Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Everything you ever wanted to know about Hoodoo, Rootwork, or the Occult! The internet’s longest running occult blog, established 2004

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“I’m Cat, and for a long time, Cat’s Rants, the longest running occult based blog was over at TypePad – since 2004. Sadly, TypePad shuttered permanently as of September 30th 2025. Please be patient while I export 21 years of blog posts over to my new WordPress location. With a much easier url to remember and all your favorite posts all the way back to 04, Cat’s Rants should hopefully improve over its former location.” Cat has practiced and studied the occult, tarot, and spellcasting for over 35 years, and has shared her expert teachings on how to cast your own spells, including original spells and recipes on the Cat’s Rants blog since 2004. A professional tarot reader since the 1990s, she’s also an internationally-known psychic reader and tarot expert. As a published and respected occultist for over two decades, and an expert in the fields of rootwork, hoodoo, and Catholic folk magic, she continues to serve the public by teaching authentic spell casting and offering readings and services.

  • Jar Spell for Money

    Good Morning occulties,

    This morning I’m telling you how to make your own money jar spell. Now some of this will require you to get dirt from your property (or the petitioner’s property) which for my city-dwelling readers may be easier said than done. If you literally have no spot in the property that hosts flowers or a decorative plant, wait until a wet or muddy day, and take the dirt from the bottom of your shoe and mix it with basic potting soil. If you are drawing money to a specific business, alter this by taking dirt from the property of the business itself. 

    You will need:
    about 2 cups of dirt from the property of the petitioner (person who the spell is cast on behalf of,) 
    powdered alkanet root
    whole bay leaves
    5 coins of the same denomination (dimes or quarters for my stateside readers,) 
    Real maple syrup
    gold foil
    Irish moss flakes
    A box of bright orange or gold color chime candles
    a glass jar with a metal lid
    Money drawing oil
    A slip of paper with the edges torn but not cut off
    a pen with blue ink 

    Creating the jar
    write the petitioners name once each line five times, then turning the names so that they run vertical, write Money in my Pocket horizontally across this five times, once per line. Fold this in half, folding towards you. Fold this in half again, folding towards you. Set aside.

    Mix together your dirt with about a teaspoon of alkanet root, a quarter to half teaspoon of gold foil, 7 crushed bay leaves, and a few drops of oil, stirring well to evenly mix it. Place about half into your jar, now place your name paper in and then your five coins in a single layer, so that each coin touches the inside edge of the jar. Cover with the rest of your dirt, lightly packing this down. Pour your maple syrup in to fill the jar. Wait about a half hour and if you have some space at the top when the syrup has settled pour in a bit more to fill the jar. Cap the har tightly. You may want to use tape around the edges if you will be moving the jar a lot. 

    Before burning your first candle on top of the jar, you will need to charge the jar. I like to see, in my minds eye, the jar being full of cash while sending gold and purple energy into the jar until it feels full. If you feel that’s too advanced for you, hold the jar for a few minutes in both hands while seeing the petitioner with fistfuls of money and the jar full of money. 

    Preparing the candles for burning on top of the jar:
    Anoint the candle you are using with seven strokes UP (base to wick) with money drawing oil. Be generous with the amount of oil used as you want the candle very oily. Hold the candle in your power hand (the hand you write with, usually) and try to envision your petitioner with fistfuls of cash while sending gold and purple energy into the candle. Again, if you feel this is too advanced for you, holding the candle while trying to keep the image of your petitioner with fistfuls of cash for a few minutes should suffice. Now roll the candle in Irish moss flakes. 

    The Candleburning:
    Clear all debris off of the lid to prevent fire accidents.

    Light your prepared candle and secure it to the lid of the jar. If you are the petitioner, you will use “I” and “me,” and if this is for another, use “he/she/they” and “him/her/them,” for the chant. Say “I draw money from all sources to (petitioner/myself), this very hour, this very second, immediately and always that he find his pockets always full, that he finds his wallet always full, from this second and for every day hereafter,” five times, and after the fifth time say “as is my will – so be it!” Allow the candle to burn out. 

