Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Everything you ever wanted to know about Hoodoo, Rootwork, or the Occult! The internet’s longest running occult blog, established 2004

  • Hey everyone, 

    Due to some family stuff that Mr NinjaCat has going on, I will not be taking a break in July from new cases. He has to go to his home state which obviously means he will be gone from his job for a little less than 2 weeks, and that means that yours truly needs to keep the home fires burning and the bills paid because you don't get paid if you don't work (at least we don't,) and if he's off in another state taking care of some family stuffs, he's not working. πŸ˜‰ I DO want to get that book out to you as soon as humanly possible, but it looks like my "writing vacation" will have to take place later in the summer or in the early fall. 

    So, bring me your tough cases. I love when you do! πŸ™‚ And I am welcoming all cases – from return clients or new clients!

    ~Cat

  • Hey Occulties,

    I truly love this site because they show the shadow period and that can suck sometimes worse than the full retrograde. So, for those of you who totally don't click links because why should you, that means the shadow period starts June 20. That gives you just shy of a week before things potentially get all fucky. It doesn't mean panic, and I think the site itself explains the common planetary retrograde very well. 

    That said, if experience has taught me anything, people with communication problems in their relationships will be coming to me very soon. πŸ˜‰ That's good – BUT, we are almost reaching the "Cat has to stop taking new (never before seen) clients for a short time to finish her book," part of the year (July – all people I've worked for before, however, are free to get new work during that time, and new clients who purchased prior to that time will continue to receive attention,) and that will coincide with some Mercury Retrograde. 😦

    In an effort to assist those of you who might find yourself in a foul situation, and you don't know me so I'm like "Talk to me in August" (I admit to being a more giving person when I've actually worked for you before – so if I haven't worked for you before it could happen,) the easiest thing I know to help with blocked or bad communication is to get an orange candle, carve "(Name of target) communicate with me" UP (base to wick) the side of the candle anoint with roadopener oil, roll this in tobacco, lemongrass and sugar, and try to charge this with orange energy, envisioning you and your target freely conversing. Now place this in a fireproof dish (I prefer a pie plate with sand in the bottom,) and light this as you say "I keep open all the channels of communication between myself and (name of target,) and strengthen our bonds of love and of friendship, that we continue to speak our minds and hearts to each other, free from any blockage between us, as is my will, so be it." Let that candle burn out. It should restart communication. 

    HOWEVER, if you find yourself in a really big mess, you can always contact me. I love fixing big problems. πŸ™‚

    ~Cat 

  • Hello Occulties,

    I may have actually somewhat recently shared a similar spell, but a client asked after it, and I figured if I am going to type the damn thing out, then everyone might as well enjoy it. ;) 

    The following curse is intended to send damage back to a person who is speaking badly about you, gossiping, or causing you trouble. If you just don't like someone because no reason other than they annoy you, it probably won't work. πŸ˜‰ The idea is this works by reflecting the INTENTIONAL HARM this person is trying to cause you back on to them. So, if they never meant you any harm, but you, for example, are really mad that they painted their house blue when they live next door to your blue house, this isn't the curse you're looking for. If, however, someone is telling everyone you're a liar and a cheat and you slept with an entire hockey team once, this would work well for you.

    This is relatively simple to do, but pre-emptively, the substitute for any ingredient you do not have or action you cannot undertake is to find a spell you have all of the ingredients to and can perform all the actions of. Due warning, you will need proximity to the target to perform this spell. 

    You will need:
    A dual mirrored compact which you have never looked into
    An image of your target
    A black permanent marker (I use an extra-fine sharpie marker)
    Black electrical tape
    Optional: Black arts oil or Goofer dust

    Mirrored compacts are usually in the grooming and/or cosmetics section of a drug store or even a place like Wal-mart. I know a fair amount of men who would have a problem locating these. πŸ˜‰ They seem to most often be where hair brushes and nail clippers are. Purchase one WITHOUT LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR. You are NEVER to gaze in this mirror. Procure an image of your target. Make sure this image is sized so that it can fit inside the compact without being folded.

