Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Everything you ever wanted to know about Hoodoo, Rootwork, or the Occult! The internet’s longest running occult blog, established 2004

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“I’m Cat, and for a long time, Cat’s Rants, the longest running occult based blog was over at TypePad – since 2004. Sadly, TypePad shuttered permanently as of September 30th 2025. Please be patient while I export 21 years of blog posts over to my new WordPress location. With a much easier url to remember and all your favorite posts all the way back to 04, Cat’s Rants should hopefully improve over its former location.” Cat has practiced and studied the occult, tarot, and spellcasting for over 35 years, and has shared her expert teachings on how to cast your own spells, including original spells and recipes on the Cat’s Rants blog since 2004. A professional tarot reader since the 1990s, she’s also an internationally-known psychic reader and tarot expert. As a published and respected occultist for over two decades, and an expert in the fields of rootwork, hoodoo, and Catholic folk magic, she continues to serve the public by teaching authentic spell casting and offering readings and services.

  • Updates – December 2021 :)

    Hey everyone, 

    Sorry for the delay in posting. I finally have the internet fixed (it was going in and out) but that does not simplify the huge time-drain which is scheduling readings (such a huge pain in my butt,) so I'm hiring a virtual assistant. This will entirely cut down on the clutter and waste of reading scheduling entirely (as well as help to cut out the issue of people using it as a way to get free time with me without paying for a reading, because my virtual assistant for scheduling knows absolutely nothing about the occult, readings, or your case, and that's exactly why I'm hiring him!) so this will free up time for me to do my job instead of wasting time chasing payments and scheduling times. When I have set up the new format for readings scheduling, I will post it here.

    December discounts: In DECEMBER, if you use VENMO, CASHAPP, APPLE PAY, or ZELLE you get 15% off of any service or item offered in my store. Due to PayPal fees, I cannot extend the same discount for PayPal. Sorry. :/ 

    STILL BUILDING BACK, so please keep the sales coming. Getting away from my evil landlord (see previous posts) and living with said landlord was hugely painfully expensive. If you want to help but don't want any services, feel free to give to my GoFundMe (which I love that my friend picked such a huge goal, but I really am already impressed with what has been received so far, as I didn't even expect that much!) but if you just want to know that I'm not a transient (haha) and it's safe to buy services (I've been using my storage for a fair amount of time, so it always was, then rest assured, while I think we might move somewhere bigger in the next month or so, me and the birdies are all safe and warm at home. :) 

    And lastly, I'll be posting a real freaking article in the next 24/48 hours. I know many of you feel like it's been way too long since I have!

    ~Cat

  • Cat’s Birthday Message

    Hey Kids,

    So, after moving away from my old place (I legit lost 90% of my furniture!) last week, getting financially butt-raped by UHaul (because no one helps you move during thanksgiving so I got to pay them for several extra days!) I get to spend my birthday unpacking, cleaning, and having $3 in my bank account. Working while moving was really hard to do but thank goodness for my storage where I have been casting spells because it was the one break I had from moving. I am still going to be broke awhile and was such an object of pity, that even one of my friends organized a GoFundMe for my birthday (and I clearly have friends as broke as I am, because I didn't even crack 1k yet, but I appreciate even $5).

    Soooo….my 43rd year was a shit year and I am glad for it being over. Let's make 44 a good year for my tired cranky old ass (hey you kids, get offa my lawn!)

    I am also happy now that I am in a bug free home (even if I don't have hardly any furniture in it – I am living like a college kid, minus the cheap beer, hahahahaha), and I'm happy I can finally be available to clients again. For my 44th birthday (today!) I would like to offer a MEGA SALE and get back to the grind! I am so ready! 

    Two-hour reading packages are $150 ($45 off!)
    Big spell packages are all 10% off (anything over a one week casting)!
    Seven day castings are all $295 (these range between $305-$335)
    And readings are 20% off the regular price

    Just say Happy Birthday, Cat! and you get the deals! Contact me if interested!

    ~Cat

     

  • Cat v Greasy Landlord…the final battle.

    Hey kids,

    I know I've been awful to reach in the last few weeks. Sometimes you get ahold of me, and you've got my attention for a few hours, other times it's like three whole days before I reply. 

    The first reason is this is my landlord, the one I've been fighting all this time. 

    And you know, everyone, all the "just move instead" shit all of you have said to me, that I repeatedly ignored because I believed the guy would see the light eventually, yeah, you're right. I hate moving. I despise it. I'd rather live in the same shitty place for the rest of my life I hate it so much. It's the only home 2 of my 3 birds have ever known. BUT, despite all of that, I've been forced to live with bedbugs for a year. I've been shamed, vilified, mistreated. I don't really like being an object of pity, and frankly, many of the denizens of my neighborhood absolutely pity me for what I've been put through. The guy buys off judges, and he's super evil, and while NO ONE believes him that I'm a terrible person (the man literally told the courts I'm a gangster – I'll be 44 at the end of the month and tend to dress very professional and in nice dresses, not like a "gangster" would,) or that I'm destitute and selfish (I paid the guy for 5.5 years, during which time I was married to someone who literally used to rob me blind for part of that time and never worked, and I still kept the lights on and paid rent,) it's like fighting an uphill battle in mud while wearing crocs to fight this guy. It's exhausting. He wants to raise the rent on this unit, and if that's what he wants, I've lost more money fighting him than I would moving to somewhere else! AND I've slept with bedbugs for that expense and exhausting fight. Well, no more!

    The thing is, once I decided this it made it very difficult for me to reply to everything because I have to pack up my home and do all of my spellwork. It isn't that I don't care, so this will sound cold, but a lot of my written work is explaining and re-explaining the same concepts and reassuring people, and I'm a very practical person. If I see it as not an emergency, whereas I see "getting secure into a new place that has heat so my birds don't die and I don't freeze to death," as relatively paramount, this is why "Cat I thought a scary thought today" gets left on read for a few days. I ENJOY doing spellwork, and that I see as ENJOYABLE and a stress relief – I mean I get to be out of bedbug hell for some hours because I don't do the spells here. I DETEST PACKING AND MOVING, so that is miserable, so I get kind of pissy and miserable while I do it. I am not fond of repeating myself (surprising, I know,) but I'd honestly rather be replying to you than trying to decide what I can box up immediately and what has to remain out til the last. 

