Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Everything you ever wanted to know about Hoodoo, Rootwork, or the Occult! The internet’s longest running occult blog, established 2004

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“I’m Cat, and for a long time, Cat’s Rants, the longest running occult based blog was over at TypePad – since 2004. Sadly, TypePad shuttered permanently as of September 30th 2025. Please be patient while I export 21 years of blog posts over to my new WordPress location. With a much easier url to remember and all your favorite posts all the way back to 04, Cat’s Rants should hopefully improve over its former location.” Cat has practiced and studied the occult, tarot, and spellcasting for over 35 years, and has shared her expert teachings on how to cast your own spells, including original spells and recipes on the Cat’s Rants blog since 2004. A professional tarot reader since the 1990s, she’s also an internationally-known psychic reader and tarot expert. As a published and respected occultist for over two decades, and an expert in the fields of rootwork, hoodoo, and Catholic folk magic, she continues to serve the public by teaching authentic spell casting and offering readings and services.

  • Making Things Work with More Useful Solutions

    Hey Occulties, 

    Remember the time (well some of you,) when you asked me for a "dream spell" or a "wish spell" and you saw me visibly cringe? Apparently it's some planetary transit wherein that sort of thing is common again (I'll have to check out what is doing what, because this sort of thing does come in waves,) so in the hopes of making many more effective spellcasters rather than promoting relatively unuseful practices, let's do some review. 

    "Why do you think 'wish spells,' are stupid, Cat? Everyone wants a wish to come true!" In the words of my generation, "Well, duh," but of course, if you are doing magic, you probably should try actually using spells that are targeted towards your goal. Using some generic "wish spell," sounds pretty suspect, and I think you may have been watching too many children's movies about wizarding schools if you think you need a "wish spell." 

    Before you cry and stamp your feet at my audacity in saying that, let's examine some common wishes that aren't completely ridiculous wishes like wanting to be shrunk to two inches high or wanting to be transported into the 15th century to ask a dead relative if they think you're hot. So since you consider yourself to be a very balanced person you wouldn't ask for anything that is very improbable of ever happening, right? Instead your wish would be to marry your ex and be gloriously happy. OK, so that's not an uncommon thing for me to have requested, but why would a wish spell, as opposed to something like a reconciliation spell, love drawing work, commitment work, probably some communication work…then you might need to protect the relationship from outside influences… I'm sure I'm leaving out some stuff, but why would you want a wish spell instead? Is it because a "wish spell" sounds easier and you think a magical djinn gonna pop out and nod it's head and your wish is granted? Because you're probably just going to be suckered into getting a wish spell or performing one because it SOUNDS SO SIMPLE, but for any spell to cause such a complete and amazing change, it would have to be profoundly powerful (more powerful than any spell cast by any spellcaster I've ever seen, or even known to have historically exist) made even more impressive by the fact that all wishes of any kind would be granted by this very spell, so the ingredients must truly be ones I have never used or have known were useful as so. 

    I see that sour face on you. Basically, wish spells, so far as I have seen, are more or less fake. They just aren't real. Now I'm sure there is something that might qualify as a wish spell but your wishes would have to be a bit less grandiose. Like you might say "Well I want to win a prize – any sized prize – playing lotto, and while you'd actually do better doing a gambling spell insofar as prizes, a bet a "wish spell" would cover that and you might even win $10 or something.

    Then comes the question of "Why are you always such a dick about dream spells! Dream spells are cool! Like you could totally use them to convince a target to do a thing!" 

    And you'd be right that they exist, and that they are not without purpose on the odd occasion, except that most people do view dreams (assuming they remember them,) as the brain entertaining itself while the body repairs itself and not as being something of any value. You forget a fair amount of people forget their dreams nearly instantly upon waking. Even me, who has the prophetic dream from time to time, places only very small value on 99.9% of dreams…and you may be (not saying you are, saying it's possible) projecting your own beliefs on dreams onto another. Like people who ask me for this stuff tend to place a heavy value on the meanings of their dreams, and just assume most people do. In fact the best use of dream work, in my personal opinion, is to cause sleeplessness and stress, or to use to sort of lull someone into compliance (one using nightmares, the other using reassuring happy dreams,) and not about directly convincing them, nor for rapid results. 

    Of course let's not forget, there is a whole army of people out there who want a spell and they don't know how to put into words what they want spellwise, so maybe they are just using unhelpful terms. So let's break this down into some easy steps.

    First, think about what it is you want. Now place it under one of the following categories: Love/Friendship, Money, Business or Schoolastic Success, Court Case Work, Gambling, Avoiding Detection, Retribution/Justice, Cursing/Harming, Blessing/Protection, Cleansing (removal) or Reversing of Spiritual Work or Spiritual Conditions, Fertility, Health, Obstacle Removal, Control or Domination or other. Now if it's other, just hold on, and still read through the rest. Keep in mind that reconciliation and marriage would be love spells, and breaking people up is cursing. 

    Second (and if you saw a missing broad topic above, lmk,) now that you have an idea of what type of spell it is, now make a subtype. So above I say how reconciliation is a love spell. So you want your ex back, means you want a love spell, which is for reconciliation. Maybe you want to attract a new love, which would be a love attraction spell. For the sake of brevity, I will let you pick what subtype it is by just suggesting you define the underlying desire of the spell. 

    Third, now that you have those 2 facts in mind, try searching. Like do I want to make more money? More sales in particular? Then I might try "spell to make more sales" Clear off the ads. Literally I want you to check and see if this is an actual thing (it is.) Now, you will see "dream spells," "Luck spells," and "weight loss spells" and all sorts of things which technically aren't anything I'd recommend, but by actually trying to get an idea of what it is you want, you're already doing better. Once you realize there are spells for almost every need, you can be a bit more direct and avoid too many common bullshit tropes.

    Because I commonly get this stinker of a question: "I like want a love spell. What kind of love spell? I dunno, what kinds are there? What do you mean like 100 subtypes. Oh, I mean I want my ex to come back." So, that's reconciliation. See now if you followed the above steps first, you'd already know that. If you said you wanted a "wish spell" my question would literally be (I'm sure this is verbatim on what I'd say, too) "what is your wish exactly?" Then, since you just wanted your ex back, I'd tell you the effective spell in that case would be a reconciliation spell. See how easy this is?

