Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

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  • Hello Occulties and Faithful Bloglings!

    It’s me, your favorite occult mastermind…or at least I hope I am. πŸ™‚ Today I want to discuss a super fun topic called… REVENGE! >:)

    Muslbride

    Yeah, well, I figured I would get this in before St. Patty’s Day when all of you are drunk and bleeping my cell phone at 4 in the a.m. to attempt to find a way to get back at that bastardly bartender that cut you off. At 4 in the a.m. on that day/night, Miss Cat will be HOPEFULLY be passed-out fast asleep next to the Fella after a night of drunken hedonism, so phooey, you will all need to consult my blog instead.

    So here we are… What kind amusingly annoying havoc can we wreak in the lives of those who have wronged us? Ha ha! I have the answer… >:)

    You will need:

    Dead bugs of your choosing,
    Red pepper,
    Sulfur,
    Salt,
    A pin,
    A pen,
    A photograph of your enemy -or-
    A small personal item of your enemy and a scrap of paper,
    A bowl to mix stuff in,
    Your toilet.

    Clear a nice clean spot on your table. In your bowl crush up your dead bugs…preferably these should be bugs that have been nice and dead for awhile so that they are dry. Set aside.

    Place the photo of your enemy in front of you (if you do not have a photo, place the paper in front of you.) Now write “Misery” across your enemy’s face nine times with your pen. If you are using a personal item, place this on the paper.

    Place the crushed bugs in your palm and as you sprinkle them over your enemy’s image say, “XX, may you be plagued by insects, spiders, beetles and flies – may the children of these (name insect) plague you morning, noon, and night.”

    Mix a pinch of sulphur, a pinch of salt, and a pinch of red pepper in your bowl, and pour these together in your hand. Holding these in your hand, envision your hatred of your enemy rising, flowing into the powders you are holding. Now pour the herbs in your hand over the image of your enemy while you say, “XX, burn, blister and writhe, choke upon the misery you have caused me every, morning, noon, and night.”

    Now, folding the picture or paper AWAY from you, fold this into a packet, ensuring that as much of your powdered bugs and herbs stay within the packet. Take your pin, and stab the packet, so that the pin works to keep the packet shut.

    Wait until you have to use the bathroom. When you need to go (one or two,) you have a choice… You may defecate/urinate upon the packet or toss it in afterwards, but when you are done, as you flush say, “XX, so do I flush away your happiness and career, into the sewer where it belongs. XX, just as you are s***, now may your life be s***.” Flush. Say “This spell will not reverse, nor place upon me any curse, as is my will – so mote it be.

    Your enemy should suffer… Tho, generally, this charm has a working life of as long as it takes to disolve amongst the fecal matter. Enjoy your enemy’s misery.

    I do not condone you cursing people who do not need to be cursed, but I know you want to anyways, and so… I take no responsibility for what harm you do to yourself or others with this curse.

    Enjoy!

    Blessings!

    ~Cat

  • Hello my occulties…

    As you can all imagine, your favorite occult mastermind has been busy, busy, busy… So… Yeah, I slacked on your money spell… I know, I know…

    So here it is.

    What you are going to do is get yourself 4 quarters, preferably from your birth year. Place this on top of a piece of paper where you have written your name four times, turned the paper 1/4 turn, and written “Money magnet” across your name four times. Now you sprinkle some cinnamon, some basil, some cloves and some time over those quarters and paper, and put an overturned saucer over the quarters, paper, and herbs. Now get a green candle of your choice and carve “(your name) is a money magnet” on one side. Light the candle. Secure the candle to the overturned saucer with drippings if need be. Allow to burn out. When you are done (ie the candle has burnt itself out,) bury the name paper in your back yard. Place the quarters in a safe place where they will not be spent and yet are also near or in your wallet. This should effectively draw money/prosperity to you. You will have to recharge the quarters occaisionally by working this same spell. Enjoy.

    OK…well, that is the end of the “Cheap Series…” We will return to the regular format of “Cat’s Rants” on our next post. πŸ™‚

    ~Cat

  • This post is dedicated to Bubba, the 22 pound lobster…. Who lived perhaps up to 100 years of age, although we are told by marine biologists, it was likely half of that… Still, not bad for a gigantic sea bug… Please read here if you would like more info on this.

    Bubba the Lobster: ? – March 2, 2005

    Lobster

  • Ah, occulties!

