Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

I’m so lame…

January 6, 2010

Hey everyone,

I’m so lame that I refunded failed-chargeback-freak this morning at like nine – that freak you may remember from yesterday’s article (and took pics in case anyone wants to deny I did – obviously you make false claims for a chargeback, you’ll lie about me in other ways, too.) You know I could hardly bear to make him wait that long, even though he deserved worse…and why? Because believe it or not, just because you deserve my worst doesn’t mean I give it. Most people would have kept that fucker’s money for the time and trouble he caused them, and I’d be lying to say I wasn’t tempted to, but I was never tempted enough to even seriously consider it because it would be dishonest. 😛 Wow, you guys, I am seriously not a bad ass at all anymore, am I? :S If its any consolation, had he come here personally to collect his money, I would have seriously entertained the idea of kicking his stupid ass in my driveway (which, I’ve beat up men over a foot taller than me, so that’s a real possibility, sir, if you’re interested in some fisty-cuffs to help with the anger between us.)

Anyhow, I know I upset some people with yesterday’s article. I’m sorry if I did (except for chargeback guy who can eat shit and die for all I care,) and I wanted to thank everyone who gave me some input on the situation or who was patient with me when I was obviously a bit on edge over the events of yesterday. More or less, if you had ANYTHING AT ALL to bitch about (real or imagined “reasons” for that matter) or if you were suffering from an attitude problem and wanted to share your attitude problem with someone so they could be as dickly as you were being, you probably contacted me yesterday for free shit (freebie gouging – not so good actually,) or you complained, or you copped an attitude and that was really not the day to do that. It made your friend Cat – who was already disgusted, offended and upset over chargeback guy’s lies and games, – have even more negativity and stress than I’d normally have.

So eff readings for the time being. I don’t need em, and I read all of you all of the time as is, just not formally. There is rarely a moment when I’m not picking up your energy and getting impressions. Why? I was born this way. Asking me not to use my “sixth senses” is a bit like asking me to chew food and not taste it. 😉 I would just like to have a break from the stress of doing formal readings, so I’m giving myself that break.

I am not mad at the majority of you, but it would be nice if there was just one singular day where people cared about me having a bad day (you know who deals with my bad days? Me. And I don’t have anyone to give me pity or love or encouragement because I had to give up a great deal of my friends to work 12-16 hours a day for you, so keep that in mind, huh?) or a singular moment in time that someone realized that if I gave you something free, you are getting all my meals for an entire day because somehow I have to pay for the spell materials…and it sure as shit would be a great day if just one day, some of you remembered that taking the stress of everyone onto oneself is a mostly thankless job, so its really not so much for me to ask that you behave respectfully of me so I can continue at my job without feeling like I’m just asking people to shit all over me and treat me like crap so I can make a negaitve profit in so doing. Normally all of you are great with this and are good enough to me that I don’t feel like the emotional baggage dump and the person to give all your shitty attitude to, but lately, I’ve felt like a lot of people are using me as a dumping ground for all of their nastiness and misery. Stopping readings temporarily is going to give me enough of a respite from that feeling, and its going to make me a nicer person to deal with. I will resume readings when I feel the time is right, and definitely Mars retrograde will have to be over. 😉

I’m sure this didn’t make a lot of sense, but I feel better. 😉

Anyhow, I’m done rambling, and back to work I go.

~Cat
It’s time for a ranting, if ever a time for a ranting there was!

January 5, 2010

******Updated January 12, 2010 – Someone has attatched a stat counter to this article (no, not me,) and can be seen in my referrers when they check this. Subtle, chargeback guy, very subtle.*******

I realize Mercury and Mars are both retrograde, but for the love of all things holy and unholy, WTF is wrong with some people?