    Since this just so happens to be something I review about once a year and I was getting a lot of "dream spells" and "wish spells" type requests, thank you for reading my long winded bit of advice on the topic. 😀

    ~Cat

  • Reddit Stalker…. The True Story *UPDATED*

    Hello my Occulties,

    This incident was also covered here on my business site. 

    So as you may have guessed, when you've been in business for two decades as I have, despite publicly posted terms of service and rules, most of which have remained the same since the business began, despite making hundreds if not thousands of people happy, that at least once a year one fucking piece of shit is just going to be an asshat. On average it's 1.75 people per year. I expect it and it doesn't faze me much. So when I made some clown unhappy for not making promises their spell would manifest overnight, someone who believed I should be on call 24/7 if I'm "real" and "ethical," and my not taking their abusive language, not cutting down my prices to 20% of what I post them as (which actually is in line with the average prices, thanks,) and not being willing to budge on a policy which I clearly outline I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND ON right on those publicly available pages that have remained virtually the same for 2 decades, I thought that I'd really had some ridiculous bullshit I'd dealt with for having to put up with all their crap for a minute there but that would be that.  

    Oh, cluster B personality disorders, why do you make stalkers, because they are already beset with all of the issues you've given them and no one wants them to spread that shit. But they do. And no I'm not making fun of mental illness. This one is certifiable. I'd bet you $100 my assessment is on point. 

    And so this clown decided to become a poster child for how no adult with a spine, courage, intellect, or honor would operate (the poster child for histrionic dumbassery, in fact), and decided to get in a fight with a short, redheaded woman who takes shit from honestly only one guy (and he's very nice to me, so even that's rare.) One sunny day (tbf, I don't recall the weather,) this fall, I come in to a reddit I would at that time inhabit (long ago to repost blog posts as it was so lonely and awful in there,) to this person posting under "KittyThrowaway," and defaming me. No matter how I and another tried to explain they were quite mistaken and what they were saying was easily discredited, the once-awesome but now sycophantic-under-newfound-popularity mod, after years and years of running something which might be compared to circling a turd in a gas-station toilet of reddits which had recently begun to find a lot of popularity just nodded and agreed. When I challenged the "throwaway" to say who they actually were, they were terrified and accused me of threats.

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    I actually don't issue a warning shot, really. If I said I was gonna kick your ass, I almost assuredly would not mean it (nor would you be apt to think I was being anything but amusing,) and further I don't really say that sort of thing at my age, but it's when you're a cunt and I say nothing at all that you probably want to be concerned. 

    BUT because I made an offhand remark like "if you really don't believe I'm capable of casting spells, you'd just tell everyone who you were because you wouldn't be afraid you'd get some wasting disease mysteriously," or similar. Boop, I get tossed for being threatening, never mind someone is slurring my name, lying on me (outright saying I do things I do not do and have never done, which I have screenshots of, and I can show easily just using google that it can be proven false without my own needing to provide "proof" which could be doctored,) is basically threatening my livelihood, my income, and my life, – I dared ask them to use their real REDDIT ACCOUNT (not even their real name,) and said they clearly don't find me scary with what they are saying and should not have a problem doing so but now I'm threatening them. That's sensible. I can be repeatedly threatened and lied about, but if I have the girl balls (we call them ovaries in the states,) to stand up and disagree, I'm the bad one. Alright. 

    Oh for fuck's sake. You know, I do very little cursing really. I mean, it's just too much effort and frankly when I do curse, you're almost guaranteed to know me in real life, and not online (unless someone paid me to curse you, of course). Like you and I have probably physically been in each other's presence at least once if not several times if I did curse you, and even then, it's not something I do so often. Too much effort for people who aren't worth even acknowledging. Even the clowns mentioned here – I mean one used to suck up to me until his reddit got momentarily popular, and the other is pissed I didn't break my own rules and suggested they go elsewhere but is too scared to confront me at the same time. Woooo. Scary.

    I wouldn't threaten you I'd do "baneful 'magick'" (not least of all because I can spell and don't insult myself and everyone else pretending I have to place a k at the end of magic or you'll be so stupid you'll think I mean I'll do a card trick or pull a quarter out from behind your ear, but also because I don't say "baneful" pretty much ever,) and if you're having a lot of problems which mysteriously started after you were a cunt to me, but believed I'd have to have warned you I'd go hexmaster supremo on you for you to think I'd curse you…which honestly I'm insulted anyone thinks I'm cursing randos on reddits which is beyond dorky for even me, then what's the problem? Why am I sooooo scawy?

    Anyhow, I shrugged it off. Some Reddit Mod who I'd formerly been friendly with was drunk on this "popularity" (which clearly was this person's first ever encounter with people looking up to then given the behavior,) acting sanctimonious over some mentally ill weirdo who was making a scene to get back at me for wrongs I never did. Let the guy who was never looked up to feel admired because being drunk on Reddit popularity is…well, it's like me getting drunk off of a half of a light beer (I could probably drink a whole case and just pee a lot and not be hammered,) so I mean let the kid have his fun, and this clown making up stories? Probably just wants attention and I got to be unlucky to be this weeks obsession, so whatever. 

    Because at the time I was still living at the hotel, fucking poor AF, had some serious life stuff I'd just recently found out, had some Mr NinjaCat stuff going on that was also pretty serious, and my shit ex host started losing emails (I am so glad I moved hosts for my site) so I had a few good people pissed off and those people deserved better. I have plenty of people I am still very much in touch with who can vouch for me that I did in fact do my utmost to fix the situation and I did let them know what was going on, so I admit it here publicly, it was a bad time for emails and I know I missed following up on a few for that, (this fall was bullshit,) and I know I pissed a few people off for a second, but so far as I know, I did get back to everyone. I tried taking on a bit less work too, because like I said, I had my hands full at the time, and it was just…a rotten time for this Reddit Mod to turn on me for a clown, thereby making himself a clown. But like I said, whatever, if you're gullible enough to believe someone who has to act as that person did (the screen shots are hilarious,) then you shouldn't moderate the ticket sales at an elementary school play much less a group of adults, so I was better off. 