    What I'm trying to say is I try to spend a few hours replying because it's way better than trying to put my dishes in some sort of order or answer another landlord about viewing a place or anything of this process, but I do need to keep myself to task because I want to just get this over with. I want to get out of this bug infested shit hole that I loved so much until it became a bug infested shit hole and the landlord's greedy demonic side showed itself. 

    Yes, I totally cursed him and everyone on his side, which is to say his greedy little minions are all going to get the same shit he gets, but it's really only a handful of people because some working for him have actually quit after seeing how I personally was treated. 

    It's an annoying process but I am thinking I will be settled by Monday. I'm sorry it's been inconvenient, and I'm honestly pretty impressed how well all the magic I'd done and friends have done has kept me here as long as it did. 🙂 So, please just have a bit of patience in the meanwhile. I've always been a bit of an organizational nightmare so readings and replies may be a bit wonky until then.

    ~Cat

  • November 2021 Deal

    Hey everyone,

    Since my October special was relatively popular, this month starting November 7 and ending November 26, I’ll be reducing the cost of all readings by 10%, and the 2-hour reading package will be reduced by 20%

    Time to get a reading? I think yes!

    Contact me if interested! 

    ~Cat

     

  • Correcting Bad Advice From The Interwebs – October 2021 Edition

    Hey Occulties,

    So today I'd like to introduce a new series which hopefully will carry on for awhile. It is a collection of sad, hilarious, or even somewhat believable (but wrong) things regarding magic/spellcasting/the occult that I've located on my travel through the internet. 

    Bad Advice Tip #1: The full moon is AMAZING for bringing things to you! 

    Reality: Nope. The full moon and new moon are both "stagnant." They have their purposes but it's actually best to use the day AFTER the new moon (first day of waxing moon,) or the best planet day AFTER the new moon (so almost 2 weeks before it's full!) to bring things to you or manifest them. The growth of the moon is thought to grow your desired need into fruition. 

    When the moon is full, it is actually just about to start shrinking, (or give the appearance thereto,) which clearly would be unhelpful in growing an influence. 

    I'm honestly surprised when I see "experts" claim the full moon is great for drawing things to you. It might not be bad for keeping things with you, but no, the day after the new moon until first quarter is the superior time for "to bring to you, to draw up, to grow," etc. 

    Bad Advice Tip #2: If you find a feather on the ground, you need to ask the bird who dropped it to use it in your spells or else it's CURSED!!!!

    Reality: I assure you, the bird gives not one shit if you find the feather it molted off and use it for something. If you pull it out of the living bird it will give many shits (and a screech,) but a dropped feather is usually a relief to that bird because he or she is getting the new ones in, and it was probably kind of itchy. The birds ancestors, and the bird itself are about as freaked out as you would be seeing a bird flying off with a hair that came out of your hairbrush so it can line it's nest with it. Some of you would freak out about that, but I assure you, the bird is literally just using something you dropped that you don't want anymore, just like you are if you use it's feather. 

    There are some legal concerns about possessing songbird feathers or raptor feathers. I would check with your local, state, and federal laws if this is a huge concern.

    HOWEVER, you aren't angering the bird or the bird spirits by using a found feather in your magic. Just take the cool feather, and use it if you know the bird it came from and what magical uses there may be for that feather. 

    Bad Advice Tip #3: Put a 7-day vigil candle in water to prevent fire accidents!

    Reality: That might actually encourage the possibility of the glass chimney exploding when it's a risk any time you use these candles (just not as great of one in some cases over others.) It's not the worst advice, but I'd strongly recommend something like ocean sand or traction sand (SAND being the key word) around the base. It's not flammable, fire retardant, and also holds heat well without surface transference. I like to put them on a bed of sand in a coffee can, then pour sand around them. Even if the chimney part explodes, the whole candle continues to burn itself out. It's never been a fire issue. 

    Bad Advice Tip #4: All spellcasters are called "witches" regardless of practice or gender!

    Reality: The term witch is actually derogatory to a lot of people who are not neopagan. The original word did come from "wise" so a wisewoman or wiseman, sure. But you know gay used to mean lighthearted and carefree, and the last time I went to gay party it was my friend's birthday at the gay bar where there were a lot of homosexuals who referred to themselves using the term "gay." Come to think of it, it was gay not only because it was lighthearted and carefree, but also because the vast majority of the people there were gay gentlemen. But my point being, words can change meaning over time, so the meaning of witch has undergone some changes in it's lifetime just like the word gay has. So…when we say "witch" we might mean the traditional meaning of it, we might mean Wiccan or Neo-Pagan, too, and we might mean bad poisonous evil person. A fair amount of the time outside of Neo-Pagan and Wiccan circles, it tends to be seen as a less than positive term for someone. 

    So while you might be well meaning when you say it, use the term judiciously. Many paradigms prefer different terms like Magician or Spellcaster. 

    Bad Advice Tip #5: When spellcasting, just throw things in as your intuition tells you to!

    Reality: This is a bit like saying "When doing major heart surgery without any training on the anatomy or function of the heart, just do what your intuition tells you! I'm sure it won't lead to any problems in the outcome of that surgery!" 

    If you aren't adept at magic and if you are unable to do work without looking up the correspondences of each ingredient (and lack the practice to know the meaning and use of every single ingredient as well as what all actions and etc are for,) this is the absolute worst advice possible. Please LEARN MAGIC, and don't assume that you can just wing it because it sounds like fun. 

    While I do realize some of the above have been posted before in some Questions You've Asked Me form, I figured this would be a good type of new article. Still working on that spell article. 🙂

    ~Cat

  • Q&A: Why Do Spellcasters “Hate” Readings/Why Do So Many Spellcasters Not Offer Readings

    1Hey there, 

    So on a week full of readings and more readings, from newbies, readers, and even return clients I keep hearing:

    "Why do so many spellcasters either never offer readings or no longer offer them if they used to?" 

    The answer from what I can tell is that even though to some clients that is like selling burgers and not offering fries, it's a lot more like readers are the nurses and the spellcasters are the doctors. One is the "emotional, nurturing, caring" end of medicine with the other being the "scientist, nuts and bolts, body is a machine," end. Both are needed.

