Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Everything you ever wanted to know about Hoodoo, Rootwork, or the Occult! The internet’s longest running occult blog, established 2004

recent posts

about

“I’m Cat, and for a long time, Cat’s Rants, the longest running occult based blog was over at TypePad – since 2004. Sadly, TypePad shuttered permanently as of September 30th 2025. Please be patient while I export 21 years of blog posts over to my new WordPress location. With a much easier url to remember and all your favorite posts all the way back to 04, Cat’s Rants should hopefully improve over its former location.” Cat has practiced and studied the occult, tarot, and spellcasting for over 35 years, and has shared her expert teachings on how to cast your own spells, including original spells and recipes on the Cat’s Rants blog since 2004. A professional tarot reader since the 1990s, she’s also an internationally-known psychic reader and tarot expert. As a published and respected occultist for over two decades, and an expert in the fields of rootwork, hoodoo, and Catholic folk magic, she continues to serve the public by teaching authentic spell casting and offering readings and services.

  • Things I Need Other Than a Day Off and a Secretary ;)

    Hey everyone,

    First things first… It’s been relatively quiet on the Hoodoo For Everyone board and I mostly blame myself. I got super busy and then got locked out of my own forum and then got annoyed at that fact (I didn’t remember my password,) and neglected my forum for like 3 months this summer. I admitted I sucked for doing it, and while that’s terrible and all, I’d really love to have it full of communication and conversations again. I also will not be a troll about you having to read the archives all the way back to the beginning before asking a question, and while I DO ask people not advertise or give negative press to any business or rootworker or etc, I try not to be a total forum Nazi. People of all levels are welcome. We’d love to have you.

    Second, despite being truly overwhelmed by emails, for weeks, I seem to think I may have almost tackled them. If you want to complain about me not replying to you, please wait to do that til Tuesday night. If you wait that long for me to reply, you are totally awesome.

    Third and final thing I need other than a day off and a secretary…well, it’s for people to read the FAQ. I’ve been having A LOT of my time taken up answering questions covered in my own Frequently Asked Questions section.

    Thanks everyone for your patience. If I don’t devolve into this before Tuesday, then I think everything will finally be…*hopeful gasp* back to normal again. Well as normal as normal is around here. 😉

    As for new posts… It’s not that I don’t want to finish up some spell posts. I really have been egregiously busy with email. Let me give you all an idea of what it’s been like here… I have been working so much that I went to a Halloween party last week and literally stayed for 3 hours and left at 10pm after not drinking anything because I had to go home and work. If you know me, you know that not having lots of beers while wearing a pirate costume because I had to work was like sacrificing my first born for my job. :C

    So, no more personal posts until several spell posts go up, and – if everyone remains patient with me for the rest of the week, I won’t guilt trip you ever again about making my 4 month dream (that is how long I knew what my costume would be) of beer guzzling while dressed as a pirate destroyed as I had to use that time instead to comfort someone over the fact that I refuse to do reconcilation spells for your ex you broke up with in 1993 or because I was obligated to give you some in depth commentary on what my feelings are regarding so and so’s email which is composed of the singular line of “Wat’s up?”

    If everyone can just be patient for another day or two, I will make a new spell post Wednesday, and I will put another post up on Friday. I hope we have a deal.

    ~Cat

  • I (Mostly) Fixed It

    So, the PC is mostly working. I still have to reinstall some non-essential programs, but it’s mostly fixed.

    Now to get to all the emails people have sent me, and to get rid of those people who got the bad idea to start nagging me over not getting a reply to an email they sent less than 24 hours ago. 😛

    ~Cat

  • And Now For Some Computer Trouble **Updated**

    Just when I thought I wasn’t busy enough or things were not awesome enough, my PC decided to get sick. 😛 I’ve been anti-virusing this thing since about 10am. Please be patient while I try to knock some sense into this bastard of a PC. 😉 I am hoping I will have it running at…as good as it runs (which is about 93% perfect,) by this evening. Until then, I have my ‘puter in safe mode and have limited ability to work certain programs or use the internet.

    800px-MtRedoubtedit1 I’m not really clear how this happened. Someone had commented on my facebook page, and I clicked the link to respond to it, and then suddenly if I didn’t have my PC in safe mode, I couldn’t get it to stop freezing. The actual PC illness did not seem to come from that email, and I’m thinking a rather suspect looking email that flew into my junkbox may have released a bot. I didn’t click any links in that suspect junkbox email, but I still believe it to be the culprit.

    I NEVER email people until I’ve anti-virused and anti-spied and triple checked my PC’s health just in case I can pass the virus through an email, so until I know for certain that this computer is clean and virus free, I’m afraid I will not be replying to emails.

    Sorry that anti-spy-anti-virus programs are so effing slow. Stupid trend micro eight million year long scan time (grumble, expletive, expletive, grumble.)

    How did Monday migrate to Tuesday? 😛

    ~Cat

    PS- The pic is courtesy the GNU project.