    I had almost forgotten about it today. This chick I mistook for a nice practitioner starting out, a girl I'd offered pointers to, and had sent business to ran a reddit and I posted on there. My post did not immediately post which was weird since it's a small reddit. I didn't think much of it until this evening when I get a notice I'm "banned for life." LMFAO. So I ask what this is about, because it's gotta be good. She goes and tells me (which I had my people look and so not entirely honestly,) that someone had complained that I'd posted there before (the stalker, which was not hard to confirm,) and like there was "proof" I "blocked them" (which is impossible on any email I have, but OK,) and that I didn't send them pictures of something I did (which they would be clear that I don't generally and actually it's in my FAQ, and also I had hired her out of mostly sympathy and she "forgot" to send me photos of that service which I also have proof of her saying that, haha, – my response was IDGAF at the time but I guess she's banned for life in that other reddit and I feel "threatened" by her actions today, LMAO) that I said I would use "baneful magick" (words I would never ever speak or write unless quoting another,) against this person (because I'm actually not at all well known to just threaten anyone for any reason but I guess my notoriously non-confrontational-until-pushed-repeatedly-self did that on a whim, right?) and some other hogwash. When I said why wouldn't anyone ask my side before they just banned me, it was clear she was either threatened by this first Reddit (I have proof she takes money for services and doesn't send promised images, so I guess she's off of there now as is, – not that I really do give a fuck, but since that's apparently a huge vile mark on her integrity from what I gather, certainly other people in this histrionic dramafest must insist on her removal,) oh and multiple people backed them up (this was also found to be not entirely true, – because I probably shouldn't have believed a 2 faced liar to begin with,) I tried to think of who I'd pissed off other than (oh and it's a notorious fucker stalker) "KittyThrowaway" (and if you want to keep tempting me I have all your info, but the fact "KittyThrowaway" is a cunt everyone wants to throwaway seems like life cursed that one enough, so not worth my time,) and remembered 2 people who having signed a contract would not likely have joined in on ripping on me on a post, but they were pretty upset about the email thing back then and pretty bad about working with me according to my terms of service, needing many reminders. As I'd not gotten my people to scour and look for fuckery yet I offered perhaps them, but that I'd righted things with both and it was an email issue which I had gone out of my way to post in various places was going on at the time plus posted to my blog, so…not sure what that was about. Seemed to me a clown with very suspicious behavior who was saying clearly false things which are easily disproven (without me having to send any screen shots or provide proof which anyone providing "personal proof" could doctor it, – you can discredit them with GOOGLE,) was the culprit and that she and (Name of Other Mod) were just being pathetic sycophants and not wanting to displease a handful people who's approval they should not seek. (You should avoid those types.) 

    The truth does not mind being questioned. A lie sure as shit does. This is why liars hide behind throwaway accounts, or add stuff to a pretty non-exciting moment when someone who was never cool started to feel Godlike for leading a reddit so they can have that clearly "reddit popular," kid on their side if they add exaggerations on to the lies, so what can I do? There's 2 people not bright or discerning or brave enough to see they are doing me wrong, and here's one person who's giving a one finger salute and saying may the bridges I burn light the way. Good luck to you both. I could discredit you both more but you're not mean people, just weak. And this is about as mean as I can be to people who are so weak. Anything more would be cruel. You are both better than your actions. Very disappointing. 0/10 would not recommend.

    But this stalker…oh, my lovies, I've not had a true nutter in awhile. Remember that guy from London that used to literally email me that I'm a poopy pants and he's gonna get me! This one might be as bad given the behavior. Oh, this is a rare treat. Now I have to look but I think this person signed a contract, and that does state they agree to pay a large sum if in violation of certain terms…I hope they got a big checkbook, lol. Always read what you're signing. Always. And if you wanna be a fucking cunt, I'm not going to curse you, but just hold you to those terms and conditions you're bound to. Because one thing my dear Mr NinjaCat will tell you I'm very proud of is at some point if you push me far enough, I'm the biggest fucking cuntiest cunt of all the cunts that ever lived and I will out cunt you so hard. 99% of the time I'm a nice lady. Maybe more than 99% of the time. Don't see the 1%. Anyhow, we will see. If they didn't sign because they never actually hired me (the majority of people lobbing complaints against me historically never have hired me), I'll just have my people gather up anything posted on any site (I have some bored friends, heh,) and go after them legally another way. This will be even better than the time when someone got in a fight with me over their overdue bill, and then couldn't rent an apartment for years because I reported them to the credit companies and they were too proud to pay what they owed, so it stuck there like a fart in a compact car with all the windows not working in winter…because like I said…I'm the cuntiest cunt of all if you go too far. 

    It ain't "baneful magic," or even a curse like most people would say instead of that pompous shit, and I wouldn't waste it on someone like that. It would be like using dynamite to crush an ant. But there will be consequences.

    Some people's kids, amirite?

    Sorry to disappoint anyone who didn't know I do deal with mega-shitbag-liars at some point, but I do.  

    I love you all even if it's not mutual right now….cuz I gotta go be a cunt. 🙂

    ~Cat

    MULTIPLE UPDATES FROM CLIENTS/BLOG READERS AND FRIENDS – Funny and enlightening news on this front, and thanks to the footwork of many. I won't be posting further updates and since it's clear there's some bullying going on (legit, I'm being bullied lol,) the reddits in question might get reported as one of the people helping pointed out it's clearly the work of 2 people (not second reddit mod,) then just pettiness, sycophantic fear-mongering, and bullying (lmao, I'm being bullied,) and well, that's just sad. Sorry I helped your reddit when it sucked and gave you free spellwork when you were down, bro – at least I remember it as being free, but this episode, readers? This is why I'm not as charitable as I once was because I do favors for people and the next thing you know I'm evil and out to get everyone. SMH. Anyhow, here are the best of the reports I got (and for it being "like tons of people" as I was falsely informed by second mod, it was clearly not more than a handful as more than one of these people got hit up by different people of mine who scanned the whole site for any of it, which I might add of the complainers, it seems about half had other identities but I believe everyone is reviewed below,) and the reports have been edited for clarity:

    I found one of them talking shit. PMed them and they said you refused to lower your price and never worked for them, but took up an hour of their time before insisting you would not lower your fees even being told they live in another country and their money is worth less. When I asked if they knew what you would charge before the consultation they said they waited to tell you the budget but you should have understood. I mentioned you have a price list on your site. They said you don't have a site. I said you have had one since 2004 and a long running blog. They accused me of being you and blocked me. 