    When I had cellulitis of the eye area a few years ago, the nurses were super nice, and encouraging and gave me shots I hated but made me laugh…then every med student, doctor, and probably even a few surgeons who were in no way focused on that area of the human body had to come in and see my monster eye and be like "Holy cellulitis, Batman! Look at that! Can I touch that? Doctor So and so, look at that presentation! That is the wildest cellulitis ever!" and the thing is, they were not mean or even intentionally unkind (I certainly felt like a circus freak,) they were just very interested in my condition and how it transpired that I came to having it PLUS what treatment was working. I was a 40 year old woman presenting with cellulitis with x cause, and y incubation time, and z response to (name meds,) and that was very interesting to them. They wanted to fix it, yes, but I was more like the disease that needed to be cured in the patient, than some complicated backstory of who I am, plus I have cellulitis. To the nurses, I was Cat, I was annoyed because I wanted to go back to work, I was hungry, some guy kept taking my blood, and I wasn't going to be a big baby about getting an IV I just had to look away. But I was Cat who had cellulitis, and they gave me meds, and checked my stats,. but saw me as just a sick person they were helping get better, and keeping happy, not the disease that needed curing plus say a few pleasantries to the woman that disease is in like the doctor. 

    So, to the spellcaster you are say… a 34 year old heterosexual cisgender male complaining of a break up caused by your former girlfriend who ran off with your best friend. You have tried to no other spells. You are mildly histrionic as it is recent. You have been blocked on all platforms. You show a proclivity towards anxiety. Probability of self-defeating spell-killing behaviors is about 40%. If I do (names of spells) and you can manage not to self-defeat, the likelihood of success is close to 87%.

    And to the psychic you are Maximillian, aka Max, who's girl left him and who needs to know that's not the end of the world. You're worried about your job and your kids from your previous marriage. You are hurt that your best friend could do this to you and it's impacting your ability to function at work and in life. If we just look into this maybe we can see why see where it's going, but whatever is going on, we are going to get you back to where you understand and you feel better. 

    Now, back in the day, it was basically understood that you were "supposed to" give readings if you did spells. I might explain this as being like a rural doctor. You knew all your patients quite well and you would be running many of the tests a nurse might run as you know how to do all those things. You of course, did both duties, and much without thinking them separate. In fact, a nurse practitioner might also be like a "back in the day spellcaster for hire," as he or she knows all those tests but can do most of the things a doctor (at a general practitioner level) can do, yet, generally speaking does so with the view of a nurse which is showing kindness and compassion and dignity and not just "what makes this disease happen like this in this environment and how can I fix it?" 

    Of course some spellcasters much preferred the readings end. Most of us who love spells though….we were like "OK, well if I'm expected to do this, I'll do it." 

    I have friends who ONLY do readings and they LOVE IT. They never want to offer spells really because to them it's too much of giving up on seeing this as "human beings" and being like "Well, if I do this and that, then the outcome will be…." And to the spellcaster that outcome is the important part…they want to fix the problem. Holding your hand and consoling you is taking time away from fixing the problem. It might be encouraging bad behavior even. The reader? The reader wants to hold your hand and console you. 

    What end am I on? I'm a spellcaster…for sure. I know this because do you want to know the biggest surprise to me when I opened my store almost 20 years ago? That I would spend over 40 hours unpaid per week answering emails like "I thought a sad thought today. Why am I so sad? Is my life over? It's been 43 minutes since I spoke to him/her." I believed you can hand me a problem and I'd say "Hmm…this is a 22 year old female who is looking for a 24 year old male to fall in love with her, – he has shown initial interest but it is now flagging because of x variables, so I will do this and this and this for a spell…" and then give you a nice set of instructions (like I always do) like 'don't overthink it, don't stalk this person, don't fight with them, and let me know if things have changed in 2 weeks, OK?'"

    I really should post an audio clip of myself laughing hysterically, and send it back in time for that naïve young woman who had NO IDEA what she was getting herself into. 

    Because my job is more like "Alright I'm getting up at 4am, doing these 5 spells, then it's 9am to talk to (person for an hour) after which I'm going to cast these 2 spells, then it's 4 hours of email support, now I'm billing this person, then a 2 hour reading with this person, then explaining this to this other person, now another 90 minutes for spellcasting, now 3 hours of paperwork/reassuring/explaining, now another hour reading, maybe eat something or shower, and a spellcasting and also chatting with these three clients until I find my way to my bed to lie down for "just a minute," and the birds get in the bedroom and I wake up covered in birds, start day again, repeat." I work 12-14 hour days…the birds miss me so they always try to get time with me and sometimes scream when I talk to you. Hell, if any of you have heard any significant other I've had in the background, they are generally fussing that I said I'd be done an hour or go or why haven't I gotten to (chore) yet. My first husband used to come home and want my affection and comfort and some days I'd be like "Dude, if you want to complain, I get paid a nice figure to listen to that shit, otherwise, no," which I've since heard therapist/psych friends say is very common in their profession after a long day of back to back patients.

    It's a HUGELY HIGH ENERGY DRAINING JOB to offer spells and readings. I assume it's hugely draining to offer only readings. It takes a BOATLOAD OF ENERGY to do spells every day. 

    That is why some people who prefer the spell end of things say "I can just forgo this non stop emotionally draining part of the job, and give that to someone who specializes in it." Just as some readers are like "I can be nurturing and emotionally supportive and help people with my guidance, but if they need a spell, there are people who specialize in it."

    This is also why many people refuse to do love work. You spend so much time consoling someone, counseling them on how to behave or react, and then also working the spells. 

    BUT, for what it's worth, the money is better with readings. It's little overhead, good pay. The spells are HUGE OVERHEAD, and if you can avoid a high-maintenance client, reasonable but not stunning pay. People UNDERSTAND readings better and therefore it is much easier to provide the service with little customer service as well.