Case in point, I was offering readings, and a fellow paid for his and then tried to get a time slot which had been sold off before he could get it for himself. I told him I didn’t have that time available and asked if I could fit him in on the 6th or 7th January. Next thing I know, with no warning nor any indication that he was dissatisfied with me, he institutes a claim of “item not received” which is ridiculous – how can an item be received, its a service? Furthermore, no one told me it was “I get the 2pm slot or I am going to forcibly drain your account of my payment,” for the play of the day. Had I known this was such an important time to him, I’d have given it to him. Had I known he’d claim I was a theif for not giving him the time slot, I’d refund the payment long before we could discuss availability at other times. So, he puts in a claim of “Item not received” and forcibly drains my account of money with no warning whatsoever. Not because I did anything wrong, mind you, but because he wanted an unavailable time slot. He basically told me to call him then on his wanted time slot, and he’d drop his claim. I was like “No fucking way, the time you wanted was taken by someone else, not that I refused to schedule you, and you can drop your false claim at any time. I don’t give in to blackmail nor do I acknowledge this behavior by rewarding you with a time slot for lying about me.” When I was busy doing the reading in the time slot he wanted, he then escalated the claim to an official chargeback. In a very short period of time, it was judged in my favor (of course,) and I was awarded the stolen money back. No doubt someone is writing out pages of lies in my dishonor on some site because I was awarded that he was making false claims, and that his bullshit would not stand up to rewarding him any monies.

Mind you, this all could have been settled by emailing me and I would have refunded the money AS SOON AS HE TOLD ME HE WOULD ONLY TAKE THE 2p SLOT. I’m actually not sorry I had sold the time he wanted, but I’m sorry he took it to this level! As it were, I was ready to refund him because he was insisting on a bunch of special priveledges like getting unscheduled calls and the like.

Either way, he’ll be paying for his mistakes very dearly as I’m a vindictive C U Next Tuesday if you decide to be so rude, but he can rest assured that, after the exact amount of time has passed that this amount was held by PayPal over his fucking false claims, that he can have it back…because, kiddies, you know what the real kicker here is? That he’d pulled this shit in the past and I instantly refunded him before he could make a claim, and I’ve never hesitated to refund him! Mind you, I’ve never spoken directly to this psychopath in my whole life! He keeps buying readings and pretending he can’t figure out email or that his emails are not received (he blocks me out of his emails and then I use one of my other ones, and lo and behold those work great,) lol, and I keep saying “I schedule readings only by email, if you can’t comply with that, please accept the full refund for services as I cannot render them without first scheduling your reading.” And that’s like my whole interactions with him for years now.

But at least I’m enough of a dick to hold his money for a few hours just to teach him a lesson…he’ll get it back, but let’s hope he’s quaking for awhile wondering if he will. 😀 (Yep, I’m that immature, and yep, the shadenfruede of watching someone who antagonized me struggle a bit is something I enjoy occaisionally…if I were younger I’d be making $100 in to pennies and mailing it to him, hehe, but in my old age now I just will hold it for ah, refund assessment until about noon tomorrow, hehe.) Tomorrow, its his $$$ again, and I don’t want his cursed money…but I can’t help that feel my own need to antagonize my antagonizer just took my own character down a notch. Ah well, I don’t believe in any karma other than Ms Karma Zain anyhow.

This comes on the tail of a November and December where I could barely eat or pay my bills due to sluggish sales (thanks economy!) and now I get my bank account sodomized by this creep because he can’t be bothered to contact me directly to schedule a reading. His little ass-rape of my account actually cost me $45!

Nice!

So, does anyone else wanna pick a fight with me today, or can I consider myself done being antagonized for no good reason?

With that being said, you can all thank that guy for encouraging me NOT to give readings for the forseeable future. I mean, if people will do the equivellant of beating me upside the head, holding me down, and forcibly stealing money out of my pockets over a scheduling dispute (when if I’d been asked nicely, you could have the money back, no problem, and without a refund assessment period of at least 12 hours,) why should I schedule anyone at all? Obviously the risk of selling the desired reading spot is one I know to be a common risk – everyone wants the same times…with that in mind, I choose not to put myself in danger of another person trying to rob me instead of being courteous enough to not try to hold monies hostage in the hopes I’ll tell my 2-3pm reading to go screw so he can have their reading spot.

Ah, which makes this better, because I had to also refund my 2p reading today (that’s right, the person who got this dude’s desired time slot.) That person got an instant refund though, as would anyone if I was, for some reason, not able to do their reading for them. So…like I made a negative profit today. That was awesome!

I’m sure he’s read this and stopped quaking though. That’s right fucko, I actually have more character than you, and I’m actually a better person than you, and you get your money back….the refund assessment period of 12 or so hours is just my gift to you to give you time to think about being such a complete jackass.

