Hey Occulties,
If you’re a long time reader, you know I’ve written all about this before, and I’ve answered it in QYAM as well…but it’s a common enough question I get, and the fact that I have people willing to read an article and actually really learn something VS people who expect me to dress like a goth fairy princess while rapidly trying to educate in a stupid video (because they can only learn with videos and are only entertained by great spectacle,) means…I’m totally down with educating you, dear reader, and if you’re reading this, congratulations, because being a real student of the occult means you READ A LOT! It’s basically a huge requirement, seeing as these amazing things called books and scrolls (wherein so very much you need to know lies within,) were for centuries (even thousands of years in some cases,) the best way to store information and learn, so to this day REAL OCCULTISTS READ A LOT. We read all that ancient stuff, too! That means REAL SPELLCASTERS FCKN LOVE READING.
And if you’re here reading, you’re on the path to learning real magic. If you’re trying to become an expert by watching TikToks, you probably aren’t even casting real spells (I haven’t looked in awhile but several months ago, I still could not locate real spellcasting on there when I looked – hint, you can’t make shit up as you go along and looking witchy doesn’t make you a witch, anymore than if I dressed up like a doctor that I’d suddenly be one.)
So, obviously “Why isn’t my love spell working?” is going to have a different answer as it is applied with many different situations behind it. Let’s go over the most common reasons someone’s asking why is this love spell not working.
You haven’t given it time to work! One of the most common reasons is that people do not give enough time for the spellwork to even START working. I’ve had clients who ask me why a spell hasn’t worked yet only to have me reply that since I am starting it tomorrow as I’ve told them, it couldn’t start working yet. 😉 The reality is that it is very rare for spellwork to have immediate results. I’ve had spells I’ve done for myself begin working 2 months after I’ve cast them, and I wasn’t a beginner when I cast the spell. It’s very common to have to wait a few weeks to START to see results, and to wait even longer for full results. When we deal with love situations, often when the spellwork does start to work, this is hidden from us as our target intentionally hides that these feelings are starting to stir until they can’t take it anymore.
FWIW, I totally understand and can relate to how hard it is feeling like your life is falling apart, and not seeing the spell immediately change things to a situation where you are more comfortable and happy. I’ve been there, too. I’ve been a total emotional wreck, seeing my loved one behaving in a very unloving manner towards me, and wanting everything to go back to how I feel it should be. It’s a terrible situation for anyone.
But spells do not care about that you feel sad and scared and are anxious and your heart is broken, as spells do not have the capacity to empathize. So, your anxiety and need for this to change NOW NOW NOW is often your own undoing…and keep in mind, MOST relationships do not fall apart overnight even if it feels that way…and if they do explode overnight? It’s usually a hugely traumatic event that you can’t quickly heal from. Much like a broken bone takes time to heal, so do relationships. If it was slowly suffocated, it won’t heal quickly either. Think of the spell much like this….something healing like a broken bone does. Even if we want to dance, even if it means everything to us, until the bone heals, we cannot dance on that leg, and we have to be satisfied that we can dance again one day. A spell is like that – even if I want and need someone so badly right now and it feels so unfair to be deprived, I need to allow spellwork time to remedy that situation, and that may mean I will feel sad and anxious for a few weeks yet, but it means I won’t feel that way FOREVER.
So give it time. It will happen. And remind yourself this bad situation isn’t forever, and what you’re doing with spellwork is bringing you what you want, so you don’t have to feel like you’re doing nothing. YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING BY HAVING DONE SPELLWORK.
You are stalking the target or acting in a manner NOT CONDUCIVE to love or reconciliation! I shouldn’t have to say this, but stalking is a bad thing, and unfortunately with the rise of social media, it’s become way too easy…and it’s a bit addictive at times. I have gotten caught up in it before myself, becoming a downright little Sherlock much to the chagrin of my partner who had no idea how I knew who he just called (we shared a phone plan, lol) and guess what? It was bad for my relationship and my mental health. I literally had to tell my partner that I could not be trusted not to look at the call record and I had a problem and it really hurt our relationship for a few months. He’s a nice guy but he literally had to sit me down and tell me that spying on him like that was super weird and hurt him, and I had to admit to myself that it really was weird. What started out as me looking at a number on the calls list that looked familiar and reverse tracing it (it was a mutual friend so not even anything bad,) had become an obsession when he and I went through a relationship hiccup around the same time, where I was checking the call log every few minutes when he was gone, and it spiraled to honestly being that bad. I’m embarrassed to admit it but I did get to that point. I was definitely in the dog house for a little bit and needed some reconciliation work to smooth over the damage I’d done…and I didn’t spy on the phone list again, but the temptation was so strong to spy for months after. But it just goes to show you, anyone can get caught up in this sort of thing.