    I can understand people avoiding it – readings can be tedious and draining, – if they love the spellcasting end…and it sure would be easier on the worker themselves to just view the situation as a spellworker does, but in the end, I think I've learned more by offering both, plus, I have clients who I consider friends and absolutely look forward to speaking with, and it's helped me understand people far more than I did when I first started. 🙂

    Hope that clarifies,

    ~Cat

     

  • OMG October

    Hey Occulties,

    First, I'd like to apologize as a year ago at this time, I was, for the most part, far less busy. This gave some people the idea that I'm NEVER busy. Don't get me wrong, readings were getting done, spells were being bought and cast, but I definitely had more free time. Now I have a lot of INQUIRIES but many of them are a WASTE OF TIME because INQUIRIES DO NOT MEAN SALES….and to top that off, I'm also doing pretty good on keeping the schedule full. Readings, spells…I am getting up at FOUR IN THE FREAKIN' MORNING to start my spells and set up every day, which that means I'm busy. 😀 BUT it also means dropped communications here and there due to an overactive inbox. In an effort to streamline PLEASE USE MY EMAIL, and DO NOT TEXT for the moment and also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if it's been MORE THAN THREE BUSINESS DAYS (M-F) RESEND ANYTHING I HAVE NOT REPLIED TO. Mercury may have retrograded in my inbox here or there, and again, it's been very active in my inbox…which sounds dirtier than I had intended. 

    The thing I need to emphasize is not the bad though, because this is great. My dream is literally to drop dead at my desk whilst working unto the very end. You know how some people say things like "I want to retire" and "Forty hours is too much work per week?" I am not either of those people. More work and no retirement is my dream. So I'm living the dream. 

    Plus it's my favorite month everrrr… I love October. I love the leaves, I love Libras (future Mr NinjaCat is a sexy mofo,) I love the weather…and I love those little freakin' candy bars they put out at Halloween. 

    Soooooo….while I MUCH PREFER people getting a standard 7-day spellcasting package (which is like 4-5 spells all cast once a day for seven days,) but I also like WORKING MY FREAKING FACE OFF (I am in no way joking, I love it, thus proving that both my husbands were right when they accused me of being married to my job, and that I'm a workaholic,) I will offer the following for the rest of OCTOBER 2021. A single spellcasting, cast for THREE DAYS (so one spell, not 4-5, and cast once a day for three days, as opposed to seven) is $125 USD. To take advantage of this special email me at the same place OR contact me through my site! :) 

    See, the above is like the "little candy bar" version of my regular "candy bar." 😀

    And because, let's just be honest, I love big things too (I'm an American and we tend to like everything oversized, which is probably why many of us Americans are also oversized, hehe,) I am also taking 10% off the biggest thing I sell which is the one year plan. That's a lot of money. That's $275 off. It's $2475. Contact me for details.

    Something little, something big – OMG I LOVE OCTOBER! 

    Alright…writing out a spell article now. :) 

    ~Cat

  • Getting Back to Good – Reconciliation Spellwork Advice/Help

    Hey Occulties

    So, a lot of my requests revolve around getting that ex back, as you may have guessed. Let's assume you've done your spellwork, and now you're waiting for sexy-ex-y to return. You get a few tentative texts messages all of the sudden. Is the ex just trying to get back some possessions left in your care? I mean 3 months of silence and now they are oh-so-conveniently texting you now after you cast a spell on them? Hmmmm….

    YAY! This is AMAZING GOOD NEWS! It looks like manifestation is on it's way! So as an educational exercise, we're going to play WHO WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THEIR EX!?

    So, let's say this person is texting – what's your next move?

    Person 1: "I'm going to respond pleasantly, not bring up the past, and not try to push any romantic agenda. I will wait for them to bring up our relationship if we are to discuss it. I'm hopeful but not investing everything in a few texts." 

    Person 2: "I'm going to ask to see them in person!" 

    Person 3: "I'm going to ask them if they are seeing anyone right now, and then, depending on their answer, I will ask to see them again, or I will collapse into a heap of tears when they say they went on a single date!"

    Person 4: "I'm not going to respond. I'm kind of hurt this isn't about missing me." 

    Person 5: "I already told them I still love them and want them, and I think I'm blocked now."

    Who proceeds to the next round? Well this time it looks like everyone but Person 5 does, because, within reason, the first 4 people are still more or less working with their spellwork. Sorry Person 5, being too much and smothering the person was what you did, and so I'm afraid you can't play round 2. 

    ROUND TWO:

    So, after these texts about getting the possessions back, the ex (even with Person 4 not replying) the ex says something sweet like that they miss you and are thinking about you, and they hope you are good. Person 3 is lucky because the ex in our example did not report dating anyone and was clearly interested in a reunion so that didn't totally blow it. So, from here, you agree to meet up. When you see your ex, what's your next move?

    Person 1: "I am cautious about their intentions, and I do not push for anything romantic or sexual. I let them know that I am tentatively interested in possibly getting back together. I try to keep the interaction fun and enjoyable. I do not bring up the past. It's a fun date, and I am starting to feel like all that bad stuff we went through is something we are healing from."

    Person 2: "The moment they make a sexual comment, I just jump at it and we end up having crazy sex! Wow! This is so passionate! I'm so in love. Sure, they didn't say we were getting back together, but with that sort of lovemaking, they must want to!"

    Person 3: "I am very sure to make sure they have not been with anyone else. I grill them on the matter. I then tell them when satisfied they have let no one touch them in my absence that it's good they did not or else I could not stay with them. When they bring up that I was pretty controlling and emotional during our relationship and it was difficult for them, I am offended and tell them that they are difficult and hard to get on with too. It was kind of a bad experience. They didn't seem flirty, just hurt."

    Person 4: "I'm sullen and withdrawn. We see each other, but they aren't making any big displays of love so I'm assuming the spellwork didn't work."

    Who proceeds to the next round? Surprisingly all four could, but you're right to think 3 and 4 are kind of screwing themselves, and 2 is not doing themselves any favor by not being sure that they aren't just having casual sex with an ex. So let's just say all four made it to round three, shall we?

    ROUND THREE:

    Now in round three, the ex is communicating with the petitioner, and clearly trying to be pleasant and kind, and even flirty. The petitioners are all feeling pretty good that this is going in the right direction and agree to another date. During this date, the ex brings up that they maybe DID go out on a few dates but nothing serious happened and it was months ago. How do our petitioner's respond?

    Person 1: "I realize I do not own my ex. I'm not overjoyed by this revelation, but I don't let it affect my behavior towards them, or upset me. We were apart for three months. Realistically, they would have seen other people. It had nothing to do with me, and was just them being human and looking for companionship."

    Person 2: "I die inside a bit. I ask them if those people mattered at all to them. My ex assures me that no not at all. I can taste my pain at the thought that my magical penis/vagina/other could not hold their attention in my three month absence well enough for them to not forget that other genitals exist! But I try not to let them know, even though I am sure the pain is present on my face." 