~C

Don’t plagiarize me, and this is all copyrighted so copying without my permission is ripping me off (plagiarism.) See warning here.
Referrals

January 2, 2010

For some ridiculous reason unknown to me (seriously,) I’ve been beseiged by a lot of people asking for referrals. Why you ask me about the competition and to lead you to it – now there’s a mystery. 😉 Not really, I’ve always stood by if you’re the type of person to walk into a hardware store and ask “Where are the other good hardware stores,” that someone ought to give you an answer even if you’re standing right at the place you need to be – in other words, ask about others in my business that I find ethical, and I’d be glad to give you a few names. Believe me that list is about 2 lines long. There is a single name on every line. Yeah, I recommend 2 people currently. 😉

So if you want a “list” I don’t have one. I also don’t check prices. I can say one person has similar rates to mine out of the 2, and the other, I really do not even know. If you want someone who does full spellwork for $20, then you are out of luck. Someone might light a single candle for you for that.

~C
Just the Basics

December 23, 2009

OMG ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

I am gonna have to call the Pope and tell him to get in his Pope-mobile (that bubble car,) and round all of you up and answer your 11.5 TRILLION questions about saints. Goodness gracious, knowing Hoodoo or a Catholic background does NOT make me an expert on every Catholic saint, and for the love of all things holy, no, I do not know what colors, foods, or etc Saint Zephyrinus likes.

First of all, calm yourself.

Calm?

Good.

Now, let me impart a great piece of wisdom upon you – usually, if you want the help of a saint – ANY SAINT, – all you have to do is pray to that saint. That’s it. That’s all you need.

Okay, I see someone foaming at the mouth in the back of the rant room giving me drama about how this saint requires publication of thanks and that one likes red candles, and, etc. I see you missed the “MOST OF THE TIME” mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Want to know the basic way to petition a saint? The “classic” way if you will? Okay…get yourself a statue or holy card of the saint you wish to petition. Get a white candle. Get a glass (generally a tumbler) and fill this with water. Place the water next to your picture or statue of saint. Light your white candle and place this near your picture or statue of saint. Say prayer.

What next? You are going to repeat a same set of actions for a prescribed number of days, depending on how many days you are praying. For example… If you’re saying a novena (a nine-day prayer,) you should allow the candle to burn out (assuming its a one day candle,) and then light a fresh one the next day, replace the water and say your prayer…so every day for nine days you burn a candle, replace the water and say your prayer.

What if you use a seven-day candle? In this case, I usually say the prayer once each day while the candle is burning. Some people say the prayer once, but I guess that is just their preference. I personally feel that repeating the prayer every day is going to bring a better result, but I leave the decision up to you.

How do you know what color is best? Listen, if you have no idea of what color to use, white will work. Not all saints have “preferred colors.” Sometimes, but not always, the prescribed color is one that you are given to reflect the need, sometimes, but again not always, sometimes the specified colors in ATR’s are what they are because the Saint is being parallelled to reflect a Traditional African Religious spirit, or even to another godhead, or other cultural spirit. Sometimes, but not always, it is just a color that the saint “prefers.”

What if the saint has special specifications, needs, etc? Um, well, the short list I know is….I’ve always heard that St Expedite, St Jude, and St. Theresa all want their names published, but St Expedite can be given a piece of poundcake or flowers instead or as well. I have also heard that St Rita likes a published thanks, but I can’t confirm that other than having heard it.

I have heard repeatedly that St Anthony likes brown candles, cigars and rum.

St Rita is said not to like men. St Martha is said by some not to like working with men. I have heard St.s Peter and Luke do not like working with women. I am not so sure on the Luke, but I’ve heard that St Peter doesn’t like working with women more than once. Santisma Muerte HATES adulterers. If you’ve committed adultery EVER, or are the “other party” of an adulterous relationship, I don’t recommend seeking her help – but if you’re a woman with a cheating husband, she will usually gladly be of assistance. She also often is best petitioned by women.

You know if you want to make an offering, flowers are always good – or even better, donate in the saint’s name to a charity, especially one that is related to the saint’s patronage.

