Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Hey kids,

Since everyone has sent me some messages to cheer me up, one person shared a nice outcome to some spellwork I did for her, and I'd like to thank her for letting me share. 🙂 Please note, intranquility gets a bad rap. No, it doesn't drive evil spirits to you or mess up your relationship (which is clearly already messed up if you're using it,) and all the histrionics I read online. 😛 I've used various forms of intranquility for reconciliation for myself and clients with astounding success. It isn't great for all targets. It is F***ING AMAZING on a good portion of them. 

So some background, Denise (not her real name,) had been dating Kevin (not his real name) for about 3 years. Kevin traveled a lot for work, so there would be times where she might not see him for 5-7 days, however, they were always messaging each other. As she isn't the type to worry or get obsessive, when he became a little distant a few months ago right before the start of quarantine she hardly noticed. When he still seemed distant and annoyed when they finally got locked in, she just passed it off as he was "used to his space," and that it was a bit overwhelming to be with her all of the time. He spent a lot of time on his phone, but she thought it must be for his job. But as the weeks passed, she couldn't help but have a nagging feeling that something was going on. He seemed to be getting very fussy and short with her. Finally when he'd left his phone out and was in the shower, she saw a text come in, and the context seemed to be he was getting broken up with….by another woman. Denise is a pretty smart chick, so she waited to see his reaction to this text before saying something. He picked up his phone, and immediately launches into how much he hates quarantine, fuck quarantine, this is all such bullshit. Cool as a cucumber, she says "Well, what particularly made it so bad?" And he told her it was something with work. She shoots back, "Ah, I thought it was that woman who just broke things off with you." He turned white, then turned red, and then hollered at her for "spying on him." She didn't even raise her voice, she just said "Well, you left your phone facing up, I passed by, and it was there." Then they got into a big argument. Then they had a tense 10 or so days where they were both glaring at each other, and finally as restrictions began to ease, he decided he was going to move in with a buddy.

That's where I came in. Denise contacted me about 2 weeks ago…. It was 2 weeks and a day ago actually. She told me what happened and said that she wanted him to come back but also to really get it in his head what he did wrong. I suggested a particular plan, but because she was still quarantine poor, we decided just to do some intranquility work, as the regular "cocktail of spells" was out of her price range. I did warn her that this work is often best paired with love drawing and reconciliation, and she said something along the lines of "You know, if he comes back, it's probably going to be a few weeks, and I'll have more money then. I'll get some supportive work done, because I can afford it then." I have worked with her before, – she's a patient, lovely, amazing client, and has a really good head on her shoulders, so I was comfortable with that.

I cast the spell that day. About 3-4 days later, she started getting texts. They weren't exciting or loving (OMG, every damn time they ask for something material they own at your place or try to be your buddy on first contact! Ugh!) but the fact that he went from dead quiet to texting every few hours was something. I told her reply if you have to, and when you do, be business-like, not friendly. By last weekend, his tone changed. Instead of asking for stuff he would ask her if she still loved him because he loved her. I told her to not give in yet. Don't be friendly and loving yet. Make him ask to come back. She didn't know how to reply and both of us agree it's hard to come up with amazing excuses or anything during quarantine, so while I didn't tell her to totally NOT reply, she decided not to. Apparently by Monday, Kevin couldn't take it any more. She woke up to a HUGE TEXT where he admitted he'd been wrong to be seeing someone else, that it hadn't gone on long, and that it was the only time it ever happened. He then explained why it happened (he felt unimportant, like she wasn't "clingy enough" and he'd wanted to feel important,) and that he was glad it was over with the other girl. Could he please come back. She waited a DAY to call him (she's one tough chick.) They made up, and we did some work to prevent cheating and to make the reconciliation go more smoothly. He's already moved back in as of today, and is apparently on his best behavior. 

And that, my friends, is why intranquility KICKS ASS!!! 🙂

~Cat

Good Afternoon, my Occulties,

Today I have a fun story to share, but since a client was involved, I had to ask permission to share. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of all involved. 

My client, who I will refer to as "R", had been working for a small business where she shared an office with a woman I will call "L," who would clip her toenails at her desk frequently. Yes, you read that right. 😛 This, understandably, was disgusting to R, and after the first or second time it had happened, she had asked L to stop doing it or to at least do it in the bathroom. In reply to the first request, L had gone on about that R only wore "ugly orthopedic-looking shoes" which meant she didn't understand how imperative it was to not allow one's toenails not to become overgrown, and if she ever tried to wear the fashionable heels that L wore, she would be more understanding, etc, etc. 