    **UPDATE**
    Well, a few things – I am pretty good with computers, and the CAUSE of the problem (as in what caused it and what continues to cause some trouble) is still eluding me. It’s not, from what I can find, a trojan or a virus. I think, had that been the case, I would have had this fixed long ago…but you never know, viruses keep getting smarter. I do know part of the problem was a corrupted file in the start up menu. When I disabled a particular program (one I don’t use much anyhow,) the computer worked fine, albeit missing a few plug-ins. 😉 Since the program I’d had to disable was already showing signs of having some issues in the past, seemingly from having another program uninstalled, so I had assumed perhaps some minor issue had just finally “killed” that program and started a major all-day event yesterday. 😛 And then, at 1am, I fixed the computer.

    As of this morning I could get onto my computer out of Safe Mode. I then downloaded an update (from Microsoft,) and lo and behold it went back to the freezing when not in safe mode. Yes Microsoft, you’re right, your unneeded update did help my computer’s performace (sarcasm.) Back in safe mode again. 😉 So, I am actually thinking it’s most likely something no longer contaigious (I have quadruple checked,) which has now been exacerbated by the necessary shutting off and on of the PC, and is located within the start menu.

    I am just going to work on it outside of business hours. While the lengthy computer cleanings and fix attempts are great because I get to do my spells during business hours instead of in the wee hours of the day (and my laundry, and I baked a loaf of bread…oh and the dishes, did them too yesterday,) instead of typing replies (pretty hard to type when all your programs are shut down and your PC is trying to get fixed,) I need to get work done. So…while my PC has limited ability, it does do email, internet, and run the needed programs just fine. Whatever is disagreeing with the computer is totally incapable of effecting it when in safe mode. I can probably have this badboy running at it’s old level of perfection in 2-3 days (hopefully less) if I work on it outside of office hours. I ask everyone be patient, and to understand that if it’s past 7pm on a weekday that I am probably already screaming profanities at this thing while I go through every file on my start up menu by hand and run a scan disk and chkdsk and all that fun stuff. I’m pretty sure that if my computer became “self-aware,” it already would have killed me in self defense for all of the profanity-laced threats I have made at it. 😉

    That means, I’m in the office and available all day. 🙂

    For anyone who suggests I buy a new computer…um, hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha, yeah okay. 😉 I don’t have $500-$1000 to spend on a new computer. As for the computer fixit guy? I may have enough money to pay him if and when it comes to that. I am pretty sure I can fix it. If I can’t, I might just save myself some money and do my own erasing of my entire hard drive and then rebooting this fresh and new with factory settings. BUT, I am not going to do that on a Wednesday. Right now I’m working in safe mode on this PC, and also a family member will be lending me a laptop tonight. 😀

    So, my PC isn’t better yet, but almost!

  • Of Email and Posting Delays

    Well, it’s happened. I get to work all weekend long (I am clocking my 12th hour working on my day off as I type,) and that’s because I have a buttload of what I like to term as “essay question emails,” and a lot of regular average business email, and it’s getting really overwhelming. I have worked all day today and intend on working all day tomorrow to get all the replies in that I can so I can (hopefully) return to having a response time that is shorter than 3-4 business days. 😛

    Unfortunately, when I get overly busy, this means (usually) that I am likely spending 10 or more hours a day just typing answers to the emails I receive and no that’s not BS. What happens then is that by the time yours truly would have a spot of time to write up or finish an article, I am so disgusted with having to write that I do not write articles for the blog. 😛

    So, guess what point I’m at? 😉 Your money spell is waiting until I get through the frighteningly large glut of essay questions and inquiries in my inbox.

    I am sorry if anyone is impatient for a new article. I am sorry if anyone is impatient for a response. It’s an unfortunate reality that the email part of my job takes up more time than the spellcasting and the readings combined. I do not have a secretary or anyone to help me with the emails I get.

    Right now, if you are waiting on a response I want you to please kindly read these guidelines:

    1.) If you emailed me prior to the 19th and have NOT resent your email, resend this to me now.

    2.) IF you resent a reply to an older email (10/18 or older,) you probably reset your wait. I’m sorry for any delay, but I am working as fast as I possibly can. I do not see anything older than the 19th waiting for a reply right now, and I am currently replying to that email. 😉 Please kindly understand the wait is 2-4 days per email right now, and this wait is not meant as a personal affront to you.

    3.) If you want to schedule a reading and you are directly emailing me as opposed to using the contact form, please put “Reading” in the subject line. This type of request is generally very fast for me to respond to and requires very little…er, essay length writings. 😉 I have many immediate openings for readings.

    4.) If you are not a new client, and you are coming to discuss active spellwork with me, I would prefer you emailing me directly instead of using the contact form.

    5.) While I understand it’s frustrating to wait on a response, I would appreciate everyone acting pleasant and mature. If you become rude or belligerant with me, I will refuse to work for you.

    Thanks everyone. I will hopefully burn through my email pile very quickly and get that article up for you ASAP when I do.