    I recommend burning at least one candle every Sunday, but you can burn one every Sunday, Wednesday, and Thursday to increase its power. It is fine to keep using the same jar should you wish to continue burning candles on it weekly for as long as you might like until the contents begin to look as if they are spoiling. If your contents spoil, create a new jar using the above process. 

    Please note, alkanet root will color things reddish brown. 

    Im sure there will be questions, so please ask! 

    ~Cat

    Looking for a fast and cheap reading? Doing $5 ten-card-spreads for direct questions if you are willing to be featured on my instagram from now until March 7. Your name and personal details will not be shared. CashApp only (sorry, it’s the only feasible choice for such a low price.)

  • St Michael Novena

    Hello Occulties,
    When I am in need of help to stay sheltered or fed or healthy, when I need protection from someone who would harm me or see me fail, I call upon the powerful St Michael archangel. I recently shared this novena with a client, and so m now sharing with you. It has helped me every time I use it and others have reported back that it’s helped them as well.
     
    You do not need these items, but traditionally you would place a glass of fresh water and light a candle in front of of an image of St Michael triumphant over the devil. Now to say a St Michael novena, you first say the St Michael prayer three times, which is 

     
    St Michael Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, thrust into Hell Satan and all other evil spirits who wander the world, seeking the ruin and destruction of souls. Amen
     
    Once you have said this, say your need. This should be protection or healing or need make not relating to love but need to survive and be sure to start with “please,” or I humbly ask this favor, etc. Do not boss the being whose name means “who is like God,” and who stands at one side of God with Christ on the other, if you get what I’m saying. Don’t grovel just mind your manners. You do not need to say the same thing every day if you say it regularly 
     
    Now say the St Michael prayer again three times. 
     
    Now ask something for your enemy or opponents. Like “please bring peace to the heart of those I have unintentionally offended in this matter and help us to be reconciled or feel more kindly towards each other.” It doesn’t need to be grandiose and it’s fine the favor benefit you as well as long as it’s genuine (not like “please make this crappy doctor retire as he clearly is sick of his job”)
     
    Now say the St Michael prayer three times, then an Our Father and a Hail Mary
     
    The Pater Noster (our Father,) is said
     
    Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever, Amen
     
    There are various similar translations but I say it thusly. 
     
    And the Ave Maria (Hail Mary):
     
    Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. 
     
    You don’t have to light a candle. You don’t even need to repeat this for nine days. I do this for at least nine days but even saying it all once tends to help 
     
    I hope St Michael the Archangel blesses you and helps you as he has helped me and many I know so many times. 

    ~Cat

  • Communication Sweet Jar

    Hey Occulties, 

    Some if you have asked for a sweet jar that encourages communication so here it is! I may have shared a similar one, but I’m hoping not the same one. I’ve been planning on adding a jar spells category for some time as they are very popular, so I’ll kick off that category today too and retroactively add those I find to the topic heading bit by bit. 

    You will need:
    A glass jar with a metal lid
    Honey
    Tobacco (if you can find a cigar brand known as swisher sweets these tend to work very nicely for this purpose)
    Peach rose petals
    Red Sandalwood chips
    Lemongrass
    White sugar 
    A scrap of brown paper bag with all edges torn (not cut) off
    A pen
    Light blue or pink chime candles
    An item from or image of the spell target

    To make your name paper write your target’s name nine times, once per line on nine lines for example:
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname (etc) 

    Then, turning the names so they now run vertical, write your command across this once per line on nine lines. In this spell, the command would be “Contact (name of petitioner) immediately.” Spit into the center of the paper and place the personal item or image into the center then fold the paper into quarters towards you. Place this into your jar and fill it about a quarter to third full with sugar, add the tobacco from one cigarette or cigar, about 2 tablespoons lemongrass, a tablespoon of red sandalwood, and a quarter to third cup rose petals. Fill the remainder with honey and screw the lid on the jar. Now, holding the sealed jar in your hands, – try to envision your target calling the petitioner and speaking to them sweetly, trying to send this energy through your writing hand and into the jar, envisioning the jar filling with your intended purpose. If you don’t feel like you can do this, you should hold the jar in your hands for a few minutes, and try to keep the mental image of your desired result, in your minds eye. 