    Now wait…you will need to catch the image of the target in the mirror of that compact AT LEAST THREE TIMES. It must be an odd number of times, but at least three. And you DO NOT want them to catch you doing this. This might be difficult for some of you, but I know you are all creative so I know you can figure it out. For example, I live right next to the main road of my city, and a lot of people walk through the alley here next to my PC. If the person was local, all I have to do is wait. >:) HOWEVER, when I lived in a smaller place, driving by the person's home when they are working in the yard would do the trick (just don't drive by three times in a row in the same hour and look all stalkerish.) πŸ˜‰ Each time you catch their reflection in the mirror (and you're going to be approximating the moment this happens as this should be facing away from you,) say "(Target name), anything against me that you say or do bounces off of me and just hits you," as you do so. 

    Once you have done this at least three times (I prefer 9 times, but I'm honest with myself and know most of you don't have that patience, ha ha,) take the image of your target, and write "(Target name), anything against (Petitioner name) that you say or do bounces off of (Petitioner's Name or Me) and just hits you," around them (you can just write it by letting it "hug" the corners of the image), repeating the command as many times as needed so that it goes around the picture. Just to make you all wonder what language I write it when using my handwriting (I unfortunately grabbed a fat marker and ripped a pic out of an old Vanity Fair,) I mean write it around the image like the below. EF35AAB4-0C8B-40E1-B29B-40EDA369C7B9

    I will try to update that with something that makes me look a bit less handwriting-challenged later. πŸ˜‰ If you have Goofer dust (sprinkle a bit on the image. If you have Black Arts oil, anoint the edges of the photograph. If you have neither, don't worry. It still works without. Slip the image into the compact. Now, take your roll of electrical tape, and begin wrapping this compact with the tape to cover it (you will likely use the whole roll,) wrapping AWAY from you as you chant, "(Target name), anything against (Petitioner name) that you say or do bounces off of (Petitioner's Name or Me) and just hits you," until you have covered the item with the tape, and when you have, finish by saying "As is my will, so be it!" 

    You have two options for dispersal. If you can hide this in a crossroads where it will not be found, place it there. If, however, you can't think of any crossroads where you can hide this thing where it won't be found and/or disposed of in the trash, the bestest place ever (in my opinion,) is to place it so it twists in the wind. I make a little tail on that tape and I'll tie it up in a high tree branch in a secluded place. As long as it twists in the wind, the person who would tormented you will be tormented by their own actions against you. 

    Now I know many of you will say "Cat, can't I just catch their image in that compact by flashing it at a picture of them or their Facebook or something?" The answer is no, it doesn't really work very well like that. You're free to try, but I am afraid that it often seems to have very lackluster results in that case. There are similar spells where you could get away with not catching their reflection in that compact, but I am not sharing those ones today, so you'll just have to deal with it. πŸ˜‰ I actually love this version, because I find it very easy to do and it has very few ingredients. MOST "enemies" are people we encounter on a frequent basis, which is why we don't like them so much, so I would think a lot of people can successfully do this curse.

    Happy Hexing!

    ~Cat

    This spell is copyright OriginalNinjaCat.com, Copyright strictly enforced. I offer a reward for catching plagiarists, so if you see someone ripping me off, please let me know. πŸ™‚

  • Hey all,

    Hilariously I have been asked by 4 or 5 people if I am dead or OK, because I haven't been writing….at least not where these people could see my fingers tapping away. The reality is that I have been writing A LOT, just most of it is email. πŸ˜‰ That's a good thing. I love working for others, and the fact that my days are pretty full of emailing and spellcasting is a truly happy thing for me.

    Unfortunately, my smelly little parrot sleeps in the kitchen. He can't bear being in a cage with a blanket tossed over it like a normal pet bird going to sleep. Instead the little pooper flies up to the kitchen fan between 7-8 at night (he puts himself to bed,) and expects me to shut off the lights. This is fine and well and actually very cute until you consider that it means I don't have a PC once he goes to bed, because it's also in the kitchen and currently the cord is entwined in some form of hermetic knot with Christmas and Halloween lights which means if I try to move it, I knock over a kitchen chair, a pile of books, and probably somehow manage to trip myself on the cord and die just so I can put my laptop in the living room and type long things like articles and novel length emails. So, generally between 7-8pm this seems like a very herculean task, and I'm usually kind of tired and doing spells and other stuffs as is, and so…yeah, once my PC time is over, so is writing articles for the day, and if you asked me some essay questions, chances are I'll get back to you in the morning. 

