Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Hey occulties,

So this one is created for people who are full of shit and talk shit and are shit. If you want all their shit to stink, this one’s for you…

You will need:
9 different pieces of poop from one or all of the following animals: dog, horse, bull. Dog is the most repellent but you will want to be sure not to use your dog. Yes I said you need to collect nine pieces of poo. 
9 mosquitoes – they’ll be dead when you use them. 
9 flies – common houseflies are fine. Again, they’ll be dead when you use them
9 shards of glass
9 nails
9 pins 
9 needles
Hot pepper seeds
Alum
A large metal bucket filled  1/4 of the way with sand
A black skull candle
Black Arts oil 
9 things belonging to the target (small business owners can use bad reviews off of yelp and such, just print out the same one 9 times if you’d like)

Do not cast this spell inside your home.

Mash your poops all together in a bowl you’ve no intention of using again, mixing in the flies, mosquitoes, alum, and hot pepper. Generously plaster your candle with this then spread the remainder onto anything belonging to the target, wrapping the skull so the wick is exposed but the rest covered in poop, pepper, bugs, and alum (as well as what belongs to them – this is very fun with online reviews because you can glue the reviews with the poo mixture.) If you are dealing with multiple offenders, the poo mix may be used on them too but they will require a separate bucket, glass shards, needles, pins etc, just the left over mix can be used on another target. As you coat the candle, repeat over and over “You are dog shit, you speak horseshit, all despise your bullshit, all despise you!” While keeping an image of your target in your mind’s eye. A paint stirring paddle you can get for free at the hardware store is awesome to use to coat your candle 

Now place your candle into your bucket placing your needles, nails, pins, and glass so that the sharp end points to the candle. Drizzle the contents with black arts oil. Light the candle and carefully avoiding standing downwind say “(Full name)* all who see you or hear you are repelled by you, disgusted by you, and despise you,” nine times, then say “none believe you you or support you, – as is my will so be it!” Allow the candle to burn out and when it has hide the remains in a remote place off your property where they will not be found. 

if done right you often have a molded skull of cooked poo. Try not to break this when hiding the item. If it’s whole and intact, the spell will hit the target very strong. If you don’t get this result, it will still work quite well but the intact skull shape with most of the wax melted away will definitely hit your target hard. And very few people know how to deflect this one. I do but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t share it…and no one wants this one hitting them back so use it judiciously. It’s very hard to get off and if your target reverses it back on you, you will not just regret the miserable experience of coating a candle in poo, which will seem pleasant compared to the effects of this spell. 

Happy Hexing!

~Cat

*The persons username can be used if you don’t have a real name 

Follow Me on Instagram!