    Using a Wednesday around 9am for your best start time (if you can only work in the evenings use the Wednesday in the first quarter of a moon cycle,) and thereafter working on Wednesdays, Mondays, and Fridays for romantic love and Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays for non-romantic love (use light blue candles for non-romantic use, and pink candles for romantic,) until you are content with the level of communication received, light a candle, and secure this to the lid with drippings. When it is secure say “(Name of Target,) you desire to tell me” (or petitioners name) “every thought and idea on your mind, and the more you try to resist the urge to tell me” (or petitioner) “all, the stronger the desire becomes!” Repeat this phrase nine times. After the ninth time say “as is my will, so be it!” Allow the candle to burn out. Clear way any wax or debris before lighting a fresh candle on the lid.

    Im sure there will be questions, so please ask!

    ~Cat

    Now until 2/23/24 all jar spell services get 1 extra week free! 

  • Taken down for multiple violations 😂

    IMG_9697
    IMG_0403


    Oh and if you subpoena Reddit records you can get plenty o info, but keep talking smack, stalker girl. 

  • The S*** Spell

    Hey occulties,

    So this one is created for people who are full of shit and talk shit and are shit. If you want all their shit to stink, this one’s for you…

    You will need:
    9 different pieces of poop from one or all of the following animals: dog, horse, bull. Dog is the most repellent but you will want to be sure not to use your dog. Yes I said you need to collect nine pieces of poo. 
    9 mosquitoes – they’ll be dead when you use them. 
    9 flies – common houseflies are fine. Again, they’ll be dead when you use them
    9 shards of glass
    9 nails
    9 pins 
    9 needles
    Hot pepper seeds
    Alum
    A large metal bucket filled  1/4 of the way with sand
    A black skull candle
    Black Arts oil 
    9 things belonging to the target (small business owners can use bad reviews off of yelp and such, just print out the same one 9 times if you’d like)

    Do not cast this spell inside your home.

    Mash your poops all together in a bowl you’ve no intention of using again, mixing in the flies, mosquitoes, alum, and hot pepper. Generously plaster your candle with this then spread the remainder onto anything belonging to the target, wrapping the skull so the wick is exposed but the rest covered in poop, pepper, bugs, and alum (as well as what belongs to them – this is very fun with online reviews because you can glue the reviews with the poo mixture.) If you are dealing with multiple offenders, the poo mix may be used on them too but they will require a separate bucket, glass shards, needles, pins etc, just the left over mix can be used on another target. As you coat the candle, repeat over and over “You are dog shit, you speak horseshit, all despise your bullshit, all despise you!” While keeping an image of your target in your mind’s eye. A paint stirring paddle you can get for free at the hardware store is awesome to use to coat your candle 

    Now place your candle into your bucket placing your needles, nails, pins, and glass so that the sharp end points to the candle. Drizzle the contents with black arts oil. Light the candle and carefully avoiding standing downwind say “(Full name)* all who see you or hear you are repelled by you, disgusted by you, and despise you,” nine times, then say “none believe you you or support you, – as is my will so be it!” Allow the candle to burn out and when it has hide the remains in a remote place off your property where they will not be found. 

    if done right you often have a molded skull of cooked poo. Try not to break this when hiding the item. If it’s whole and intact, the spell will hit the target very strong. If you don’t get this result, it will still work quite well but the intact skull shape with most of the wax melted away will definitely hit your target hard. And very few people know how to deflect this one. I do but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t share it…and no one wants this one hitting them back so use it judiciously. It’s very hard to get off and if your target reverses it back on you, you will not just regret the miserable experience of coating a candle in poo, which will seem pleasant compared to the effects of this spell. 

    Happy Hexing!

    ~Cat

    *The persons username can be used if you don’t have a real name 

    Follow Me on Instagram!

  • Addressing the Lies

    Hey Occulties, 

    In the interest of transparency and because it is clearly reached the point of not just hysteria but straight up libel and defamation of character (I’m actually in talks with a law firm regarding dealing with that, because that anyone would say such things is vile,) I’m going to address the Reddit situation. 

