Questions You’ve Asked Me: March 2025 edition

Greetings everyone,'

I missed you so much. After Mr NinjaCat, and spellcasting, writing is my true love. Unfortunately doing it on an old iPhone is something I definitely do not love, haha, but I've solved that problem and can type on a traditional keyboard again. 

So, as tired as it may be for some readers, I'll start with a Questions You've Asked Me and hopefully move on to a fresh spell article thereafter. Because I have some great questions saved up…I have to get to these first.

Q: Why are so many spells for personal gain, rather than the good of the community or people?

A: Well, let's start with the idea that you propose that most spells you or the reader knows are solely to profit the petitioner (personal who the spell is cast on behalf of,) or someone they care about (so to indirectly benefit them.) Now, I think many of my readers are familiar with love spells to get the love of a particular person. How hard is it to work on a person, – to change their mind? It can be very difficult, especially if the target is resistant. Now apply that to thousands or up to even millions or perhaps billions of people. So this kind of work is understandably hard to make effective on a large scale sometimes. And cursing someone can be hard for some people, but imagine you go after your perceived problem person in a political place – so you're trying to say, destroy a leader you believe to be a detriment to your city, state, region, country, etc. This person clearly has supporters, all of which add positive protective energies which can undermine your work, so you can face a pretty powerful opposing force. If 500 people are praying for this leader to remain in power or even expand his or her power, than 5 going against this person are facing a very large block. 

So, it's not that we don't have historical examples of people using their spells for what they feel is the greater good, it's just that, generally speaking, when we see magic in today's society like that, we are seeing religious groups working together for a particular leader or cause, as this is more effective than the solitary practitioner working for or against such a large group.

But realistically, humans are also very selfish creatures who often are more worried with the issues we are directly dealing with – our income, our romantic life, etc – than those we are enduring on a greater scale. Basically, you care more about if you can pay your light bill than you care if an unnamed person has food enough to feed their family. 

Therefore, the reason is that people just are more concerned about themselves, and also likely will have little to no impact by themselves on a complex societal ill. 

Q: My offerings to a spirit got MOLDY! Was it refused? (I know this is a repeat but it was asked a lot for a few weeks.)

A: Ouch. Well, it can sometimes mean that it wasn't exactly what the spirit wanted, yes. I've had "food fails" happen, and interestingly only one object of many got the ick in a few of those cases. When this happens, I do try to avoid serving the same thing twice if it got mold. 

BUT, look, you don't need to leave things out for forever. Food in certain homes and climates can attract pests. If you can't leave a half a sandwich somewhere for over x amount of hours without bugs or mice being a risk, then don't leave offerings out longer than that. I try to leave mine out for at least a day but in my climate this is entirely non-problematic. 

Outside of that, don't get too freaked out. Try a different food item than what got moldy next time. Many spirits DO appreciate any gift, but just like humans, they don't like everything so sometimes you made a really nice gesture (appreciated,) but the gift itself just wasn't anything very liked. Think of it like coming to dinner and while you loved the entree, you weren't really into the vegetable, or maybe you didn't like the side. Were you mad at your host for making you a free dinner? I sure hope not! But you don't have to enjoy everything served to appreciate the gesture, and that's the same with spirits.

Q: (also a repeat but I've gotten it several times recently) If I am positioning an altar or idol in a particular direction, what does that mean exactly. Which direction am I facing if I am working on that altar or placing that idol?

A: Super easy. So if I place the altar to the east, that means when I stand at it, I face eastward. If I am placing statuary to the east, then the statue is going to have it's back to the east, and face me as I stand, directionally facing eastward. Remember, as the operator or supplicant, where you are facing – so where your eyes are directed towards, – if required to face a direction, – is what is meant when you are directed to place an altar to the east, west, south, north, or even northeast, northwest etc. For an idol or statuary, when we are working with this being we will face to the direction indicated, with the statue (if it is of a being,) facing us. So technically, the statue is facing in the opposite direction. Hopefully that was clear. 

Q: My love target keeps returning, then leaving, and I have to do the work again, with each time needing more and more effort to get my target to return – what gives?

A: Are you refusing to work on your own toxic behaviors? And before you tell me they are toxic (which is highly possible, as well,) I am not asking why you are reconciling a toxic person who you blame for breaking things off. I am asking you, are you working on yourself (non magically,) and not repeating your own toxic patterns and behaviors (or trying to eliminate them. Trust me, there are no innocent parties and you do have them, even if the other person is more severe. Until you are accountable and working on yourself, too, the situation will continue to deteriorate even if you use love work to bring this person back. 

This is something I frequently repeat, and not because I like to, but because it bears repeating.

Next, how compatible are you? I have seen couples who can't keep it together because they communicate badly. AND, if communication work is applied at a regular rate, this problem does improve the relationship, leading to less or no break ups. However, this won't overcome having different life goals (example, one wants children or marriage, the other wants neither,) or huge personality conflicts (sometimes we really like how  someone looks and makes love, but we don't really like them so much, or vice versa,) or just incompatible styles of contact – some people feel very trapped by cuddly and very affectionate folks, others require this. So, start understanding your goals, values, and love languages and see how compatible they are. Sometimes they are very poorly aligned. 

