Hey Occulties,
Keeping with our love-theme (because my parents 50th anniversary,) let's dig into some love questions you've asked me. Sorry if any of this is review. 🙂
Q: Other than lust for results, what would you say is the biggest "self-made" or "avoidable" problem people run into when trying to reconcile an ex?
A: This would easily be engaging in self-defeating behaviors like being defensive and rude towards a person trying to re-establish a relationship, gossiping about the spell target with mutual friends, arguing with the target, pleading for forgiveness, continually trying to force contact with the target before they are ready to speak (for example, texting this person frequently when they are clearly not making conversation,) over-explaining previous actions in an attempt to make the target understand… I could go on for some time.
This is very simple, really. You want to act as if you're OK with the break up, and you have taken the time apart to come to terms with the break. This means you would not be acting nervous, rude, or angry. You might be pleasantly surprised when the ex makes contact. Gossip is always a bad idea and always gets back to the spell target.
Q: If I want a person I have never properly met (but have seen a few times) who's name I do not know, but who could easily get to know me, is there a spell for this?
A: I would recommend in this instance to work attraction magic on yourself. Let's assume, for argument's sake, that this person lives near you or visits the same places you do in a social setting. This is NOT just someone you met once in passing, but a person you have seen a handful of times. If you work attraction magic, you can be specific (example: "Draw to me a handsome man with green eyes, and dark hair, and have him be a man who dresses well,") so this should draw the desired party to you (as the description would match the desired party), in which case, if you feel more work is needed after getting to know them a lot better you would have a lot more information about them (including their name, ha) by having used attraction magic to get their attention turned on you. 🙂 Be sure when you meet them via the use of attraction magic that they are available and even your type before you start working love-drawing magic. Just because you found them sexy doesn't mean your personalities are compatible, or that they are even single. I can think of a few instances where someone "knew" a prospective target because they visited a store this person worked at, and the person they desired was polite to them. If you really know little else but a name and that they are polite to you, you probably want to get to know them more before you try working love-drawing-spells.
Q: Help! I'm in a "friends-with-benefits" situation! My ex came back, but I started sleeping with him/her, and now he/she doesn't want to go back to having a relationship with "strings attached." What do I do!?
A: This happens a lot – whether or not this person is an ex or a new squeeze. 😛 See, if someone can have the relationship WITHOUT the strings attached, and you've let that go on, they aren't going to be in any hurry to put up with additional rules. I'm going to assume (perhaps wrongly) that you've already discussed with this person that you would like more than to be "FWB" with them, and they replied that they wanted to keep things as-is, with no strings attached. If you haven't, please say this before the next step. 😉 So, the next time this person propositions you for sex, say you need to take a break from that for awhile, because every time you have sex with them, you get feelings for them, and it's hurtful for you that they don't feel the same way. Say that you realize this is all you, and you just think it would be better to keep sex out of the friendship for awhile until you can get over this (since they have said they don't return those feelings,) but that you'd like to keep the friendship going. It's a risk, but you're going to want to take it.
If you ARE NOT casting spells when you do this, this very well may clear up exactly what this "friendship" is about. If they just wanted you for sex, don't expect to hear from them. Maybe they will try to get you to sleep with them once or twice but they won't be "friendly." If they are truly on the wire about having a relationship with you, they will keep up with the friendship, attempting to flirt and see if you still want them here and there. If they really did care, they should capitulate and give you more after awhile.
If you ARE casting spells when you do this, it's a matter of continuing to assure them that you care for them very much and want to stay friends but that if they do not want more than a friendship, you can't have sex with them because your feelings get involved, and it hurts that they don't want more. They will cave in and give you what you want.
Q: The person I am dating is (too-"vanilla"-or-boring/too-kinky) in the bedroom, and I'm the opposite! Is there a spell to help with this?