    For starters I’ve been arrested once in my life – for under age drinking in 1997. I wasn’t charged. I was almost 21. I’ve never been arrested for meth. In fact it’s bizarre anyone says I smoke meth. My ex husband lost his mind smoking it and I didn’t even know that he was doing it until he’d spent most of my money. I have no idea who thinks I smoke meth but after what I watched it do to my ex husband, I don’t appreciate the accusation, and furthermore I didn’t live in Portland in March 2016. I didn’t even live in Maine. I certainly wasn’t arrested in 2016, much less in March of that year, much less for a drug I’d never even seen in person for several more years after that.

    Next, my husband may have battled addiction issues before but I’ve been very upfront with my clients about this when we work together, as many of you have had them as well and I can be very understanding, and I really don’t appreciate the exaggerated and monstrous lies I’m reading. He has never sexually abused a child aged like 4 or 2 or whatever the fuck is being said. Never. My husband was a TEENAGER himself when another TEENAGER lied about her age and they fooled around. So what was a few years previously a crime known as statutory rape  now carried other charges instead. I deal with having to tell people this from time to time. Why do you think the man HAS HAD SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUES? Sick people who think he is this monster and post such awful things that we are now suing for libel. I mean this was almost 25 years ago and he’s 40 now. It wasn’t with a 2-4 year old or anything so revolting. He would never harm a child. He would never do that. And you know what? I wouldn’t be with a man who would. 

    the ridiculous and awful LIES I have read are so hurtful… and not just to me. What on earth does my husband have to do with ANYTHING? 

    Furthermore my family is not at all very well to do and several of these bizarre statements that bring to mind a girl who threw herself at my husband and had some incredibly deep emotional problems who used to believe these things no matter what myself and my husband would tell her to assure her she was wrong. Because she said those things, no one else. 

    Pomegranate is a girl angry because she paid me like $150 to get a man she went on one or two dates with 2 months previously to come back and I’m not sure they even kissed. She’s told multiple different stories since to several clients of mine and frankly, I told her it wasn’t likely to work at the time. She tried to blackmail me for free work and this is what she is doing as revenge. I might be misidentifying but the syntax and behavior would assure me I’m not.

    if this is what you prefer as your resource for information, after over a year of abuse and lies, I am suing. This is libel. So much of what is said is absolutely false and unsubstantiated. You may contact me if you want to ask any questions and I will gladly address any and all concerns. I was absolutely sick when I read the lies – several with articles linked that do not even name me or have my name saying I’m charged with this or that. I’ve never been arrested save for the 1997 underage drinking I wasn’t charged with and my husband isn’t a child molester and we aren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination. 

    20 years in business  and many happy clients and these two sick individuals would actively try to ruin me and smear me over a few dollars? Are you serious? Please contact me if you truly are concerned. My husband has never abused small children. How awful someone would say something so vile. 

    ~Cat

    PS- in the last year I’ve had 2 complaints. One was from a kid who was repeatedly told to mind his manners and got fired when he couldn’t, the other from someone who told me they were dissatisfied with work I allegedly did and since they came to me using a clearly fake name with the complaint I asked them kindly to tell me who I was talking to so I could pull up their file and they said nothing else. Since each client contract does talk about a posting sharing clause, abd must be agreed to prior to hiring me, I know it’s likely not my clients posting such things, but if you are in breach of contract and actually have a real problem and aren’t bringing that to my attention appropriately so we can hopefully work to find a solution we both agree on, I do hope you know the validity of such reviews are very unlikely in such cases. I didn’t even know someone was unsatisfied in such cases and am always happy to work with people to make sure they are satisfied with their purchase.. unless they attempt blackmail or threaten me. 

