Cat’s Rants: Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Everything you ever wanted to know about Hoodoo, Rootwork, or the Occult! The internet’s longest running occult blog, established 2004

  • …And even though I still have a huge crush on him… I have to put this up.

    Listen, before I do, let me say, I actually understood why Christian Bale freaked out and yelled at that guy. If you’re shooting a movie, it costs a dear amount and also, you have to be professional at all times. That means if you are in control of the lights, you go check and alter them before the scene starts runnning…not while the scene is being shot, which just shows you’re a ‘tard. πŸ˜‰

    What does that mean to those of us not glamourous enough to be a movie actor?

    Alright… Well, many of us have worked in food service jobs before we got into other jobs…so let’s put it like this… Say you are a waiter or a waitress. Someone orders a regular cheeseburger. You know, beef, bun, cheese, veggies, condiments – the whole bit. You place the order to the kitchen, and when you return to pick it up, you see a sandwich in a bun on a plate, so you bring it to the customer. The customer says “Ah, I didn’t order a SALMON burger – I ordered a cheeseburger.” You apologize, say it must have been a mistake and someone else in someone else’s area is probably complaining about ordering a cheeseburger. You return the kitchen and say you need the order fixed pronto, the gentleman at table 14 ordered a cheeseburger. Now, the kitchen keeps effing up. Next the sandwich is without condiments. Then when you return someone put ranch dressing on it…the fourth time bringing the sandwich out, you have no effing cheese on it. Would you not freak out? I would. By then the customer would be blaming YOU who don’t make the food. What Christain Bale said to that light guy…replace that with food lingo, and you could hear me say that. πŸ˜‰ Its similar in nature.

    I feel for the man. I work at least 12 hours a day too. πŸ™‚ SO…some of you who have seen me be “intense” when I am already cheesed off from someone else…you have no idea. I do sit here and go “WHAT THE *bleeep* is this *bleeep, bleeeeeep, bleeep*ity *bleep, bleep* thing because I will *bleeep, bleep* and that’s not the *bleep*ing half of it. I will *bleep* them up and put my foot up *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.*” Seriously. I pitch fits when I get mad enough. I just have the good sense to say that stuff when no one but my pets, and occaisionally a random UPS/FedEx guy is listening. πŸ˜‰

    But still this is hysterical…especially for those of us needing occaisional stress management. Here is the Christian Bale/Bill O’Riley Mix up. Not okay for work (contains foul language.) Enjoy…and seriously you guys…do this to me some day. I will leak a me pitching a fit moment if you do. I would laugh til I lost my voice.

    Also, this is a great song. Make me a song of me freaking out, lol. I’m jealous of Christian Bale’s bad press! πŸ˜‰ I make an ass out of myself all of the time. πŸ˜‰ This seriously does sound like when I’d had enough of a stalker client 2 or 3 years ago (I believe I wrote about her, she didn’t want me to bury my friend, because her inability to stop stalking her ex made him not like her, lol,) put to techno.

    ~C

  • Hi my dear occulties,

    While most of the month of January was very good for me, we recently got a very bad diagnosis on the health of my maternal grandmother, who they believe has ALS of the spine. Please be patient with me during this time. I am comforting family and of course preparing to say goodbye to a loved one…so, its going to be rough for a week or two while the diagnosis is emotionally accepted by my family.

    Thanks for understanding,

    ~Cat

  • To have someone truly love you, you must love yourself first. And, no, I didn’t mean masturbate (though, if you’re a man and a bit quick on the first round, you might try that BEFORE the date,) I mean you must have confidence, and pride, and truly love the person you are. πŸ˜‰

  • Hey Occulties,

    While offering Ms Venus her weekly candle, I thought to myself, its time to post a love spell. I have to post something of occult value, eh? πŸ˜‰ Not that my Facebook presence is not valuable (you can know if I need a desk chair or don’t like green beans, and if that’s valuable to you, good,) or that my MySpace isn’t valuable (who doesn’t like seeing me drunk and shiny and in a sombrero,) but other than the inclusion of me, its not supa-dupa occult related is it? So with thanks to the beautiful Lady Venus for the inspiration, here tis.

    This is a simple candle spell, best done on a Friday. Moon cycle should be WAXING or GROWING moon, OR should the moon be waning, use the time between dawn and noon.