    Person 3: "I freak out. I totally freak out. How dare they! I scream about them being a disgusting cheating lying piece of shit! I don't want ANYONE who could EVER touch ANYONE BUT ME after having me."

    Person 4: I find myself hurt but I can understand it's been three months, so that they would have likely dated others. What I don't understand is how is my spellwork working if they can even admit this like it won't hurt?"

    Person 3 does not make it to round four. Too crazy, too possessive, and their ex walks off deciding that they do not want to deal with that dumpster fire of possessive behavior. They do not get their ex back. 😦

    ROUND FOUR:

    Things are definitely positive but your ex still hasn't asked if you want to get back together. You're sick of being in limbo – is this a reconciliation or not? Sure, you're communicating daily, there's flirting, but you feel stuck and that it's not moving PAST THAT POINT. You want to know you're back together. What do you do?

    Person 1: "I wait for a time when we are having a great conversation, – laughing, being friends, and I say 'I really miss being your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/etc.' and wait for their response to that." 

    Person 2: "I tell them that I love them, and I really want to be sure we are back together after I have sex with them! If they look shocked when I say that, I start weeping and asking if they used me! When they try to reassure me but don't agree we are an item (or clarify that to me either way), I cry more!"

    Person 4: "I say nothing. Clearly the spell isn't working." 

    Well, sorry person 2…you've finally gotten cut. While optimistic and upbeat, you're being overwhelming and pushy in your own way. You offered the sex without commitment, and now your ex doesn't know if they want just the sex, and not commitment. Your tears and emotional outburst have ended your tenure. 😦

    On to the final round…

    ROUND FIVE:

    Your ex says "Well, I'd like to get back together with you, but I still have (doubts of a specific nature,) and I'm upset by (criticisms which reflect on the petitioner,) just so you know." How do you respond.

    Person 1: "I listen with an open mind and try to see their perspective. I try not to take offense even if I feel the criticisms are unfair. I also use this opportunity to speak in a non-accusatory manner about my fears and doubts regarding getting back together."

    Person 4: "I thought for a minute this spellwork worked! How DARE they have any doubt or criticize me! I finally tell them I clearly got my hopes up for nothing! Spells don't work AND my ex was just playing me. How convenient!" 

    Guess who's the last one standing? Yeah, Person 1. Person 1 gets their ex back, they also have a healthier relationship. They have shown respectfulness and understanding, and can expect to enjoy a happier and more functional pairing than ever before. Person 4 blew it by decided the only way the spell is working is if they are blameless and the person is all over them like white on rice. That pessimistic sullenness eventually just makes them destroy the outcome. 

    Now….what have we learned from this? That even with spellwork, you have work to do. You can't be rude, you can't be scary, and you can't be a basketcase. You need to understand that reconciliation will still require you to act appropriately, and be careful when trying to get back together with this person. So, don't give yourself to them without knowing they are yours. Don't boss and criticize them. Have an open mind, and keep the conversations constructive. 

    This is why I tell you reconciliation can be hard work, as can love drawing work…because you need to have self-control and faith in the work too. That's a tall order for some people! I mean, in the above example, if person 4 was just slightly less pessimistic, they would have had all that they wanted, too…and hell, under better circumstances, Person 2 would be back together with their ex, too, but was, in this post intentionally put into a reconciliation scenario which required more caution for them to succeed (so you could learn.) This is a very STANDARD reconciliation scenario. It's neither the most difficult, nor the most easy manifestation, but an "average" process thereof which I have put together for you through years of doing reconciliation work. 

    I want you to get back to good with your ex – but some of it will rely on you also taking the best steps to get there. If you need any advice on it, please let me know, because that's why I am here. Sometimes it's hard to know your next steps because you're so excited it's happening, or even a little sad it's not happening how you expected or is slower than expected. It's OK to have some doubt, but using caution and having some understanding should help you navigate the process just a bit easier! 

    ~Cat

    EDITED TO ADD: A few people have asked "Does Person 1 even really exist!?" And as an actual person, all five were made up, so no, there is no particular identity of any. BUT, yes, plenty of people are very Person 1-ish…That said, you might be Person 1 in the first round, and turn into person 4 for a round, become person 2 in another, etc. It's perfectly normal and not necessarily even detrimental to be a, say, Person 4 in the first two rounds or something. It's OK. It happens. 🙂

  • Cat Rants about Managing Expectations and Being a Good Client/Learner/Person

    Hey there kids,

    Ah multiple retrograde time…when all the people we don't want out of their homes come out to play. 😛 Yeah, I know you're running into them too. So today I'd like to discuss something… I do A LOT of work for free, and yet because my profession is greatly misunderstood, it often comes down to….people have not one freaking clue what they are asking sometimes or how obtuse or ridiculous they are being. 

    Let's pretend I'm a lawyer and not a rootworker, and you come to me having been caught with a bloody knife in your hand standing over a person who's been stabbed several times, who points at you and says "He/She/They did it," directly before expiring with you still standing over them with a knife and 10 cops seeing this. You hire me because I have over 30 years lawyering experience and I'm the best attorney there is for criminal cases. "Cat," you say, "Can you get me acquitted?" Now, I know I can't get anyone to believe you didn't stab the victim to death…but is it self-defense? Are there other mitigating factors? It doesn't need to be first-degree murder, but perhaps a lesser count like second degree or manslaughter. As I discuss this with you, I form some ideas and say I surely could get you a better deal than you have now which is they are going to find you guilty and send you up for the death penalty as your victim is say, a well respected denizen of the area. You insist you must be acquitted. I ask did you kill the guy. You say you sure did. OK, says I, the fact that someone's dead and you did it and you admitted to it is going to be hard, but as I'm working this case for you I manage to get you out on bail (which under such circumstances would require an amazing lawyer)…so you go out, and you stab another person but they don't die. Now you have a living victim who says you just walked over and started stabbing them, and you're in jail again.

    Now if you're certain people who try to get spell services, your "lawyer example counterpart" would say this to me "Ugh, you're like the worst lawyer, Cat. I only STABBED this second person in the FUCKING ARM. They are still QUITE ALIVE, thanks! Why am I back in jail? It's like your lawyer ability started out OK because I got bail but I bet you'll not even get me a not guilty on the first charge of murder, and you FAIL as a lawyer if I am not acquitted. Where did you get your degree? Did you write it on a piece of construction paper? You suck at your job!"