Now, look here, kids, your old friend Cat also likes fancy shoes with big heels, and like a normal person, I clip my toenails in private (often after a shower,) not at my desk. :P 

That said, my client is a nice person, and a tolerant one, apparently, as she put up with this, as much as it disgusted her, for over a year. Meanwhile, L kept regularly trimming her toenails at her desk until one day another coworker sees it. It wasn't the boss, it was someone at about the same level as both L and R. This person goes and complains to the boss. Then L gets called in and reprimanded for clipping her toenails at her desk ("What if a client saw that!") and for reasons only known to L, she decides my client is the one who RATTED HER OUT. So she turns on my client. She says a lot of lies, calls her lazy, and a bad worker, dishonest, scheming – you name it! And dear, sweet R, who has put up with this toenail-clipping butthead for a year (someone who has talked down to her more than once well before this happened,) is about to snap, as now L is making others think terribly of her, so when it happens that L clips her toenails at her desk several weeks later, R just about snaps. When L leaves them right on her desk (ugh!) and goes to use the washroom, R grabs 3 toenails, wraps them up in a paper, and hides them in her purse.

This is where I come in. R comes to me and tells me her story of woe. And when she's done she says "And I have three of her toenail clippings."

"Oh, perfect," I say. "So did you want revenge, or did you just want her to leave, or what?" After some discussion, we formulated a plan, and she dropped the toenails into the mail. When they arrived, I immediately put them in a vial and poured a little hotfoot oil on them, and said "(Name of target), your feet burn, and itch, swell and ache until you are far from (client's name), and stay far from (client's name) forever!" while shaking these toenails in the vial. I let those toenails soak for nine days, shaking them once each day while saying the command 9 times. There is a bit more to it, but you want the exciting results part, so as I'm doing this soaking of the toenails, R notices that L, is having "itchy feet." She shrugs it off as maybe she's looking for something and so finding a "false positive." L also seems "bitchier," but towards everyone.

But my work was not yet done. After soaking these toenails for nine days, and saying the above chant, I write out a name paper, and place the soaked toenails into the center, sprinkling a powder upon them of my own creation…. It was not exactly a goofer dust (too harsh), or even a "black arts" (still too harsh) level of cursing powder, but it wasn't nice, either. I then folded the paper up in such a way as the toenails and powder would remain inside, and wrapped it with red and a sickly yellow color thread while saying a chant. Then I secured the package with little wax, and placed into a very small box, and mailed it off. As far as presentation goes, it didn't look like anything too exciting, but thankfully, R is someone I've worked with before, and wasn't looking for a fancy bit of pretty fluff – she wanted something that worked. When she received the package, she waited for L to leave the office, carefully removed the packet from the box WITHOUT TOUCHING IT TO HER BARE SKIN, and secured the packet in a private place where L would not see it, but would come into proximity to it. Then, she waited. >:)

It was about 2 days later, that L came in wearing "unstylish" shoes. When R innocently asked what the problem was, L complained that she had an infected nail bed in one of her toes, but that it would pass in a few days. Within a week, L was noticeably limping. Then QUARANTINE. So, both L and R were relegated to working from home. And R sighed "Well, I can't tell if she's limping or anything on a Zoom meeting." Both of us were disappointed. But we agreed to see if the situation changed for the better when they returned to work.

Finally quarantine ended. The first day they were back, R noticed L wearing lovely, fancy, high heel shoes and asked after her foot (everyone had noticed her limping before the quarantine.) L told her that it was the strangest thing, that she'd had one toe get infected and it had spread to the one next to it, and had even somehow gotten into her pinky toe even though there were 2 toes between the infected two and the pinky (little) toe, and that just when she was about to call a doctor, they got stuck at home in quarantine and it "cleared up like it never happened." That she had thought about it and had thought it must be a specific pair of shoes she really loved because she was reasonably sure those had given her a mild case of athlete's foot right before the toenail infection. 