And I see it EVERY DAY, MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY at my job. Clients are snooping on insta and on LinkedIn – one person was even using AirBnB to spy. Seriously. You keep doing it because you feel like you are keeping abreast of the situation, maybe even that it gives you some sense of control, but it’s bad for your mental health (I’ve seen several people literally have mental breakdowns over things they saw on social media – and they invented a whole backstory about what was happening that wasn’t happening, only to discover they were wrong,) and it’s bad for the spellwork. It’s literally lust for results (see more about that below).
Now, like I said, I’ve been there before myself. That may be embarrassing to admit, but if it helps you to know you aren’t the only one and that it’s too common, I’m glad to admit – I’ve done it too! It’s not easy to force yourself to quit. But you need to. You need to stop spying and snooping on your target. They will be put off by what you’re doing if they ever discovered it, and it’s bad for you, and it’s bad for your spellwork even if you do not get discovered. Stop making excuses to yourself that you just happened to see x or y. I have heard all these excuses a million times, and no doubt if I were all addicted to stalking at this moment, I’d be saying them to myself as well.
But we need to AVOID social media and stalking and spying while working on a love target. Failure to cease this sort of behavior will merely creep out your target, make you feel crazy, and stall your spell.
You half-assed your work with a spirit or saint (or have no relationship with that spirit or saint to begin with)! A few years ago, someone told me they wanted to work with Santisima Muerte, and I suggested they use a novena and gave them a link. They immediately came back to me and said “well, look, I don’t know if I can do this for 9 days, and plus it says I have to give her a candle every Tuesday for the rest of my natural life!” And I was like “Yeah, and you want to do that because there was a few Tuesdays where I couldn’t give her that and my life turned to shit for it, even though it was outside of my power to give the candles to her. Once she started getting her Tuesday candles again, I was good, though.”
That’s right…you work with Santa Muerte and it’s a lifetime you will work with her. I’ve heard the same with Pomba Gira. I work with many saints and spirits regularly, so this is not a problem for me, but if you just have a passing fancy with a certain someone, or if you think this is a one time working so you can get quick results, you’re very wrong. In fact, even if you give up on the person you love, if you committed yourself for life, you are expected to honor that commitment. I’ve seen people really mess up their lives when they thought it was perfectly fine to stop working with a spirit they promised a lifetime commitment to. In the best situations, the spirit just wouldn’t work with them again after they lapsed then returned asking for a new favor. In the worst situations, the spirit made their life crappy and took some revenge on them.
Spellcasters spend our lives nurturing relationships with spirits of many kinds. That may be the Almighty, that may be a saint, that may be another kind of spirit. This is why we can get favors from them.
If you just picked a spirit out using a google search or because you saw a fun tiktok, the likelihood of you getting any result from the spirit is quite low. I work with my spirits regularly. I give them offerings because I appreciate them and not always because I need or want something. So you are a stranger to them who has never had a relationship with them, and you want them to just fix your life for you? Rather grandiose request from a stranger, no?
And the first words out of your mouth are nearly always a demand. Then you don’t want a long time or even a lifetime of dedication to this being because that’s inconvenient? Working with any spirit is not for you, then. Because it isn’t convenient or easy. It takes dedication, and commitment, and then you get results…amazing results, even, but it takes real commitment and work. It requires you invest a fair amount of time in as well.
You focused on reconciliation, but didn’t draw romantic love or physical passion back! When we want to reconcile someone, of course we want them to forgive us, and this is often imperative that they do forgive us for what we’ve done. Maybe we need to forgive them as well. So I don’t mean to say to not do reconciliation work. This is important! BUT…just because a person forgives you, it doesn’t mean they will want you back, and if the romantic love and chemistry has fizzled, you can’t expect that just forgiving your actions means that they will come back.
I forgive almost all of my exes. Second Mr NinjaCat maybe not, because he was and is a terrible human being (I hope you’re reading that, John,) who stole tens of thousands of dollars from me, and then would cry-laugh with these hours’ long Jesus rants that would make Jesus Christ himself want to never be called upon by someone like this. The rest of them? I can’t really think of anyone I hold anything against.
But I don’t want a single one of my exes back. So, as you can see, forgiveness does not equal getting back together. It’s sort of like I love a fair amount of people, and some of them I no longer speak to because they were toxic to me in some way, so I love them from a distance. They no longer have any priority in my life, but I wish them well and I remember them mostly fondly. Love doesn’t mean you carry on a relationship.