If you need to find who is the patron of what Wikipedia and Catholic.org should help you.

You know, there is a lot to also be said for picking one or two saints and developing a relationship with the saint by praying to him/her most often. Just because a saint is a patron of a particular thing does not mean he or she cannot help on other problems outside of his or her patronage.

Hmmm…. That’s what I can think of off of the top of my head. 😉

~C
Simple Candle Spell To Attract A Specific Person’s Attention

December 23, 2009

Hey everyone,

Just a quick article today – the Hellspawn (my nephews) will be here shortly, and we all know that when I’m getting beat up by a 3 year old child, I have a hard time writing up anything. 😉

You will need:

A picture of the intended target
A picture of the petitioner
Follow me Boy/Girl Oil (Hetero gents and gay ladies use Follow Me Girl, Hetero ladies and gay gents use Follow Me Boy,)
Attraction oil
Come to Me oil
Cardamom seed
Damiana leaf
Juniper berry
Figural candle to represent the intended target
Figural candle to represent the petitioner
Small spool of red thread
Small spool of pink thread
Small spool of orange thread
A pie plate or cake tin or fire proof container
A pin or needle
Optional: a hair from each party (target and petitioner) for setting the figurals
Optional: Come to Me incense

Set up:
First set both of your figurals, either by this method, or by simply carving the intitials of each party into the candle. If you do not know how to charge your candles, you should each candle in your hands, and envision the desired outcome, while trying to “send” this energy into the candle. In this case, should you feel you can’t send energy or aren’t very good at this part, hold each candle in your hands for a few minutes seeing the desired outcome, and that should do. For the target candle, see the target taking notice of the petitioner, being romantically intrigued by them, etc; and for the petitioner candle, see the petitioner being the recipient of the target’s romantic interest, etc.

Using a black pen write the name paper out so that you have written the target’s name nine times like this:

John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
John Doe
Then turn the paper so that the names are facing vertically and write the petitioner’s name across this nine times in the same manner.

Using a red pen write the command around the names, for example, “John Doe is attracted to Mary Roe, and seeks her out for a romantic relationship,” or “Love me, love me, love me,” etc. It can be whatever you’d like as long as its in the present tense, and does not use negatives like “No, not, never.” One phrase I have used in the past that readers tell me is invaluable is “(Full name of target) loves and desires only (full name of petitioner) and the more s/he tries to resist loving and desiring (full name of petitioner) the stronger the feelings of love and desire for (first name of petitioner) become.” Now place your pictures of both parties face to face, put this on top of the name paper and fold in half towards you. Now fold all three in half (so they are wedged together) towards you again. Place this in the center of your fire proof container

Place about 2-3 drops of each oil in your hand, and anoint each candle using seven strokes of the hand UP (from base to wick,) then liberally covering each figural with approximately equal amounts of each herb. Place the candles into your fireproof container, so that they are “face to face,” and so the name paper is beneath them, centered between the pair. Take a spool of thread and wind this CLOCKWISE around your figural candles to bind them together. Repeat with both other spools of thread.

Spell:

If you would like to light the optional incense, do so now.

Light the figural candles, and say: “(Full name of target,) finds him/herself drawn to I(full name of petitioner) – drawn by the hand, drawn by the foot, drawn by the heart – s/he is drawn with desire to be with (name of petioner.) (First name of target,) you find (first name of petitioner) irresistable, and you find yourself overcome with the need to be near him/her, see him/her, to speak to him/her, for you are overcome with desire for him/her. I bring these two together – as this wax melts so do their hearts melt for each other. As is my will, so be it!”

Allow the candles to burn out (warning: threads can catch fire and may pose some fire danger – please keep your eye on this set up while it burns, and due to the herbs and threads it USUALLY burns pretty fast.) When they have done so, take your spell remains and inter them in a place where your target will pass by regularly. 🙂

There will be questions so email me should you have them. 🙂

~Cat
Happy Holidays!!!

December 22, 2009

Hoping everyone has a great holiday season!!! Love ya!