    Venus Offering 1.23You will need:
    Rose petals,
    Orris root (powdered,)
    Ground mace,
    Periwinkle herb,
    Lemongrass,
    A pink or red candle (taper or votive,)*
    A picture of yourself (or of the person the spell is being done for,)
    A scrap of paper bag with all edges torn off OR a scrap of NICE white paper with all edges torn off,
    Come to me oil,
    Flame of Desire (fire of love sometimes,) oil,
    Attraction oil,
    A “spare candle” a candle not used for ritual use, if you will,
    A Mortar and Pestle OR a bowl and a strong spoon,
    A piece of old newspaper,
    Some sexual secretions or menstrual blood (depending on your sex,) – optional,
    A LARGE metal container such as a cake tin,
    A BRASS candle holder for a taper candle (if a taper.)

    *Use red to draw sexual/passionate interest,
    Use pink to draw romantic interest.

    Set up:
    First, place all of your herbs (rose, orris, periwinke, lemongrass, mace,) into a your mortar, and crush together until fined with your pestle (strong spoon.) Lay this out on your piece of old newspaper. If you are choosing to use bodily secretions in this spell, slime your herbs with your sexual/menstrual secretions, (or crumble dried secretions on the herbs.
    Take your candle and anoint with seven pulls UP (base to wick,) using about equal parts of each oil (put one or two drops of each in your hand you use to write with, THEN anoint.)

    Light your “spare” or “non-ritual” candle. Now CAREFULLY, hold your annointed candle just close enough to your burning “spare” candle that you are slightly melting the side of the candle. As each side becomes a bit “squishy,” press it immediately into your herbs/secretions mix. Repeat until entire candle has been covered all the way around on the side with herb mix.

    Hold your candle in both hands for awhile, trying to envision pink and red energy being sent into your candle through your hands. If you feel you aren’t ready to send energy or don’t know how, simply sit with the candle in both hands for awhile and envision people telling you you’re attractive, approaching you, giving you looks of attraction and approval, etc, for a few minutes.

    A note here: Please remember to draw energy from the universe rather than draining just your own personal reserves. This can be done by either envisioning some “roots” coming out of your feet and drawing into the earth, and pulling up energy through your hands into the candle; OR envision your energy coming out of the sky, and in through your crown, and then being sent through the candle through your hands.

    Write your name paper out as so:
    Your name seven times (ie:)
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname
    Firstname Lastname

    Turn the paper so that the names are running vertically, and write across the names seven times, like this:
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable
    Attractive, Sexy, Irresistable

    If you are using a taper candle, place your candle into the candle holder, and make sure it is secure, using drippings to secure it to the holder if needed, now.

    Spit into the center of the paper, and add a pinch of the herbal mixture to the center, and fold once in half TOWARDS you, and then in half again, TOWARDS YOU. Place this name paper beneath the candle holder and place the candle holder and paper into the center of the cake tin, OR if you are using a votive candle, place it beneath the center of your cake tin, with the candle standing on top of the cake tin, over where the name paper is. Once you have done this, light your candle.

    The Spell:

    Hold your hands on either side of the candle. Try to envision red and pink energy surging out of you towards the candle (remember, above, what I told you about using the Universe’s energy, and not just your own,) and if you are not comfortable with energy transference yet, simply try to keep the image of people looking at you as though your are very sexy, telling you you are attractive, etc, in your minds eye. Say, “By the power of this candle’s fire, I am every woman’s/man’s hearts’ desire; Here I conjure by this flame, that all who see me desire me. I am surrounded by an aura of sexiness, attractiveness, and desirability. May this spell not reverse nor lay upon me any curse, as is my will, so be it!”

    Drop your hands and cease transmitting energy.

    Keep an eye on this candle….it has herbs crusted into it and WILL burn quickly. Please be careful, and practice some fire-safety by making sure it doesn’t “spit” any of the flaming herbs off. This is why I told you to use a full cake tin. It will catch spills and will help prevent any flaming herbs from hitting anything other than metal.

    Allow the candle to burn out. When it has done so, take your name paper and bury it under your front doorstep, or on the pathway to the entrance of your home.

    Have you any q’s, be sure to contact me!

    Happy Spellworking,

    ~Cat

    PS – Don’t steal my work. I am uber litigious and will send my lawyer and necronomical dieties to eat your soul, so write your own spells, and don’t take mine.

  • I’m on Facebook now. I’m still a tard and can’t figure out what link to give you to come find me, but I’m under the name Cat Originalninja so that’s your search critera. πŸ˜‰ They wouldn’t accept my real name (my real effing name,) as a real name. This is what I get for having an English word for a last name I guess. Sorry, its just so simple it looks fake, but its what my name is. πŸ˜‰

    So if you wanna be my myspace friend I’m here: http://www.myspace.com/originalninjacat

    And if you want to be my Facebook friend, search for Cat Originalninja, and you shall find me.