    So many things…I knew this week would be a real kick in the behind when I warned you of it last week. πŸ˜€ I will try to get the Cheapo’s Money Spell up tonite if things don’t get too….involved. πŸ˜‰

    Oshun

    But unfortunately someone decided to pick a fight (is there something planetary going on I don’t know about, cuz there sure does seem to be a lot of this lately!) and I also have some personal stuff I gotta do that is either going to be REALLY REALLY FUN, or it is going to REALLY REALLY SUCK…. πŸ˜‰ I have the sense that it will start out sucky, and end up really fun, though! >:)

    See you (maybe) later tonite.

    Also…many thanks to Oshun…I truly appreciate your help and support! I know in my heart that you have listened to my prayers, and that everything is working out as I had requested! πŸ™‚

    Blessings!

    ~Cat

  • Hello my dearies…

    Aha, so you thought I would only give cursing spells to those of you who have been complaining about the effing amount of ingredients I ask you to find? No, no, my occultish friends… Today we wil explore the art of being cheap and in love (quite possibly something a few of my ex-boyfriends have mastered in.) So…for those of you in the back of the rant room who obviously don’t have a pot to pee in, or perhaps are just too unmotivated to click a link on the sidebar and PURCHASE ritual supplies, without further ado… I offer the cheapskate’s love spell.

    Carnivalequeen

    Since you are such a super cheapo, let’s assume you can’t find yourself a man/woman because they are sick of you being lazy and picking up the bill for you. Well, now we are gonna help you get someone who will put up with that.

    Get a pink taper candle, and carve “love me, adore me, desire me,” up one side. Anoint this with rose, jasmine, sweet pea, or vanilla oil. You decide. I don’t care if you use them all. πŸ˜‰ Roll that taper in some cinnamon (yes, the same cinnamon in the supermarket – a whole total of 99cents!) Is it nicely covered? Good. Stick it in a candle holder, and put the candle holder in a dish or metal container – not a paper or plastic dish…(preferably a metal container.)

    Now, using a piece of brown paper bag, (assuming you are probably saving these as use for trash bags, anyhow,) write your name seven times on a piece of the bag, turn 1/4 turn and write “loved, adored, desired,” seven times over your name. Anoint the corners of the paper with the same oil you used on the candle. Rip a hair off of your melon. If you have no hair on your head, get creative, and rip a hair out from somewhere else. If you are hairless everywhere, just spit in the middle… Now stick that hair in the middle of the paper, and fold it towards you, ensuring you keep the hair (spit) in the paper. Turn 1/4 turn, fold towards you again. Put this underneath the candle holder.

    Light the pink candle, and say, “All those I know and all those I meet, love, adore and desire me,” seven times. Let the candle burn out. When it has, take the paper packet and inter it underneath your front doorstep. No doorstep? Well, plant it in a house plant, then.

    And there you are…few effing ingredients, and hardly a dent in your wallet. πŸ™‚

    Ah, my cheap friends, I hope this is helpful.

    Blessings!

    ~Cat

    (Save for the stingy ones in the back,) Please DONATE and keep this blog alive!!

    Tomorrow – MONEY SPELL for the Cheap!

  • Hello, my dearies…

    Have you missed your old friend, Cat? Have you? Well, not all is perfect, but there is enough “good enough” going on… πŸ™‚

    Which means, my beloved occulties, that today we are going to learn a new super fun spell. Do you want to? Good, I knew you wanted to. πŸ˜€

    Greenface

    There have been a few complaints from the back of the rant room regarding how many effing ingredients I ask all of you to find (which, my occulties, is for your own good,) but, since I feel like being helpful for those of you who refuse to use the internet to serve your ritual-supply needs… Here goes nothin. πŸ™‚

    The SUPER DUPER bare-bones curse.