    ~C

  • Saint Martha

    ***1/14/15 – looks like someone linked unauthorized to this post. There’s a good chance it might be moved for it. If you are part of a forum, blog, or other site relating to magic, spellcraft, or metaphysical stuff, and you’re not linked or cross promoted by yours truly, kindly ask permission to use my blog, and/or remove all links to it until you do. Undesired traffic is unwelcome traffic. I neither need nor desire referrals from a few quadrants of the internet. 🙂 ***

    Hello my Occulties,

    First, an obligatory disclaimer: if you don’t like saints, or you want to hurl your spaghetti monsters and sky ghost comments at me, please just don’t read this article. 😉 I do not discuss saints because I want to offend those of you opposed to religion or saints – I discuss saints because so many of my readers request this type of article. If YOU don’t like this type of article, don’t read it – it isn’t meant to offend ANYONE, just to enlighten the curious.

    Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time to chat about a good friend of mine, Saint Martha (sometimes called Martha of Bethany.)

    Saint Martha, we are told, was a contemporary of Jesus Christ, and is often said to be the sister of Mary Magdelene (so it is believed by Catholics) OR perhaps a seperate Mary, called Mary of Bethany, (in the Eastern Orthodox and many protestant traditions,) and the sister of Lazarus.

    P1010005 What we can glean from the Biblical accounts of Martha is not much (she is often a supporting character who speaks bluntly but politely to Christ – even though all the while professing her faith in Him,) but it seems I could reasonably say she was, in life, a Jewish woman, probably of a relatively well-to-do family (judging from the details given of those around the tomb of Lazarus,) that she lived in Jerusalem, Bethany, or perhaps Galilee (the accounts differ a bit,) and that she often waited on and served Christ and the apostles. I cannot think of a passage which implies she was a married woman, but I think we can fairly say she probably had no spouse when she came in contact with Christ. Martha has been called “very busy about waiting and serving,” and so it should come as no surprise, one of her patrongages is that of waitresses. Basically, she is a faithful follower of Christ during his lifetime, and someone who we can assume spent a good deal of time with Him.

    From legendary accounts comes another story about Martha. According to this legend, after Jesus ascended to Heaven, Martha travelled to France to evangellize the people there. She travelled over the French countryside spreading the message of Jesus Christ until she arrived in the town of Tarascon where a terrible dragon lived. Martha came upon the dragon – in one account he is eating a villager, in another I know he has snatched a child and is running off with the child to eat it, – and she showed the sign of the cross to the beast. As the dragon was held fast by seeing cross and couldn’t move, she poured holy water on it to smother it’s fire and prevent it from ever breathing fire again. Now that the dragon had been made “safe” she tied her girdles or hair ribbons to the beast, and led in through the town, as tame as any domestic animal. The people, grateful for being saved from the dragon, and amazed by the powers of Christianty, all converted upon seeing this. Obviously it’s a colorful legend, but this is why you often see Martha stepping on a dragon in depictions of her. 🙂

    No surviving physical descriptions of St Martha survive. I have seen her portrayed as an African woman, a sort of olivey-colored woman, and a pasty white lady, too. 😉 I’m going to take an educated guess and say the most LIKELY description of her would be a woman who looks to be Middle-Eastern…a dark olivey color skin with dark hair and dark eyes. Still, no one knows for sure, as no description has been left to us. All pictures in this article are different representations of St Martha I have in my possession, in fact. I recommend you simply use whichever representation of her you find is most comfortable for you.

    If you would like a little more history on Martha, the wikipedia can help you get there. Please click here to see their article.
    IMG_1377

    In the Catholic tradition, Martha is the patroness of domestic servants (male or female), waiters (male or female,) innkeepers, laundry workers, housewives, single women, and travellers. In Hoodoo, we often petition Martha for help in dominating another, especially in the case of women requesting help on errant boyfriends and men. This is why, sometimes, St Martha is referred to as “St Martha Dominadora,” or “St Martha the Dominatrix” or “St Martha Dominator,” among other similar titles.

    While I’ve heard that St Martha “does not like men,” I’m not sure I entirely agree. I think St Martha prefers helping women to be strong, powerful and assertive, and perhaps that she feels men are already naturaly imbued with these traits…so perhaps her “Dominator” aspect is set more for helping women in need of that power. This doesn’t mean that St Martha is wholly inaccessable to men, or that she won’t help men – still, I *might* caution men when asking St Martha to dominate a female, because St Martha loves helping women…and perhaps may prefer to do so, and I personally do not know if she takes offense if being asked to aid men in a similar manner. YES, I have heard she won’t use her dominator powers for men, but I’m not sure that’s true (I have no first hand reports either way.) If you’re a gentleman seeking her help, I suggest you ask her to help you with an issue that does not have to do with dominating a female.

    Perhaps St Martha’s reputation for “not liking men,” is based solely her reputation of being as effective she is at returning a wayward man, or making him do what his female partner wants, though. 😉 A prayer found in the collection of prayers in the book “Helping Yourself with Selected Prayers,” (revised ed. 1995, Original Publications, ISBN#0-942272-01-3) specifically aimed towards females petitioning St Martha to dominate a man goes: **”Holy Virgin Martha, who entered the mountain and tied up the beast with your ribbons, I beg you to tie up and dominate (name of man to be dominated.) Saint Martha, let him not sit in a chair, nor lie in a bed until he is at my feet. Holy Martha, hear me, help me for the love of God. Amen.”