~Cat
This Is Definitely NOT Goofer’s Dust

December 13, 2009

Hey everyone…

So, I was ROTFLMAO at this… Goofer’s dust is, generally speaking, usually made considerably near to the following formula, regardless of who’s making it (sort of like a meatloaf, there is a basic recipie to follow, though some people do add or take out certain things): Sulphur, graveyard dirt, red pepper, salt, snake skin/powdered insects. Again, 99% of formulas at least LOOSELY will fall under those guidelines (and I took out a few of my personal additions to that formula, hehe, for the purpose of keeping my kickass recipie mostly to myself.) There is at the very effing least graveyard dirt and some snake skin or powdered bug in the recipie, and I’v yet to hear a recipie lacking either of those ingredients. >:-/

I’ll tell ya one thing I know for sure – Goofer dust is not pale blue talc. 😉

So, if you see a jar of talc, and it says “Goofers Dust,” you probably are not buying anything of the sort.

~Cat
Mama Cat’s Pearls of Wisdom #17

December 11, 2009

Working a sweet jar on someone you live with or are dating is a great idea to help avoid Holiday-season blow ups in already-strained relationships. 🙂 If you feel like your relationship with someone is on shakey terms, or that you’re about to get in a fight, use the sweet jar before things get even uglier. 🙂
Easy Charm to Make Another Speak Sweetly of You

December 9, 2009

Hey Occulties,

Just a quick offering today. 🙂

You will need:
A used napkin from your target
Confectioner’s sugar
9 relatively long pieces of knotweed, preferably fresh,

Procure a used napkin (particularly one used to wipe the mouth while eating,) from your target, and in the center place about a teaspoon of confectioner’s sugar. Then fold the napkin in half towards you. Fold in half again, towards you. Wrap the napkin and sugar packet in your knotweed, wrapping towards you as you say, “Name of target, you speak only sweetly about me,” and say this chant nine times for each strand of knotweed you wrap the package in. Bury this package beneath your front doorstep. For as long as the package remains intact, the target should speak well about you.

If you do not have a doorstep to bury this under, bury it in your front yard under your walk OR place into a knot in a tree to the EAST of your home.

There will be questions so contact me if you have them!

~Cat

This article in its entirety, is copyright Originalninjacat.com and cannot be copied, pasted, or plagiarized in any way. Copyright strictly enforced!
St. Expedite for Requests You Need Taken Care of FAST

December 5, 2009

Hello Occulties,

This article comes after several requests that I post my favorite prayer to St Expedite (given below,) and how to work with him. This post is also here to recognize the YEARS of help and the many granted requests that St Expedite has helped me with. He’s definitely one of my favorite saints. 😀

Before I totally get into that, I want to let everyone know something: saints will work with you regardless of your religion. While there are some exceptions to consider when working with particular saints (for example, St Rita does not like men, and she and St Martha generally are petitioned by women; Santisma Muerte – who is not a traditional Catholic saint or condoned by the Catholic church – hates adulterers and also usually is only worked with by women, or Saints Jude and Expedite like to have their name published, etc,) 99 times out of 100, any saint will work with anybody. 😉 Another thing to keep in mind? I’m not your saint dictionary, so please do not attempt to ask me 1,236,785,923,478 questions about what saint does what and what do you need to do for an offering and and etc, etc, etc, etc. There are some great sites which offer this information, but today, we are discussing St Expedite, and he can be more complicated to work with than most saints are.

Saint Expedite

Some background on the saint… So I am told, St Expedite was a Roman soldier back in the days of the Christian persecution. During his service, he witnessed the martyrdom of several Christians at the hands of their persecutors, and was so taken by their humility, faith, and their requests that their persecutors be forgiven even as their persecutors tortured and killed them, than he chose to convert to Christianity – a choice that caused him to be imprisioned and ultimately killed for his beliefs. He is generally depicted as a Roman soldier stepping on a raven who is saying “Cras” (tomorrow) while holding a cross that says “Hodie” (today.) I am told this comes from before St Expedite was martyred, Satan came to him in the form of a raven saying “Convert tomorrow, convert tomorrow,” and St Expedite refused, insisting he be baptized a Christian that day. The day after, he was martyred for his Christian faith. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. Very little is known about him, but what is known is that SAINT EXPEDITE GETS THE WORK DONE FAST!