Disappointed L's leg wasn't gangrenously hanging off of her (ha!), R smiled and acted as if this infection clearing up was good news. And she waited. About 3 days of being back at work, she noticed L was wearing flats and looking pained. "Oh no," R said, "Did you wear the bad shoes again?" (meaning the ones L had assumed had caused the problem.) "It's nothing," L said, "I think I just clipped my big toe too close to the nail bed." R, doing her best to look concerned, asks "Oh, did you just do that today?" (Meaning did she clip her toenails just a few hours previous). L shoots her a dark look, and then says "No, I won't clip my nails here again. Between you and me, R, I kind of wonder if there is something in our air system. I just don't feel right when I'm here. Maybe it's allergies or something, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe they sprayed some disinfectant or something in this building that I'm allergic to. And I mean, it's the same toes that are starting to bother me, so I would guess it's something in this building. It's very dirty here. I'm sure of it." 

R just nods her head, tries not to smile, and tries to pretend to be concerned. Within about a week, L became progressively more uncomfortable, she's snapping at all of her coworkers, and her feet were clearly bothering her. Finally, L tells the boss that she either goes back to working from home, or she will quit, and the boss-lady basically tells her that's fine, consider herself looking for a job, she doesn't need her. So, my client is now working alone in what is now her own office, with no one there clipping their damn toenails at their desk and talking down to her. 

As for L? As I said, R is a very nice person, and she really wanted to be sure that L didn't suffer any physical long-term illnesses. She checked up on her. Apparently, L's mystery illnesses and itchy and infected feet totally cleared up in about 3 days after leaving, "as if there had never been a problem." 

Hope you all enjoyed that story! :) 

~Cat

Hey Occulties,

As we've entered a Venus retrograde, I've found myself (rather unsurprisingly) getting more "bring my ex back," and "make my ex go away forever and ever," requests. See, Venus retrograde has a nifty habit of making your ex come around – and of course, that doesn't mean the ex you like is coming around…it can also mean the person from your past that you detest is trying to make a come back. So, yes, this is a fantastic time to work those Return to Me workings, but what about that ex that all of the sudden thinks it would be amazing to get back together with you (and you definitely don't agree)?

For starters, you don't need magic to fix this most of the time. If I'm with someone when an ex tries to reconnect, I will casually mention my spouse or boyfriend, like "Oh, yes my husband loves that show, too!" in conversation. MOST (but not all) will back off right there once they are clear that I'm unavailable. For those who say "Oh, but your partner doesn't need to know," I would reply that I would know and I don't lie to my partner, so they would know, too. If I'm single, I will cut the conversation short with that I am late for getting ready for my date. MOST (but not all) will again back off there. For those that won't, I become a bit more curt and say "It never worked out between us and I'm not interested in revisiting if it could work. I appreciate your friendship, but that's all I can offer you – my friendship." 

The above paragraph? That's going to fix your problem MOST OF THE TIME. Just be polite, direct, and make it clear that you aren't interested. Try to avoid being unkind, as if you are unkind, they become defensive and rude. 

If this person is really just reaching out from the past – if they are not someone you even speak to a few times a year, but they found you on social media and you're wondering what rock they crawled out from under to find you (it happens,) and you tried to make it clear you're not interested and they still won't leave you be, here is something you can do magically. Please remember, this isn't going to be suggested in situations where you just hate your ex but you share kids or property or pets and need to deal with them. I like to think of this more like kicking a skeleton back into the closet, ha ha, like that person you dated for 2 weeks about 10 years ago, and figured you'd never have to see them again. ;) 

So you will need:
Gymnena sylvestre powder*
Poppy seeds
White vinegar
A small scrap of paper
A small jar or vial**
A pen with black ink

Try to keep, in your mind's eye throughout the entire working, the image of the person you wish to keep away from you looking sour and uninterested. If you need to use an image to help you keep this in your mind's eye, that is OK. Many people print one out or use their phone and place it near to their altar while they work.

Write the person's name on a scrap of paper using a NON-WATER-SOLUBLE black-inked pen. Now, fill your jar about 1/2 full of poppy seeds and then place the paper into the jar, sprinkle a small amount of the gymnema inside, and then fill to the top with poppy seeds. Add vinegar. Place the lid on top securely, and hold it in your right hand, and say "(Full name of undesired person,) turn your attentions away from me. I draw out the sweetness you feel for me, and replace it with a sour taste," nine times, then say "as is my will, so be it!" Then place this in a freezer (if possible) to totally cool their feelings. 

I hope that helps! And of course if you have questions, please feel free to contact me! 

