Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Hey Occulties,

The internet is a lovely thing, until it isn’t.

Recently, some of you have been bringing a few things to my attention that you found on TikTok which are just so laughably bad and untrue that…it confirms that TikTok is still full of people pretending to be witches, and possibly (almost surely) perhaps entirely devoid of anyone who actually knows anything about real spellcasting.

You see, we don’t actually just make shit up as we go along when it comes to making spells. That’s not at all how it works. You don’t use something because it just feels right or maybe sounds cool. There are 100% zero ingredients in my spells which I do not know exactly why they exist in the spell.

Vinegar isn’t used to protect. And that was one brought to me last night, if you can tell me why you disagree, I’m willing to hear it, but traditionally I would use vinegar in souring and cursing.

Bay leaves are generally not used for control or cursing. They are mostly for success and recognition. They do have a bit of a commanding vibe in the sense of charisma, but that doesn’t make them a commanding herb. That you can conveniently find it in a Walmart spice aisle doesn’t mean you can invent reasons for it to be in your spell which make no sense. So no…do not use bay laurel leaves to curse people. 🫩

Speaking of curses, cursing the moon is ineffective. You will accomplish nothing. That one is hearsay, but I’m told some witchtok-ers tried cursing the moon.

Lastly, and this one is my favorite, I’m reasonably certain if you feed your rooster your dried menses (and chickens are an odd lot) on the first morning after the full moon, your rooster (assuming he eats it) will not magically transport the desire for you back into your ex. That at least sounded a bit more traditional. However, I know chickens and I know magic and the context of the spell tells me you’re just forcing a rooster to eat your gross period blood. Just feeding a rooster period blood is exactly what that sounds like. If you are not using the rooster as a proxy properly (which that spell made him no proxy at all) for the ex…you’re just being weird but with chickens.

I appreciate people wanting to learn and experiment, but you should not be trying to educate others or pretend to be an expert online when you are not. Please do not post TikTok’s about stuff you just made up.

And please don’t use TikTok to learn magic…at least until such a time where there isn’t so much cringey fake stuff on there posted on there.

Thank you!

Cat