What to ask St Expedite for? This is not the saint to ask to harm your enemies. While some of you are probably slapping yourselves on the head saying “Cat, I don’t know how stupid you must think I am – asking a SAINT to harm someone?” But yes, in certain cases with certain saints, you can ask for at least your enemy to be put in a place…that isn’t pleasant. Just not with Expedite. Expedite is best in cases where you need help in a hurry, especially in money situations.

Some people say “What about love?” and to this I say…it wouldn’t be my first choice, even though it can work and has worked for many people on many occaisions (this guy is miraculous, and there is a reason I have a giant St Expedite statue at my house!!) Still, just because you want to have your love situation taken care of overnight, keep in mind that quick solutions in the emotional world are generally not always super-lasting. St Expedite WILL come through for you, but as many of my Hoodoo For Everyone board has discovered, as I had said right here, when it comes to love, often the quickest answer is not the most lasting solution. Still you’re going to do what you want to do, so…

Be warned, though, if you petition St Expedite you WILL have to pay him for his services. “Payment” as I have heard of it has consisted of poundcake, flowers, an ad in the local paper – one or all three.

To petition St Expedite, you can simply recite the prayer given below daily until your requests are met, and when they are, publish your thanks to St Expedite in the local newspaper and/or offer him a slice of poundcake in thanks for answering your request. Some people offer him flowers. I personally prefer offering poundcake, but know others who only offer flowers. I leave this up to you.

Many Hoodoo people offer St Expedite a Red or a Yellow (even golden orange/marigold) light when they begin their petition as well as a glass of water when offering their prayers. Often St Expedite is petitioned on a Wednesday. To do this, you simply take a statue or image of St Expedite, place beside this a candle of the appropriate color, and a tumbler glass of water. Light the candle before you begin your prayer, then when you have finished your prayer, allow the candle to burn out.

Here is the prayer I most commonly use:

Saint Expedite, you lay in rest.

I come to you and ask that

this wish be granted.

(State your request)

Expedite now what I ask of you.

Expedite now what I want of you,

this very second.

Don’t waste another day.

Give me what I ask for.

I know your power,

I know you because of your work.

I know you can do it.

Do this for me and I’ll

spread your name with love and honor

and cause your name to be invoked.

Expedite this wish with speed, love,

honor, and goodness.

Glory to you, Saint Expedite!

To “pay” the saint, leave your offering in front of his picture for a day or so after he has accomplished the task you requested of him. Pay him IMMEDIATELY upon him granting your request – and this includes if you want to leave an ad in the paper thanking him. St Expedite WILL take everything he gave you back from you if you do not pay him immediately, and, just as with ANY saint, you must pay him what you promised.

A WONDERFUL resource on St Expedite can be found here: http://www.saintexpedite.org

Alrightey, well, there will be questions, so please contact me if you have them.

And of course, my deepest gratitude to you, St Expedite, for all the help you have given me for my requests! May your name and fame grow!

~Cat

UPDATE Nov 28, 2011 – er…I’m not sure where the idea that saints grant wishes like genies came in, but they do not. ST EXPEDITE (and other saints) ARE NOT WISH GRANTING GENIES. Please keep your requests to St Expedite and other saints within your sphere of availability. For example, if you do not even have a high school education, you’re not apt to get a doctor job by petitioning a saint. Or…if you’ve never met a famous actor and have no likely way of meaning him, don’t ask for that person to become your lover because I’m 99.9% sure it’s outside of your sphere of availability. Keep all saint requests and spell purposes within the realistic realm of what you could accomplish, and you likely will not be disappointed. Ask for grandiose requests like large sums of money (more than what you need to pay your bills, and far more than you’d earn in a year for example,) famous people to love you, jobs you’re not qualified for, or etc, and you are likely to come up with no result. It’s not because the saint won’t help you, it’s because you’re being absurd and the powers that be are not like to totally rearrange time and space for you lighting a candle once just because you want someone or something to give you something which far outreaches what would be available to you. Requests like $1000 to pay your bills, for the job you applied for to come to you, or etc are more realistic and things you would be more like to get. I’ve said that in this blog more than once but recently have been overwhelmed by people who seem to not understand this concept. I truly believe nothing is impossible, but that doesn’t mean certain things are not so improbable that they may as well be considered impossible.

recent posts

about