    Now, as many of you know, I love St. Martha. I think of her as my patron saint. I’m a medal-wearing holy-card-carrying fan of St. Martha, and my reasons are not just because she’s listened to my fears, my tears, my praise, my begging, and my thanks – and she’s helped me more times than I can count, and fast (she and I have a conversation at least once a week,) but she’s also been a great help to the many women I’ve introduced to her. If you ask anyone familiar with her, I assure you, several of those people will stand up and tell you St Martha brings results, and not just on man problems!

    While it may be my humble opinion, St Martha has protected me and my family from danger and magical attack (for which I thank St Michael Archangel as well,) she has helped bring me business when I needed money, she’s protected my business, she’s helped me with man-problems which are Nunya Bidness, helped my clients and friends with man-problems also being Nunya Bidness, she’s healed me, and I can also think of a time when I asked her to remove a curse from someone, and my St Martha medal burned on my neck so hotly I had to remove it – the person reported a marked improvement to me the very next day. As I said, she’s an amazing lady, and I love her a great deal.

    IMG_1378 So, how can you make contact with St Martha? How can you ask her help?

    Well, there is always more than one way to do anything of course, but since this is my blog, let’s discuss my way. 😉

    I was taught Martha is best petitioned on a Tuesday, and that she prefers a red candle. Classically, the saint’s picture and a glass of water beside the picture are placed on the altar alongside the candle. The candle is lit, and the following prayer said:

    *”Saint Martha, take me into your protection and guide me. I offer myself completely to your mercy and grace.

    I offer this candle in your honor for the happiness Our Savior received in your home. I plead with you to intercede for me and my family so that all our daily needs will be provided, and may we always have love of God in our hearts.

    I also ask you to obtain the infinite mercy of God in granting me this great favor. (Here ask your favor.)

    Help me to overcome my difficulties as you dominated the dragon at your feet. I ask this favor in the Glory of God. Amen.”

    Now an Our Father and a Hail Mary is said in honor of St Martha. So, for your convenience if you don’t know these prayers, I have written them below for you (I do use the version of the Our Father with the kingdom, power, glory part added, but if you use the shorter version regularly, feel free to use it here.)

    “Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever and ever. Amen.”

    “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.”

    This prayer can be said for nine days, nine tuesdays, one day, even every Tuesday for as long as you’d like. It’s up to you.

    Another prayer, similar in nature (to be said on nine consecutive Tuesdays, each Tuesday offering Martha a red candle,) is:

    **”Holy Martha, I surrrender to your guidance and protection, honoring your wishes. To prove my act of contrition, and actions of grace, I shall offer this light in your honor every Tuesday.

    Console me in my sorrow. Bring happiness to my home in the name of our Holy Savior, Jesus Christ. Provide me and my family with all our daily needs.

    I implore you with your infinite mercy to grant the great favor I ask. (Here ask your favor of St Martha.)

    Today I ask you, as you dominated the Dragon at your feet, defeat all my enemies. Amen.”

    If you’d like to leave her offerings, I have given her red flowers, fruit, cookies, cakes, and even a coffee now and again. 😉 I have no specific “favorite offerings” passed down to me really.

    So, that’s how I do it.

    How do other people petition St Martha? I have known people to give her green, blue, and purple candles, though green seems the most common other choice outside of red. I would also say, just asking her assistance with or without a candle would be effective. There are prayers to say while offering her an oil lamp, simple prayers which can be used with or without a candle… Pretty much there are a thousand ways to do the same thing. 😉 I have given you my most trusted method for asking her assistance here.

    Alrightey, kiddos, while I could go on and on and on (and maybe I’ll add more here soon,) it’s past your occult mastermind’s bedtime. 😉

    ~Cat

    You know the drill – this is all copyright me unless otherwise noted. I didn’t create the prayers, and I took pictures of other’s representations of Martha, but the rest is mine so don’t plagiarize. Thanks.

    The book “Helping Yourself with Selected Prayers” (volume 1) is a compiliation of traditional prayers and is highly-recommended to any who wish to find good prayers for saints. You can find it by clicking here. I am not super fond of volume 2 which repeats many of the prayers given in volume 1, but the first volume is recommended by me.

    *Believed to be traditional, author unknown. Found on several of my St Martha holy cards. My favorite St Martha prayer to use. 😉

    **Believed to be traditional, author unknown. Found in “Helping Yourself with Selected Prayers, vol one.”

  • Mama Cat’s Pearls of Wisdom #24

    I know I’ve been telling a lot of my clients this but Venus Retrograde is starting on October 8, 2010 (and goes til November 18, 2010.) This is a fantastic time to work reconciliation spells. Use it to your advantage! 🙂

    Even if you aren’t looking to reunite with an old flame, you might want to keep in mind that Venus Retrograde also brings exs and old friends back in our lives even if we don’t use spellcraft to bring them back. It’s a wonderful time to re-establish lost connections with loved ones who have moved out of our lives for various reasons.