    Of course this is concerning to those of you who perceive me as living through my blog and my twitter and nothing else. Those of you who are facebook friends are probably like "Please, Cat is posting stupid funny pictures at like 11:30p all the time" (and I do, generally, right before I go to bed, lol,) or are saying "That chick gets up at like 5:30 and posts things where she's pissed she's awake," (also true,) so you don't perceive me as "dead" or "missing." πŸ˜‰ But I realize that is a tiny subset of people who are my friends on FB, so yes, just to assure you all, I'm quite alive.

    ALSO, everyone should know that in a few weeks I'm going to restrict the number of cases I take with NEW clients (that is, people I have no experience with,) because the bulk of my "emails of novel length," are with people I have no experience with. This is going to allow me to have the time to finish writing my big book. πŸ˜€ HOWEVER, I know there will be a few people who have wanted to work with me who will be disappointed with me possibly delaying accepting their case. If you want to PREVENT that wait, please contact me ASAP, as right now, I am still accepting difficult cases, high maintenance cases, – all of it! πŸ™‚ I have done this job for a very long time, and I know that most of the time, I am going to be needed for writing novel length responses in the first few weeks with a new client. After that, the client often calms and adjusts to the situation, and in many cases, there is tangible manifestation (that is, visible results starting) right around the same time which helps with many people's anxiety thus making less "novel-length replies" necessary. πŸ˜‰ SO IF YOU AND I HAVE  NEVER WORKED TOGETHER, AND YOU ARE INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AS THERE MAY BE A DELAY IN PICKING UP YOUR CASE IN LATE JUNE/EARLY JULY. 

    Thanks everyone! I will try to disengage the power cord from those lights (some of them are shaped like spiders…it's much harder than it sounds, haha,) when I have an hour to waste, which will hopefully mean more articles.

    ~C

  • Thank you for helping me, St Expedite! I appreciate it so very much! As always, help came very fast – and exactly when I needed it! πŸ™‚ I recommend your help to anyone who needs fast help on an urgent situation!

  • Hey everyone,

    It probably doesn't surprise you but I love making people laugh. So I do hope this puts a smile on a few of your faces. If not, well…it is some sort of pseudo Mercury retrograde right now, and that's annoying, so I understand you being grumpy.

    I realize we can't all be facebook friends…which I'm sure makes some of you sad because no doubt you wonder what sort of horrible fashion choices I've made in the past (many many bad fashion choices,) but I guess the following post I made is cracking people up, and I literally just had this conversation with Mr NinjaCat.

    John: What's wrong?
    Me: No one is having any problems lately. I wish everyone would start fucking up their lives so I could make more money.
    John: There's the twisted woman I fell in love with.  

    Facebookpost

    To be fair, I like that people are happy, and believe me, NOT waking up to 150 emails of pure panic and mayhem is actually a good thing. It's that it isn't a lifestyle I'm accustomed to. When you spend a good part of your life taking care of other people's problems, it seems bizarre whenever people are all happy and getting along… And if I am being fair, I AM the reason that several people are in a "good place" right now emotionally or in their relationship. (It was my pleasure to help!)

    I mean, as far as money goes, we aren't going to starve or live on the street so I'm sure we're OK, it's more like something is missing if someone ISN'T having an absolute meltdown. You don't realize how acclimated you are to meltdowns until you're like "What didn't happen today…what made today seem, well, quiet?" and it's that someone didn't freak out about something. 

    On the upside I have plenty of time to write my book and articles and so forth, so the lull is helping with that. But I'm not sure if I should congratulate everyone on not panicking and having really functional lives and relationships right now. I mean, I'm proud of all of you, and that's great…but is this some calm before an impressive storm? Are you all tricking me and then letting me get comfortable with this actual free time, only to take it away? I mean, this might surprise a few of you, but email has always been the time consuming jerk of my job. On average, I do about 8-9 hours of emails a day. That isn't a typo. 

    It isn't that sales are down (they are steady, actually), and it isn't that I have nothing to do…I am just suspicious of this mysterious "free time" thing from there being a lack of emails. Is my email broken? I even emailed myself. Free time is a real thing? I thought that stuff only existed in books!?

    Mr NinjaCat noticed because it's been making me weird, and I've even told him that I've spoken to several people (like I said previously) who tend to have somewhat tumultuous lives, and they are all reporting contentedness. How odd. There are some bizarre money and bank errors…but…well, what is it? Why are you all so happy!? This isn't normal!? Send me something difficult and messy to fix. I question a reality in which people are balanced and happy. 