We need to remember that SPELLS ONLY DO WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. So if I want to have reconciliation with a person – that is, if I want their forgiveness, – I need to also work towards love and sexual passion if I want to be sure that remains a part of the relationship.
You focused on lust but didn’t draw reconciliation and/or romantic love!For some reason I can only guess at, this is a problem many MALE spellcasters seem to fall into…(ahem, boys, looking at you,) and then wonder why their love workings fizzle out so damn fast.
So let’s look at this in relationship repair first… I have dated some pretty hot dudes, and while I’m very much invested in the one I’m married to, if I were to find myself suddenly single and alone, there’s a small number of my exes I wouldn’t mind spending a night or two with. They certainly have held up well, and we never had a problem in the boudoir. THAT SAID, I wouldn’t want to date any of my exes again. So, if my ex was trying to repair a relationship, this wouldn’t be a working solution for him because while I might spend the weekend with him, I’d be on my way and no one’s girlfriend when the weekend ended.
And people need to understand that sex does not equal love. You can have sex with someone and they will enjoy it and enjoy your company for the time you spend with them, and then never feel one romantic feeling.
So clearly, lust magic is not going to be the key that opens the door to every reconciliation. And there’s another element here…lust magic is HOT. I don’t mean it’s a sexy fun time…I mean, if you’re arguing with your target or there’s some sort of anger between you, the lust magic can actually make you both angrier. It is neither calming nor healing, and can be harmful in some reconciliations.
But maybe you’re using lust to bring the love of someone new. Alright, the thing is, like I said, sex and love are not the same thing. You might make someone want your body, and that might open the door to a relationship, but it might just open the door to a situationship. So, if you find the affair is only sexual and you want your hearts entwined and not just your gonads entwined, you need to start using ROMANTIC LOVE spellwork.
You won’t take your mind off of the situation or spellwork! I have literally been saying this for over 20 years, to the point that complete strangers have quoted my work verbatim to me without realizing I was the author. Ahem. When we do spellwork we cannot obsess about the situation that we are working on, as this causes the spell energy to stall. We can’t ruminate over the situation, can’t worry on it, can’t make ourselves all anxious or panicky.
This is, of course, easier said than done, especially in matters of the heart. And I understand that. I have been a mess because my love life was a mess. I have totally been there, and pulling yourself out of that puddle is not easy. You’re worried, you’re scared, your heart feels like it’s been stomped on repeatedly, and you just want everything to be OK.
But it’s that very mindset that will be the spell’s undoing. You need to have faith the spell will work. You need to remind yourself you are doing what you need to do. That things are coming together even if you can’t see it from where you’re at. Then try to keep the situation, the spellwork, and thoughts of the people involved out of your mind as best you can. It will improve your mental health – and speed up your spell’s manifestation.
You “put out” too fast! While this one is usually only a problem for the ladies (as sadly sexist as that may be,) please read above where I tell you sex and love are not the same thing…and as old-fashioned as it may sound, someone who gives themselves up quickly often finds themselves in a situationship and can’t get the target to come back to them completely (or settle into a relationship.) Why should the target take on that extra responsibility if you’re playing the part of girlfriend with having never demanded he give you the actual security by making you his girlfriend? (Or boyfriend…but like I said, this tends to fall on women most.)
Remember, if your feelings are going to be hurt if that person just wants sex from you, you should not have sex with them. Think of it like that. If this sex means something to you, you need to be sure it means something to them as well, and that might mean not giving up the goods the moment someone drops you the cue that they would like to get to know you…in a horizontal way. 😉
I always tell people I’m not old-fashioned because I’m not. I know women enjoy sex. I know that we want it just as badly as men do, and sometimes not even because we like the guy as much as we like the look of him.
BUT, you know, the reason I caught all the players I caught in my web (and I always managed to pin down the ones no one else could,) was I was smart and made those men work for me. I could have given them everything I had right from the moment they gave me that look, but I did not. And the ladies who did give in to these types without hesitation were wham, bam, thank you ma’am, and he was off to the next one. But me? I held out and I was not a tease about it, and I’ve had long relationships with the very men who most people could barely get a few months out of. I’m married to like the ultimate boss of players even now. Ask him how long it took him to get me to agree to be with him (it was 2.5 months or so of him absolutely throwing himself at me and making all sorts of promises as I recall, lol,) and the funny thing was he was in love with me by the time I agreed to be his girl and give up the goods. So he never left.
So there is some wisdom in holding out. I don’t mean be an ice queen. I don’t mean be a tease. But save your first date fucks for guys you don’t care if you see them again. You might even build a relationship off of that – I’m just saying, you’re not playing the long game if you give in fast.