    It’s also a time to beware because if you’re single and happy, sometimes you still manage to end up waking next to your ex one morning and suddenly remembering what sent you running from them so fast in the first place. 😉

    ~Cat

  • Mama Cat’s Get a Job Oil

    Hello Occulties,

    Since everyone has been asking me recently for help getting a job, I figured this may be of interest. 🙂

    To create the oil you will need:
    Five-finger grass,
    Bay laurel leaves,
    High John the Conqueror (jalap) root chips
    Solomon’s seal root chips
    Alkanet root pieces or powder,
    Guinea pepper seeds (grain of paradise)
    Small piece of magnet OR small piece of lodestone
    Almond or grapeseed oil*
    Vitamin e as a preservative*
    A vial or bottle to make the oil in.

    *This is not one of my “smelly” oils. I know a lot of you like that I make my oils have scent that isn’t just almond oil, but I’m afraid this recipie isn’t going to fit that bill. 😉 Also, DO use the vitamin e to preserve the oil or it will rot up pretty fast.

    To make the oil:
    Put a pinch of each herb into bottle. Add a small magnet or lodestone into the bottle. Pour enough almond or grapeseed oil into the bottle to almost fill it. Add a bit of vitamin e as preservative. Cap tightly and shake the bottle.

    While some of you may not be comfortable trying to send energy, I like to charge my oils with energy. In the case of this particular recipie, I envision the words “You’re hired!” and green, violet, and gold energy flowing from me into the bottle while I hold the bottle in my hands until it “feels full.” However, you don’t need to do a specific prayer, chant, or even send energy into that oil if you do not feel comfortable doing this. I personally think that it works better if you do try to put energy into your oil and/or say a little chant to “wake the oil up,” but it’s your choice.

    I’m sure there will be questions (or if you want to alert me to a typo,) so contact me if you have any. 🙂

    Enjoy!

    ~Cat

    This and material is copyrighted, and is not to be copied, pasted or in any way transmitted without permission. Plagiarisers will be barbequed slowly over hot coals for several days.

  • Non-Magical Things You Can Do To Speed Up Your Reconciliation Spell’s Manifestation

    Hello my Occulties,

    While I understand this may be review for some of you, I get a lot of the same questions and see people having a lot of the same problems, so I felt it was time to post an article up for my readers who are spellworkin’ to get someone to return and finding they are having trouble with this. While all of us are impatient for our spells to manifest at one time or another, it seems many people are all the more so impatient when it comes to matters of love, so if you’re having a slow reconcilation manifestation, this article may be exactly what you need.

    *Stop Spying. I can see eyes rolling in the rant room like I just suggested that you’re sneaking around your intended’s house snapping pictures through their window late at night like some sort of stalkerish weirdo. I don’t think most or even a lot of you believe that sort of behavior is okay, so that is really not what I mean…but if you ARE sneaking around your beloved’s property acting like a stalkerish weirdo, then you actually SHOULD stop doing that – it’s creepy and not helpful. 😉

    However, what I mean is it’s time to stop trying to glean info from someone’s (be they rival or spell-target) Facebook page or blog – I’d recommend actually avoiding internet visits to blogs and social networking sites belonging to targets or rivals entirely during the manifestation process. If so-and-so’s home is not on your route home, do not go out of your way to drive by their house. Do not show up in places your spell target is likely to be if it’s not a place you would normally be (were you not invested in getting them back.)

    Not only is spying creepy and often much more obvious than you may realize (especially the driving past someone’s house a lot – stop trying to rationalize it, you look like a nutjob, and you know it,) it’s also often detrimental to your work. You doubt things are coming together as you wanted, so you are more or less picking the work apart to check and see if it’s doing what you want. If you truly don’t have faith in your spells and have to regularly spy on your target in an effort to see if your spell is doing what you want it to, I suggest you quit spellcasting now. Having faith in the spell sometimes means not doing the equivellant of tapping it on the proverbial shoulder every 2 seconds to ask it what it’s accomplished (which would, if your spell was a person, really impede them from accomplishing anything.)

    Also, this spying is a sickness. Rarely does anything positive come from it. Generally all that comes from it is more anxiety, more fear, and…nothing good, on top of shredding your spell energy with your doubt (because spying is the manifestion of doubt and insecurity.)

    *Be your best you in public at all times. I can’t begin to stress how unsexy that martyr-for-love act is. Does anyone REALLY want to go back to dating you if you cry all the time, make emotional speeches of how hurt and in pain you are over the loss of your ex, act like an obsessive and mentally unstable weirdo, and don’t eat or get dressed or look nice or bathe or…. No, that’s really unsexy. If you were my ex, I’d totally avoid you if you acted like that. Why? Because I’d think you were crazy and not a fun “let’s party til the sun comes up” sort of crazy, but more like a “he’s probably going to freak out and kidnap me and keep me prisoner in his closet for 5 years if I even acknowledge his presence” sort of crazy. O_o

    Listen, I understand why you are the martyr-for-love. Someone broke your heart and you feel sad and emotional. I get it. What I don’t get is how you think that’s going to help you get your ex back. Your ex didn’t fall in love with a weepy snot-covered dishevelled person who is so jaded, and probably your ex doesn’t appreciate what they perceive as you trying to make them feel bad for exiting from the relationship. Even if your ex feels bad for your current (and obvious) mental state, they probably just feel bad like they want to put you in a psych ward so you can improve and get better sort of bad… It’s not going to win them over.