    So, I did not do business with them, but I'm a scam because I wouldn't give them a special lowered price? WOW, that person sounds like someone's word to trust! I mean, I'm going to go get some groceries later and insist because I earn less than this lawyer behind me in line, I should pay less and see if they just agree since clearly that's how businesses work (I would never do that, either because only assholes do stuff like demand a special lower price.)

    Where do I start. Began picking apart a specific post because it did contain easy to dismiss claims. The person contacted me (or another account did which claimed to be them.) I asked If you worked for them, and they said they were really nice to you and you seemed nice and they complimented your blog, but then they asked for pictures of the work. You told them outright it is not your practice and if this was a deal killer, they should probably see someone else. They were incensed and apparently tried to convince you that you are wrong to do that, and at the end of this "conversation" (which I infer they really read you the riot act for a long time,) you say "look you have just wasted hours and hours of my time – which is worth $125 per hour – giving me shit about nothing I am going to change because some person who is crazy enough to think they can argue me into giving them special treatment suchas yourself thinks I would regret not taking the business of an entitled and abusive jerk like you! I think I missed a bullet by not meeting your expectations" which verbatim sounds like you, and then they said you told them to kick rocks which I take they are not a native English speaker and were very upset thinking that meant something very bad. 

    So, because they wasted my time then followed me around lecturing and insulting me and wasted more time, but again, never bought anything, I'm the bad guy? Wow, OK, good to see this isn't any customers! LMFAO. This is an entitled abusive jerk. I stand by that. And when I say kick rocks it really isn't like "pound sand" but a pretty PG suggestion, so I'm not sorry to have used it but I get that feelings may have been more hurt than intended.

    Said you did not do the work because four months after you cast it some friend of the mod [of the first reddit mentioned] did a reading for them and said you didn't. Said they contacted you and you didn't respond.

    Wait, what? My competition, who clearly didn't do a reading (because after four months that would be hugely difficult to read spell energy, as most of it would have dissipated, -  and frankly, when you are asked if someone did a spell, you look for indicators of change in their reading if you're most readers, so that tells me the person probably isn't a reader or if they are they failed to disclose that as one normally would,), a person who is a friend with someone who is no longer my friend and had very hurty feelings about me a few months back, so also has every reason to lie told them I didn't do the work for this person. Best part? This person reports back that I charged $409. Every price I have ends in a 5 or a 0 and has since I first started actually. Even if it's a typo that's highly suspect. My price list hasn't changed in probably close to a decade and I don't generally charge $400 for anything. Suddenly this kid 2 weeks ago just started smack talking me or something? I mean, I do tell everyone TO USE MY EMAIL to contact me, so it's plausible someone contacted me on reddit but I have no chat that fits this. That's all i know, and I gave you the juicy parts. IF THE OFFENDER WANTS TO CONTACT ME, PLEASE DO AND WE WILL CLEAR IT UP…and I don't mean the reader who did a favor for my former friend and made shit up instead of doing a reading, lol. The best part will be proving that reader wrong, will take me 1 minute (no nothing scary), but can't post something that personal here to a possible client and since I never charged anyone $409 this is a huge mystery. 

    You pointed out a mistake in something they posted which they took as that you're rude. It was some spell and you asked them why this or that ingredient when that makes no sense. They said you clearly don't know what you are talking about, but then could not defend the ingredient except said it was there because they said so. They never hired you. They say you are just an asshole.

    Yeah, that's probably some spell where a bay leaf was way weird of an ingredient. I was honestly legitimately curious as to the reason. When asked they became defensive, and refused to say more which tells me they either stole the spell or just made it up and didn't realize it was horribly cobbled together and nonsense. I could be wrong, but I believe I remember that interaction.

    I guess you didn't give them free work when the work did not take. From what I gathered there were initial results but they fizzled. So they said some stuff happened, then nothing, then went back to initially something happening not nothing but not enough. When I pressed to see if they had lust for results or acted contrary to your instructions to ferret out if they had made the spell fizzle they acted awkward and may have blocked me. Not responding now. 

    Because I wouldn't give them something they were in no way entitled to, I'm a bad person. Gotcha. I know exactly who this one is, and they were actually pretty good of a client to work for except for the entitled thing which would rear it's head over and over despite gentle (and then less gentle) explanation it wasn't owed or coming. I'm sorry this person lowered themselves to this level. Very disappointed. Thought they were a better person. 

    So, out of everyone basically 2 people worked with me, and one is allegedly being manipulated against me and has voiced no complaint directly to me. Terrifying. I get hundreds of cases a year and 2 complaints? I'll take it. Less than 1% dissatisfaction? Sure. That's good, and I'm glad.

    Oh and, as an aside, "R-Pomegranate," (name changed) SO MANY CHARGEBACKS? I have had one in the last 22ish months (I want to say actually since April or early May 2021,) and the money was given back by the person who did the most recent willingly so it didn't go through. The prior one I was awarded all the money back as the person who did it was judged as being dishonest and fabricating by the pay processor. So you can see how I got "so many chargebacks," meaning 0 that went through, and 2 attempts in 2 years, and out of all my sales that would be less than even 0.3 of a percent of my sales had attempted chargebacks in the last 22 or so months, so you just gave me a compliment! Why tell all those lies and tell people not to use my services then? I mean, the whole post was full of lies, so…it is what it is. I bet you got a free reading from someone to post that but if I did work for you then you should have read your contract….and um, not the part about chargebacks because in your case that wouldn't be the violation I have screenshots of. 😛 (CA – 12, btw.)