If that doesn't provide the answer, ask yourself, is every time I bring this relationship back together like ressurrecting a corpse? haha, yes really. Do you feel like what once took a magical nudge, now feels like it's taking greater efforts? And for less time? One reason I am very secure in my relationship is that whenever we have a serious falling apart, when we come back together, it is 3 times stronger and better. We learn from our problems and grow back even better. But if that isn't the case for you – if it feels more tenuous and fragile each time, – then possibly you are doing what I term "holding the target hostage in a relationship." You don't want to give up so you keep roping them back in, and each time, they try harder and harder to escape. That's the opposite of what should be happening if we are healing or working on a healthy viable relationship.

Again, I say this a lot and have said it many times here and privately to clients over the years, but love spells do not create compatibility. If a relationship has elements which cause it to disintegrate without love spells, we need to examine this and see if it is something we can change and improve independently, or if it's a problem where it's so deeply a part of one or both of the parties, that it will continue to wear at the relationship. We also need to be honest with ourselves and willing to work on our own toxic behaviors. And lastly, if someone is very mentally unsound and perhaps suffering from a mental or personality disorder, we need to be honest as to whether or not we can remain, especially if that person refuses to be treated – and in some cases (because I see it a lot,) to ask ourselves if we need psychological help…the amount of untreated mental illness out there is sadly staggering, and I see it tear couples up every day, with one party wanting the other to seek needed therapy, (and sometimes the party contacting me refusing to seek therapy despite their partner's requests.) There is nothing wrong with getting therapy. Even if you're mentally sound as can be, it will only help you. 

Q: I purchased an expensive oil from (company name redacted) on Amazon and it was garbage, but had good reviews – can I get a refund?

A: I would ask Amazon the refund part, but never buy a large batch oil or powder from any seller, and if they sell items on Amazon, they are already likely too large to make usable oils and powders. Some items like oils must be hand made as they are almost like spells themselves. So if you don't trust a machine to do a love spell, don't trust it to make your ritual oils. 

Q: I cursed someone a few years ago. While I did hear of some bad luck they had, I lost interest soon after and just let go of the situation and people involved. I didn't hear anything about the person because no mutual connections really remained, I guess. A few months ago, I found out via the LOCAL NEWS of all places that their bad luck continued to spiral and their lives are terrible. When I contacted some mutual connections I"d not really talked to in a few years, I learned the last few years were terrible for this person and kept getting worse and worse until they were in a situation bad enough to be on our local news. I never meant it to go so far, but then I'm not sure if it's my curse? Can you lend insight? I actually feel badly now, and am concerned I did this. 

A: A friend of mine, when he was a much younger man, got in a fight. My friend is a very muscular and tall person. He looks like a strongman, even now in his middle age. When he was young, he must have been in even better shape, I assume (I met him when he was middle aged.) Well, he hit his opponent just right in that fight, and the other man died. Now my friend is a sweet, kind person, – a truly good friend who has always been the first person to help and not ask for anything in return…just an all around great person. I have never felt he was aggressive or scary in any way. Not even when he told me that story. But…because of a choice he made to get in a fight (hurt someone) that person died. He did not mean for them to die. But they did. And he even served time for it. 

You made a choice to hurt someone when you cursed them. Now just like my friend, that choice may not have been with the intention of causing as much trouble to them as they got, but there's a strong chance that you magically "hit them just right" and it caused way more damage. Maybe you wanted them to lose an important relationship or job or move and that was just the right place to hit, because it made them fall and keep falling. That thing was the glue holding them up. 

I'm not saying for sure it was your curse, but it could be. And you will need to accept that. It's perfectly fine to feel badly. BUT if you're not prepared for your curse to exceed your expectations, don't curse people. Just like if you don't understand if you hit someone just right (even if you didn't want to give them more than a black eye,) you can cause permanent damage or even death, then you should not pick a fist fight.

Instead of beating yourself up over it, you can try to help the person…but chances are the actual curse is long dead. It just triggered a series of really unfortunate events that are continuing to impact the target. This is why I tell people something isn't a nice or a kind spell. Because feeling bad later often is the child of acting on impulse, which means you probably should not have cursed them until you were sure you were willing to accept the consequences that might come with it. 

It sucks but like my friend above, sometimes intending lesser damage doesn't guarantee that you won't inflict greater, even if you never would have intended to take it so far, and even if you're a genuinely kind and good person otherwise.

Q: Why is it when I work with a professional, I seem to make them angry by checking in frequently?

A: While any number of reasons may be the cause, you might remember that every contact you make that requires response is work. So, every time someone needs my attention, the time I spend attending them is technically work, which can add up quickly, as well as be considered disruptive and and rude (for example, frequently using holidays, days off, or bizarre off hours times to contact the worker,) and if it's repetitive (being asked to explain the same thing repeatedly, to comfort or encourage someone frequently,) all the worse. So, I tell people, think of it like dealing with a doctor. If you'd write your doctor ten page novels daily while repeating the same questions over and over and think this person should be comforting and encouraging you while you heal (so in a spellcasters case while you move towards manifestation,) all while several times daily expecting this doctor to spend hours explaining every stupid and fake and wrong thing you found on the internet (and the right answer,) WHILE THIS PERSON HANDLES ALL THEIR OTHER CASES SIMULTANEOUSLY….then…I"d hate to be your doctor, and that isn't appropriate. 