And yes, this applies to when you’re doing spellwork! If you give in easily, and you never make your target work at all, if you give him all the love and sex and dedication a girlfriend would give him, and do not demand he recognize you as his girlfriend, he’s going to take advantage of that situation and when things get tough, he will excuse himself with “but you were never my girlfriend, we were just friends” – even with spellwork! And then you will come to me all sad and ask me to bring him back, and I’ll have to repeat this whole thing I just wrote about not giving up the goodies so fast. 😉
When it comes to reconciliation, you best make sure your ex wants more than just a roll in the hay. I know it’s tempting and I know you miss that person, but until you’re sure they want more than sex, you risk being used for sex. You aren’t empowering your position by dropping your undies….the power comes from making sure you have what you want before you do. Yeah, he’s gonna try, but tell him that as tempted as you are, if he’s really your friend, he needs to understand that if you have sex with him, your feelings get involved and you will be hurt if he doesn’t want more…which means, it would ruin your friendship. You are literally telling him “if we are just friends, you don’t get sex” but in a way where you don’t sound mean about it. If he wants you in his bed so very much, and that spellwork is already telling him he needs you, he’s going to eventually agree that you can try to have a real relationship again.
You can make fun of me and you can call me old fashioned, but I’m still pretty hot and I wasn’t always a middle-aged married lady. I swear.
The spells are doing their work, but don’t undo their work by having hot pants, alright? Trust me here.
You were too shut down! On the other side of this, we have the person who is literally an angry cold fish type. The target comes to them all lovey and mooney and Juney, and they just…don’t know how to handle it. They shut down. They pull away.
Now spells do exactly what you tell them to do…but this is scary for the target, too. Rejection is terrifying to most people, and so often – in reconciliation especially – the target is very cautious about approaching the petitioner, even if they are really feeling the influence of the spellwork. You need to be approachable and pleasant. If you’re cold and bitter, you’ll scare them off!
It is working, you just have wrong expectations about how it should come together! When we cast a spell we put an order in for something specific, but we do not say how or why that thing comes to be (in fact, if you are overly controlling on how something manifests, good luck getting that spell to manifest.) Now, a fair amount of the time, it’s somewhat predictable how something will come together, but after 22 years of working for the public, and over 30 years of casting spells, I can assure you, sometimes things happen in a very….weird way. Not necessarily in a bad way, but not how you think they would have worked out so that you can get what you want. MOST people seem to be able to accept this, but some can’t.
All I can offer is that a spell will take the path of least resistance to manifest, unless you dictate SPECIFICALLY that it cannot manifest that way (for example, when we do money work, it’s wise to insist the money not come from a loved one passing away,) or unless you add EXTRA STEPS by insisting, for example, the target must reconcile with you by text and not in person. I don’t know why that matters, but some people are particularly stiff about this. It just delays manifestation, if the specifics are too specific it can even prevent manifestation, but if you can just relax and let the spell manifest what you want without dictating how it does so, you may be surprised by what the path of least resistance was to what you desired – and you’ll have what you want. Faster.
So, if the situation is changing for the better, but you thought it would happen another way, the spell IS working… My suggestion is to let go of controlling how it comes together, and enjoy the end result.
You give strength to your rival by fearing them and obsessing about them! I know this is crappy, but when we have a rival and we continually obsess on them, we keep them in our lives. That might be really difficult to reconcile when you have to keep an eye on this person (maybe some floozy won’t stop giving your guy the side-eye at his job, and you know she’s doing everything to get him to cheat even if he hasn’t yet, or maybe your girlfriend has that friend who keeps telling her you’re evil, and you don’t even know why they want to turn her against you!) for all the damage they are trying to do to your relationship…but eventually your attentions literally attach your rival even stronger to the whole situation. Like you just want to fling this person off the planet and onto Jupiter, and they won’t go away.
In fact, more than one of my clients have independently come up with the very term I refer to this type of person by: “Cockroaches.” The person is literally like a cockroach infestation. Just when you think you’ve eradicated them from your life, a damn cockroach shows up again, which means the problem has totally come back. And so you treat the problem and it seems to go away…only for the damn cockroaches to come into your life again.
When we continually work on this person magically, this can seem absolutely bizarre. Like sure, my rival’s life is an absolute piece of garbage and they don’t even live within a 6 hour drive, so why the hell are they still able to be involved with the people I know? (this specifically actually happened to a client of mine….anyone I despise sadly lives closer, ha ha.) Namely, you curse them, you move them out of the picture, and they still keep showing up!