~Cat

*I wasn't born yesterday and I know more than one of you will just be like "really Cat? REALLLLLLLLYYYY?" and not get this. OK, be like that. 😛 And now go find the most bitter thing you have in the house. An unripe lemon, perhaps? Squeeze some juice from that in before the vinegar. It won't work as well but it also means you won't have to buy a bunch of something, so… you make your decisions. 😉

** For the extra lazy in the rant room, you can actually use an ice cube tray, but again, it won't work as well. 

Hey Occulties,

You know that craptastic moment where you thought you saved something only to realize you did not? That's me. I lost a whole dangdiggitydang article (well almost whole.) This is made even more aggravating in the sense of wanting to get an article up, because everyone has been so communicative lately (and I like that,) that my time to write for you is unfortunately being taken up replying to other ones of you. So while that's fantabulous for some, it's not so great for others. 😦

But….I could complain or just write something, and since I actually already complained a bit, I guess I'm going to write something. 😉 It's been awhile since we chatted about some occult stuff, and I think with everyone having the quarantine blues (well, a good majority of us,) that we could use the break and talk about something other than the pandemic. You know what else a bunch of us need? MONEY!!!!! I can't speak for any of you, but as for me not only am I taking a huge hit having to redo a bunch of stuff for free (because it could not manifest during the quarantine through no fault of my clients – example, court work for a civil case,) I also am not getting my normal level of business because people have no money. 😦 I also have lots of clients and friends who are suffering from not getting unemployment checks (because it's nearly impossible to get through the system to get them,) AND plenty of clients and friends who can't open their businesses because of the quarantine. Well ICK! We all gotta eat, right?

So let's have a little money spell here for everyone. 🙂 Please note this does not manifest like large lottery wins. 😛 In fact, technically lottery is gambling, so you'd be seeking a GAMBLING spell, which is a related type of magic but if you're going to go to the casino, I wouldn't recommend this type of work either. You're better off using workings specifically targeted towards gambling rather than money drawing. 

I also wanted to make this easy for everyone to do… So let's keep it simple, right? While this can be used as a bath, I know how stinky you all are with baths (oops, was that a pun?) so I'm going to give you an easy method to do it without having to bathe (because I know at least 2/3 of you won't ritually bathe, lol.) 

You will need:
4 bay leaves, whole
lemongrass
Irish Moss (also called carrageenan) 
A middle to large bill of currency in your country (example, in the USA anything from a $20-$100 bill – similar sizes in GBP, etc)
A small pot 
A stove or hotplate
A purple or orange inked permanent marker with a very fine or ultra fine tip (I use Sharpies)
A strong magnet
A picture of yourself
OPTIONAL – Money drawing oil

Using your permanent marker, inscribe each bay leaf with "Draw money towards me immediately!" Place these in your pot of water. Add in about 3 pinches each of Irish Moss flakes, and lemongrass (I guess that's 3 teaspoons or so? I'm American so my Imperial Measurement System means I don't know your metric system, lol.) Add in about 2-3 cups of water, and set it on the stove or hotplate to boil. Before it begins to boil, hold your hands over the pot and envision yourself with pockets full of money, to the degree it is coming out of your pockets, and say "Money come to me immediately!" seven times. REMOVE YOUR HANDS (for some reason, some people think I would want them to hold their hands over the pot to burn themselves, lol, but NO!) Now allow the mixture to come to a boil. When it has reached a rolling boil, turn to simmer, and, placing your hands a comfortable distance (so they don't burn) again say, seven times, "Money, come to me immediately!" while seeing yourself happy and with your pockets full of money. Take this tea from the heat, and allow it to cool for 1-2 minutes (it should still be hot when you need to pour it.) Place the bill into the sink (I usually put it over a pot holder or sponge) and slowly pour the mixture over the bill, seeing yourself happy and with your pockets full of money and say "Money, come to me, immediately!" as you pour the tea over the bill (to soak it,) and after saying this the seventh time, say "AS IS MY WILL! SO BE IT!" Allow the bill to cool off, then allow it to dry (if you move it from the sink, this is perfectly fine.) Once it is dry, if you are using money drawing oil, anoint the corners of the bill. If you do not have this oil, skip this step. Now take the picture of yourself, and place the bill over it, place the magnet over the bill and image (hopefully on a magnetic surface if possible,) and as you place the magnet over this, say "Drawn as to a magnet, money come immediately to me! As is my will, so it be!"

This should draw money to you. :) 

I'm sure you have questions, so please contact me if you do! 

~Cat