    A normal day means someone is going to cry about an emoji or an instagram post or ask me the deeper meaning of the text "I'll be there at seven," it means I will spend several hours trying to calm someone down because they had a bad dream. Because that's what I do. 

    And so it hit me, when I was having that convo with Mr NinjaCat… I miss having a high maintenance client or three. My dream of no high maintenance clients has been realized, and it is terrifying to me. 

     

    In all honesty, I'm really glad everyone is doing pretty well. In March I was pretty convinced that there was something in the water supply because people were just acting really freaked out and frazzled. I will say that much of the above is meant humorously, and it actually has been awesome to have time to write and to catch up instead of dealing with several multiple meltdowns at once. 

    I don't mind the occasional meltdown or emergency though, so if you need me, you know where to find me.

    I guess I better finish that recon spell article I've been working on. I'm sure some of you are sick of hearing about me.  See what happens when you start giving me free time – I actually do things like talk to people and have introspective moments and stuff. That's not cool. Hahaha. 

    ~Cat

    PS- Yes, this is an admission that I LOVE difficult cases. I absolutely do. The harder it is to fix, and the weirder the predicament you find yourself in is, the happier I am to help. You should also know that when I did the "Case study" both of those cases are 100% fiction, and yet several people were like "You blogged about me?" and I DID NOT. I get cases like both all of the time. It's because I love fixing difficult problems…they are the best.

  • Hey Occulties,

    One of the benefits of my job is that it gives me a very clear view of "weird things" happening in the lives of others. When Mercury goes retrograde and people don't know what that is or that it's happening, I still can watch it effecting people across the board. So when all sorts of financial/bank/electronic stuffs starting going weird about 1.5 weeks ago, I at first thought it was a Mercury retrograde. I was having weird banking errors, ATM errors, and even a large amount was taking forever to clear. I checked, and no, Mercury was not retrograde. But then, in speaking with many clients, readers and friends during the past week, I've realized all sorts of bizarre stuff was going on with them, too, and it was all involving finance or jobs.

    Let me be frank, obviously there is always going to be that one client who can't pay me right now because (excuse.) I would not find that odd. When it's my friends and people that in no way owe me money, then yes, that's weird that they are also complaining of similar problems. 

    So, no, you aren't imagining it. Something is making money stuff kinda crazy right now. This is really unpleasant if you live like a lot of people do – from paycheck to paycheck. So what might be a trivial annoyance to someone with some savings might mean you wonder how you're going to get groceries this week because there's some weird error and your check didn't get deposited by direct deposit. And if this "financial weirdness" is widespread as it seems to be, good luck borrowing some money, because believe me, I have some friends who have a lot of savings and are well paid who are complaining their bank card just stopped working…and I wasn't asking for money, so there is no reason for them to say that. 

    If I were to venture a guess (because I am not this astrology goddess, and not pulling out charts and such on a whim,) we may be suffering the effects of Jupiter being retrograde. If such is the case then this might keep up a bit longer. I think it went retrograde on April 10 and goes direct on August 11. BUT, the mere length of that having already been retrograde makes me wonder if there is just something else stinky afoot in the world of astrology. Between you and me, I can notice a distinct change in MAY but not in April. 

    The positive side seems that personal relationships are doing well. I actually did kind of a "wellness check" in this regard with people I know who have relatively volatile relationships (ones that frequently are falling apart whenever there is a bit of stress and strain, or people in situations where they have to work with or live with someone they aren't very fond of.) Everyone reported being absolutely happy or close to it. That's actually very impressive. Rare is it that I say things like this, but I wish people would bring me some really hard cases right now, because I want to see if this is a positive influence on fixing relationships – because people who often are at odds with each other just naturally are getting along so dang well.

    In fact, this is the least amount of relationship dysfunction I think I've ever seen, and that's saying something. Remember the time I told you that nothing you told me would even amaze me because I've heard it all? Well, right now if you have relationship issues, I will be amazed. 

    Either way, I just figured I'd let everyone know – it's not Mercury retrograde, even if it kind of feels like it. 

    More exciting article on the way (and it won't be about Game of Thrones and it will be about spells and spellcasting, I promise, lol.)