    But then again, I'm sure it was worth the free reading or service you got from whoever to make up that loveletter you posted. *yawn*

    I've been warned though that because this was addressed there's a few clown soldiers tryna save face so if the stupidity rages on, I'm sure I will be accused of killing the dinosaurs, the real person who stabbed Caesar, and the Pharaoh in the story of Moses. SMH. You flatter me. I can barely open a pickle jar on my own.

    Keep talking shit, if you just want to make me famous. I mean, after all I bet I'm the one who killed Jimmy Hoffa, too, lmao!

  • CONTEST WITH PRIZES – Questions You’ve Asked Me

    ***This Article is FEATURED and newer posts may appear below it***

    Hey Occulties,

    So, after chatting with Ms Karma Zain, I'm here to announce my Questions You've Asked Me Contest, which is a super fun contest that requires no purchase from you and can get you FREE AWESOME PRIZES…or at least, I think they are awesome, but then I would. 😉 This time the prizes are:

    GRAND PRIZE: $150 Gift Certificate to Seraphin Station (ritual supplies!!!) One free single spellcasting (up to $150 value,) with me, and a free hour reading. 
    First Runner Up: $100 Gift Certificate to Seraphin Station, and one free single spellcasting with me
    Second Runner Up: $50 Gift Certificate to Seraphin Station, and one free half hour reading with me. 

    Entering is simple. Please use this form for EACH QUESTION (so a new form needs to be filled out for every question entered), with everyone entering being allowed to enter up to five (5) questions for free. If you purchase any services from me from now until March 1, 2023, you can add an additional question for each purchase made. 

    The questions should be new (please click on the Questions You've Asked Me topic link to check,) never before asked questions, they should be focused ON TOPIC (so hoodoo, rootwork, spellcasting techniques – not how do you make Cat's Famous Meatloaf recipe) and to the point (so no vague questions.) The best three questions will be chosen on March 2, with the winners announced no later than March 7. 

    Fired and banned clients/people are unwelcome to join, otherwise, participants should be 21 and older, and as long as you are, you are welcome to enter. You may only win one prize, not all three. You agree by submitting questions that your question can appear on my blog and that it becomes property of OriginalNinjaCat.com for use in future blog articles. 

    Contact me if you have any questions regarding the contest. 

    ~Cat

  • Reminders for People who Need Love Spell Reminders

    Hey Occulties,

    DAMN, it's colder outside than my attitude is at a party full of people I hate, and that's mofuggin cold. So, today since I posted a luv spell yesterday, comes the obligatory lecture about love and relationships because so often I find it isn't the spell isn't working, it's the petitioner working against the spell, as many people (even me at times,) can get very overwhelmed by emotions and stop being sensible. 

    So, since yesterday's spell was to attract a specific person to you, why would this spell flounder – what behaviors or actions could cause that, and how can we address that so it doesn't happen to us. 

    For starters, make sure that the person is SINGLE. There is nothing right about dating someone who's with someone else (I mean, if it's a true open relationship then the other partner knows all about you and you're not going to be intruding on their relationship, but if it isn't, then…) and if you're a woman, even more people are going to judge you. It may be sexist, but it's how it is. But past the morality of them not being single, remember, if they cheated on their spouse or partner to be with you, they are almost guaranteed to cheat on you, and any coarse behaviors they showed towards that partner are apt to be aimed at you if their former partner leaves – and a lot of the time, they had no intention of leaving that person as is, and don't, which brings up the next problem. Even when you do a love spell on someone to make them come to you, they might already really like you in a romantic way, they may see you a bit more, but if they had no intention of leaving the person they are cheating on, then you will only accomplish seeing them more. So, one problem you may run into is your target isn't single and just getting someone attracted and desirous of you doesn't mean that they will leave their partner even if they act on those feelings.

    If you did not know and just discovered your erstwhile partner was never single, it doesn't change the above, either. 

    Next, be sure this person is someone who would be sexually attracted to you. No, I'm not saying you're ugly. I know plenty of heterosexual people who get crushes on gay guys and girls and then think magic will fix that, as well as many gay folx who get crushes on heterosexual people, and so on and so forth. If you know the person has a preference, you are not doing yourself any favors by throwing yourself at someone who is not capable of feeling sexual or romantic attraction. Years and years ago, I knew someone who was deeply in love with a gay gentleman, and while he wasn't out of the closet, short of making out with a man in public, he was every gay stereotype there is, but she would not admit to herself that this was very likely so, and that woman threw everything magical at this guy to no avail, so save yourself the energy and heartache, and remember, it's not your fault or theirs that the attraction can't be consummated, but it's best for you both to let the crush go.

    Also DO NOT STALK YOUR TARGET and do not smother them!! I don't understand why people think they are being slick or attractive by blowing up someone's phone or stalking social media, or any other stalkery smothery behaviors, but this is going to discourage your target's desire as strongly as pooping your pants while they are kissing you probably would. 

    When the person begins to respond to the spell, do not become overwhelming and smothery either! AND DO NOT bring up some past thing this person did the moment you begin to reconcile. If you really need to discuss this with them, then you need to wait to be back in a secure relationship or wait for them to bring it up. 

    And speaking of reconciliation, many of you neither know how nor how often to apologize. Apologies are generally given once, and you should not repeat them over and over. Be sure you take ownership of the mistake and the resulting problems or hurt it caused, and from there either try to suggest something to improve yourself, or say "I will do my utmost to avoid this mistake in the future." Example: "Hey, I'm really sorry that I got drunk and stole your moped and drove into a cave of polar bears at the zoo which destroyed it, but I want you to know that I'm so very sorry for the hurt and expense I've caused you, as I was totally wrong. Please accept this financial reimbursement for the full amount of a new moped and know I hope this makes up for what I've done and helps you to know I do not want this incident to harm our friendship." It is NOT: "Sorry I got drunk and stole your moped, but admit that I drove it straight into a den of polar bears was freakin classic! I mean here's a few bucks for your crappy bike – mopeds are so lame so maybe you can get a real motorcycle this time." Never deflect blame when apologizing. Own what you did. 

    But don't repetitively apologize because all you do is remind someone how much you hurt them. Say it once. One. Time.

    I think that's all the classic "stop fcking up your own love spells" problems that aren't lust for results or someone making a mistake doing the spell…. 

    I'll try to be back a bit later with another spell for you all. 🙂

    ~Cat

    PS- I remembered one. No one wants to date a martyr or a slob, so clean yourself up and stop being so negative because I promise you, neither tends to appeal to a prospective partner. 

  • Spell to Draw a Specific Person to You

    Hey Occulties,

    Since a couple of people decided they were going to drag out consultations (which I don't mean you told me outright you can pay me on x day,) I have a super free night tonight. I could spend that cleaning the house (ewwww,) or writing an article, plus keep in mind that dragging out a consultation can cost money (as can getting multiple consultations without purchasing anything repeatedly), so in a way, now my readers and I are both ahead. 🙂

    So tonight since everyone's getting all mushy thinking about Valentine's Day, I figured I'd feature a love spell, even though I do warn you that this doesn't mean in like ten days someone is definitely going to come charging in the door with a dozen roses in hand wishing desperately for you to be in their loving arms. As always, keep your expectations realistic, no stalking or acting badly towards the target, no fighting, etc. The idea is to let the target reach out to you first. OK? OK.

    You will need:

    Four pink "chime" candles
    3 red "chime" candles 
    An image of the target
    Dust from a riverbed
    Sugar (plain old granular sugar)
    Powdered licorice root
    Powdered pink or red rosepetals
    Come to Me oil
    A large pie plate, cake tin, or other heatproof container
    A sharp object like a needle or a pin
    Optional: Sand

    In a small bowl, mix together about 2 tablespoons each of the sugar, licorice root, rosepetals and dust. This does not have to be exact measurements, and you are aiming for about equal parts of each. Hold your hands over the mixture, envisioning you (or the petitioner) together, and say "(Name of Target,) your run faster than the river to hold me (or petitioner name) in your arms." and repeat this six more times, for a total of seven times. 

    Now using your sharp object, carve up (base to wick) your command for the target, – something like "come to me," or "desire me," is perfectly appropriate. You may use the same command for each candle or a different one on each or even 3 different commands, etc., but keep it simple. Don't write a gigantic mega sentence on each one. Now anoint each candle from base to wick, using seven strokes of the hand and as you anoint each one say "(Name of target,) you run faster than the river to hold me in your arms," each time you anoint a new candle. 

    Take pie plate or heatproof container and place the image of your target in the center. Now make a circle with the dirt/herb mixture, so that it is around the target. Place the candles outside this circle, alternating the red and pink. Light the candles starting with the western most candle, and as you light each, say "(Name of target,) you run faster than the river to hold me in your arms."  As you light the final candle, speak, looking directly into the eyes of the target's picture, and say "(Name of target,) I conjure you to come to me now, this very moment, this very second, immediately, and each moment that passes the stronger the urge to be with me becomes. I call you now, to come to me this second, as I know you are alone in this world, so I demand you come to me and be my partner, and to come to me full of desire and love this very second! As is my will, so be it!" Allow the candles to burn out. Take the image and hide it in your bedroom, usually between the mattress and boxspring is a good place, until the target comes to you. 

    Sand is optional to fill the pie plate so that your can use it as a fireproof substrate that also doesn't get incredibly hot. The rest of the remains should be thrown out in a location east of your home.

    I'm sure there will be questions, so please ask! 

    ~Cat

  • Why isn’t this working? answered

    Hey everyone, 

    I wrote you a lovely questions you've asked me article which apparently has disappeared. I have no idea where it went, so that's 2 or so hours of my life that just went missing. Grrr…

    So, since it is missing, I'll expand on my first question and answer on that now missing article as it seems some people don't understand something so I do get this sort of inquiry a lot… It goes a bit like: "Cat, I have this issue, and practitioner A got some movement on it for me, but not the full desired results. Then about 2 weeks later I hired practitioner B who also got some movement on it, and yet still not the full desired results, and so is it that I have an impossible problem, or was I 'scammed'? Who's fault is it that the spells 'aren't working?"

    The answer seems to surprise a fair amount of people, but a lot of the time if you're asking me this, you are the one at fault. BUT, let's take a second and ask is this problem impossible? Alright, did you ask someone to turn you into a werewolf? Ask if they could shrink you to two inches high? Ask to be turned into a toad? If that all sounds ridiculous, people do sometimes ask for such things. If you asked for a lottery win, to be married to a movie star, or to get a job you are in no way qualified to have (for example, you couldn't pass algebra class and barely graduated high school but want to be a rocket scientist,) then let's say all of that is because you have an unrealistic idea of spells and what they can do, so the request itself is the problem. 

    HOWEVER, most of you really don't seem clueless there, so the next step is we ask does this problem, on the surface SEEM realistic enough? Do you want your ex back? Do you want a job you are at least mostly qualified for? Do you want your long term partner to marry you, or for your nasty neighbor who keeps making his dog poop in your yard to move away? Do you want more sales at your small business or to get your misbehaving cousin to stop stealing bikes and being a petty crook? All this stuff is normal enough requests for spells. So, when we can gauge that yes it does, we move on and look at the issue being worked on and ask "okay but IS THIS so simple?" Of course, it generally is not so very simple, and sometimes surprisingly large details are left out of the description. This one person who wants their ex to call doesn't add that their ex has a restraining order against them and has changed his or her number and contact details seventeen times in a bid to avoid them. This person who wants a job at this company doesn't add in that they live nowhere near that company and that while they are qualified that the job requires a great deal of people to refer them and support them to break into working in that particular company (for example, a job in the entertainment industry.) The person who wants their long term partner to marry them didn't mention the person is a mega-commitmentphobe that they broke up with about three years ago. The nasty neighbor with the dog pooping in their land just so happens to be the mayor of their town who basically runs the entire city council. Their small business doesn't advertise and is only open 2 days a week and relies on a low traffic area unappealing store and only takes business out of the store. That misbehaving cousin is stealing bikes and being a petty criminal because of a massive drug issue which requires a long stint in rehab the client can't pay for and the state won't help with. 

    Now some of that, to be fair, is still quite fixable, but the client having been dishonest or misleading might make someone apply spellwork that would not suit the situation as well as it could. Furthermore, many of those issues are going to require a few spells, because they are HUGE issues that can't be solved with a tiny spell. So, if you want to marry that long term partner who hasn't been your partner in many years, you do not want a marriage spell but instead would need to step way back and get a reconciliation spell, which you would them want to have a working relationship with them for a time before considering marriage for example. 

    Because I have noticed that when people complain of "partial results," because their problem is "unfixiable" as the problem returns or the results seem transient, a lot of the time, the real issue is one of two things – either they are undertreating the problem with too little spellwork, OR they are addressing part of the problem which is itself merely a symptom of a larger problem. So if you have a massive issue with business because your store is in an undesirable location, and is only open 2 days a week, the problem is probably that you need to move to a better location, at which you keep your shop open for more hours. Just throwing business drawing spells at it won't help so much, especially without improved hours. You are, in that example, drawing opportunity to knock at the door, and then repeatedly ignoring its proverbial knocking. Instead, one might try to accumulate money to move the store to a better location, or, depending on the type of thing being sold, to offer better hours online so as to allow more customers the ability to find the store and make purchases. 

    With love, the most common offender after undertreating the issue goes a bit like this: "I brought so and so back, and they were nice for a time, but went back to being a jerk." See, the problem there is much like a rash might go away and come back over and over, their leaving you over and over because they are acting churlish is that you love someone who a jerk. Well, after some examination it comes to light that the problem is the target has a personality disorder is just a jerk. Much like if you paint a red bird blue (please don't paint living creatures) the poor little bird will eventually molt out the painted feathers and return to being a red bird, so will a jerk eventually return to it's natural status of being a jerk. You did have a working spell, but you are asking a proverbial red bird to turn blue and it will always be a red bird, just like that person will always be a jerk. Just because a jerk loves you, it doesn't make them not a jerk…so the spell worked fine, it just couldn't change what the person is. 

    In all my years of working for myself and others, MOST (as in 99%) of "unfixable" problems were either that someone refused to break a huge problem into smaller steps, had unrealistic expectations, or refused to address the real problem and continually complained that symptoms of said real problem WERE the problem, not the thing which caused said symptoms. So…most likely this is going to be the answer to you if you complain the problem is unfixable, and you're not asking for something which is clearly ridiculous like wanting to be a fire breathing dragon or to have magical powers which make you fly on a broom.

    Now could it be the person you hired? In the above question the person stipulates a wait of 2 weeks. Honestly, spells can take longer than 2 weeks to work, so that isn't the practitioner's fault if you expect overnight results, though if they promised overnight results, that might be a red flag. But, it's fair to say that many practitioners excel at certain types of magic (business and success, or hexing or healing, or love, etc,) whereas some are jacks of all trades but masters of none. Still, the person inquiring does stipulate they hired not one but two practitioners and did experience results in each case, so the most likely problem is…

    The petitioner. Look, I hate to say this because it's so upsetting to several people, all who honestly believe they are doing nothing to harm their spellwork, but even yours truly has been my own worst enemy, so I can say with some authority it's pretty common to be the reason your spell isn't manifesting as fast or as well as you'd like it to. Are you obsessing about the situation or people involved frequently, or do you keep the whole matter as far out of your mind as possible. For example, are you thinking about what color socks I'm wearing right now? Well, now you are, of course, but is this something you thought about yesterday, several times a day? No? Didn't occur to you to think of it? If at all possible that would be how much you'd think about the spell, the situation being spellcast upon, and the people involved. Of course, life is often not so convenient. If you are working on your partner and you live with them, it's nearly impossible not to thinking of them AT ALL, so realistically, you just need to keep your mind off of the situation as much as possible, and do not dwell on. Next be PATIENT. Spells do not often manifest overnight. The amount of people who have come to me to tell me they got what they wanted basically the moment they gave up on it because they prolonged the manifestation phase through lust for results isn't small. 

    So, what have we learned? You need to keep expectations realistic, that big problems sometimes require multiple steps, that sometimes "The problem" is actually a symptom of the real problem and until you address the real problem, the "symptom" keeps returning, that sometimes the problem is you asked your practitioner to work on an area outside their expertise, and that lust for results is still in the champion number one spot for being the cause of spell failure. 

    Hopefully that was educational! 🙂

    ~Cat

  • To Get Someone to Call/Reach Out

    Hey Occulties,

    I know this is probably one of the few times anyone envies me for having a massive surplus of naturally shed parrot feathers but these are available in many crafting stores and online. The easiest call me charm I know goes like this:

    You will need
    A large parrot feather (wing or tail, usually, DO NOT PLUCK A LIVING BIRD, these are naturally molted twice a year,)
    Blue thread
    Orange thread
    An image of the target (small preferably)
    A light blue or orange-inked marker or pen

    Take the image of your target and across the face of the image write "(Name of target) contact (your name) immediately!" Now, taking the ends of each spool of thread wrap both the orange and blue threads around the image and the parrot feather to bind them together. People ask what I mean when I say "make a cocoon," and comparatively, it's a bit like rolling a ball of yarn out of a skein if that's helpful, but you wrap both threads around this image and the feather, slowly, wrapping towards you as you repeat, "(Name of target,) contact me immediately, right now, this very instant! The more you try to resist contacting me, the stronger the desire to contact me becomes," while you envision the target contacting you, and just repeat this over and over. As you come to the end of the spools of thread, make a knot to fasten it (you can stop repeating the chant for a moment as you do so,) and then tie it so you have made a little loop at the end. While the target should contact you within 24 hours just by creating this device*, save it, and when you want them to make contact again, placing the loop on your index finger of your writing hand, spin the ball clockwise as you repeat 9 times "(name of target) contact (your name)) immediately!" And again, doing this should make them reach out within 9 hours. 

    This will only work if 1. The target knows you well, and 2.) They know your contact details. It will not work on a movie star or someone who knows little to nothing about you. 

    ~Cat

    *If your target does not contact you within three days, remake the item. 

     

    ****I recently reposted this on Reddit, and, from the response of a person, apparently someone inferred (when it was no way implied) that some damage be done to the parrot who's feathers are being used….it's either that or they are a level 2000 vegan and the mere mention of animals in any way being discussed in any do-it-yourself instructions causes a blind rage which stops brain activity to the point of lacking any reading comprehension, – then asked me something bizarre about how are they not protected by the migratory bird act. Well, for starters, most parrots are not at all native to North America, then moving forward, I in no way suggested nor would I endorse you murdering a parrot to get some feathers. I LITERALLY SUGGEST USING NATURALLY MOLTED FEATHERS. So, if your panties got bunched up reading this, please understand many parrot owners actually sell naturally-molted, cruelty-free parrot feathers for crafting purposes. I assure you, as a parrot owner, they drop feathers at least twice a year so new ones can come in, and one of my cockatiels is often 3x a year. Since those feathers fall out as a natural and expected process (molting,) no birdie needs to be harmed. 

    I can't illustrate how unfathomably stupid someone would have to be to think I would endorse harming a parrot, seeing as I obviously love them too much and have 3, but I am not particularly surprised, just disappointed that anyone would read into what I wrote and think to chastise me as such.

    But since this same person asked were they necessary to be used in this, the answer is yes, and if you don't like it, even though it in no way requires any bit of cruelty, then go find some other spell and stop pretending to yourself that using a naturally molted feather is harmful to the bird because it just makes you look foolish.

    If you want to complain about endangered bird feathers being used, I can guarantee you that you should be able to get feathers from most (however definitely not all) parrot species which have been domesticated without legal reprecussions. 

    Hopefully that clarifies it for anyone else.

  • Spell for a Woman to Attract a Former Lover Back to Her

    Hey Occulties,

    I don't generally post sex-specific spells (and, alas, it gets even more specific,) but here's one I don't think I've shared. 

    So, cisgendered heterosexual ladies who still menstruate are going to have the best effect here. If you no longer menstruate due to medical issues or age, this spell may not be for you. If you are a cisgendered lesbian, I do not know how well this will work for you, but feel free to try it out, and report back. If you are a F to M transperson still having an active uterus, or are genderqueer and have an active uterus, it may work but most likely on a target born male. 

    There, I think I hit all of the sexualities on the LGBQT+ rainbow. If I did not, feel free to let me know if you have questions. 

    You will need:
    Your morning urine and menstrual blood collected on the first morning of your period (so if it started Tuesday night, you will use Wednesday morning)
    Red Rose petals
    Honey
    Catnip
    Damiana

    Collect your urine in a small to medium pot when you wake up and to it add honey, red rose petals, catnip, and damiana. It is okay to dilute this with water. On your stovetop, boil this for about 7 minutes on a low boil. It will smell like pee, so again, if it really smells very very pee smelly, it's perfectly fine to dilute this with water. Now as it boils you will stir it and seven times for each minute for a total of seven minutes, you say "(Name of target,) I am irresistible to you, and you have no peace or tranquility until you come to me."  Once you have said the phrase a total of 49 times (7×7 is 49,) remove the mixture from heat and allow this to cool, then place this into a bottle or cup. When it is dark out and there are less people nearby, starting near or at your target's door, make a "trail" of this tea back to your door. I do not rightly expect many of you pee enough pee to make it over the course of 10 miles or anything like that, so clearly this is intended for a nearby target. When you have reached your own door (or the outside entry of the building leading to your door,) pour the remainder of the tea here. It should attract your target to you rapidly. 

    As I know I will be asked, how in the fuck are you to walk around with a cup of piss and no one will know? Since I realize a fair amount of you lack the necessary adaptability and problem solving skills that would be required of a great magician, I will help… And you will also wonder why you asked. Go get a sippy style cup (like a travel mug) – even using a coffee cup like they give you at a coffee shop with the little opening on the top is perfect, and then no one will see what's inside. Also useable are sport bottles with like those pull up nipple tops to them. As you'll want to keep in your mind's eye, the image of the target being pulled to your home as you lay this stuff down, be sure you pick a container which isn't going to overwhelm your sense of impropriety if you feel very weird about holding a cup of pee-tea in public.

    I'm sure there will be questions, so you know where to find me. 🙂

    ~Cat

  • Simple Technique to Disturb and Disrupt an Enemy’s Life

    Hey Occulties,

    Just a quickie today. So this is pretty simple. Find a graveyard which is preferably an older graveyard. Find a tombstone which has a bush or a tree which brushes against it. Even some high grass is fine, so long as when the wind blows, it's going to rub that stone. Most newer graveyards will be difficult to find this but an older one is more untended and tends to have a low tree branch or some bramble that scrapes against a stone often.

    Take 3 hairs from the head of your enemy, and tie these to that branch or stalk and and as you tie it on, say to the person who's grave it is "(Name of deceased,) know that (enemy's name) calls to you!" Now rub the branch or stalk against the stone taking care not to touch it and repeat "(Name of deceased,) know that (enemy's name) calls to you!" two more times. Now stand straight and say "Best go find (name of enemy,) as your presence is requested." And leave the graveyard without looking back. 

    I recommend taking a route that travels over running water on your way back, and taking a cleansing bath when you arrive home. 

    Your enemy should have a few sleepless nights (or more than a few.) 😀

    ~Cat

  • Jake Stratton Kent Has Passed On

    My Dear Occulties,

    It is with great sadness, that I announce a wonderful author, brilliant mind, and a very lovely person all around has left this world for the next. Jake has always been such an amazing force to me, and I'm sure I probably annoyed him more than once with a stupid question, as he was just so damn knowledgeable. He was always helpful with me, and never curt, so I can't rightly say if I drove him bonkers. He had been in poor health for awhile and so it isn't entirely a surprise that he's passed on, but it still hurts to lose him, – I truly think he's done more for the study of conjuring spirits than many authors ever could. I am without words. 

    Thank you for everything, JSK, and may your next journey be more wonderful than the one you have just left.

    ~Cat