    PPS- unless you can verify without doxxing (against Reddit rules) who I am married to, and all the gross lies you posted which there were several false and unsubstantiated claims, knowing both our dates of birth and of course where we lived when supposed charges or accusations were made, and should any be a matter of judgement made against one in be a court of law, never posting anything of which one was acquitted as being true or that an actual arrest was made if that’s your sole claim, and that this is without question the truth, and that every single thing you say or said has full merit, and you can prove it beyond any shadow of a doubt, we have already gotten the whole thread, (threads) are getting the IP addresses from Reddit and unless you are sure none of it is rumor or conjecture – you have every right to say I’m a bad person, but any other allegation from I don’t really do the spells which I can actually prove otherwise, or that I am a meth head arrested for meth, or that my husband molested a 3 year old (and prove he’s my husband, and that he did that,) – you are responsible as is the mod for keeping that up and for what you said. We will be coming after you all. Expect paperwork. This isn’t a joke. I won’t say anything more because from now on, I have a legal case against you all and nothing else will be says before I win, and if you don’t get a gag order post everything about the case, including your fucking names and why you stalked me and lied on me and my family for over a year. 😊 I know the truth always comes to the light, so just a bit of personal advice but you should be sure you can win before you post those sorts of things. I gotta lot of thankful grateful happy clients too who will show up for me – over a hundred offered since we started looking this week. Be sure those “bad reviews” will all show up too. See you soon lovelies. 

  • Insta Tarot Page

    Hey all, 

    Started a page on instagram to show some tarot readings. Feel free to follow!

    ~Cat

  • Ghosts be gone

    Hey Occulties,

    Ive been pretty lenient with ghosting, and repeat business delaying or canceling services, because I understand sometimes things happen. However when I get a glut of this all at once, understandably it’s difficult to allow several people to screw me on payment or cancel last minute, costing me an appointment time someone may well have wanted and therefore a sale. I’m sure many of you understand that working for free isn’t exactly what I want to do, and not being able to trust virtually anyone to be timely in payment is furthermore not exactly a beneficial situation, especially when these same people expect a sale deal weeks after sales have ended.

    So since this past week almost twenty people ghosted (3 people) or delayed payment/services (16), I’ve decided to institute a policy change.

    I realize the ghosts are not apt to reappear. This used to be called the misused consultation charge, but now my dear ghosts, there’s a $150 fee for ghosting on a spell consultation. I don’t mean you decided to use another person’s services or something came up, I mean you vaporized and didn’t let me know if you were or were not interested. This is definitely to discourage anyone rude enough to do this from coming back. I personally detest this behavior. The least you could do is spend 30 seconds of your day letting me know you changed your mind.

    For delaying payment or services, I will fine you $25 for a second offense in 4 months. I’m sick and tired of being pleasant when I also have bills to pay and a life outside of work, and people just, on a whim, cancel generally for reasons which are not all that solid.

    Sorry for anyone upset by this, and as I courtesy to all my very good and awesome clients, I’m running a BOGO sale on all single spellcastings. ❤️

    ~Cat

  • 🥱 This Again 🥱

    Hey Occuties, 

    poor sad Reddit stalker, just a big stupid baby on my Facebook looking for anything bad to say. And I did have a shitty landlord experience (perhaps it was authored by my Reddit stalker since it can’t resist acting out,) and am looking at moving at a bad time since I just moved and it’s expensive. I’m lucky in that I have many many friends, and since I don’t troll someone to try to dump their dirt on Reddit for a living, plenty of people who love me.

    So while I thank all of you for you concern, and of course welcome you to speak privately to me about it, this person is merely a sad, obsessed little bug, and I’ve no need of anyone they might dissuade from working with me as anyone is easily fooled by an obviously demented mouth-breathing asshat is no one I’d work for as is. 

    just a thought, stalker:

    IMG_0152

    I have every idea who this is and she’s one to call me flabby seeing as she’s a chunky one herself. The fake admission forms calling me names were a dead giveaway. 

    🥱,

    ~Cat

  • Goodbye Starving season

    Hey kids,

    so I killed my iPhone. It fell down the stairs Xmas morning and I can’t fix it yet because it’s starving season still…BUT if you were rude enough to do the whole “hello where’s my reply,” which was only 2 of you, you’re fired and fuck off because both of you were spoken to already. Like fuck all the way off, and if I ever hear you complained about it, I’ll review you online, and I’m merciless so try me. full names, dates of birth, and images will be posted in my review 

    BUT, most have been wonderful, so since I’m starving still (thanks December – you, the worst month ever,) just as a note, iPhone users can schedule a reading since I still have FaceTime audio, and when I get to the mall finally I can get that screen fixed. I may be able to do readings via fb as I’ve just broken in there, lol. And remember the December special is almost over. Then I get paid again and I can charge full price 😏

    I’m trying to get a real article up. So get excited

    ~Cat