A: Yes and no. To be fair, you should respect what your partner is "into" and his or her boundaries. Some people find sex toys repulsive, even if they will let you do some crazy positions or even have a threesome. Some people want bondage, other people find that distasteful. Sometimes someone wants you to do something to them which is absolutely a turn off to you. A lot of this is communication, and again, not trying to pressure someone into doing something they find uncomfortable or undesirable. If your girlfriend doesn't like vibrators, don't buy her one, and don't insist one comes into play. If your partner loves sexy underthings and you find them humiliating or off putting, let your partner know. Not everyone is going to be sexually compatible, though time and experience will often make it so your partner is more willing to perform or engage in sexual practices which they initially balked at. I will say not everyone is into sex toys (several people find them revolting – regardless of who they are used on,) not everyone wants multiple partners (asking for a threesome can be hugely insulting to certain people,) and not everyone likes butt stuff (giving or receiving or both,) – be careful about approaching all three. Don't expect someone to change their mind if they were against that stuff when you met. Pressuring them will not improve your sex life. As for bondage – if you are deeply into BDSM, and your partner clearly isn't, you will want to find one who is. Most people will eventually agree to something light like being held down or etc, but hardcore BDSM tends to be a niche group.
So, will you make someone who isn't into your kinks get into your kinks? It never hurts to speak about fantasies you both have, and to see where exploration might lead you, but no, I don't think you will make someone who is really against certain kinks suddenly get into them. Where I do feel magic is helpful is making someone who is "low sexed" (that is, has a low-libido, or isn't hugely interested in sex,) approach you more for sex, so that is, raise the libido. Often when you are having more sex, you will be having "more interesting sex." This might not mean that they will want you to tie them up while you sexually please them wearing a gimp suit (ha,) but if they are only making love in missionary position, you might find them more willing to make love to you in different positions like doggie style or etc., as well as more foreplay before the actual sexual encounter should occur. It might not be all that you need, but sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. If someone is hugely incompatible to your needs, you probably should find a partner who can give you at least the bare minimum of what you need. The same is true if someone is trying to pressure you into sexual situations you are not into. If you don't want to do what turns this person you love on, if it's humiliating or uncomfortable, and they keep pressuring you, leave them. Yes, you can do magic to lower their sex drive, but if they really need something to "get off," they will seek it every time that they engage in intercourse. If it's something you don't like, you need to move on.
Q: I've done spells to attract people (just in general) to me, and I'm not getting anyone who seems interested. A few people come my way, but quickly lose interest or avoid me soon after we meet! Is it my spells or is it me?
A: Without knowing what spells you've cast or your commands used, it's hard to say 100%. Are you being too particular (example: "I want a blond with green eyes, born in the state of Nevada in the USA in the month of March between the years 1987-1989, who drives a blue truck and is a lawyer, and who also is vegan, and weighs no more than 140lbs")? Because there is such a thing as too particular. I tell people to put less emphasis on looks, and more on compatibility. So, using the previous example, a "blonde who lives near me (assuming Nevada is near you, lol,) who is between 30-35, with a good education, and who is fit," would attract a lot more people to you, and is still relatively particular. BUT, let's say you're not particular at all, you just want someone of the desired gender who is compatible with you, and who is around your own age. That should bring A LOT of people to you…but what if they are still losing interest or even avoiding you? It might be you.
Some years ago, I was asked by a person who…well, to be polite, turned out to be a very socially inept person, to attract to her a new man. So, I do the work. A month or so later, she complains nothing happened. I ask did she go out to places where people meet, and she said yes, she'd gone to a very popular bar 2 nights a week. I said what did she do when she was there. She said she stared at the guys she thought were hot. That's right, she just stared them down. Unsurprisingly, no one approached. 😉 If you're staring someone down, they will feel uncomfortable. It actually got even worse than described, but for discretion purposes, I'll leave it at that.
It is true that if you have absolutely no charm, you can put people off. Remember to let the people approach you if you can. Don't stare them down, and when they strike up a conversation, be interested, but don't be so invested with them that it seems like you're about to fall off of your seat. 😉 Don't overdo it. I know that sounds hard for some of you, but being casually interested, and a little flirty will inflame more interest in the person you're speaking to. Don't stalk them or text them constantly once you meet. Allow the relationship to begin organically. Match their interest, don't outmatch it. You are less apt to scare that prospective partner off.
Q: Are commitmentphobics the hardest targets?
A: That would be subjective, but they are annoying to deal with. It's a personality disorder, and like most personality disorders, it won't improve overnight. That can mean feeling like you're moving 2 steps forward, and one step back throughout the entire process of working on them.
Hopefully this was enlightening – more articles for the love-spell-extravaganza coming. If you have any problems and need my help, feel free to contact me! I love hard-to-fix love problems!
~Cat
Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind 
Leave a comment