    Try this instead: try to put out the best you. Get dressed, if you wear make up normally, put that on. Look nice. Act like you’re happy and mentally sound. Even if you don’t have contact with your ex, letting the general public know that you’re a sane and attractive individual with more to offer society that crying jags about your former boyfriend/girlfriend is a big step in the right direction. You want to project that you are the person you were before you got your heart stomped, not some annoying crybaby that makes everyone else around him/her uncomfortable with emotional outbursts. People hate melodramatics, so…don’t be the person people hate. The more you try to get back to being the best you, the faster you’ll heal and actually be that person again, which is going to make it 100x more likely your ex will be interested in you again. 🙂

    Remember – reconcilation does involve some “re-seduction” of the target. If you’re visibly a total and complete mess, no one is going to want you to try to seduce them. 😉 So, remember to represent yourself as someone people would desire to be with in a romantic way.

    *Put down the phone. Stop emailing. Over the years, I’ve heard some really interesting “reasons” for contacting one’s ex, and while not all of them are bad, the vast majority are.

    When *should* you contact your ex, or when is it “okay” to do so? While I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule I would say: 1.) you share a child or children; 2.) You work together – even then keep it “business only” talk unless your ex starts talking about your relationship; 3.) You live together still.

    If you didn’t get your possessions back from that person’s house, don’t pretend that’s an emergency and you must get them back now a few months after the break. Such a lame excuse. So lame. Lame. Is your name Lamey McLamerson? Did I say you’re lame? Because if you think no one is going to know you’re just contacting your ex to contact your ex and it’s not really about your stuff when you ask for it back a month later you are so lame that I don’t even have the heart to tell you how lame and not-fooling-anyone you are. Maybe you’re fooling yourself, but no one else here is fooled. That makes you look pathetic. Remember, if you’re trying to be your best you (see above) then looking pathetic is not being your best you. Chances are, your ex threw out your stuff soon after you left anyhow. Related to this is mailing your ex’s stuff to them or dropping it off. If they want that stuff they will call you. Do not call or contact over possessions. It’s fine to respond to your ex’s request for items back or to respond to requests from your ex for you to retrieve your stuff from them, but unless your ex is making those requests, then don’t contact them over your hairbrush or jeans at their house (or their dirty gym socks at your house.) 😉 Your ex will just think you’re making an excuse to make contact with them, and they will resent that.

    If they owe you money, you probably won’t be seeing that money again while they are your ex. Sorry. While when it comes to lending FRIENDS money, I’d say you should still remember never to lend anyone money with the expectation of seeing it again (I generally just gift it and say “If you can pay me back sometime, great, but I wouldn’t offer you this money if I couldn’t spare it,” when it comes to friends,) but when it comes to lovers and romantic partners, the liklihood of seeing your money again is even less. Don’t pretend it’s about you wanting that $50 you lent them 2 years ago, anyhow, because we both know it’s not. 😉 Again, your ex will think you’re asking for the money back only because you want an excuse to make contact with them, and they will probably resent that.

    Your ex probably doesn’t want those gifts you made/bought for them (and never had the chance to give) now that you two are broken up, so do not give your ex those gifts. Return them to the store, hold on to them forever if you prefer, or even give them to someone else, but don’t give gifts to your ex post-break up. That is not a legit, uncreepy excuse to make contact with this person.

    Your ex does not want to hear how you care about them or love them or miss them most likely either.

    So…there is probably no reason to contact your ex. There is no excuse to be made for doing it. Stop emailing, stop phoning, and wait for your spell to manifest so that your ex will contact YOU. Otherwise your attempts to contact this person just look like you are a scary person with no respect for boundaries, and that’s not sexy and won’t get you to any place good.

    *Think about something else. Often, what’s holding up that spell manifestation is the petitioner (person who the spell is cast on behalf of,) is refusing to let go of the situation and thinking the spell unto death.

    I don’t think any of you reading this are robots, and I do realize this can be a difficult task keeping the spell out of your mind. I understand it’s hard to avoid theorizing how the spell will manifest. I know sometimes it’s hard NOT to think of your ex or how much you miss them…so allow me to suggest something. Give yourself 15 minutes every day at a specific time (often right before bed is a good time for most people) where you allow yourself to engage in any sort of “bad thinking” behaviors (for example “thinking the spell to death” or “refusing to let go of the situation” or fantasizing, etc,) and reserve that 15 minutes as the only time you can engage in that sort of thinking. When you feel a fantasy about your ex coming on, tell yourself “I can think about that during my 15 minutes, so I’ll put it away for later,” and then put your mind elsewhere.