Your obsessive hatred of this person actually empowers them and keeps them close. In magic, the four basic tenets to success are To Know, To Dare, to Will, and To Keep Silent. It isn’t To Stalk, To Fear, To Obsess, and To Complain About Frequently. 😉 So, as much as you hate this person, you need to let it go.
I know. I am not a fan of just letting some horrible human off the hook myself. But you are not letting them off the hook. You are putting them out of your mind as best you can to allow all that removal and cursing magic you did do its work.
And that is exactly what you need to do. You are basically experiencing a form of lust for results which is empowering them, and keeping them attached to the situation, when you want to weaken and remove them.
There are people who earned my enmity. I mean, they did not just earn it, they did a banner job of getting it and then ran around the block pounding their chest about how awesome they are for having me absolutely hate their guts level of earned it. And…since if you’re going to piss off a witch, then FAFO, and of course I responded as I would. In some cases, I was quite invested in seeing their downfall as fast as I possibly could. In others, it was that I sent the curse off, and just sort of moved on with my life. Guess which manifested faster? Guess which threw that person out of my life faster? Guess which fucked up someone the most? Yep, the one where I just cursed the shit out of them and moved on. And that doesn’t mean the person was always out of my life. In a few cases, they were very much still peripherally in my life as I had done nothing to send them away, only something to teach them a lesson…and then I totally shelved my anger at them and moved on…while witnessing the full scope of their life burning to cinders.
So stop empowering your rivals and enemies, and let the spells do their work. Otherwise you’re going to have a case of “cockroaches,” and no one wants that.
You chose a partner who was married or dating someone else, and they aren’t yours to have! Look, I don’t hold anyone who was lied to accountable for having dated a person who wasn’t free to love them back so long as they had zero knowledge of the spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, and ended the partnership the moment they discovered the lie. You didn’t do anything wrong and that someone manipulated you to believe the union was between you and someone you thought was single is very cruel. However, if they are cheating on their spouse or partner to be with you, they will cheat on you, so you’re best to end the affair the moment that is discovered.
Unfortunately there are people who like sleeping with other people’s partners and those who think it’s acceptable to “steal” someone’s partner, and that never ends well. Don’t even tell me about Queen Camilla and Princess Di. It was Princess Diana who actually “stole” then Prince Charles from Camilla, and look how well Charles and Diana’s marriage worked out (it didn’t!)
And NO it’s not between your married/not single lover and his or her partner and not your business. If my husband told you that you could burn down my house and kill everyone inside and he’d give you some gasoline to do it, you would be held even more culpable than him in my death by the law. That’s because you’re a homewrecker, so you are quite the guilty party if you go through with breaking up someone’s relationship by trying to steal the partner away. You’re even worse than the not single person dating you, as that person might have reason to have a problem with the spouse or partner they are with….you are just destroying the life of someone who never wronged you. And why? Because you like sex? Because you think it makes you better to build your happiness on the destruction of others?
And it’s not just society that hates you and thinks you awful if you do this….spiritually this scars you as well, and limits your ability in spellwork. You are basically fighting the spouse/partner’s ancestors (and even possibly the cheating spouse/partner’s ancestors) who are going to try to protect their relationship and oppose your illicit one, especially if the couple shares children. Now, extra-marital children are not a new thing whatsoever, as history can attest, and making a baby with a partner that isn’t yours won’t help the situation…you will need to go to the graves of the ancestors (assuming you even know where they are, as people don’t stay in one place in our modern age,) and try to get them to take your side. You will have to explain HONESTLY (not with bizarre made up accusations,) how you are the better partner for your adulterous beloved than their original partner. It may not work, but if your adulterous/cheating beloved is truly beset by being paired with Satan or the worst possible person alive, you may succeed. I’ve heard of this working in situations where a woman is in a horribly abusive relationship, and cheating with another man who treats her well.
I do realize that nothing is necessarily black and white, and that humans get into situations they probably should have avoided, but without having gotten to where they did realizing they were hurting anyone until it was “too late” and they’d fallen in love with a cheating partner, but the reality is….when you find out someone isn’t single, walk way. It’s the best thing for you to do for yourself. If you really feel like you can’t, then I understand why you would try but you leave them how you get them, and he or she will cheat on you too, so it’s not really going to be anything worth your while….but you still might try. So if you do try, find their ancestors, and try to work it out with them first. I’ve gone over this in past posts but you also need to NOT defame their partner, malign them, or put them down. It will only drag you down in the eyes of friends and family of the cheating partner.
I’m sure there will be questions – and I love questions! – so please contact me if you have any!
~Cat
Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind 