Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Three Ways You May Be Slowing (or even ruining) Your Spellwork’s Manifestation

September 24, 2023

Hey Occulties,

Time for a review of sorts (I’ve written similar articles,) about what you may be doing to slow your spellwork’s manifestation.

*You are vigilantly focused on your situation, and often ruminate over what might happen next.

I’ve discussed lust for results, – I’m credited as the source for why this is now discussed at length as it was not really a huge topic until I started speaking about it over and over 15+ years ago, – and while it’s not a new problem, it’s visibly worsened since the onset of social media. Why? Because back when dinosaurs ruled the earth and we still didn’t know what social media was, it was very difficult to stalk people, and to make a point, we even did things like published a full free book listing peoples phone numbers and addresses. Why? Well, probably for the very reason one of my schools used your SSN freely as your ID number – this information could be given fearlessly as very few people could or would use this information in a harmful manner. Sure, it happened that people did use the info in harmful ways (the original terminator even found Sarah Connor using a traditional phone book,) but it was relatively rare so it’s just how we rolled. Because of the difficulty in stalking, people had a code of conduct which prevented many people from engaging in stalking. You’d have to practically drive back and forth in front of someone’s house and that was embarrassingly obvious. Or you might try calling and hanging up, but caller ID was invented so that was also not a covert way to stalk. This inability to be discreet led to people never starting that slow descent into obsessive anxiety. Thus the issue was not as prevalent.

Then came MySpace. Once that started the ability to covertly observe someone was greatly increased. Each new platform intensified this ability. When I first opened my business, I would say maybe 1/10th to 1/15th of my clients had lust for results badly enough to cause problems. Now it is at about 5 out of 6 clients. Many can be coached to stop the behavior but clearly the trend is now too many people have this issue. If you’re casting on your own you may wonder why the lack in results, and this is the likely cause.

Simply put, it’s an obsessive anxiety. The petitioner (person for who the spell is cast for,) repeatedly checks for signs of change in their situation, thinks on their situation, the spell, the people involved frequently, is often negative, sad, depressed, and feels nervous or hopeless when thinking in the situation, stalks the targets social media frequently (if applicable) fantasizes ir imagines in a negative light the future, and basically is overwhelmed by the situation and thoughts of it, sometimes to such a detrimental degree that they lose friends or their job. So this might mean you feel anxious, hopeless, depressed, and irrational (like too overjoyed about a reaction to a post or driven to a sobbing fit when you don’t get one.)

The stupid excuse people give us that of course they are emotional – this thing or person they are using the spellwork on is quite meaningful to them so it only makes sense. This falls flat when you realize that your home means quite a bit to you but most of us don’t stalk social media and fall into a crying fit, incapable of moving from a prostrate position should we find out a fifty dollar repair is needed or if we find out our rose bush died over the winter. Or perhaps you love your home but need to relocate for a job. Do you stop eating, and grooming yourself, talking about anything but losing your beloved home, etc? If you would fall to pieces, you probably are if the original 1/10-1/15 I’d have run into before the rise of social media who are prone to lust for results, if this sounds rather dramatic to you, —surprise! You can apply the following to all areas of life and all manner if people or things you’re attached to.

Start by accepting the loss. You have lost or are losing something even if it’s an amount of money to fix a thing or the amount of time you won’t have access to it to fix it, or even a permanent loss. Do not keep ripping open the wound. Instead address it. So with break ups you must say to yourself, “I have broken up with (person) so we are no longer a couple.” See there’s the part many get hung up on, – that’s scary. Don’t make this worse either, just say that to yourself. Then remind yourself the person is not dead, and that should you avoid bad behaviors and engage the right actions and behaviors that you can have them back. Maybe that might take time, or money, or patience, or faith but it’s not desperate. Remind yourself that. Accept what has happened. It’s not giving up. It’s letting yourself understand the loss or damage occurred and you cannot go back in time to change that, only work with what you have presently to make a future that you want.

Next figure out what you want to do. Do you want this thing you lost, or can’t have, or to fix the thing? How can you do that? Well maybe you’d fix it yourself, or you hire a specialist to fix it. You make that plan. Have a back up plan too. Do your research.

Now engage the plan like you would plant a seed. I do not dig up a seed to ensure it’s growing. I plant the seed, give it food and let it grow. So then must you do this if you have faith (which is imperative for spellwork) in yourself and your plan.

Now stop letting it rent space in your head. When the fears and doubts and desires to obsess on it or spy at it crawl in, remind yourself you’ve done the best you can and must now wait for it to blossom into being,

Thats how to sidestep lust for results. If you’re anxious, emotional, obsessing, irrational, moody, and always ruminating on the spell or the people or things it’s cast on, you’re sick with lust for results. You need to stop that because it slows manifestation or can kill it entirely.

*You work against your own spellwork.

Imagine you want a specific position in your company, and they are hiring for the position. You apply. Then you start acting horribly towards everyone within your current position, show up for work infrequently, and get drunk at work. Think you will get hired? Of course not. What if you did a spell and did all that? Of course not. Not even with a spell.

Imagine you and your partner have been arguing. You don’t want to break up with them so you argue more, have several crazy emotional outbursts, ruin their car, and call one of their parents to tell them your partner is an alcoholic and a slut. Think they won’t break things up? They will! Yes, even if you did a spell!

And mental illness does not get you a free ticket out of being held responsible either. In fact, if you come to me and say you were quite sorry for what you did and want it to be better, those spells still won’t work because it’s like you stomping on an ant and telling me you are sorry you stomped on it and expecting the ant to become whole and reanimate for saying so.

So work with your spellwork, not against it. It’s quite fragile in the formative stages and if it’s injurious to even obsess about, outright taking an opposing action towards it is clearly a bad thing.

*You don’t know apologies are for the one giving the apology, and you don’t realize begging isn’t going to win you anything in 99.9999% of situations.

This is basically for reconciliation situations but, for fuck’s sake, stop trying to win anyone back begging and apologizing. You’ll just push them farther away. If they broke up with you, stop calling and texting and messaging them past the necessary (like needing possessions back,) and even in those cases make sure it’s needed, not just like a pair of socks or a hair brush.

A break up, at the very least, I’d a demand for space so give that person space. Do not invade their space with your emotional begging, and discussions, and demands. That’s disrespectful and selfish in their eyes and will only make you even farther from ever coming back into their life.

And stop the martyr for love act. If you look miserable and sick and crazy, that will chase this person farther away too.

And the honorable mention? Every person you inform about active spellwork can impact it if it’s not manifested so keep your unmanifested spells to yourself (or among less than three people who aren’t chatty.) Plus never ever tell anyone anything unless you’re prepared for the whole world to know anyhow.

That's it for today!

~Cat
Cat Rants about the State of Things

September 23, 2023

Hello Occulties,

Not sure if you knew this, but I have this nifty business site and on this site there are all these instructions and rules and guidelines where you can answer such nifty questions like “how do I pay you?” Which will in turn tell you about all the pay processors I accept; or perhaps “how much contact is too much?” Which will tell you things like if you’re having really very little or nothing during the manifestation phase this week, maybe one or two emails starting a new conversation thread at most. Apparently, a large portion of people I currently work for missed that, so I’m going to tell you a few things that apply to a great big portion of spellcasters like:

Stop asking us how the spell went almost immediately – we all hate it, and if you are to get an update afterwards it is generally told to you that you will prior to your paying your worker and before starting your work or right before they begin, and to wait for that persons update if they do offer an update after the casting. Asking us this question is NOT about being so curious as to how the spell went as it is to check we didn’t run off on you. I’ve literally had people ask me this 30 minutes after I’d told them I would be starting their work, and I wasn’t close to finishing. It also is a huge headache to answer my stock answer which is “everything went fine on my end,” out of order in my email queue so I don’t have these overly anxious types try to stupidly attempt a chargeback for daring not reply to them within 6 hours, and it tells me very clearly I’ve got someone who is almost definitely going to suffer from lust for results as well. And as I’ve said countless times, I really don’t send a discussion of the service for having learned very quickly that it causes more anxiety than when I don’t. I focus on the client’s well being and situation which tends to keep them on course and not fixated on anything from a typo in my report (this happened more than once,) to an insignificant detail thereof (none was ever significant,) to just a full blown panic attack over the entire thing. In fact, repeat clients get more details out of me as I can assess who will have a meltdown over a candle making a sputtery noise when that’s physics from a bubble in the candle to who will be excited and thrilled by a candle literally exploding (yep, exploding) during their service. Obviously if I had any problems, I do inform the client immediately but 4 out of 5 times just going over what is a daily and not often thrilling experience for me such as love spell work is going to make the anxious and overthinking and emotionally overwrought just more anxious. That’s bad for spellwork, so I focus on the client. Other people have other practices. But I do know we all hate the internet equivalent of peering over our shoulders going “how’d it go?” Next time just say you don’t trust us and you’re just checking up on us. The honesty will be refreshing. 😂

Step sending frequent screenshots of convos – instead summarize the conversation and send screenshots when asked (or just rarely.) Nine times out if ten you can cut fat and disk space usage by just telling us a brief summary and it’s just as effective. You don’t know how annoying that is until you read a forty page conversation to learn your client’s target was unsure about some decision and relented (or didn’t relent) at least 5 times a week.

Stop using your worker as your free therapist (or at least your grossly underpaid therapist.) I have had people literally expect me to act as an on demand therapist and cheerleader for what comes out to pennies per hour as a paycheck by the time they have manifestation, and I know several workers in the same boat. When you try to gently remind the client you have lots of clients and this isn’t your job they either don’t stop doing it or attack you so…it can be lose/lose.

And READ THE SITE of your worker before demanding refunds or acting in such a manner that you’d be kicked out of a physical business. You’d be surprised how many workers actually have very helpful information on their sites to prevent misunderstandings and to navigate the manifestation process easily. That’s why we spend so much time writing those pages for you.

A great client reads the site, doesn’t expect you to be on call for every thought that they have 24/7, and has faith in the work and in the worker. Remember, having a bad experience with someone else does not entitle you to treat the person you work with now like garbage. If that were the case, I’d be the most miserable and awful human alive to deal with because I’ve worked for some real nightmare clients! 😜 However most people I work for are genuinely good people who I love working for, which is why I’ve worked for others for about 20 years at this writing.

NEXT UP: My availability for readings is low. If you do not need a reading, please wait a week or so. It normally dies down when the first rolls around each month and I should have next day availability again shortly.

AND LASTLY, I really despise people discussing me when I’m not present. While I understand some of you are all currently coming from the same spot (and one which is unfortunately a source of the worst, most difficult clients I’ve had in the last five years as they are often grossly misinformed about spellcasting, what is “standard” for spellcasters to offer and prices, and about acceptable behavior and expectations for clients,) please keep in mind that discussing your active spellwork with others invites them to also have lust for results which can slow your manifestation speed, so please be judicious with the number of people you share with until your work manifests.

Fun article coming!

~Cat
Questions You’ve Asked Me: August 2023 edition

August 20, 2023

Q: What is a good all-purpose type working to draw in positivity? I feel l am stuck in a rut, lately!

A: Roadopening is the best answer to many problems in cases such as these. I’ve shared a recipe for the oil here, and it’s a very easy formula to use. It can even be added to many spells to break down obstacles to the spell manifesting. Just add a few drops to the other oils being used in candle work for example.

Q: I broke up with my ex a month ago and have called them 100 times a day each day since we broke up (additionally I made fake accounts to spy on them and contact them through,) and even though they blocked me and avoid me, I am certain magic will help me. What should I do?

A: Sadly, I get basically this exact scenario in my inbox at least once a week. Apparently multiple people feel doing the internet equivalent of chasing your ex down the street while wielding an axe to be totally normal and not scary at all.

It’s very off-putting and even scary to some so trust me when I say you mustn’t do that if you want to get the person back. It won’t win them back and will, in fact, chase them much farther away than just breaking up did.

The reality is the chances of getting this person back with any rapidity if you’ve engaged in this behavior are next to 0. That’s not even the worst news. The reality is if you’ve engaged in this type of behavior there’s a very low chance you could reconcile them at all though your chances of doing so rise more with each passing month you are not chasing them or stalking them. Which means while you may possibly reconcile them and bring them back, it’s usually going to be at the best about 5-6 weeks to get them back and more likely it will take months if you can succeed in so doing, during which time you cannot stalk them or lurk on their social media or try to make contact… a nearly impossible feat for the people who ask this question. Furthermore you need to avoid lust for results which is also nearly impossible for many people who have engaged in the above behaviors.

But realize had you never chased this person very relentlessly, you would not be facing this problem, so continuing on like that will only make things worse. Use the time needed to let them calm and recover from this unwanted pursuit to work on yourself and your own mental well being.

You will want to use reconciliation, love drawing and obsession (intranquility) working at a relatively frequent (at least once per month,) rate for success. I also recommend at least 30 days with no social media to help curb your own obsessive behavior.

Q: Spellcasters are fake if they ever have any problems in their own lives, right?

A: As much as real doctors never get sick or die, real lawyers never get in legal trouble, real psychiatrists never have mental health crisises, dentists never need dental work, mechanics cars never need repair, etc etc. The reality is that everyone has problems, and many people entered their field because they experienced problems and were looking for solutions to those problems. I assure you, if a spellcaster tells you that he or she has never experienced any problems, that is far more suspect.

Sadly this question was brought to you by the Reddit comedy hour in which the group who claims I’m ranting like a narcissist to call them out claimed I can’t be real having had an argument with my husband 2 months ago. Oh and that he’s my boyfriend which is odd since no one I’ve worked for since I was on Reddit ever would have referred to him as so…meaning that it’s probably the girl who stalked him last year and tried to break us up who posted that and she was never a client so she’s not a good judge of how I run my business. Special thanks to those of you keeping me updated there as I get a laugh each time. I know all the culprits and several are the same girl who got fired around Xmas last year for breaking every rule of my business site.

But that aside neither spell failure nor having problems in one’s life are the sign of a fake spellcaster. Fake spellcasters tend to require understanding spell work (at least one kind though multiple kinds is better) to identify where the person making false claims is clearly false. It’s difficult since people base “fake spellcaster” lists on either one bad review (I’ve worked for at least 5000 people in 20 years and probably more, even 100 bad reviews would mean nothing – that would be like a 2% dissatisfaction rate!) or make them to flatter their friends or themselves, and randomly choose victims for the fake list. Without knowing anything about spellcasting yourself, you really can’t be a great judge. Your best defense it to learn a bit about spellcasting yourself in order to see what tends to come off as painfully obvious falsehoods to the experienced caster.

Q: I can’t leave an altar out due to cohabitation issues – what can I do?

A: Depending on your situation, you might make a movable altar set up, or you might try casting spells outside. I prefer the movable set up but if you’re literally never able to be alone in a room of your home for even an hour, outside in a secluded spot is your best bet.

Q: I’ve been having severe money issues! The cost of living is crazy and has skyrocketed over the last year. I cast spell after spell but I’m still struggling! Are my spells failing?

A: Assuming you’re not asking for anything well outside your sphere of availability, most likely the answer is you’re doing nothing wrong…we are just in a really shitty economy. When I met first Mr. NinjaCat almost twenty years ago, his hourly rate was very similar to what it is today – within five dollars I’d say. Think about that. The cost of living is nowhere near what it was 20 years ago! I used to be able to get a fair amount of groceries for $40 and now even stretching $40 I get maybe a third to a quarter of what I once could. I’m the last 3 years my rents have more than doubled from their original amount. Electricity prices have skyrocketed. Fuel prices are very high. People often don’t realize just how rural many parts of the United States are.

The problem isn’t your magic as much as the sphere of availability for most of us is not matching the cost of living. Unless you are in a very high pay grade, you are probably struggling right now. You might actually work towards using spells to get certain benefits like food stamps (I know, no one wants to be in assistance but realistically it could help you financially,) or to try using magic to bring yourself more affordable housing or a better mortgage rate. Don’t focus just on what’s coming in but what’s going out as well. If you’re paying less for the things you need, you’re also keeping more money.

***

Alright that’s it for now on Questions You’ve Asked Me. Keep the questions coming!

~Cat
Spell for Employment

July 28, 2023

Hi Occulties,

Today I’d like to discuss an employment working as a lot of you have been writing in asking me about this type of work. Now before we begin let’s remember you want to keep this within your sphere of availability. So, for example, having no background in engineering, nor any degrees therein, and being pretty clumsy with math, I’d make a terrible engineer and I likely could not be hired for a job in that field with my lack of education, degrees, and experience in that field. Using a spell won’t change that. So this has to be a job you are qualified for and a pay rate that also is normal for that job. You won’t be making $500/hr at a job where the normal salary is $25/hr.

So prior to starting this working, determine the following either by asking yourself or your petitioner: name of job (examples like heart surgeon, or environmental lawyer, or exotic dancer, or plumber, or foreman of concrete, ceo of soft drink company, etc,) and if applicable also the name of the business you or your petitioner desires to work at (you do not need to have a chosen business to work for and in fact will get more opportunities by omitting a specific business,) a desired salary range, and, again if applicable, a specific geographical area of you or your petitioner do not wish to move to work or if you very much wish to move to a specific area. Let’s say Mr NinjaCat wished all his life to live next to the Great Lakes. We might then say anything in the Great Lakes area for an employment spell for him.

Since this is such an easy spell to do, get excited, – even beginners can perform this!

while I’m not big on lunar transits, for those who are this is best done on a Thursday in the first quarter of the moon.

You will need:
An image of yourself or the petitioner,
A pen or marker with PURPLE ink,
Crown of Success oil,
Employment or Job-Getting oil,
Five bay leaves
Five purple offertory or chime sized candles,
Brown sugar,
Real maple syrup,
A small jar with metal lid

Now as many people request jar spells this is made just for you if you are a jar spell fan. The altar set up is going to annoy a few people so bear with me ha ha. First, using the purple-inked marker, write what you or your petitioner have as a list for requirements for the desired job over the image. You want to write this specifically so it goes over the image of the person. It may also overlap with the background of the image. While you write these specifications try to keep an image of you or your petitioner in your mind’s eye, happily employed at the desired job. Now place this into your jar, and add maple syrup and some brown sugar as well, and a few drops of each oil, almost, but not entirely, filling the jar.

Next, using your purple inked pen or marker, write the full name of the petitioner (or yourself) on the backside of each bay leaf, and then write the name of the desired job position on the front side. Place your capped jar in the center of your altar, and these in a five point star (point up) position around your jar.

Now anoint each candle with your oils, anointing up (base to wick) with seven strokes or pulls of your hand, trying to envision you of your target being employed at the desired job as you do so. Optional but not required: I also like to say “(Name if target,) is the (name of desired position) at (name of company)” or “(Name of target) is happily employed as (name of position,)” (whichever is more suitable) with each stroke of my hand to anoint these candles, but it’s not necessary for success.

Now place one candle in each of the four positions of the compass on your altar (north, east, south, west.) Using the brown sugar, create a line from each candle to the jar. Place a candle on top of your jar as well. This will look a bit like an X with your jar in the center.

Now starting at north, light each candle in a clockwise position, (so start with north, then east, south, and west,) and as you light each you will speak to each compass point, so as I light the northern candle I say “Spirits of the North, I call on you to draw (name of position and description,) to (name of petitioner,) and ask you to heed my request,” and this negligibly changes with the eastern candle by requesting the same exact request of the Spirits of the East, then the Spirits of the South, and finally the spirits of the West. Now light the candle on top of the jar and say, “(Name of petitioner) I illuminate your whole being and draw to you (description of job,) this very moment, this very hour, and supported by the spirits of” (point north) “the north,” (point east,) “the east,” (point south) “the south” (point west) “and the west, you are blessed with that which you seek, – as is my will, so be it!”

Allow the candles to burn out. Once they have done so, place the sugar and bay leaves inside your jar and seal it. Burning a purple candle anointed with the listed oils on top of the jar once every Thursday will strengthen the spell. When the petitioner or yourself has acquired the job, you may throw out the jar or save it for later use if you’d like a new job.

Im sure there will be some questions, so please ask!

~Cat

This spell is copyright OriginalNinjaCat and cannot be shared without permission. I offer a reward for catching plagiarists.
Stay Hydrated

July 28, 2023

Hey Occulties,

Here’s my most recent selfie

And here’s my most recent Reddit stalker harassment. They misspelled Kristen, which I’ve said countless times I go by my middle name and have since childhood, but they think is some insult to call me by a name which would be ridiculous as you being upset by me calling you by say, your middle name.

I guess I’m flabby? And gross in every way according to an anonymous stalker (probably Emmy or Amy who are both separate people, neither of whom would want me to reveal the real reason they belong to a little hate club trying to bully me, which is laughable either way, but thanks for your concern regarding my ass, since it’s clearly a huge thought in your mind,) and I wanted you all to know this is why I don’t bother with Reddit anymore. Someone decided they don’t like me and now I get shit like this, lol.

I look so fat and grotesque. How will ever live. I legit have credit cards w the K before Cat, so it’s pretty widely known my first name is Kristen too but that’s with an e not an i so do learn to spell. 🙄

~Cat

PS- that form records your IP address so if you send anonymous hate mail through it, you basically let out exactly who you are, and you must be pretty slow to do something like that. 🤷🏼‍♀️

PPS- am I the only one who thinks this person who thinks this imbecile in love with my ass chose the name Stayed Hydrated because they are so hydrated drinking the proverbial kool-aid —Reddit Stalkers are fckn comedy gold! 🤣🤣🤣
Dear Reddit Stalker/s

July 24, 2023

It’s come to my attention that a bunch of very pathetic little stalkers are literally stalking my Facebook, and even dug up a ridiculous argument some unhinged woman had about me 15+ years ago on some forum which has been widely derided for just about as long. I don’t even know if she wants you to to bring that up. Seriously.

If you want to know about my personal life with my husband, by all means, ask me as you won’t hear anything about it by reading my Facebook. You won’t even know what’s going on between us through that. He’s hilarious and would go so far as to make shit up to see if you discuss it on Reddit. If you want to discuss purchases I’ve made because you stalk my accounts on sites that allow reviews by all means, directly ask me about any purchase I’ve made. I’m not ashamed. If you just got the news I’m known by my middle name, I’d have told you the first name for the asking. Its no secret lol. It’s a very common thing in my family, even my grandma went by her middle name.

The fact you literally have a Reddit group to conspire and watch me says a great deal about your mental health as a whole. There is seriously something wrong with anyone of you who interact with that group thinking you know anything about me and the stuff I’ve been told has actually come from several people who think you’re all crazy and want to report you since this is some like murder-stalker shit. Like they think you’ll kill me for buying a Santa Muerte statue because you’re literally discussing things which only a completely obsessive psychopath would know unless they were me, or some made up shit you yourselves made up about me and my husband.

Get the mental help you all so clearly need. I mean it sure would be embarrassing if all your friends and family knew you were stalking me and discussing me in a group with other stalkers. By the way stalking and harassing is against Reddit rules. So I hope you’re using a temp account.

~Cat
Curse for an Oath or Vow Breaker

June 5, 2023

Hey kids,

While PayPal is still banned in a fun move of events, we have identified the reddit stalker. It's good to have connections. It's also going to cost this person thousands per post as they agreed to in their contract ($3000 per libelous or defamatory post, several are the same person pretending to be other people, we've got them nailed by IP, so that's false and libel and they are fucked), lmao. So it's a good day. That doesn't really stop my Nigerian stalker from stalking me (he's so fucking awful – I almost refused to work with him this most recent time because he's a sociopath only interested in himself and money, but I stupidly did not listen to that inner voice people pay to talk to,) but it does feel nice to be owed thousands by both idiots who don't read the fine print.

And that, my lovies, brings us to our topic today – contracts and enforcing them with magic. Did you know that this is a very common practice in days of old? You did not break an oath then actually think there would be no consequences or an over tired pencil pusher might overlook your mistakes back then. These days people just think they can get away with it, but these days we are a lot less likely to be burned at the stake for using magic, hehe. So be careful, read the fine print, and also make sure you make a contract when working with others.

Now the modern person might say "But Cat, no one reads that stuff they just click and accept." And I would say, "Possibly, which still doesn't change that they claim that they read and they definitely agreed to those terms. Ignorance, especially willful ignorance, isn't a defense." Because regardless of if they know what they agreed to or not, once they agree to the contract, magic can enforce it.

You will need:
A copy of your contract, signed if possible, but if electronically signed, it still works
A full-body image of the defaulting person
A full name
Goofer dust
A coffin shaped box (honestly an oblong wooden box works, as well)
Several black candles, chime candles are perfect.
A permanent paint marker or black marker with red or black ink

Place the hard copy of your contract beneath the box on your altar. Put some goofer dust into the coffin, then lay the image inside and say "(name of target,) I demand you to hold up your contract, and if you fail to do so, your whole life, and all you hold dear be taken from you!" Now pour a bit of goofer dust over the image and shut the lid. In your own words tell the person (well while you're speaking to the coffin, heh,) what they must do, then say "(name of target,) until you do this I curse you to lose all you hold dear, your whole life, and all those things you'd keep near!" Now light a candle at the head of the coffin and one at the feet, and inscribe the lid with the first initial of their name. Allow these candles to burn out. The next day repeat this process except now put the second letter in their first name. You will repeat this process until you've inscribed their full name on the coffin, or they have done what you want. Should you inscribe their full name, then take the coffin and bury it in the graveyard. Don't expect them to hold their contract if you've put the full name on the coffin, but they probably won't be very healthy much longer.

This only works for those people who have a contract with a client. It won't work in matters of the heart.

Happy Hexing!

~Cat
I Love Santisima Muerte!

April 21, 2023

Hi Occulties!

So, not really educational or how-to, but recently a new troublemaker entered my life, and was dumb enough to leave me a stray hair lying about. You do not think when you have long hair that you are constantly leaving them everywhere, but as a woman with very long hair, I know I get enough complaints about my own hair if I leave it down, so it was not so shocking that this person basically left me a present. Since I work with Santisima Muerte frequently enough and we have a relationship, I tied this hair to her scythe and I told her to cut this one out of the lives of my household if she means to do myself or Mr NinjaCat trouble or if she will cause it without it being her current intention.

So, at 8ish this morning, the owner of said hair cut herself right out of our lives. And it wasn't intentional like "Cat and Mr NinjaCat, I hate knowing you, bye." It was entirely coincidental where it began. Once it began it snowballed in under an hour and all from a seemingly innocent comment to someone else (not either of us) on Facebook, and it was beyond random either of us would have even seen the stupid thing. A million and one chance, really.

I love Santa Muerte! No one even got physically hurt but now that crazy person is out of our lives, and it took literally maybe 24 hours. Santisima Muerte is a good friend to have, and trust and know I will do my utmost to always have her in my corner!

~Cat
Questions You Asked Me Contest Winners

April 21, 2023

Hey there Occulties,

So this year I feel people really did not ask their best questions. Perhaps after 2 decades, I've managed to really get the best out of everyone, which I honestly hope I'm wrong in that regard. So very often, the questions in the QYAM contest were so inspiring to me and helped me really get more focused on what mattered to my readers, whereas sadly, this year, only a quarter of the entries qualified as suitable for entries. I didn't even ban repeat questions like I used to when qualifying entries.

For example, business policies like "Why do you have x rule at your job?" are not going to be about Hoodoo or spellcasting. They are about why I personally do not find a certain business practice or do find a certain business practice useful. Questions about me personally also don't qualify. Not that someone specifically asked this but close enough so "Why are you a redhead? Are you still naturally a redhead? Were you ever naturally a redhead?" also has zero to do with spellcasting, Hoodoo, and/or the occult. Questions about Mr NinjaCat again also do not qualify….Mr NinjaCat doesn't even have a freaking proper name on my blog other than Mr NinjaCat or Mr NinjaCat the third. Questions regarding people we know or people I know in the occult world which are personal don't qualify. Most questions regarding my personal preference on this or that thing are not really going to qualify.

I even tried an added month but meh, so let's see the three that placed and hopefully next go around we will have a better crop. I am reasonably sure these are all repeats but it's alright, probably not too recently. All questions have been edited for clarity, and names have been edited to show only a first initial. The winners have been notified.

First prize

Q: What is the best way to revive a relationship that ended several years previously using magic? Is it even possible after five years? (Submitted by R)

A: Without knowing any details as to why it ended or how contentious the break itself was, it would be difficult to entirely offer a fair answer as the circumstances could differ wildly, and I further do not know enough details regarding logistics, and availability of contact, shared friends etc – BUT let's just make this generic and say that while the break up was slightly contentious and both parties stopped speaking, they continued to have shared friends, did not stalk, harass, or insult each other through their friends or directly, and the relationship ended 6 years ago. Let's also say both parties are currently single. The best way to go about reviving this would be, in my opinion, to first do a very light reconciliation working. Something simple – even a pink candle with sugar, balm of gilead, pink rose petal and reconciliation oil – and once that has burned out, work the situation like a new relationship, like to draw a specific person. You might even do road opening rather than reconciliation if both parties are "over" the relationship (which clearly is untrue if you're doing love work to bring it back,) but the main part of the working would be to treat it as if you had an old friend you realized is just single and you want to get together with them, and use love attraction and love drawing. Avoid using too much red magic (lust rather than love,) as it can draw up anger and you have to be secure that neither half of the couple is still retaining any residual anger from all those years ago. Still, this is not a bad situation, and a positive outcome is very plausible here as the couple has had plenty of time apart to overcome their troubles and the troublesome behavior that led to their break up many years ago.

Now let's say you ask me this about a relationship that ended terribly, where they don't speak, one person stalked the other for a few years, they share no friends in common, but for some bizarre reason they do both still have each other's numbers, even though one moved far away a few years ago and it's been six years since the break up. So, let's say it's really a bad situation. Hell, even me, who loves trying to fix horrible love problems would not want to take this on… But, I guess let's say I'm being forced at gunpoint to fix it, ha ha. In that case, I'd start with figuring out the break up itself. Why did it happen? Would it happen again? So, if someone is stalking their target to the point of it being disturbing, you start by calming them, you heal them, you try to bring that anxiety and obsession down. This is nothing you'd do for hire, because this will be slow. This will be at least a few months. Unfortunately until this person is in a better place, they will kill spellwork with lust for results. Are they better? Oh, you only think so. See, the next problem we need to deal with is that people who are this obsessive are often stuck to a moment in the past and as long as they remain stuck in that time warp, they will not be able to get the things (be that a person, a job, a relationship, etc,) that exist right now. Sometimes when we are horribly traumatized by an event, we just get stuck. So if Person A lost Person B back in 2018, then while you and I are living it up here in 2023, they are still stuck in 2018, wondering why the people around them feel so weird and alien and not like they should. Imagine for a minute if 2018 you woke up in 2023. Would that 2018 version of you be horrified or scared or any range of troubling emotions? Of course. So we need to unstick them, and that basically involves helping them to accept that this traumatizing even has happened, and cannot unhappen. It's a whole different form of healing and often when you do it, if the person doesn't dig in and REFUSE to accept (which they will refuse to at least once or twice,) then once you've done this, the person doesn't want the ex back anymore, they were just stuck. This sounds weird but it's quite common. In fact most of us get stuck, we just only get stuck for a little bit. When you've been stuck for years, that's very difficult to process through. All it takes is very unexpected and shocking trauma, like if you legitimately found out your real dad is a giraffe, or if you discovered the sky is actually just a painted on ceiling – and could irrefutably prove both. But let's say they get past the stuck point and still want the ex back. Then you work reconciliation and road opening (both) until it looks like their is forgiveness brewing on both sides, then you hit this with really heavy love drawing and use intranquility on the "one that got away" and it should mend.

So is it possible to bring back an ex that has been gone for 5+ years? Yes, though it's a bit like bringing a new relationship together…just there is some baggage and someone you're working for might be very obsessive and prone to lust for results. :P

Also keep in mind, too many people confuse infatuation for love, and will complain that the "spark dies out," or that "love fades." This means they have not been in love and don't understand what it is. It's not that common to really deeply romantically love another person. You might love them and lust after their body, but that's not the same thing. Being in love is not always pleasant or fun, but you don't doubt it, it doesn't go away no matter what, and it certainly doesn't fade with time. If your petitioner says that they want it. to be like it was in the beginning forever, they are just looking to be infatuated and you're better off suggesting someone new. The newness of an old flame will wear off a lot faster and they will complain.

Second Prize:

Q: Can one improve one's ability to cast spells even if casting badly-put-together spells or spells that someone made up on the fly? (submitted by O.)

A: While it irks me to say this, yes you improve your focus and your will, so you will improve your ability, just as "going through the motions" and not using a lot of focus or exertion of will still can improve your abilities, though neither guarantee the spellwork will be effective.

So, let's say we have a very effective traditional spell which has been used successfully by many people. You have never cast a spell in your life, and along with your 0 experience, you also just really aren't a natural spellcaster and do not really take to it well. Now I come along with my lifetime of experience and my mad castin' skillz and I have to cast some cringey made up TikTok "spell" that someone thinks looks cool and has no basis in actual magic. Who will be more effective? Me. See even with some complete and utter bullshit, the fact that I exercise my will on a regular basis means I have the ability to twist things to my will, spell or no spell. You (if you are the you in our example,) are weaker than a newborn baby, and I work this ability several times a day every day, thus making me Superman in comparison to you.

So when you do a sucky spell, or one that someone just made up, you are still strengthening the very ability you need to really push your magic and give it some strength. The more you work that magic, the stronger you that ability becomes, just like working out a physical muscle. This doesn't mean you'll be successful, and the efficacy of the spell itself IS IMPORTANT. Think of it a bit like a car – I can get places without a car, but with the car, I will get to my destination much more quickly and tire myself out a heck of a lot less. Even the most skilled runners and walkers would prefer to go somewhere 40 miles away in a CAR than they would want to do so on foot. FURTHERMORE, plenty of 'creators of content' actually give very dangerous and stupid instructions for spells which could get the person casting the spell hurt! So good spells are very important as well.

Third prize:

Q: Why do some people suggest that one can get hurt by casting dark magic, and others claim this is not the case? Is it possible to be harmed casting positive spells? (Submitted by D.)

A: People often make such warnings to discourage others from practices they find unethical. Perhaps they believe these warnings for religious or spiritual purposes as well, and are warning others against spiritual harm. I do believe that someone can spiritually sicken themselves committing certain non-magical acts as well, though others may disagree, and I respect that they do.