    The less time you spend making yourself anxious by thinking about the situation, the better you are going to feel, too. Who actually wants to be a freaked out emotional basket case? Anyone? I know I don’t! 😉

    *Stop talking about your ex. Wow, I think I just heard a bunch of my readers’ friends breathe a huge sigh of relief. 😉 I knew your friends were sick of hearing about your ex all of the time. 😉 BUT, I tell you this not to relieve your friends from the endless duty of listening to you vent on the subject of your ex and break up, but rather because…guess what? Chances are your friends know your ex, or have friends who are friends with your ex, or friends of friends of friends who are friends with your ex, and everything you’re saying? It’s getting back to your ex. And it’s probably not making your ex happy.

    On top of this, by bringing up this sad subject all of the time, you’re keeping yourself attatched to the past, and opening up the wounds caused by the break up each time. That’s not helpful for your mental well-being, and it’s going to keep you anchored to that hurt. You need to let go of that PAST so you can sail on to your desired FUTURE, and if that future you want is a future with your ex back as your partner, keeping that death-grip on the past is going to prevent you from ever getting to that future.

    Also, your friends contacted me and told me to please tell you to STFU, they are so so so sick of hearing about it. 😉 Not really, but they wish they asked me to say this to you.

    *Relax and let the spell work. If you’re doing any of the above, you’re not relaxing and letting your spell do it’s work. 😉 It’s time to relax and let things happen – you’ll be surprised how much faster your spell manifests when you do.

    I hope this has been helpful,

    ~Cat

    PS- The “add image” function has been giving me hell lately. I will probably be adding some fun images to the article later so if it changes appearance slightly, please do not be alarmed. 😉

    ALL content and images on this blog are copyright OriginalNinjaCat and cannot be copied, copied and pasted, or in any other way used without my express permission. If you like what you see here, please put a link to it (and do not copy the body of it into an email.) Plagiarizers will be thrown to wild rabid dogs while I sit in a balcony with a box of popcorn, laughing at their death-screams. Actually, I’ll just go after you to the fullest extent of the law. 😉

  • The Internet Eye in my Blog Sees All!! (And this amazing power comes standard with my blog!)

    As some of you know, I have been vehemently resisting the “New TypePad,” for much of the summer, and some of my actual absence from writing was not just because I got busy, but also my reaction to being forced onto using their beta platform against my will (they more or less stopped offering the old user-interface, in other words.)

    BUT, not to totally discourage, I found something today that I like about New TypePad’s user interface. I can now see all the Facebooking action my articles get, even which articles are being Facebooked. 🙂 I had already previously creeped people out with my power of “referrers” where I saw which pages people were on before hitting my blog (I still can see that – behold, you were on google searching for a rootworker,) and now I have the mystical ability to see my articles being passed around the high school cafeteria which is Facebook.

    Interesting.

    Anyhow, that was random, but I just figured I’d share.

    Back to the article I was writing. 🙂

    ~Cat

  • Drawing Legal/Police Trouble to a Troublemaker

    Hello my Occulties,

    Before I start, I want to remind everyone that spells are not to replace common sense. If someone is threatening you or you are in physical danger, you need to call the police and/or emergency services. This spell is NOT to be used in place of calling the proper authorities or help in times of danger or emergency.

    You will need:
    A biological item (witness sample) from the spell target
    A small glass jar with a lid (suchas a jelly jar or a baby food jar)
    A handful of dirt from a police station*
    A handful of dirt from a courthouse*
    A handful of dirt from a jail or prison*
    Rust from a knife +
    Rust from nails (preferably a 10d or “ten penny” nail) +
    Rust from the bottom of car/truck +
    Hair from a white dog**
    Hair from a black cat**
    A stick or screwdriver to stir with
    Goofer’s dust (goofer’s dust DOES NOT resemble talcum powder, it is composed of things like sulphur and graveyard dirt and etc – PLEASE do not buy scented talcum powder labelled as goofer’s dust and then complain the spell doesn’t work.) 😉

    Optional – a small bowl for mixing

    *Traditionally, this dirt would be taken from under the entrance or from the walk way of the described building. However, modern landscaping and architecture has made this a bit difficult. 😉 So, the handful of dirt should be taken from an area near the door, and/or near the walkway into the building. The idea is to take dirt from an area where people enter the building…so use your best judgement.

    +You do not need a “ton” of rust, so just lightly scraping a rusty area on a knife, nail, or older car and getting some flakes should do. I do not suggest using a knife you use to eat with, but I also hope you don’t eat with rusty knives. 😉 Also, take care with scraping on a vehicle… I am not responsible if you go to your local Wal-mart and tick someone off because you couldn’t resist picking some rust off of the side of their clunker. Please use your best judgement when gathering your items and do not damage other people’s property. As a suggestion, any friend or relative with an old garden shed, tool shed, or similar type area probably contains a rusty knife and some rusty old nails which can be lightly scraped to get their rust w/o permanent damage to the item.

    **The dog should be all white, and the cat should be all black. Please do not assault a strange animal and clip off its hair. Generally a person who owns one of these animals has more pet hair than they would ever need, so while I do not recommend telling them why you need to gather pet hair from them if they aren’t into spells or the occult, I will suggest visiting your friend with a pet of the above description, gently petting the animal, and taking some hairs from it quietly. 😉

    Gathering the dirts:

    To gather each handful of dirt, you are to say a specific statement as you grab the dirt, and you must do this for each collection of the dirt. You are to place the full name of the spell target where I put NN in the statement.