    My MySpace page is still the cooler of the two. πŸ˜‰

    ~C

  • The Universe rewards the negative and those who complain a lot with more to complain about – probably since the behavior of said people would bespeak that this is exactly what they want – more to complain about.

    If you want less to complain about, perhaps taking actions to make your life better, rather than bitching about how it is now, would be a step in the right direction – AND you’d stop giving the Universe the notion that its rewarding you when it gives you more to complain about.

    It should also be remembered that if you spend your time being miserable about what you don’t have, you only miss out on the things you do have.

    ~C

  • Does this remind anyone of PSC? Except I don’t recall this as impeding us going into Samahas at anytime.

    AZULAH, my friends!

    ~Cat

  • Hello my dearies,

    I do hope everyone is enjoying the Holidays. Your old friend Cat just got her house back from the Reign of Terror (aka my two year old nephew, and his six month old brother,) and can I tell you something? There is nothing better to convince people to keep using birth control than a tantrum-throwing two year old! πŸ™‚ I do love my nephew, but I also thank him for reminding me why I’ve not yet reproduced. πŸ˜‰ If you are not reading between the lines, your friend Cat likes peace, quiet, breakable things (to remain unbroken and unmolested,) curse words…finally, my home is back, and again smelling like cigarettes and incense …instead of smelling like a diaper bag which it was starting to. πŸ˜› You might not like the smell of cigarettes, but to me the smell of cigarettes is the smell of freedom! πŸ˜€

    Anyhoo, now that all of the residents of my home (on four and two legs,) can now breathe a sigh of relief, let’s get to what we love talking about! Yes, that was the occult if you missed that. πŸ˜‰

    Sunset b Today’s offering is something I was inspired to post after several people on the Hoodoo For Everyone board spoke up about certain words that ticked us off to see misspelled all of the time. It occured to me that perhaps some occult terms are not conveniently located in a spell-checker, and also that some people misspell words but do so with other English words (see Angel/Angle) ergo making the ignorant spell-checker bot not pick up on your boo-boo.

    For Your Occult Convenience:

    “Phoenix” is the famous bird that is immolated and rises from its own ashes. This is not “Feenix” “Finix,” Pheenux, Phonix, or PHONICS (which, phonics and phoenix are not even slightly related.)

    “Angel” is a Hebrew spirit which is oft portrayed in art as a winged being resembling a human. It is not an Angle, an Anjul, or even an Anjill.

    “Altar” is any structure where religious, devotional, or spiritual (even spell,) offerings are made. This is not to be confused with the verb “To alter,” which means to change. You can alter your altar, or use your altar to alter your circumstances, but they are not one in the same.

    “Sacred” means is a state of holiness given to an object or place. This is not to be confused with the verb “To Be Scared,” because if you’re scared, this means you’re frightened…not neccisarily holy. πŸ˜‰

    Now the next thing I say is going to piss off a lot of people, but here goes:
    “Magic” is a form of spellcraft, charm, mojo etc. “Magick” is what Alestrair Crowley called HIS spellcraft to differentiate it from that of the Golden Dawn. Furthermore, NO ONE is confused that you mean card tricks and pulling rabbits out of hats and s*** when you write, “So I used some magic and my ex came back!” In fact, the adding of the “k” to magic has now fallen out of favor, and many respected occultists don’t use that misspelling. Its actually, so far as I know, never been a hugely popular trend in African/ATR-based spellcrafts, but someone can correct me if I’m wrong there. Ten years ago, it was just beginning to slip out of fashion in the pop-occult world…but just like no one Macarenas anymore (if you don’t know what that is, you definitely shouldn’t be using a k on your magic,) because that fell out of being fashionable, so did the pretentious k on your magic. I am formally dropping the magic/k format here and today because I think we can all put on our big person panties/undies and admit that I know the difference between card tricks and spellcraft, and, honestly, I don’t use the “magick” spelling anymore off of the site in correspondence. Get out a freaking dictionary…the olde tyme spelling is pretentious, and use of it probably implies you actually think those around you are stupid enough to not know what illusion is as opposed to spellcraft. Magic is also NOT SPELLED as so: Magiq, Majiq, Majick, Madgeick.

    “Incense” is a combination of herbs and oils, sometimes found in pressed cones, rolled on sticks, placed on a charcoal briquette, or in “self-lighting” forms which emits a scented smoke. It isn’t insence, insense, or incence.