    Find something of your enemy’s. I don’t care what it is, but make it small. Now, go to your local graveyard, and walk up to the grave of someone who you happen to know was a bad-egg in life. Sometimes the older stones will say this, but generally, if you can’t tell, make your best guess. Ask the person threin interred to please allow you some dirt from their grave. Grab some dirt, and pay them 3 cents, and thank them. Now, get yourself a jar. No, it doesn’t matter what was in the jar, just wash it out. No, the size is not important, but it should have a lid. If you are too cheap to have a pen and paper, you can just chuck that enemy’s belonging, and that dirt in the jar. However, if you are rich enough to so much as have a piece of paperbag and a pen, get to writing your enemy’s name 9 times. Now turn the paper a quarter turn, and write “forever cursed,” over their name 9 times. throw that in the jar, along with your dirt and your enemy’s possession. Now, find some sharp things – broken glass, tacks, nails, etc. Fill the jar about half-full of these things. No, it doesn’t have to be exact. Now you have 2 choices. Throw a load of salt in there to fill it (less fun), chant something like “XX, I impose my will on thee, from this moment on forever cursed you be,” nine times, and then bury it in a graveyard, pet cemetary or at a crossroads without looking back…OR (more fun) put a little salt in there, some red pepper (whee) and then either pee in there or just fill it with some nasty, icky water. Seal that badboy up good because you will be toying with it for awhile (if you are rich enough for tape, you can even tape the lid’s edges so it won’t leak!) Say, “XX, I impose my will on thee, from this moment on forever cursed you be,” nine times while you shake it up. From now on, every time you shake it, you will be increasing your enemy’s misery. Burn a black candle anointed in a cursing oil if you really want to add some zap. When you tire of the jar, bury it in a graveyard, pet cemetary, or crossroads without looking back. It will still wreak havoc on the person you hate so. >:)

    Enjoy…you cheap bastards. πŸ˜‰

    Blessings! (Cursings?)

    ~Cat

    PLease help DONATE and keep this blog alive!

    Questions? Contact Me!

  • Hi Occulties!

    Things are getting better. Thanks again for all of your emails and good wishes… If everything goes as I hope, I should be back up posting spells to all of you soon.

    Vodoudancer

    If any of you want to help, just keep sending me and the fella your good wishes, prayers, and energy. We really appreciate it!

    In the meantime, I wanted to share a spell with all of you. It’s creator is a friend of mine who goes by the handle, Silver Knight. The platform is Chaos Magic/k. Anyhow, enjoy the Cauldron of Time spell. I wish you all luck.

    Now I must return to fixing things in the House of Cat.

    Blessings!

    ~Cat

  • Greetings my Occulties and Friends…

    Well, I went and did it. For 3 months the ex-fella has been trying to get the new one’s name, and alcohol be damned, I let that one slip out during the Pats winning the Superbowl. Now he is working mad tricks on me and my guy…we are both super-sick, arguing about trivial stuff and then giving these pained loving looks at each other, and in a quasi-break-up…that all started as soon as I let that name out of the bag… Oh, and more fun stuff that is FAR too personal to add here… Suffice to say, illustrating this belief (or actually the knowledge that my ex is up to tricks,) to the new fella is pretty much moot, my occulties, because he sees what we do as some form of weird superstition we all have and is content to just see it as one of my eccentricities.

    Thanks to everyone who is sending their prayers, love, and help my way. I appreciate it greatly. Your favorite occult-mastermind was obviously not a mastermind for NOT cutting the ties that bind to the old ex. While I appreciate that he loves me, and I had at one point wanted to be friends, I no longer want to be friends or talk to him. If any of you need me for ritual help, I am afraid I will be unfortunately occupado with fixing my life for at least the next week. This is bad, my beloved occulties, and I am not a happy camper. All is not well in the house of Cat…. don’t worry, though, I’ll be sure to hit back where it hurts (ritually, and maybe even otherwise,) and all will again be well with me very soon.

    Anyhow, as always, I love you all, and I am more than happy to try to give you some advice…just please understand that my reply may be seriously delayed. It isn’t because I don’t care, it is just that I am only so capable of juggling so much s***.

    Blessings,

    ~Cat

  • I love the Patriots! Just to rub it in a little more here is a lovely article, and another picture of my SECRET HUSBAND, Tom Brady…which is so secret, even Tom Brady doesn’t know that we’re married. LOL! >:)

    Moretombrady

  • Well my Occulties,

    I did promise you all some new spells… thought I forgot? No… Alrighty then, here is the first one, as promised…

    This is one of my creation, made for a client who just wanted everyone to be “friendlier,” when he had just moved. It is a little bit complicated, so be forewarned. πŸ˜‰ However, if you have the patience, it is a real, kickin’ powerful spell…just complicated… Without further ado… my “I’m the social butterfly” spell….

    Dscn0010

    You will need:

    1 white figural candle to represent the petitioner (you, your client – whoever the target is,)

    A pink taper,

    A red taper,

    A light blue taper,

    An orange taper,

    4 candleholders

    Sweet pea oil )

    Lavender Oil,

    Rose Oil,

    Vanilla Oil,

    Sandalwood oil,

    Passion flower

    Rose buds, pink or red,

    Lavender flowers,

    Powdered orris root,

    2 lodestones, properly paired, (confused? see this link to understand what I’m talking about,)

    A small light blue cloth bag (you can make this yourself,)

    Paper or parchment,

    Scrap paper,

    A pen,

    A fireproof container (large,) I suggest a large cake tin, such as used for sheetcakes,

    A mortar and pestle (optional, but helpful – you can also use a bowl and your hands if you lack the mortar and pestle,)

    A place to wash your hands,

    Rum (optional),

    A piece of hair, fingernail, etc, representing the target of the spell (you or your client,)

    And magnetic sand, also known as iron filings.