That's not really a new subject though – what IS would be "can you be harmed by positive spells!" Which….yes, yes definitely.

So let's tackle some ways this could happen:

You could injure yourself in a few ways in just a normal physical accident, like cutting your hand, or heck even burning your house down with candles. It's not magical, just clumsiness and physics.

You could unintentionally go "too far." I've known people to do a cleansing spell that left them emotionally raw, or people who wanted to blockbuster all the stuff in their way who ended up burning up everything they did not need in their life (but many things they wanted,) which definitely propelled them forwards from a bad situation but was very painful.

You could get a stalker – sometimes love spells go too well.

You could not stay silent when you brag on your results, and you end up losing your love because you tell them you magicked them.

You could get a "monkey's paw manifestation," where you get what you want, but in the most horrible or undesirable way possible.

So, while I realize that's only three questions, everyone, I think we need to try again on the QYAM contest again soon. I will be more clear on the rules and hopefully grab more interest. 🙂

However for an added bonus I will offer a sale for the weekend (Friday 21-Sunday 23) which will give everyone a free 30 minute reading with purchase of the standard 1 week spellcasting, or a free hour long reading with purchase of 2 weeks.

~Cat
Spell to Make an Enemy Annoying to Others

April 17, 2023

Hey occulties,

I'm still working on my contest entries but the contest is over. I should be alerting my winners in the next day or two. Sorry to be a slug there. We are still fighting the massive shitstorm of "holy crap how much do we own anyway?" that cleaning out our storage has given us. PLUS, for reasons known only to those doing it, people are very eagerly taking up lots of time and then disappearing. it's very annoying to ask me about services then just drop off of the face of the planet. So if you want work, please do not do that. If you don't want work or missed all that convenient pricing info and feel I should personally go over it with you, and are just taking up my time, I really do not have any to spare right now. Because storage was so much more full of ritual supply than I realized, I've saved people over $3500 already on services and business is bangin, and my floor space is expanding (thank you for buying stuff so I don't disappear in a sea of ritual supplies, haha.) Annnnnd if you are not paying business, I definitely am going to have you waiting for a bit. I need to take care of the paying stuff first.

Anyhow, I know you're all eager for a nice little curse. This one will require gloves and caution, so please kindly use both to save yourself some misery.

You will need:
Rubber/latex disposable gloves (like those used by medical staff or even those used in food service)
Some strong scissors or pruning shears,
Rubbing alcohol (or even nailpolish remover)
Cotton balls or paper towels
Poison ivy
A personal item from your target with a stronger connection than a photo (a hair, a nail clipping, some blood, – something from their body)
A larger sized skull candle in red (so not the cute tea light sized ones but more like the size of a grapefruit)
Cayenne or chipotle pepper (ground)
Black arts oil
Mosquitoes (dead – or any flying and annoying bug works – especially if it bites – if you can't smack down a few mosquitoes)
Pins (like those used for tailoring or dressmaking)
A large sheetcake tin
Sand (a lot of sand. No, not dirt, but sand, and never potting soil…sand like the stuff at the beach.)

This spell is best done on a Tuesday

I have gone over how to load a skull candle for your enemy here – loosely, you want to place the personal item in the candle and name the candle for the target. Do this first. Then, pour your sand into your sheet cake tin, and place the candle on top of this for the moment. Now, USING GLOVES, trim a few poison ivy leaves and DO NOT LET THIS TOUCH YOUR SKIN AND DO NOT TOUCH THE OILS ON IT OR GET THE OILS ON ANYTHING (I'd bring along a freezer zipper bag,) but use your pruning shears just to be sure this nasty plant doesn't touch you, being sure to wipe your shears down with alcohol or nail polish remover when returning home before touching them, then washing them thoroughly. Keep your gloves on during the prep stage.

Using a pin (or if you want to throw it out after using it, a marker), scratch "(Full name of target,) you annoy and repel all those around you" on FIVE leaves of poison ivy for a total of five times (once per leaf,) and pin each leaf to the skull candle using THREE pins, (leave the pins in throughout the spell.) Liberally add black arts oil (I just pour several drops on, but you may want to use an eye dropper,) and sprinkle the candle with the pepper. Now sprinkle the dead insects on the candle.

You will want to burn this away from pets and avoid inhaling the fumes as they can cause injury. If you have a garage I strongly recommend a place such as that.

Holding your hands on either side of the candle, envision your enemy and see him/her being hated and turned away, their loved ones arguing with them, and just concentrate like this for a few a moments, trying to send this image into the candle. Even if you don't feel like you can send energy, the focusing helps. Now light the candle, being very careful to avoid the fumes. Say, "(Full name of enemy, you are detested by all and cause everyone anger and pain and disgust just by your mere proximity. You are Esau and I am Jacob, for I am loved and you are hated! I curse you to be detestable to all and even to your family, your dearest friends and yourself, – as is my will, so be it!"

Now allow the candle to burn out. When it has, carefully collect the sand (may want gloves again), and leave the sand in a pile in a crossroads, not looking back at the remains when you leave them.

Hope that was educational, – you know where to find me if you need me!

~Cat

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