    An “Athame” is a double-edged ritual dagger. Its not a “hathamey,” athemey, asthemy, athum, etc. While this does originally come from the word “Artavus,” it has since evolved into its own word. Wikipedia has a very interesting paragraph about the word’s etymology here.

    A “faun” is a mythological half-man/half goat. Not to be confused with a baby deer, who is a fawn. πŸ˜‰

    Hmm…I think that’s it. πŸ˜‰

    Either way, I’d wanted something a bit lighter for the holidays, so I do hope this was educational for everyone. Back soon with a money spell for the new year!

    ~Cat

    ALL WRITTEN CONTENT IS COPYRIGHT THEORIGINALNINJACAT, AND THE IMAGE IN THIS ARTICLE IS ALSO UNDER COPYRIGHT. Failure to respect my intellectual property, and any attempt to steal it will result in very bad consequences. Please read my disclaimer

  • Hey occulties,

    This is a new type of post, so I hope you enjoy it. πŸ˜‰

    Pearl of Wisdom #1
    Fear and ignorance are your worst enemies in spellcasting.

    ~C

  • Hi Occulties,

    I get a lot of questions, and several of these more complex questions I answer via the Questions You’ve Asked Me articles (check out the catagory, and you will learn A LOT!) but some of them are so quick and easy to answer, I simply reply to your questions via email or the comment box. Rather than take up that time repeating myself (frequently, lol,) I decided to put forth this post for all of you to let you in on a few quick and easy spellcraft tidbits you should know.

    Q: How do I clean spell energy off of an item?

    A: I was taught that spraying the item down with a bit of ammonia-based cleaner with remove negative energies, and most spell energies. You might also try spraying or rinsing the item under holy water.

    Q: What in the heck do you mean when you’re talking about making a name paper? I don’t understand the explanation.

    A: Then let me show you. πŸ˜‰

    Here is a name paper where I’ve asked you to write the target’s name 9x (figure one,) the petitioner’s name 9x (figure 2,) and then write the command around the names (figure 3.) Similarly, below that in the next image shows a name paper for when I say to write the person the spell is being cast upon or cast for (the petitioner,)’s name with the command written over it, see below (figure 4.)
    Fig one
    Figure 1,

    Fig two
    Figure 2,

    Fig three
    Figure 3,

    Fig four
    Figure 4.

    I apologize for the darkness of the images, but I hope it illustrates what I’ve been trying to say for four years. πŸ˜‰

    Q: I don’t have a doorstep or even really a front yard to inter my name paper under. What do I do?

    A: Many people work around this by either taping the paper underneath a doormat with duct tape or burying the name paper in a flowerpot by the front door.

    Q: How do I know which way anoint my candle (wick to base? base to wick?)

    A: My rule of thumb is to bring a condition on to you or someone, or to bring something to you, you will be anointing the candle UP (base to wick.) Similarly to bring a condition to you or bring something to you using a bath, you’d wash yourself up, feet to head.

    To remove a condition, or to remove/take away from yourself, anoint the candle DOWN, wick to base. Similarly, to rid yourself of a condition or problem using a bath, you wash down, head to feet.

    With anointing candles, I was taught to use only seven strokes of the hand, however some people may have different teachings – I’m only telling you the way I was taught and how I personally anoint candles. πŸ˜‰

    Q: Can I destroy my name papers after a spell has manifested?

    A: While in some spells the name paper will get immolated in the course of spellcasting, I was taught (and I actually know traditions which differ, but stick with me,) that MOST of the time burning the name paper or destroying it destroys the spell.

    Let me elaborate as well with a lil’ story. A million and a half years ago (actually it wasn’t even a decade ago, hehe,) when I was young and excitable and well…stupid, because I was just being stupid in this case, I started dating a guy who, in theory, was good for me. I say “in theory,” because we had nothing in common and he was actually so straight-laced he didn’t even cast a shadow. πŸ˜‰ Anyhow, yours truly, in an unheard of fit of girlish love, cast a luv spell on the fellow, and lo and behold, he would NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. I can’t date clingy people. Drives me nuts. Anyhow, so he became a total cling-on, and I was like, “Where’s that name paper,” and the evening before I burned it, he told me he loved me, okay? The day after I burned it, he actually CALL broke up with me, and his reason was his mother didn’t think we should date anymore. Yes, his mommy told him to break up with me. That one was a real winner. :X

    But the point to that story, other than giving you a giggle about my past choice in men, is that the spell energy was so strong, that this dude thought he was IN LOVE WITH ME… when I broke the spell, he gave me what I HOPE was the lamest excuse (and not true at all,) that his mommy thought he should break it off with me, so he did. Then again, that winner did actually once call his mom after we fooled around and told her everything we just did (which is why I was more than happy to burn said name paper, and accept the “let’s break this off,” request,) so he probably did break up with me because his mother was jealous of me. πŸ˜‰

    Short answer, purposefully destroy the name paper if you wish to break the spell you cast. πŸ˜‰

    Q: Can I listen to music while I cast a spell?