In reality, every professional has a limited amount of time. This doesn't mean you should not be able to ask questions, or consult if problems and situations arise. This means you should have the courtesy to understand MANY PEOPLE work with this professional and that hiring an expert does not at all suggest you own them or have the right to take over their whole week with often very unnecessary inquiries. It also means you should NEVER expect them to drop every other commitment, case, and aspect of their own personal lives to cater to your needs, regardless of the severity (and with most of these folks it isn't anything severe.)  

As an expert, I don't need you to check in if nothing is going on, unless nothing has gone on long enough. So if you fail to see improvement in a few weeks, that is actually a thing to bring to my attention. If it hasn't improved in under a week, that is pretty normal. So, telling me every 2 days that nothing is happening is pretty annoying, as you might guess. 

And the opposing type to this person exists as well… It really isn't helpful if you have problems with the service, the situation, or me, and don't ever bring that to my attention, especially if you bring those problems to anyone else's attention rather than mine. How can I handle something I should be handling (and gladly would,) if it is never brought to my attention? If you complain on any site, forum, or on social media before first attempting to settle it with the person who's services you used, you are your own problem. If I tell Mary that Maggie forgot to return my book, and I suspect on purpose, but fail to inform Mary that I never asked Maggie for my book back, I am vilifying an innocent person. That is the same as complaining about a worker's service to others without ever telling the person you're complaining about that you're unsatisfied and allowing them the opportunity to remedy the issue. Sadly, people who do this don't tend to get very far in life or get the things they want, because they are too afraid to actually handle any problem, and resent the innocent party for there being one only for fear of confronting the issue directly. That's a pretty deep psychological issue, and I hope these types get help rather than continue to alienate, smear, and offend those who never meant them harm. 

Q: I am in a love triangle – I'm the "third party," as it were, and everyone seems to be against me! Is there any way to remedy this so my friends and loved ones don't view me as the bad guy, and my partner's friends and family accept us?

A: I recently did some research on my social media about people's opinions of people who try to break up a couple to get one of the partners for themselves, and my research brought me many very descriptive responses detailing that absolutely no one has any respect for (and several people have violent feelings towards,) persons who come between a couple. You're not wrong to think you're fighting an uphill battle in which society thinks you (and possibly the partner you take if you succeed,) are garbage. I'm sure that's a very painful reality to deal with for the third party, and if they succeed in breaking up the couple, the half of the couple who goes off with the third party. 

The easy answer is don't pursue a person who isn't single. BUT, you already did. So, I can't give that answer. 

So, first accept the reality that there are people who will never respect or trust you again. It is what it is. You made a really bad choice, and that's the price of bad choices. Just be glad no one's dead or in jail because bad choices often end that way. 

The next step is time. You need to stay together with the partner you took, and without vilifying the person or people who you hurt and destroyed their relationship. So the other half of the couple you split up who was removed – they should not be put down. You should show sympathy for them – excluding in an abuse situation, and generally with abuse it is a female who must be the one who left her marriage for another man to get away from an abusive man. If you're a woman who believes she took a man out of an abusive situation, you aren't apt to get sympathy. So, you must show a healthy and good relationship to friends and family, while showing regret and sympathy towards the person you hurt. 

Magically, you will need to keep your relationship with this person functional (which if we look at percentages, less than 15% of a relationship born of cheating last over a year, and after 5 years it's far far smaller,) while showing regret for the party you hurt. PLUS, do a lot of sweetening on the friends and family. You probably won't win everyone over. Remember the rejected partner may very well have been loved and treasured by friends and family and you and the person you took betrayed them in a terrible way. You need to do sweetening and reconciliation until people forgive you. As for people trusting you? That might take awhile. 

So, you need to really work on keeping this love relationship functional and visibly so, and there are a lot of spells for that. It probably will require magic as the turmoil that the partner you took will also experience from friends and family will constantly impact the relationship for awhile to come. You should do reconciliation and sweetening on friends and family and for a while to come. Meanwhile, as much as you may resent the person you you stole their partner, you cannot show contempt or aggression, and must instead act sympathetic towards them and regretful for your actions, or else, you merely rile the disrespect, mistrust, and hatred of many around you. 

If it works out and you stay together, then congratulations for beating the odds (even if you used magic.) If it doesn't, my personal advice is to act as if you don't know either side of the couple nor what anyone's talking about if they bring up didn't you break them up. Honestly, society doesn't view it kindly, and putting distance between yourself and the event will be the best thing you can do.

And if you're thinking of going after one side of a couple, just don't. Better to spare yourself all of the above than to have to try to live in the mess it causes.

Hope that was educational,

~Cat