    Firstly, you will probably want to place all of the supplies you will be using on a clean surface away from where you will be burning your candles. It will be less confusing and hectic if you do so, but it is just a suggestion. πŸ˜‰

    Now, take your paper, and write the name of the petioner/target on it 7 times, such as in this example using “John Doe,”

    John Doe
    John Doe
    John Doe
    John Doe
    John Doe
    John Doe
    John Doe

    Turn the paper one quarter turn and write, “Is loved, admired, and popular with everyone,” 7 times over the name so that it is covering it. You do not need to use my wording if you do not wish to, but it should be something similar. For example, you could write, “Popular, loved, wittty, interesting,” seven times, or whatever pleases you. Now, tear the paper around what you have written so that all of the edges have a torn – not cut, side. Set your paper aside.

    Take your figural candle, and carve the initials of who it is to represent on it’s “chest.” Hollow out a bit from the base of the candle and place your witness sample (hair, finger/toenail, blood, etc,) inside. Close up this hole using the wax that you hollowed out of the candle. Now dress the candle with one drop sweet pea and two drops vanilla oil by placing the drops in your palm (if you prefer, you can pre-mix this for yourself – just use 1 part sweet pea to 2 parts vanilla,) and then pulling it over the candle 7 times towards you (base to wick.) Set the figural candle in the center of your fireproof container.

    In a seperate bowl, or in your mortar, mix your herb matter (rosebuds, lavender, orris root, and passionflower,) and also add some magnetic sand. If you have a pestle, grind this up together, but if you do not, fine it up with your fingers. The herb matter should be of approximately equal parts, but a few pinches of magnetic dust are al that is needed. Pour the herbal/magnetic sand mixture onto the center of your scrap paper, and set aside.

    Now, take your red taper, and carve something up one side to do with the petitioner’s PHYSICAL attractability in one word. This can be “sexy,” or “irressitable,” or whatsoever pleases you so long as it has to do with the PHYSICAL of the target of the spell. Now, anoint the red candle with 2 parts vanilla, 1 part rose oil, using 7 pulls up from base to wick. Roll the taper into the herbal mixture, and place it into a candle holder. If you cannot have it rest securely in it’s candleholder without lighting it and securing it with drippings, then set it aside somewhere for now where it can rest without dropping herb bits everywhere. πŸ˜‰

    Take your pink taper, and in one word write something to do with the MENTAL/EMOTIONAL attractability (in a more ROMANTIC sense) of the petioner/target, such as “loveable.” If you can’t think of one word for this, you can use more than one, but don’t write a sentence like, “John Doe is witty and irresistable.” Also, try to stay away from more friendly words, like “Funny,” or “trustworthy.” I know someone is already confused…so you can contact me. πŸ˜‰ Now, anoint your pink taper in 1 part rose, 1 part lavender, and one part sweet pea oil using 7 pulls upwards from base to wick. To try to avoid contaminating your scents, you may have to wash your hands so please do this BEFORE you anoint your candle. Roll the pink taper in your herbal mixture, and place it in its candle holder or set it aside.

    Take your light blue taper, and in one word, carve something to do with the MENTAL/EMOTIONAL attractability of the petitioner/target in a more FRIENDLY type sense up the side of the candle. For example, “Witty,” or “Enjoyable,” work just fine. It is up to you. Anoint the blue taper in 1 part rose, 1 part sandalwood, and one part lavender oil. Roll in the herbal mixture, and place in its holder or set aside.

    Take your orange taper, and write something to the effect of “XX, is sexy(what you wrote on your red candle,) lovable (what you wrote on your pink candle,) witty (what you wrote on your blue candle,) and loved and adored by all those around him/her.” Now using all the listed oils (Sweet pea, vanilla, rose, lavender, sandalwood,) in equal parts, anoint the orange taper. Roll the candle in your herbal mixture and set it in it’s holder or aside.