    At this point, I sit you down and explain (for the probably 100th time) that you are paying me for my skill and expertise – NOT THE OUTCOME – and that you must work WITH ME to get you the best outcome possible, which, you're right, at this point may not be a full acquittal. I mean, the first victim you outright admitted to killing, and now a living witness says you just walked up to them and randomly stabbed them, which is at least assault with a deadly weapon, and the state wants attempted murder…but since it was only in the arm that they got stabbed, I MIGHT be able to do something…but not get you bail again. After being told how much I suck at my job because surely your stabbing this second person was entirely the product of being upset about the first murder charge and everyone including the state and all eyewitnesses would understand the stress you're under and can't think jail is reasonable when they are accusing you of murder on the first person when you merely just stabbed them to death which was completely understandable, blah blah blah…

    Yes many people, were we to flip over to what they say to and about a spellcaster when they do not understand magic/spells instead of the law/attorneys really sound this bad. 

    So we move forward with you in jail with charges of first degree murder and attempted murder, and assault with a deadly weapon and who knows what else!? While you're in jail, you make a shank out of something and you stab a corrections officer, who doesn't die. When I come to talk to you to ask WHY YOU KEEP STABBING PEOPLE!? you say "Look, you scam fucking lawyer, you have no idea what a sonofabitch Officer Peabody here is! He totally refused to let me eat my honeybun because he said I'd stolen it from this other inmate and when I told him tough shit and he went to grab it, I just reacted and stabbed him. Other witnesses instead report that this is not what happened. They say you just walked over and stabbed the guy. I point this out and ask you to PLEASE STOP STABBING PEOPLE, and you say "Well, look, if you were any sort of a good lawyer, my stabbing who I want to stab isn't going to affect my first case. That stabbing is in no way connected to these stabbings. I stabbed that original guy for totally different reasons, like I told you. Anyhow, I paid you for a not guilty verdict, so hurry it up because I'm feeling super stabby and ever since I was put into solitary confinement for stabbing that guard, I can't stab people like I like to."

    At this point, probably wishing I was your next victim as it sure sounds preferable to trying to help you since you WILL NOT STOP COMMITTING CRIMES OF GREAT MAGNITUDE, I calmly explain to you that unless you stop stabbing people, I will not be able to help you further, and that, at this point, you are almost sure to do jail time because you won't stop stabbing people. I reason with you just enough for you to realize that you are going to do some sort of jail time probably, but you relent just enough because I've found some loopholes and some arguments which may amount to time-served when we get to the end of your trial, and you agree you'll stop stabbing people, so we can get you out of jail soon. And you do. For a whole month you stab no one. Then you stab another inmate. The inmate dies. "Cat," you say "I was totally good for a month! Who cares if I stab someone after a whole month of good behavior? Plus it was only an inmate in jail. They aren't people right?" (Not realizing the irony that you're an inmate too, I take it.) 

    By the time you go to trial, I miraculously get you five years in jail. When you get out of jail you post all over the internet and anywhere you can go to tell everyone I'm a "fake" lawyer (and mind you, I worked pro bono for months!) because despite your proclivity for stabbing everyone (which you somehow omit in your public rants against me,) I am responsible for not getting you 100% acquitted since if you pay a lawyer it means not guilty or they're fake.

    THE ABOVE IS EXACTLY HOW PEOPLE SOUND WHEN THEY PERSISTANTLY ENGAGE IN SPELL-KILLING BEHAVIORS AND BLAME THE SPELLCASTER. 

    Example: You want me to bring your ex back. After I do a consultation, I agree, but I tell you "You need to let this go some and not fight with your ex, and not stalk them through social media or traditional means, and not ask about them through friends. Try to put it out of your mind, okay?" You agree. You say you understand completely. I do the spellwork and 2 days later I get "Well, I might have messed up…I called my ex and told them that they are the worst person imaginable and that I hope they die. That won't hurt the spell, right?" Um…yes it will. But we decide that hey, it's only 2 days since I did the work, let's wait and see. Now a few days after you say "I wrote my ex a long message via email telling him/her/them that they are an awful person for having left me and that they are selfish and a complete narcissist unless they come back, but I'm sure that's OK?" Yeah no. When you finally stop harassing this person you watch their social media daily (stalking!) and ask me frequently to discuss your many obsessive feelings on your ex (obsessing!) Finally I'm like "Look, (client,) I'm not going to lie, this is really bad and you're not working with me. This might not come together. You actively work against my work in the mundane or the etheric planes." Your reaction? I'm a fake who steals money then, otherwise I better bring your ex back because it doesn't matter what you do, paying me insures an outcome. I explain again that this is not the case, that without you working WITH ME and not AGAINST ME and AGAINST YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME, we won't have success. After some lengthy accusatory miserable conversation thrown at me, you insist I console you (you've just told me off) and reassure you (and said I suck and you hate me,) but sure, let's do it. Out of my own pocket I redo your work for you (because paying me again for everything you've ruined would never happen,) and this time you stalk less, you obsess less. I'm lulled into believing you might get it. Maybe this time we will succeed – you by not attacking your target or obsessing or stalking, me with my spellwork. One night I get an email and it says "(Ex) just contacted me!" in the title. Wow, I'm excited. I read the body of it and you're saying you are going to meet up! Yes! Then I get a text three hours later "Well, so you suck. I went out with the ex, and the moment I got in my ex's car I threw myself at them weeping and saying I need them and then brought up the past." Wait, so I've told you NOT to do that when it happens, and that you'll scare this person off, but you did it, and now I'm the fake? Right….

    So the next time you "review" a spellcaster or say they are all fake, read the above and realize that, due to the ignorance of many people, we deal with the above on a daily basis, and some people actually BELIEVE that we are wrong and scamming them while they knowingly do all of the above.  

    BUT LET'S SAY YOU WERE A PERFECT CLIENT ONCE, AND DID NOT ACT THAT WAY OR HAVE MISGUIDED BELIEFS AND SOMEONE DID YOU DIRTY ALL THE SAME. You ran into a charlatan and you're reasonably sure that you did. So now you want to cast your own spellwork, just to be sure. Alright, fair enough. 

