had spellcasted for is not what a "sign" is, but rather it is the spell doing what you wanted to do. It means the spell is working. It certainly is exciting when you're new to spellcasting, and that's great that you're having feedback, but at the same time it isn't a "sign" in the proper sense, whereas a candle getting knocked off of your altar as if by an unseen hand is a very real and bad sign of someone working against you. 

I hope this has been enlightening. My inbox has told me it was long overdue. 🙂 As always plagiarists are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and I do pay a reward if you find anyone ripping me off.

Best,
~Cat