    To properly use this charm to effect a family, I recommend fully naming the family using the traditional method of naming the head of the household and using the word family, for example… John Q Smith and his family would be named as “The John Q Smith Family,” where the NN signifies a name. If you are looking to work on a group living in a building who are unrelated, you might replace NN with “The Tenants of 33 Birch Street,” etc.

    So, as you grab the dirt, say: “NN, the law chases you, hunts you, and holds you down til you are dead in the ground.”

    Preperation of the charm:

    Try to keep a mental image of your target/s incarcerated, suffering legal troubles, surrounded by the police, etc as you make this charm. Yes, pre-emptively, the entire time you make the charm. 😉 Some people find it easier to cuss and threaten the charm as if it were the target while they make it to help keep them focused on what they are doing, but this is not necessary (that meaning, its your choice if you want to cuss and threaten the jar-charm as if its the target whilst you make up the charm.)

    Mix together the police dirt, the court dirt, the jail dirt, the rusts, and the animal hairs together using a stick (or stirring implement) to stir thoroughly. Now add about a teaspoon (no accurate measurement needed,) of goofer’s dust and stir again thoroughly until it is well-mixed together.
    800px-Code_3_MX_7000_Lightbar

    Using a small glass jar (such as a baby food jar, or even a small jelly jar,) pour your dirt/rust/hair mixture into the jar to fill it. It needn’t be packed tight, just full to the top of the jar. Take your stick and push it into the center of the jar so that you make a hole into the dirt. now take your witness sample from your target, and place this into the hole. If you have additional dirt/rust/hair mixture, you may pour this in to cover up the item, or you can simply give the jar a bit of a shake to move the dirt over your witness sample if this is easier. Cap the lid on the jar tightly.

    Hold the jar in both hands and, keeping a mental image of your target suffering and incarcerated as you’ve intended by this spell, try to send this image into your jar, or, I prefer to keep the mental image of my target and envision this energy pouring out of my hands into the jar as black worms. If you are new to spellcasting or energy work, simply sit quietly envisioning your target having horrifying legal issues and being jailed, etc, for a few minutes. Now, allowing your rage against your target to build, shake the jar as you say the chant you had said when gathering your dirts, nine times: “NN, the law chases you, hunts you, and holds you down til you are dead in the ground.” After the ninth time you’ve said this, say “As is my will, so be it!”

    Deploying the charm:

    Sneak onto the spell target’s property and bury this beneath their home or on the property and near the house itself. Make sure to hide where the jar is buried as much as possible (of course) so as to impede discovery of this item. Once you have buried the jar, walk away from the area without looking back.

    If you really have no way to get on to your victim’s property, an alternate place to bury the jar charm would be on the property where the victim works. Similarly, once you bury that jar, walk away without looking back.

    You may wish to take a cleansing bath after deploying the charm to wash away any undesirable energies you might have come in contact with while creating and deploying the charm.

    Additional notes:

    *The witness sample should be a biological item, and NOT a picture, business card, name written nine times or anything which did not come off the body of the intended victim.

    *Pre-emptively, I do doubt that its illegal or even questionably legal to remove a handful of soil from the police station, jail, or court. You will probably look like you’re a little weird, but other than the possible damage to your ego when people give you funny looks, I think you’ll be okay. That said, please do not destroy decorative flowerbeds or similar to get the dirt, as that WOULD BE considered as damage to that property.

    *It is your problem and not mine if you can’t figure out how to bury the jar without getting caught. I understand that a generation of people have been raised by helicopter parents and have a hard time problem-solving on their own due to that, but quite frankly there’s no time like the present to start doing your own thinking and problem-solving. 😉 Creativity and planning will likely be all you need to get that jar buried.

    Please do not ask me “What if this person doesn’t live anywhere near me or I don’t know where they live, etc?” The answer there would be that if you cannot complete the spell because of your location or your ignorance, that you need to choose another spell. Sorry if that’s upsetting.

    *Lastly, this can very well cause permanent and serious damage to your target. While the gathering of the above items is like to take enough time to let you consider your actions, please understand that this is a spell made with the intent to cause harm, that harm to the target is very likely, and that you cannot take that action back just because you feel bad about it later. I don’t believe in karma (especially not in the very misinterpreted and bastardized sense that the Western world uses the term,) but I do know some people act in haste, use a spell to harm another, and then regret causing that harm for a long time to come…which is its own burden sometimes. Do not use this spell lightly or to entertain yourself with someone else’s misery. I have other curses and spells here which may be more fit for those more-vindictive readers of mine seeking a bit shadenfreude.

    Okay, that’s all for now! You kids play nice now! >:)

    ~Cat

    Photo is courtesy the GNU project

    It is my personal mission to torture and destroy anyone who plagiarises my work. Please do not copy or copy and paste this for any reason without the express permission of the author (me,) and if you would like to share this, please simply do so by sharing the link to this article. All content is copyright OriginalNinjaCat, all rights reseverved.