    You go to the internet….which while a great resource is also a big piece of crap at times where someone tells you if you chew a pepper and spit it at your enemy's picture, they will burn for it because someone said that once was a spell, so….okay… So you go to the internet and you start harassing people who have been well known occultists for some time with:

    TELL ME HOW TO FIX MY COMPLICATED PROBLEMS (that you explain) BUT WITH ABSOLUTELY THE LEAST AMOUNT OF INGREDIENTS BECAUSE I HAVE NO MONEY TO BUY THEM, AND NO RITUAL TOOLS,  AND THEN ALSO KNOW I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE SPELLCASTING AND CANNOT EVEN LOCATE SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS CAYENNE PEPPER! ALSO I HAVE ROOMMATES AND I NEED TO BE DISCREET.

    And if that isn't bad enough, you say:

    TELL ME HOW TO DO ALL OF THIS FOR FREE AND MAKE SURE BY SPENDING HOURS CHATTING WITH ME FOR FREE THAT I CAN ACCOMPLISH A SPELL WHICH WOULD BE SO SIMPLE EVEN SOMEONE WHO NEVER HEARD OF MAGIC CAN CAST IT AND I WILL CALL YOU A FAKE IF I CAN'T DO IT RIGHT.

    Okay, so you're asking someone something which would be right up there with "Tell me for free how to do open heart surgery with a butter knife and a roll of papertowels, do it immediately in some live way (phone or text) and I can't sterilize anything, have no anatomical knowledge so I will require you to intricately point out verbally every thing, I don't understand the heart or the many veins surrounding it, and if my patient dies it's your fault." 

    Yeah, so how's your open-heart surgery with a butter knife and paper towels going to go? I mean IF you can get past that nasty ribcage with your implement as is? :P 

    But it's TOTALLY FINE to do the same thing to a spellcaster because we are just some jerks that have all the free time in the world for you, right? Right. 

    The reality is…

    I LOVE TEACHING PEOPLE HOW TO CAST SPELLS.

    I LOVE CASTING SPELLS. 

    But

    I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE IRRESPONSIBLE ASSHOLES WHO, BY WILLFUL IGNORANCE, AS WELL AS BY REFUSAL TO TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS, TEAR EVERYONE DOWN AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT RESULTS ARE NOT GUARANTEED AND THAT EVEN THE BEST WORK WILL FALL FLAT OF EXPECTATIONS IF THE PETITIONER DOES NOT WORK WITH THE SPELLWORK. 

    And you know what else? 

    I ALSO HATE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THEY ARE OWED FREE SERVICES BECAUSE THEY FEEL EXPERT ADVICE TAILORED TO THEIR SITUATION IS NOT WORTH ANYTHING.  

    And the thing is…I do a lot of free work, and help a lot of people for free, but just look at what my job is (free/paid):

    So FREE THINGS WHICH I OFFER FOR YOUR PRIVATE USE:
    All the information on this blog which contains several spells for almost any need – follow simple instructions, cast your own spells! You can't claim the work as your own, but if you want to use it to cast your own spells, please do! 
    Clarification and explanations which require a brief (less than 10 minutes) amount of time for me to reply to.
    Posts on other sites/forums (I might post in your group, I definitely post in subreddits and groups on my own, but I'll join many places if asked)
    Advice/assistance (under 10 minutes to write) for tarot learners/people casting spells/personal issues

    Things I offer for FREE for PUBLIC USE:
    Interviews for articles

    Services WHICH I SELL:
    Spellcasting services (I cast customized spellwork for you)!
    Readings
    Help/Advice with you casting your own spells,
    Customized instructions for casting a spell on your own situation 
    Tarot/Spell/Personal advice of any other kind that takes longer than 10 minutes to write out
    Live Consultation (without readings)
    Consultation for Films, Books, Research Projects, Television, and other media

    Things which I DO NOT OFFER FOR FREE (and will block you just for trying to get for free!) 
    Endless personal advice
    Cast free spells
    Give free readings
    Custom spellcasting instructions just for your situation

    Now the reason I SELL services? Because I have been a spellcaster for 30 fucking years and my experience and knowledge would rival someone with a PhD in any other area of learning on the matter. A good lawyer here in Portland costs between $200-$325 and HOUR here, and I've studied and practiced longer than most of the ones charging that, but my hourly is lower. 

    Rude, entitled people do not seem to GET THAT. 

    And what's sad, – truly sad, – is that

    I FUCKING LOVE CASTING SPELLS AND GETTING PEOPLE EVERYTHING THEY EVER WANTED! IT IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD TO CAST SPELLS AND HAVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS. I have a wall where I've printed out thank you's and when I get sad, I sit next to it, and read all the nice things people have said to me. 

    That's right.

    I LITERALLY SIT NEXT TO A WALL OF THANK YOU'S WHEN I HAVE A MOMENT WHERE I WONDER WHY LIFE SUCKS SO BAD BECAUSE THAT DRIVES ME BACK TO HAPPINESS NO MATTER WHAT. Everything – every nice thing, – someone said means so fucking much to me. But the one thing that will make me retire – and trust me, if it keeps up it's coming sooner than later is getting a lot of this:

    WHY IS IT NOT WORKING EVEN THOUGH I STALKED MY EX AND TOLD THEM OFF SEVERAL TIMES

    WILL YOU DO THIS FOR FREE?

    ANYONE WHO CHARGES FOR SPELLS IS FAKE!

    WHY CAN I NOT SPEAK TO YOU FOR THREE HOURS EVERY DAY FOR FREE!? I PAID YOU TO CAST A SPELL!

    HOW DARE YOU NOT REPLY TO ME WHILE YOU WERE LITERALLY IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING A ROOT CANAL, YOU SELFISH BITCH! (this literally happened, and yep, finally something on my blog about you, person who said it.)

    I TEXTED YOU AT 3am! YOU DID NOT IMMEDIATELY ANSWER, YOU CHARLATAN!

    IF YOU WON'T WRITE OUT PERSONALIZED INSTRUCTIONS FOR ME TO DO THIS MYSELF, YOU ARE A FUCKING SELFISH CUNT!

    And I could keep going. 