    ~Cat

  • The finale to Game of Thrones was awful. That made Sons of Anarchy and Dexter look like they had fantastic series finales. I've been mad about for almost 12 hours. UGH! Horrid!!

  • So, everyone, who are you rooting for on tonight's series finale?!  I am a huge Jon Snow fan…. I've hated Dany since early on (I hate her character in the books, too, lol,) although I also love Arya… But I want a STARK on the Iron throne! 064c1aef2e78ce6556ac8d2843670ed1

    Who are you rooting for? And you know where I'll be at 9pm tonight – glued to my TV screen watching the finale! :) 

    ~C

     

  • Hey Occulties,

    I have some exciting news. 

    So for a long, long, long time, I have wanted to create a very, very, very large book. I wanted to write a book of such giganticism that the publishers of the Oxford Dictionary were mildly peeved at my creation being so huge. Of course, I don't think I have 4000 pages worth of work, so maybe to say that is exaggerating…a bit. I had initially intended to have this book trail Pactum by maybe 2 years (because publishing takes longer, even when the manuscript has gone to the proofreader and they are typesetting and all that jazz, so legitimately, if I had handed my publisher a completed manuscript the day my publisher released Pactum, it could take anywhere from a handful of months to like almost 2 years.) Unfortunately, a swirling shitstorm was upon the horizon, and while my intentions were good, I just didn't have the time to compose everything into a form in which I was like "OK, I can give this to my publisher." Thinking I was putting this off for mere months, I soon realized that no, I still didn't have time. There was even that stint last spring where I looked like Sloth from the Goonies thanks to cellulitis, and yet I didn't have time off (I legitimately worked while on a possible death bed, and I'm actually proud of that.) Intro-1529941807

    This means I put off making this book for…oh, 2-3 years…somewhere in that range. 

    It wasn't because I didn't want to make the book. I was (and to some degree still am) supporting my household. Like anyone who supports their household and needs to do things like pay bills and stuff, taking time off from a job when you are budgeting very closely already to make a gigantic book that will give payment to oneself LATER (and occult authors are not rich, kids,) is like telling a starving street person if they take that $20 you just gave them and invest it, some time next year it will be $200, so don't waste that money on food, just starve some more…cuz it will pay off in a year. 

    In laymen's terms, we couldn't afford for me to take time off. I've been over this, but my job has a huge overhead, and a lot of the hours I work are not paid. Just to make things a little more exciting, I got to spend 2 days in the hospital uninsured last year, which obviously did not help with that whole "running on a tight budget" issue. Then Mr NinjaCat couldn't work and I was the sole earner. The idea of taking time off to write a book was not in any way an idea I was even considering at that point.

    Finally, things began to stabilize, and also Rufus Opus (author of The Seven Spheres,) reminded me that books are a thing I can write, which also can provide a nice little bonus income and stuff. I considered this and presented my idea to my publisher who, despite having heard this idea before (because I suggested it to the publisher after Pactum,) reaffirmed that this was of great interest to my publishing house. 

    Now, this will seem premature to some of you, because again, the publishing process can get weird. That may be my own bad understanding of it since my former co-author really dealt with that aspect of the process before and so I admit some ignorance there, but its' quite possible that even if I turned in a full manuscript today (it isn't ready today,) we could easily not see it's release until 2020. πŸ˜‰ Yes, of course I am super excited about writing a gigantic spell book, and even more so when I got a brilliant idea of putting it in more than one volume, and I'm even more excited to do that with the publishing house I use, because they do such fine, gorgeous bindings. I'm beyond thrilled that what has been a dream I have had FOR YEARS is finally rolling into fruition. I had to share this with you.

    AND there is a strong chance that when the book is published I can finally, at last, get what I have also wanted for years. A VACATION!!! I can't remember the last time I had a legitimate full vacation where I wasn't working while vacationing. I mean, I even did a smidge of work while in the hospital last year, lol. Imagine. A full week with no work. Maybe even 2 weeks. After 2 weeks I will be so bored I'd want to die, but like…a whole week where the only problems I deal with are like do I want another strawberry daquarri. Wow.

    So get excited kiddos. Tentative date is in 2020 for publication, but there is a new book en route to you. And it's going to be big. And beautiful. And amazing. And you'll love it.

    Best,

    ~Cat

    Image is from the Goonies. I in no way claim ownership. If you are the owner of the image, and you are mad it's here, by all means contact me and let me know to take it down.