    Take your paper that you wrote on earlier anoint it’s four corners with equal parts of the five listed oils, and spit into the middle of it. Place a small witness sample (hair, nails, blood, etc,) into the spit, and sprinkle a little of your herbal mixture into the center of the paper on top of the spit. Now fold the paper in half, folding TOWARDS YOU. Turn the paper one quarter turn, and fold it once TOWARDS you. Place this beneath your white figural candle.

    Now to set up the “altar” where you will be burning your candles. You want your figural to be in the CENTER with the paper you wrote on BENEATH it. You want to place each of the tapers ina sort of an X pattern. For example, if you are using a sheetcake tin, you will want to place each of the tapers in it’s own corner. When you have placed the candles correctly, they should look like this

    red candle———————pink candle
    ——————–fig——————
    blue candle——————orange candle

    without me spending a zillion years htmling it out for you, that will have to do for a visual. πŸ˜‰ Now, place the matched lodestones at the feet of the figural candle. Light the figural candle first, and then light the candle on the bottom left hand corner, and continue clockwise, lighting the orange candle LAST. Be sure that all of your candles are SECURE in their candle holders so that they are NOT causing a fire hazard. You can’t be a social butterfly if you are burnt to a crisp. πŸ˜‰

    Place both your hand out so that there is one outstretched to either side of the altar, suchas if you are making a “welcoming gesture.” Do not place your hands on the altar. Now, if you are doing the spell for yourself say, “I,” where I place XX, but if you are doing it for another say thier full name in place of the XX. In this example, I will use the words I specifically chose for the candles, such as “sexy” for red, but you will need to use your words if you chose other ones.

    Say:

    “XX is sexy (red candle,)
    XX is adorable (pink candle,)
    XX is witty (blue candle,)
    XX is sexy, adorable, witty, and loved and adored by all (orange candle,)”

    Now place in a line of specific intent. For example, “All who meet XX are magnetically attracted to him/her, and wish to know him/her, and be his/her friend.” You can altar this as it pleases you, make it longer, or more specific, but basically this should work.

    Now say the sentence for the orange candle 7 times, as in my example,

    “XX is sexy, adorable, witty, and loved and adored by all,” x7.

    Drop your hands to your side, and say, “As is my will, so mote it be!” Allow the candles to burn all of the way out. When they have done so, remove your lodestones and your paper square from the altar. Put them on a table next to your blue bag. Take up the paper square again in your hand and say to it: “This paper brings to me/XX love and friendship from all those around me/XX.” Place the paper square in the bag. Now pick up the lodestones, and say to them, these lodestones draw to me/XX all of the power of the paper square within this bag. These lodestones magnetically draw love and friendship to me/XX.” Place the lodestones into the bag. Now, take a pinch of magnetic sand, and say “This magnetic sand feeds the lodestones within this bag, (pick up the bag here, and as you put the magnetic sand into the bag, say,) “and so long as the lodestones are fed the strength of the magic/k within this beg will continue to magnetically draw the love and friendship of all of those people around me/XX.” Close up the bag. You can stitch it up, or use wax, but you will want to “feed” it magnetic dust at least once every mooncycle, though preferably once a week, so leave a small hole to “feed” it magnetic dust through. Say, “I awaken you to work right now!” (Some people like to pass it through the “elements,” saying, ‘I awaken you through earth,’ and pass it through a bowl of salt, ‘I awaken you through water,’ and sprinkle water over it, ‘I awaken you through fire,’ and pass it through a flame, and finally, I awaken you through air’ and pass it through insence smoke…you can do this if you like to awaken your mojo bags like this.) Now, take up the rum if you have chosen this option, and put a small bit in your mouth and spit it onto the bag, and say again, “I awaken you now!” Now, grasp the bag and place it between your palms, such as in a “praying” position, and try to send energy into the bag, willing it to wake up and do what you have told it to do. When you feel the bag is “full of energy,” and awake, say, “I have awakened you, and you shall work for me/XX, as is my will, so mote it be.” Now be sure that the petitoner/target keeps the bag on their person or very nearby (such as in their purse, etc.,) and keeps the bag “fed” with magnetic dust, and they should soon find themselves surrounded by friends.

    As for the other ritual remains. I would say… throw these to the east of your house and then walk away without looking back.

    Well, that there was quite the big long spell. Just a note, there are several ways to awaken a Mojo bag, so if you use a different method, please use the one you are accustomed to, rather than mine. I did simplify it a little, just because this spell is already complicated enough, especially for beginners.

    As always, if there are questions, please use the contact me link in the side bar and I will try to help.

    That’s it for today, kids!

    Blessings!

    ~Cat

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