    So let's just all be civil during this retrograde. Let's be responsible for ourselves. I am not a perfect person, and neither are any of you. If you treat me with respect, if we work together and do it with mutual respect – me helping you to not ruin your spellwork, you not ruining it, me giving you time you deserve to help you understand the process, you not abusing that time, – we will succeed.

    Because I fucking LOVE CASTING SPELLS, and I LOVE HELPING PEOPLE but it's some epic asshattery lately, and I'm not going to back down.

    I don't even care if that makes me unpopular. 

    ~Cat 

  • Candle Spell for Returning a Lover

    Good Morning, my dear Occulties,

    I was looking at the lunar calendar today because I knew the new (dark) moon was en route, and I said to myself "Wait a minute," because just like an old cartoon, a little idea light bulb (complete with filament because I'm old enough to remember the Macarena being a popular dance, and don't have LED idea light bulbs like you gosh-darn kids) suddenly appeared above my head. My goodness… we have the PERFECT lunar cycle here on Friday with all this retrograding going on to make Friday the perfect time to bring your mofuggin' ex back!!! 

    So…let's discuss some reconciliation, shall we? Now, I've waxed prosiac on lust for results, not acting against your spellwork, stop social media stalking, etc. If none of that made sense to you, you must be new to the blog, and feel free to read some previous articles. 😀 For the rest of us (the ones who have been sitting in the rant room long enough to not need that review,) it's time to get your badass selves down to your altars if you're missing that certain someone you let go. 

    Remember – your ex should know how to get in contact with you, and is not in a stable, long term relationship with another (if they are married to someone else with a family and you broke up ten years ago, this might not work.) 

    This is best done on Friday, during the first quarter of the moon, in the hour of the Moon. If you don't know planet hours, Friday and the nearest Friday AFTER (not on) the full moon is what you're seeking.

    You will need:
    SEVEN pink candles of the same size
    Sugar (straight up table sugar)
    7 Balm of gilead buds*
    Licorice root (powdered if you have it)
    pink rose petal (dried is easier)
    Poppy seed
    Return to Me oil**
    Love me (or Love Me now) oil,
    Talk to Me oil
    An image of the target
    A GREEN permanent marker or sharpie
    A safety pin, or sharp implement  
    Optional: Spare candle, mortar and pestle, sand and cake tin

    Put your sugar, licorice, rose petal, balm of gilead buds, and poppy seed into a mortar and pestle to grind down into a fine powder. If you do not have a mortar and pestle, a bowl and spoon can usually accomplish this,. If you bought your ingredients mostly powdered, just blend these in a bowl. I use about  1-2 tablespoons of each.

    Inscribe each candle up (starting at base, up towards wick) using a safety pin or sharp implement with the following command (replacing target's name with the name of the target and petitioner's name with the name of the person who the spell is cast on behalf of,): "(Target's name) return immediately to (petitioner's name)"

    If you are using sand and a cake tin, place fresh sand into your cake tin, anoint each candle with a mixture of your three oils, anointing up (base to wick) and put the seven candles in an approximate circle wide enough to allow your photo to be placed in the center with some room to spare. If you are not using this, skip this step***

    Using your pen or marker, write the following command around the "face" of your target in your image (if you need to, you can use a photo editor to make the face area larger before printing this out,) seven times (so, write the sentence seven times, inserting proper names in place of target's name or petitioner's name) "(Target's name,) return to (Petitioner's name) immediately, reaching out to (petitioner's name) with love and desire for (him/her/them.)" Place this in the center of your altar.  If you have not placed the candles using a sand and cake tin method, anoint your candles with a mixture of your three oils up (base to wick) and instead place the candles on your altar in an approximate circle around the image leaving a bit of room. If you do not have candle holders, use a spare candle to secure these to a fire resistant surface on your altar. 

    Using your sugar/herb mixture, pour the mixture to make "lines" going from each candle into the center of the image. This will look like drawing a seven-ray star with the center being approximately in the center of your image. Try to get this centered inside the circle of commands. This can be difficult for people…. I can do this using my hands but if you can't, you might try using a piece of paper folded in a V shape, and slowly shaking it to create these lines. 

    Now that the altar is set up, you begin by lighting the western most candle first, and saying, "(Target's name,) return to (Petitioner's name) immediately, reaching out to (petitioner's name) with love and desire for (him/her/them,)" as you light this candle, then repeat this step as you light the second candle next to it in a clockwise motion. Pre-emptively, by this I mean if the candles are in a circle, you will light them as if you were lighting numbers on a clock in order, not some sort of weird clockwise movement while lighting a single candle.

    Now hold your hands up to either side of the altar as you stare at the image of your target, and in your mind's eye, see the target and petitioner (person for who the spells is being cast for, or yourself if you are doing this for yourself,) happy and joyful and reunited and say "By the light of the seven-rayed star of Venus, I call to you (target's name,) and draw you to (petitioner's name,) irresistibly pulling you back to (him/her/them,) and I open your heart and mind and make them eager to return to (petitioner's name, ) this very hour, this very moment! Forgive (petitioner's name) and return immediately to (him/her/them)! Your heart longs for (petitioner), and you are restless and sleepless until you are in (petitioner's name)'s arms again. Oh (target's name) the light of the seven-rayed star of Venus calls to you – forgive (petitioner's name), return to (petitioner's name) this very moment! As is my will, so be it!" 

    Allow the candles to burn out. When they have done so, take the image, and fold it in half (gently to try to keep some of the herb mix inside,) towards you, now turn it so the crease is left or right, and fold towards you again to quarter it. Take this image, and place it in a secret place near your front door. 

    I am sure there will be questions, so please ask! :) 

    ~Cat

    Remember this work is all copyright me, so if you see someone stealing my work let me know! 🙂

     

    *this may sound odd, but the "fresher" this is, the harder it may be to use in this spell. To test this, pinch one of your balm of gilead buds, and if a sticky resin is present, it's relatively fresh. Crispy buds are older buds. So…if you have fresh balm of gilead, add this in last or put it in your mortar and pestle separately. 
     **I currently recommend Karma Zain's wonderful Seraphin Station ritual oils for genuine Hoodoo oils!
    ***Fire safety is always a good thing. Sand and a cake tin really helps prevent fires. If you are NOT using this, please be sure to place all items on a fire resistant surface AND attend closely to the candles when they burn down, even if using candle holders.