    A: While some people find music distracting (suchas myself,) others find it helps them. My recommendation if you’d like to use music during your spellcasting is that you use something that illicits the feeling you need during your spellcasting, and if it has words, that the words are positive and related to the spell. For example, if you are casting a reconciliation spell, playing sad break up music is counter-productive. πŸ˜‰

    I haven’t heard of anything against playing music while spellcasting, simply that some people find it distracting. If you find it helpful to your work, then I say, go for it.

    Q: Is this going to effect my “karma”?

    A: Karma means, that which you do in this life, effects your next incarnation. Well, I can’t tell you if that’s right or wrong, so I don’t really know. I don’t think so, but I’m not a Buddhist or a Hindu so its not part of my religious belief. This, to me, is like asking me if you are going to go to hell. Since I don’t believe in hell, all I can say is that if your religion specifies the existance of a hell, perhaps you’ll go there, perhaps you won’t and you’re best off asking a clergy-person who practices your religion.

    Karma DOES NOT MEAN that which you do in this life is going to effect you immediately. In fact, I find it ridiculous enough that people who have confessed being liars and stalkers to me are worried about what a spell will do when they’ve been acting pretty nasty on this plane. πŸ˜‰ BUT, not to worry, INSTANT KARMA is a song by John Lennon. Past that, karma does not mean if you cast a nasty spell on someone right now, that within the next month something bad will happen to you. Also, no, your magical ability isn’t taken from you. If I choke someone to death, my hands don’t fall off, and that’s the equivellant of saying “If I do something bad with spells, my magic won’t work anymore.” Anyone who tells you that is just trying to scare you. Curse away – the real risk there is running into someone bigger and meaner than you magically, and they might put your arse around your shoulders or worse for using dark spellcraft on them.

    But, I personally have seen no proof that doing “nice” and “good” spells brings good to you and doing dark and “bad” spells bring bad to you. Its very antropomorphic of you to assume that a godforce has the same idea of right and wrong as your CULTURE does, but I’ve come to the conclusion that “good” and “bad” are subjective and also human concepts. I don’t think your idea of divine retribution over something you feel guilt over is going to come back and hurt you, though the guilt you’re feeling tells me that you didn’t feel justified, so you probably shouldn’t have cast a spell. If you don’t feel guilty and you feel justified, I see nothing wrong with what you did.

    Lastly here, for the last effing time the “Law of Three” is a Wiccan religious belief, it exists only in Wicca and Wicca-derived religions, its not interchangeable with the law of Karma (Karma doesn’t state that which you do in this life comes back and bites you on the ass in this life three times, but rather, that which you do in this life effects your incarnation in the next life, ahem,) and you have no need to believe in this Wiccan religious belief unless you are a Wiccan. Sort of like Wiccans don’t need to believe in the concept of Hell since in their religion there is no hell.

    So will it effect your karma? Perhaps, as I can’t tell you if the Buddhists and Hindus are right, but you are free to ask a Tibetan Monk/Nun or a Hindu saint or Guru. πŸ™‚ Me personally, I don’t share those religious beliefs, so I wouldn’t say it would.

    Q: What is a “Road Opener” spell?

    A: A spell to remove an obstacle or a blockage.

    Q: Is it okay to contact my spell target?

    A: While I’m not clear on the spell in this case, Mama Cat’s rule of thumb is this: its never helpful or fruitful to contact a non-responsive party or a party who has told you to cease contacting them. Some spells even mandate waiting for the spell-target to initiate contact first with you. If you have not been directly told to stop contacting the target, or if they’ve not made it painfully clear you are to stop contacting them, ask yourself if you’ve called/contacted three or more times without a response. If the answer to that is yes, then cease calling/contacting the target. πŸ˜‰

    Short answer: No, its probably not okay to contact the spell target at this time. Leave them be. πŸ˜‰

    I hope this has been enlightening!

    ~Cat

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